Charley
Forum Replies Created
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I don’t think pushing a specific dress code will lower potential exposure but I think it could inhibit many women. Part of showing up in booty shorts and a sports bra is the self acceptance. It doesn’t matter what your body looks like but how we feel in regards to it. I’m loving the comments made by many posters talking about their journey into pole appropriate wear. Day one we often show up in bike shorts and a tank top, we hide our bodies because we are afraid. I think imposing modesty requirements is stupid when you realize most women are too modest to wear the required pole clothing in the beginning.
A prime example of modest wear is the monokini, the monokini is a big culprit of nip slips because the fabric gets stuck on the pole and hello nips! I see part of my job is to teach what to wear and help clients maintain their desired level of modesty which means dealing with butt cheeks and nipples. Ill never condemn a slip here and there and am always available for clothing discussions.
Even in mixed gender classes I guess I just give adults enough credit to look away and understand. My breasts have popped out of sports bras before. I’m lucky enough to be able to test drive clothes before class
not everyone wants to pole for two hours before class. It’s rare that anyone purposely tries to immodest. That’s all I’m saying. We need to approach this subject with sensitivity. -
No one ever tries to show private parts but I can say without a doubt I’ve seen some nipple and labia in class. It’s ok. It’s just we don’t always get to to test clothes, sometimes the clothing sticks to grip on the pole, whatever. I’ve had some wild experiences with this like the girl showing up in a thing for class but to be fair most people are trying to find shorts that work with pole. I have happy nipples that often like to peak out, lol! It’s embarrassing. I once demoed the superman and my student replied “and the your nipple pops out!” And there she was when I looked down so I joked that’s when you know you’re doing it right. And jumped off the pole to fix it.
This stuff generally only happens in advanced classes because we need tiny clothes and lots of skin, there is bound to be exposure at some point.
On a funny note, I’ve been dealing with an ingrown hair that turned into a cyst that turned into a swollen gland. I’ve been rocking the 70’s in my pants unable to shave and Drs aren’t excited to remove it. I’m too afraid to mess with any hair removal as you can understand and wearing long shorts has sucked and even long yoga shorts don’t do the trick. There have been a few times when my “third testicle” as I dearly call it has jumped out in pole since its on my thigh not in my business. It’s very embarrassing and sometimes hair pops out,,ugh. My students have been so supportive, it’s just a little pubic hair. No one wants to see it but if I’m demoing a straddle they get it, they avert their eyes from the horror that is my business, lol. I see the surgeon again tomorrow here’s hoping he cuts that bad boy out and I can go back to my regularly scheduled waxing and tiny shorts.
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These are great poles no question. The thing is they are short and the space is limited. For $350 I would pass – you could buy a one piece with vaulted adapter for taht much money. The X-stage at $550 is an amazing deal – you will likely be happier with it than the origial PS pole as it is much taller. Do look into some other options that were mentioned though because for the price you might find investing in a semi perm pole to be the way to go.
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It’s never good to put a time frame on strength or flexibility gains. There are some safe and proven methods of gaining flexibility in a rather short period of time such as resistance stretching which can be done more often that passive, deep stretching and yin yoga once a week. Remember that flexibility isn’t just how much you can stretch but it’s also how strong you are. You want to build strength and flexibility simulanteously, this is why ballet is so great for flexibility training, you gain lots of strength in your hips and you are generally engaging your legs through stretches and movements. This will help you build flexibility very quickly. Deep stretching is very good or improving your active flexibility and splits in the air. You’ve also got to build flexibility and strenght though out your legs not just hips, you can have open hips and tight calves or example and you will not be able to get all the way down. So basically everything has to stretched and strengthened. If you are too sore for stretching one day, take a break do simple movements to warm up your body but don’t try to stretch exhausted muscles.
It took me nearly a year to get down close to splits and that’s cool. I havent been able to do much as of late so I know I’ve lost some strength and flexibility and I will reenter that slowly once I am back up and running.
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Hahaha Kori, I just noticed. I’m on my iPad so I don’t notice. We’re friends now! :D. I hope to see you in April!
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You are not a difficult student. Trust me. I’m the same way, it takes me months to do what most people do much quicker. It’s okay though because the harder you work to get it, the more you enjoy it. If it all came easy it wouldn’t be as much fun…or that’s what I tell myself 😉
Enjoy the journey. There are so many varying aspects to pole that you can spend a lifetime discovering it all.
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I am really enjoying everyone’s thoughts on this. I’m also so happy that we can have this type of open conversation in a safe and loving way. When this suggestion was brought to me I knew immediately that it was a complex conversation and could be controversial. It’s through these conversations that we make a better pole world for everyone and Veena, many thanks for giving us an open forum to discuss these topics.
I believe “plus size” needs to be self determined. I don’t even love that term, is there a better term? I also believe that creating a competition for plus size dancers NEEDS to be as important as any other division. It would need to be done in a way that highlights dancers instead of making the statement that they are incapable and that is a very fine line.
Pso and Midwest both come to mind when I think of competitions that provide diversity and celebrate it. I personally prefer skill level based criteria because I love seeing everyone on the stage but I’m also not plus sized and not dealing with EMOTIONAL component of competing against someone who I feel has added advantages based on size. I mean, I certainly deal with my set of issues competing like lack of flexibility and wow moves but those are things I can readily change if I hunker down.
This is an extremely complex discussion because we are dealing with how we view ourselves and others AND layering in a competitive environment that judges someone’s ability and art. It’s deeply personal and at the same time it’s a conversation we need to be having as pole pushes forward. It’s about creating as much equity as we can to provide the safest places and opportunities for others with fairness and love so that we can celebrate everyone’s unique contributions to pole.
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Polergirl, this was my thought too as I don’t know what is plus size or not. I know extremely in shape women that are curvy that fall into the “plus size” border.
To play devils advocate here: I think competitors can be very positive and can be done in a loving environment. I also believe to survive any competitive field you have to have a strong inside. I like the range of competitions today for the most part because we are seeing more inclusion like at PSO, Midwest, Florida pole championships, etc. I believe competition is not for everyone and it takes a very healthy prison mentally to do it.
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@JB – Can I please USE that name??? I LOVE IT! I love using the pole for conditioning and cardio – you can come up with some super effective ways of keeping your posture while doing some tough conditioners. LOVE it! *disclaimer – not that I ever do it unless in a class, hahahah!*
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I think at the end of the day to each studio it’s own. You must find what works for you in all ways. If you think that a dress code will somehow bring in more people then do it! Do what you believe in and what will make your business successful!
Instructors – It’s very important for you to make up your mind about such policies and figure out what you believe, in regards to pole. Don’t work someplace that doesn’t fall inline with your message or your thoughts. I know it’s hard to walk away! I’ve done it, and in quite an ugly fashion I might add, but once tempers simmer down you can always go back and fix your relationship with the owner – I know because I did that as well. You can have a great professional relationship even if you walked away. It’s important to be working and teaching in a way that makes you authentic and gives you the opportunity to provide the best for your clients. If a dress code policy is a hindrance to that (for me I know it would be) then you have to choose: Stay and follow the rules or Leave and figure something else out. Conversely if not having such a policy in place is making you feel uncomfortable – for example: too many vagina’s that you don’t wish to see – then you need to talk to the owner and maybe implement something or again walk away. We as independent contractors must always bear in mind the burden of the business in on the owner not us. No matter how much work you may be doing, you may even feel like you are running the whole show, and even if you are the reality is the success or failure rests on the person paying the bills. If it’s a failure you won’t be paying the money to get out of debt the owner will be. So we should all be very careful in putting down certain policies and recognize no one is attempting to implement something to destroy but to build.
With that said. I personally believe that sexy clothing where appropriate is an important step in all pole dancers journey – we all may not come to it at the same time. Some may pole dance for a few years before embracing the sensual side and choosing to experiment with sexy clothing. We all will at some point.
Another finding I’ve observed through teaching sexy classes is that while students used to look absolutely horrified when I’d make my grand entrance is 7 inch heels and lingerie and welcome them for class, in those 45 minutes I not only taught them how to FEEL sexy but I forced them to take the first step for real self confidence. I presented them with an image that makes them uncomfortable, an image they may hate, how often, despite how enlightened we may be have we hated on the “sexy” girl. How many times have we assumed since she’s dressing in a very sexy way that she’s self absorbed or mean? How many times have we simply not given her a chance because we are comparing ourselves to HER and in doing that we begin to HATE her, feeling like we cannot live up to her image? I know that I have and I’m not proud but competition is human nature. By dressing in a way that is provocative but being the teacher, the giver, the one who empowers and raises up while wearing lingerie and 7 inch heels, I’m teaching the girls to look at themselves, to see themselves as the sexy, sensual creatures they are. Often times girls would say things like “it looks sexy when you do it, but not on me” and my reply would be – “it’s the shoes, their magic!” or something silly. Then I would make them move slow, look and see how sexy they are, I’d pick something very special about their movement – like the way their long legs push their butt out in a sexy arch or how how sexy their booty is when they do figure 8’s or how graceful they step around the pole. When we can let go of what other women do, act or look like, when we STOP comparing, we understand that beauty is something embodied by every woman, when we can let go of our cattiness and accept in other women, we ourselves are on a path to TRULY OWNING OUR SEXY.
After only 45 minutes most women would sign up again to take the class. Within 45 minutes a lot of girls would ask “Where do you get your outfits?” “Should I bring shoes?” “Is it easier with shoes?” I’d always share my favorite places like Bad Kitty and local stores that sell “stripper” shoes and most of them the next week would come in with a pair of heels!!! Realize just 45 minutes ago they were looking at me in HORROR – utter HORROR. I could see the judgment on their face, I could see and often hear them discussing how “slutty” I looked, how it’s not what they signed up for. In just 45 minutes we all became FRIENDS and are sharing places to get lingerie! In just 45 minutes everyone was laughing and having a great time and connecting. In 50 minutes I am showing pictures of my pole wear when I started, the long tank tops the long SKORTS, I can share with them my story – how I was a professional with a job and how pole changed my life.
In one week most girls cam in with heels and funky shorts. I could see them embracing THEIR sexy and THEIR style. I would be so amused with the new clothes – everything from zebra print to holographic hot pants to light up “stripper” shoes to monokini’s to plunging necklines. Each woman started to play with different pieces and you could see the transformation.
To me, clothing is VERY powerful in how we perceive it, how we wear it and how judge people in it. So just something to think about in regards to dress codes. If you’re not into sexy – disregard this whole, verbose post. lol!
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I have had a share of very unique experiences in regards to this that I will share.
To the question: Should a studio have a dress code? Yes. We need to have at least minimal standards by which everyone can easily abide by, for example – everyone needs to cover their Vajajay. To some this seems OBVIOUS – but it’s not.
ALL below stories are true and infact actually happened to me
Case Study 1: Teaching a Group Class on Saturday Morning
I was teaching at a dance studio (non–pole) on weekends. This studio was a talent studio so they would offer classes in dance, acting, singing, etc. On weekends the owner would hold auditions in the office and I would teach pole class in the front studio. All classes were group classes.
One Saturday morning in mid summer, booking was light, I looked and saw only 1 student in class. It was a gorgeous day so instead of cancelling, I chose to hold the class anyway. Keep in mind this is GROUP class not a private and this student had no idea who would be in the class – she got lucky it was just me. When my student shows up she shows up with a man and asks if he can stay. She’s the only one in the class – I have no issue with this but I let her know this is a GROUP class and I am BENDING the rules as I never let people observe but since it’s just her today it’s fine. I ask her to get changed so we can begin. Right in front of me she takes her clothes off and she’s standing in a bra and g-string. I ask if she brought pole clothes, she says no, this is what she poles in. SIGH! I hear the door main door open and in walks a mother and her young son, the young boy will be auditioning today for a singing class. Awesome! I ask the student to step aside so the young boy doesn’t see her as not to offend anyone, she does, boy goes back to the office. I had only set up one pole because it was one student so here I am wiping the pole every single time this girls gets down. I’m sorry but – GSTRINGS don’t cover everything, I am NOT comfortable with this. I am nice enough to go along, teach her, nicely tell her she has to wear shorts and that had there been anyone else signed up she would have had to do the class in her pants. She agrees to bring shorts next time and leave the dude at home. Next week, larger class, she comes to class strips to her G-string and I have to ask her to put her pants back on. She gets angry because this means she will not be able to work on anything besides floor and spins. She decries racism and a whole lot of other things including that I am discriminating against her for being a stripper. I am not. I am simply asking that all orifices be completely covered. I don’t care how cheeky her shorts are but I do not find GSTRINGS to be sanitary.
Case Study 2: By dressing sexy I am making my students feel badly about themselves.
I was once told that I dressed too sexy for sexy class. I felt shamed and hurt. I was teaching sexy class, thus needed my sexy clothes to get into character to better take my students down their own journey of sensual dance. Bear in mind the class had sexy in the title. I was told students were afraid they’d seem something they shouldn’t, which is ludicrous, I always wore cheek boy shorts or bathing suit bottoms and a thong under. I was asked to teach the sexy class in shorts with a minimum of a 1 inch inseam. I freaked out and refused. I then began opening my class with a statement about my attire. “This is Sexy class, as your instructor, I need to feel sexy to teach sexy. I encourage each and everyone of you to come to class dressed in something that makes you feel sexy whether it be a long night gown, a bikini, your favorite club top, your man’s shirt, whatever makes you feel sexy and join me in exploring this part ourselves.” I was so hurt and shamed with that conversation, to be told my body made others feel badly about themselves because I was “in better shape than many of your students” hurt my heart, i’ve NEVER EVER purposely done ANYTHING to make anyone feel badly about their body. I spent each and every class complimenting my students and working with them to increase their self esteem. This incident certainly left a scar on me. The point was for everyone to have fun getting their sexy on, not judge the instructor. I had never felt so ashamed of myself.
Case Study 3: I could giver her a Brazilian – wait – she doesn’t need one as far as I can tell
I had a friend/student who was VERY sexy. So much, I love her. We were all taking a workshop one day my other friend pointed out my sexy friend doing the jade, I was like yeah nice split…she goes NO! look! I did. EEK! Too tiny of a crotch on those shorts. Here’s the thing, I have a vagina, I’m not super offended by seeing a peak of someone vagina – who cares. What I came to learn later was all of this girls shorts were like that and she didn’t wear a thong with them so all of her splits moves gave us a great look and her very hairless vagina (I kind of wanted to know if it was laser, wax or shaving because seriously, it looked really smooth – no I’m not a lesbian – just saying.) Some girls who also noticed became uncomfortable with sharing a pole with her just because of the sanitary issue. No one was insinuating she was dirty or anything else but we just felt a little icky, kinda like when someone sneezes then tries to touch you. BTW, I absolutely love this girl and her rebellious vajajay.
So I as a general rule ask students to bring shorts to class, I tell them they cannot take class in a G-string and most people giggle, but seriously I’ve had more than one occasion where someone didn’t have shorts and thought they could trick out on the pole in a G-String. I always recommend doing the vagina monster check, if you think your shorts aren’t covering EVERYTHING then get down on the floor and spread ’em and look. A good thong under your shorts will also help.
I’m also not going to sit here and pretend that my Vajajay hasn’t ever slipped out because it has, not in front of students in a class where I am teaching vagina monsters (because I do the check before class)but in pole moves like tail sit – the fabric get pulled or whatever.
In a co-ed class I do think we should have some sort of standard for pole wear because we are mixing genders and we do not want to make anyone uncomfortable. In all girl classes – honestly, who cares? BE SANITARY. Just don’t let your naked vagina touch the pole and we’re cool. We all have them and sometimes the crotch of the shorts isn’t as wide as we thought, I’m an instructor, I spot advanced moves, I have had so many body parts in my face it isn’t even funny.
To students: don’t be judgy. You’re going to a POLE class. Don’t get surprised or offended when you take a sexy class and your instructor looks like a stripper, that’s kind of the point. If you SEE something that makes you uncomfortable it’s pretty likely you’re seeing it accidentally – discreetly tell whom ever it is so they can ADJUST and not have everyone gossiping about them behind their back. Trust me – I’d want to be told. On a side note but related, my agent Kat is my super bestie because when I’m on my period and I’ve bled through my shorts – she always tells me so I can change and clean up – and I have issue with it because I can’t wear tampons. We are ALL women, let’s stop being judgmental and focus on what’s SANITARY. No one is purposely making you look at their vagina. *except maybe case study 1? lol*
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And they’d probably have to apply for a work visa about 6 months ahead of time. I am not sure how it works or how expensive they are. I think there are temp visas that are good for about 6 months – 1 year. I imagine ones who don’t get turned away either filed the appropriate paperwork or just said they were visiting family/friends or something.
Plus when crossing, so you can randomly be detained for no reason. I’ve been pulled into customs more than a few times and had them search my car – why? no clue. sometimes they question you too, so if someone were detained at customs for any reason the truth likely comes out.
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Okay, I actually have some insight into this. I remember a few years ago driving Amber to Canada for some workshops and there was an issue. My bf is Canadian so crossing into Canada isn’t new to me and neither is the scary border guards. It’s always important when traveling to be honest with your answers so I told the guard I was taking Amber to the train station and she would be headed to London to teach some classes. This presented a big problem because you must have a work visa in Canada (and US) to make money. Anyway, Amber nearly missed her train being detained and questioned, I forget the resolve, something about her being a performer or something and that granted her access – I forget.
I assume those using air travel probably were honest about their reasons going to CA and that’s why they were denied entry or in the least someone suspected they were going there to work. Same goes in the US – you must be legal to work here and if you don’t have the appropriate paper work you aren’t allowed in.
As much as it sucks we really all need to be careful with this kind of stuff there are very heavy penalties for working illegally not just to the instructor but to the business too.
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Thanks so much of all of the information, I’m on day 3 of antibiotics and it seems a bit smaller. I’m wondering if the draining is so etching a dermatologist or my family Dr could do? My dr referred me to a surgeon, I don’t have insurance and I assume a surgeon would be more?
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Thank you so much, Aerial Gypsy. Sounds like a drama, not looking forward to this. I’m just going to try to get it done asap so I can go back my regularly scheduled hip holds.
Thanks Chemmie! I’ll grab the Sally version too!
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David Owen actually took one of my signature sexy classes a few years ago when I was teaching at a studio. It never even occurred to me that it might be weird since I’ve k own him for awhile. Even though the class was sexy he went right a long with it and performed all the slow rolls and grinds. I think because he was into the workout none of the girls were bothered by it and I think a few enjoyed seeing him struggle a bit with body waves but were impressed with his movement and flexibility.
Personally, I think don’t feel like its right to only allow men to take privates, especially because they are more expensive but I do think there should be clearly labeled classe that allow men and clearly labeled classes that don’t. I think it’s important to provide a safe environment for everyone so I think providing both types of classes is important. Some women use pole as an escape so no matter how cool the guy is they kind of want a girl zone and that’s ok and should be provided but men also have the right to take this journey so long as they follow the class guidelines. Trust me, no guy is really going to enroll in pole class to ogle women, not when they themselves are expected to pole dance mostly you will get sincere male students.
I also don’t think sexual identification matters much either, I know many straight males who like to take a go in heels and get their grind on and conversely some gay men who would never, ever wear heels. We also reserve the right to refuse service to any student regardless of gender who is disrupting class. I think it’s about clear marketing and providing a wide range of product and labeling them. Some groups really embrace men and enjoy having them even in a sexy class others won’t but if you create space for everyone there’s room for everyone 🙂
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I just ordered the Tendskin sample to see how I do with it.
AerialGypsy – THANK YOU so much for sharing that with me. I am at the part where it’s thinning now and getting burned from the pole, so I am taking time off of hip held moves (on that side.) I assume this isn’t the kind of procedure where I need to be knocked out, right? I’ll be sure to never reuse an razor, I generally don’t for my bikini line but I will for legs and I do get them on my legs – they just go away. My Dr. told me not to shave before class or pole but after as my skin can rest for about a day , she said the friction of the pole against freshly shaved skin can cause these, as can improper shaving, etc, etc, but I find no matter how I shave I will still get ingrown hairs. Just nothing like this. Thank you again for sharing – I am a little freaked out – I’ve never had a medical procedure donw so I’m a little scared.
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Yes please! I was actually trying to the k of a way to use my lite pieces around my pole so I can dance in heels! This would be awesome!
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For my festival I’m just not allowing song holding. Basically I have 50 songs to deal with and I do feel like performers and my festival is a lot of new performers, should be able to express themselves to whatever they want. With that many performances it would be too easy for someone’s first choice to be taken and even second and I would hate for someone to not be able to do their best or not be able to connect because they were forced to pick something that didn’t do it for them. In competitive environments I get it though because ya comparative.
I’ve also heard people say to never compete to a song made iconic like Felix’s goo goo dolls routine because judges will be thinking about her and comparing. That makes me sad in a way.
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Yes, I lost my janeiro now it scares me to even try, it’s like my body forgot what it felt like. I’m so bummed I juts adored that move.
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I use both Skype and FaceTime to give and receive lessons. It works pretty much as you describe. Pop on, say hello and get to work. You have to be very verbal with Skype and be able to take/give direction really well and really communicate. I love it. Make sure you’ve got good speakers though, my laptop isn’t loud so I usually have to use externals to hear.
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I wouldn’t be surprised if USPDF resurfaces at some point. It’s expensive to run these events and its hard to get venues in NYC. I saw Wendy over the summer and although she didn’t give me any information I was left with the impression that this something she wants/plans to keep doing. I really like USPDF and what they were doing in regards to promoting the heels and sexy through their mandatory required heels in the compulsory round, I like how everyone had to do the same moves for that round too, I like the optional being a free format for artists. I like the concept a lot.
With the absence of USPDF this year I’ve noticed there were a couple of comps using the title “US National Championship” so it will be interesting to see what would/will happen if USPDF does in fact resurface. It will be interesting to see if it carries the same prestige. USPDF will always hold a special place in my heart as its the first organization I ever competed with.
Too bad about APFC, and they may also resurface. Competitions are changing, scoring is changing and the industry is changing I wonder if these first organizations just need a minute to catch up and be able to define themselves and their brand in this new world of competitions. And bear in mind these organizations as most with pole are run by single people who generally also run studios and have jobs, so it’s a lot of work on just one super human.
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I love you x-pole tech! I’ve used weights on my lite before. Very easy. I’m happy to hear about the stage specific weights and will get them.
Also you can buy a shorter pole piece and use it in a house. I did that so I could practice on it. I think the extension was only $30 and if your order it with the stage they will
Pack it and thus saves shipping on it. -
And yes as far as I understand, but please ask, your home is safe so long as you are a legal business entity Llc or inc. for home owners if your mailman slips and falls on ice in your driveway, your liable, so any injury incurring on your property could be against your homeowners or renters and of course personal assets. I work like personal trainers who offer in home private care as opposed to having them at my house. And yep, parties are covered under basic instructor insurance last I heard. Now, keep in mind insurance changes all the time so do write down and ask all of these questions, to be sure you are getting the right product.
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She may have been misinformed. It’s a misconception that contractors are covered. I was told that for many years too working at studios. Nobody was trying to,spread bad info just they don’t know all the ins and outs of contractors vs employees. Usually pole instructors are technically employees according the IRS list of 16 questions. So,if the insurance company said employees are covered I’m betting that the owner assumed you were not thinking through the contractor vs employee and j defeat ding any difference,
Do share though. It’s really important information to have. If taxes are not taken out of your check then you need insurance is the basic rule.
