What is more important to you?

Beckypolegirl started this discussion · 8/4/2013

Since starting pole I have lost a bit of weight (not loads) and toned up. I am happier with the way I look but during a conversation with my husband tonight he said I looked better before and I need to put on weight! I said that it was more important to me that I am happy with how I look then him but he reckons that it should be the other way round lol so I just wondered which is more important to you the way you feel about your body or the way your partner feels about it?

19 replies

Lyme Lyte · 8/4/2013
My weight has fluctuated, and my husband says I am beautiful every single day,Whether heavier or skinny. I think it is most important for you to be happy, but if he likes a bit more curvaceous body, heck, I say load up on the chocolates....best of both worlds!
chemgoddess1 · 8/4/2013
I am one who likes muscle tone. There is nothing more ewwww than hugging another female who is just all mush. I will take curves on top of muscle tone over skinny fat any day. That said, I feel it is more important for you to feel good about yourself. When you are happy it leads to a better relationship. We are always telling women not to change (stop poling, etc) for their significant others unless it is something they are on board with. But I can also see if you have gotten too thin he may not like that. Does he want you to gain weight for his own personal insecurities? Does he think you are too hot and he has not kept up? My hubs is the same as Lyme's. He has seen me over 170 and under 150 and on my body that is a big difference. I will say though that no matter what my weight, I know that our sex life is better when I feel good about myself.
Veena · 8/4/2013
For me, it's more important that I like how I look. If I feel like I look good, then I'm more interested in sex and of course that's a good thing for him! LOL .
Runemist34 · 8/4/2013
My ex-husband constantly told me "You would look so good with just ten more pounds." And, well, I tried. I went up a total of 40 pounds, and was the largest and heaviest I've ever been, particularly during the end of the relationship. I wanted to please him, I wanted him to be interested in me (because, well, I never "got any"), and I trusted his opinion. And you know what? I was miserable. His behaviour never changed, I felt awful and heavy and it was hard to actually feel motivated to dance or work out- partially because I knew that, if I did, I would lose the weight, and I feared he would be even less interested! Now, though, I'm at a very healthy weight for my body, and I am wanting to become stronger, more toned, more muscular. I don't care what anyone else thinks, I want to be happy with me! I want to feel healthy! And my boyfriend is totally behind me, 100%, because it motivates him, too! And yeah, when you feel healthier, you'll be more interested in having sex, in going out, and in being happy. It's your body, and you've got to look at it, be in it, and love it far FAR more than he does.
Saphyre · 8/4/2013
I personally think it is better for you to feel good about yourself for all the reasons already stated. I also agree with what Chemmie said about curvy/toned over skinny fat. I have been both! I think everyone feels better when they work out, whether you are skinny or not so skinny. Your husband should understand that what is important is that you are healthy. Are you? Then that should be good enough. I would also wonder why he prefers you with weight on. Men are funny creatures....Usually they are just happy that you are interested in sex! lol
Quirkygrl16 · 8/4/2013
The way I feel for sure. My husband LOVES me how I am now (Curvy and weighing 170),but i'd love to tone up more and lose about 20-30 pounds. I know he would love me however as long as i'm happy..
onceuponapole · 8/4/2013
Without a doubt it's how you feel about yourself. If you have to keep up a certain look for someone then it puts too much pressure to always have to look good for them. If you feel good about the way you look, then it really comes through when it comes to confidence.
CapFeb · 8/4/2013
Maybe this is too pessimistic of a response, but this is the way I look at it; when you were younger, around 13-17. Some girls around that age find reall bad guys. Guys they try to do anything and everything to do to please. They'll even lose friends over the guy. And after a bunch of emotional/mental, or even physical abuse they'll finally get rid of the guy and have to salvage all of the relationships they had before they got into that girl's life. I'm not saying your or anyone else's significant other is like that. The point is, always chose your friends over your mate. No matter what you do or where you go, YOU will always be stuck with you and your body. Might as well consider your body your best friend in life. Until science finds a way to swap the subconscious, you need to happy with the home your brain is in. If anyone else has a problem with it, then that's that; their problem.
Beckypolegirl · 8/5/2013
He reckons I still look hot but he thinks my legs have got too thin and I have lost my bum a bit (he is a bum man lol) he is happy that I am healthier more confident and have a hobby that I love so he does support me I think he is just upset my bum has got smaller lol
Runemist34 · 8/5/2013
You can always remind him that, with the greater muscle tone, and the building of muscles, it'll come back, even better than before!
kmccool · 8/5/2013
Since it is one's self esteem that takes a beating in such situations like this, I will say that without a doubt what matters more is what YOU think or feel about YOUR body. Parterns will come and go, and in the end you have yourself to assess. Are you happy with the way you changed yourself? Will staying the same or going back bring you more joy? When his opinion doesn't matter anymore will the changes have been worth it? Are you really changing for yourself or for someone else? I wont lie and say I don't think about my hubby's opinions, because they do mean a lot to me. I admit I do things just for him that I normally wouldn't do otherwise just to make him happy. But if I am happy with where I am at in regards to how I look, weigh, and feel then that is what should matter in the end. I take his preferences into consideration but ultimately my feelings are at stake so I will do what makes me comfortable in my own skin.
bformosa922163 · 8/5/2013
His opinions are important, but if you truly feel happy about your progress (which you should, because losing weight does make you feel amazing) then he should be able to accept that. I have had this same discussion with my partner and he told me that no matter what size I am, he will still love me. You should be losing weight for you and nobody else. Maybe he feels like you are a completely different person now that you have lost weight. Good on you for losing the weight.
dustbunny · 8/5/2013
If it's your bum he misses, learn how to twerk! He should be pleased with that. :)
beginner2 · 8/5/2013
I showed mine the pic of a poler in a very tough trick. She looked so cool to me but he said she looked too muscular and looked like a man. He wanted me to put on weight too. I just conclude that men know nothing about being toned. At least my husband. Unless they train, they will not know what is better. They with their big size will always like fatty wives so they feel they don't hug the log. So I just don't care what mine think. But I don't let myself go skinny because he does not like a skinny wife.
Quirkygrl16 · 8/5/2013
I think my husband might think I will find someone better once I look better, and that is just not the case lol.
xylina · 8/6/2013
I think it is important to br healthy I weighted 180 now im at 157 I feel better love the compliments I get I just need to tone up some and im trying
LadyE1 · 8/6/2013
My husband and I just talked about this. I've toned up some but really haven't lost a lot of weight (poor eating habits) and he likes the way I look. I would love to lose about 40-50lbs and he has been very supportive of my goal. His opinion does matter, but at the same time it's my body and I want to be healthy & fit (& little curvy!)
sassylina · 8/6/2013
I met my honey about 14 lbs heavier then I am now. Then I gained an other 14 lbs and since the beginning of the year I lost 28 lbs. But at which ever weight I was he always has made me feel that I am the most beautiful woman walking this earth. For him it doesn't matter. I lost all the weight for myself. It was important to me. :)
Paula Floyd · 8/6/2013
I have been with my husband for 7 and a half years. Been way skinnier and and a bit heVier. He always tells me I'm beautiful he lobes me for me not just my body. He has always wanted me to be healthy and happy with my own body never askeed e to do anything for him. The more beautiful nd comfortable you feel. Th better that is in the end for him and your relationship because you Abe to be able to love your self to be able to be completly open and loving to somone eles. I love my husband even more for the suport he shows me every day hevier. Skinier. Happy cranky lol. And anything eles inbettween. Suporting eachother is part of building and nurturing a relationship. But I like the learn to twerk for him idea if he misses your. Bum :)