Comming out about pole dance fitness
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I agree ChemGoddess with the idea of not broadcasting, but there is a difference between not broadcasting and hiding pole fitness. I don't go out of my way to talk about pole fitness with certain members of my family, but if it comes up or came up I would (If they asked me where I got a bruise from, I wouldn't lie about it - I would explain my sport). I feel like this is the "not broadcasting part." At work I hide pole fitness from my co-workers. If I'm asked about a bruise - I lie (my coworkers think I do Aerial Silks/Trapeeze and Kickboxing) or, more often, if I have a bruise I do my best to hide it. The lines between broadcasting and hiding can be blurred, but coming out can a form of simply not hiding it.
I refuse to act ashamed about something I love. I think I am lucky that I live in a city where pole is so popular though, and pretty much everyone I know knows someone else who does it. I work at a gymnastics club though, so everyone there loves it too. I'm sorry to everyone who has had negative experiences, I can't really relate but I feel bad that you've had to deal with close minded people. Keep your head up!! Things will get easier as it becomes more mainstream.
Mechie ·
I recently changed job and my current boss is a conservative, judgmental, racist old hag. If she or any of my coworkers find out that I pole on the side, I might put my job on the line. I'm also getting married in a few months, my fiance and I have a wed-site going on...I originally was going to post some of my pole pics on the website, because it's part of me...however, now I have to think twice. (I wear sports bra and bad kitty shorts in all of those pictures...) I feel really sad that I have to hide it because with my previous boss, he thinks it is cool that I can hold my own body weight while I'm inverted...And he also know I'm very professional when it comes to my job so that was never an issue...but now. =( Yeah, I agree with Chemmie that part of us don't need to be broadcasted...but I'm at the point where I need to lie on my whereabouts and makeup stories pretty frequently. (My current boss is VERY nosy and constantly checking on me...yes, even on personal things....) The FUNNY part?? I'd been doing Bible study with Jehovah Witnesses for over a year...and they said there's nothing wrong with pole fitness, especially when I'm doing it in a studio and the comfort of my own home. (Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against strippers, people have free-will to do whatever they want and it is not up to me to judge...)
I'm out to some people, but not others. Generally, anyone under 30 knows that I pole, and most of them think it's cool. It's the older generation I'm more coy about. I belong to a few different maligned subcultures, the pole community being one of them. All of my interests are the sorts of things that you don't generally discuss with grandma or the boss, even if there's absolutely nothing harmful or bad about any of them. It's easier just to keep the conversation about the weather and what cookies I'm baking and not bring up the pole trick I'm working on or the unusual show I went to or how I'm spending my time on the weekends. I don't want to deal with the questions, or have my hobbies be the only thing anyone ever talks about when they think of me. I don't want to be judged solely on being the "freak" in the family instead of just being a person with interests that skew outside of the norm. Most people already know I do yoga, so if I attend a pole workshop, I just say it's a yoga workshop. Sometimes I feel like I'm living a lie. The only person who knows everything about me, and truly accepts me on every level, is my husband. The pressures of having to keep pole under wraps, and make up excuses about what I'm doing with my time, is draining. I'm tempted to just have a "coming out" day. I'm waiting until I have a really impressive trick under my belt so I can post a photo of it on Facebook. Like... "surprise!"
I have already said Surprise on Fb. I have kind of accpeted that all of things that make up who am are not for everyone.. It's a shame I can't set up the pole when i visit my mom's house, but I know thats who she is( very conservative).
Yup. I'm a happily married, well-behaved professional who got straight As, eats her vegetables, says no to drugs and has never even gotten a speeding ticket. I'm also a bisexual Star Trek-loving pole dance enthusiast and pro wrestling fan. Guess which parts I typically keep under wraps in public, LOL.
I also struggle with whom to tell about my newfound passion. And I do mean passion. I'm scrambling to figure out how to purchase a pole (they're so expensive!) because I can't stand not being able to pole when I get up in the morning! I've told a few people, but not many. I'm a very open person and when I'm excited about something, I want to share it with everyone. Unfortunately, most of whom I've shared it with assume automatically that I'm doing it for sexual reasons for my husband and I. Sure, that will play a part eventually, but I'm really just doing it for me, because it's a blast, a great way to get in shape, and I want to perfect it! I even told my hairdresser, who's a very cool laid back lady, and she was like "Wow, you're telling me this?" As though I was sharing with her some kinky sex fetish! It's hard to not deflate when someone has no clue what it's really about. And then, when you try to educate them on the fitness aspect, it sounds as though you're defending yourself. I share portableninja's idea. I've decided to not really "come out" about it until I can remotely kick ass at it. I know for a fact that at that point, I won't care as much.
I don't have a big problem when it comes to telling people about pole, but there's always the little worry every time I tell someone new that they'll get the wrong idea. I'm not religious and I'm at uni so doing pole isn't overly shocking, especially as there is a pole fitness society at uni. When I tell people I always stress the fitness element of it. My family know that I pole, but I think they believe it's just some silly hobby of mine. My dad lives abroad, and my mum has been very ill for a long time, so they've not seen me pole in person. Pole means so much to me, I'm proud of what I've achieved. I really want to show my family so they can be proud too, but I feel awkward about it. I did show my dad and his wife a picture of me in recliner when I first started, and my dad didn't seem to want to look. It hurts to think that he might be ashamed of the fact I do pole because he doesn't understand. My boyfriend hasn't told his family either because they're quite conservative and would take it the wrong way. That makes me sad too, because if I were a gymnast or another kind of dancer, he'd tell them and they'd be interested in seeing and hearing about what I can do. Maybe it doesn't matter, but I want to include people I care about in this big part of who I am.
Oh! And I forgot to say that I'm a Christian too! My family and I are very involved in church, I'm on the prayer team, my husband and I lead small groups, etc. But fortunately the circle of people I do know so far from this church are non-legalistic. I guess I'll find out true colors once I "come out," so to speak. I share Olivia's opinion that some women are jealous of women who are confident and capable of something they are not. Keep that in mind.
Jolene, I hear you on the sexual fetish thing. I'm actually a very sex positive person - I am always advocating healthy expression, and I would've made a great employee at Babeland or some other high end adult shop. But that's not what pole is about for me. A lot of times the first thing people say is "oh, I'm sure your husband must LOVE that!" Of course he does... he loves to see me happy about something, and we're both interested in fitness. We talk about the body mechanics and muscle groups used in pole all the time. Sure, he doesn't mind watching me contort my half naked body into crazy positions, but unless I'm specifically putting on a show for him, he'd rather be downstairs playing video games instead of watching me grunting and occasionally getting stuck. The way some people react, it's like I just told them about my sex toy collection. (Jeez people, I know enough not to talk about those!)
I find it so funny how people automatically connect pole to bedroom play. People often respond with how lucky my husband is that I pole. Pole is a little more like this in our relationship - http://pole-dancing-adventures.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-wife-pole-dances.html (love this blog btw).
absolutely love and agree with ur post flyingfirebird soo true lol, and I recently decided u know what,,I'm gonna tell my mom and older sister, my mom thought it was awesome to my surprise my sister was the more hesitant about it lol. Now I feel great know it's something I can be proud to share. People have such a misconception like my sister did but after I showed her some stuff she respects my hulkness I've come to aquire hah
i came out right away! even in my small town where pole fitness is not heard of. my mom says i belong in the circus and my dad doesnt judge, never has. its all over my facebook and if people dont like it, they can delete me! i try to educate tho and really show the health benefits of pole. the whole church crowd cud be a little more difficult, good luck with it!!
Angie La ·
I was amazed by the people who were cool with it and the ones who weren't. Most people just aren't educated about pole dance as a sport, as an art, as a way to get fit, or even just get your sexy back. It is the most versatile activity on the planet! I tell everyone it is like vertical acrobatics, or gymnastics for adults even. It is so empowering for an adult to finally be able to have goals like do a handstand or pull-ups and then to be able to do spins, and omg, go upside down! Moms especially say very often that when they were young this or that...but we can do it now, but we just had not maybe had the opportunity. This is what I tell people when they are curious about what I do. I have opened a studio in the Bible Belt and the response has been amazing :) pole dance has changed my life in so many ways...you never know who else will need it in their life so I think it is important for us to share the experience, really. Good luck!
I don't see it as something that you have to "come out" about. My husband knew when I started, obviously. But when I mentioned it to my parents, siblings, coworkers it was just as casual as if I was talking about running. I'm almost 30. Like it or whatever.
This is one of those subjects that is hard to cover because there are so many opinions and not all will agree. Especially when religious beliefs come into play. My fiancee and my family are good examples. My fiancee is Catholic and I am Christian ( I dont go on a regular basis but that has to do with our personal feelings) but all that aside. When his family found out they flipped. Thought I was horrible and a stripper!! It put us through hell and we still deal with it from time to time. My family does not know yet, but will soon because Im tired of hiding it. In all of this I learned that poling is my passion. One of the ways I can truly express myself and it relaxes me. And stopping or not letting people know hinders you from living your dream. Life is to short to be ashamed of something you love. I feel that if I want to let others know of this I know my facts and I fight to make sure they know the real truth about it. His family made me feel ashamed and said because I poled I didnt worship god. It just shows you how much people try to push their beliefs and feelings on others. And feel its ok to pass judgment and it is NOT!!!! No one should have the right to judge me but The Lord when my time is up. The Bible has lots of Psalms about dancing for example: Psalm 149:3 Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre Jeremiah 31:13 Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry. I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow. The way I look at it is, The Bible talks about dancing to rejoice and praise the lord, however no where does it say what type of dancing. So if you think about it your are doing nothing wrong(which is why the group that poles for God isnt either) They suffer people saying stuff about them and judging them, but they still go to service and love God. What does that show of their fellow church community that are saying they are sinners? Most importantly its about how u feel truly. We can give you our opinions but its ultimately up to you. Poling doesnt make you a bad person or a sinner. I wouldnt hide it because its a new age and we have to learn to be accepting of all the new things coming at us. I also love it too much to care what anyone thinks about it. I have lived to long listening to others and for fear of ruining my reputation. I missed out on alot of neat experiences bc I chose to listen to others(just to make everyone happy) and not my heart. Whether you hide poling or not everyone will form their own opinion. Living life by others opinions doesnt allow you to truly live. Life is short and need to live it to fullest no matter how much someone tells you your wrong. To juicy J your personal life should not affect you leading youths. What you do on your own time is your buisness. In a way that is discrimination and they shouldnt have done that to u. Im sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I apologize if I offended anyone in anyway. Wasnt my intent.
This is one of those subjects that is hard to cover because there are so many opinions and not all will agree. Especially when religious beliefs come into play. My fiancee and my family are good examples. My fiancee is Catholic and I am Christian ( I dont go on a regular basis but that has to do with our personal feelings) but all that aside. When his family found out they flipped. Thought I was horrible and a stripper!! It put us through hell and we still deal with it from time to time. My family does not know yet, but will soon because Im tired of hiding it. In all of this I learned that poling is my passion. One of the ways I can truly express myself and it relaxes me. And stopping or not letting people know hinders you from living your dream. Life is to short to be ashamed of something you love. I feel that if I want to let others know of this I know my facts and I fight to make sure they know the real truth about it. His family made me feel ashamed and said because I poled I didnt worship god. It just shows you how much people try to push their beliefs and feelings on others. And feel its ok to pass judgment and it is NOT!!!! No one should have the right to judge me but The Lord when my time is up. The Bible has lots of Psalms about dancing for example: Psalm 149:3 Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre Jeremiah 31:13 Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry. I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow. The way I look at it is, The Bible talks about dancing to rejoice and praise the lord, however no where does it say what type of dancing. So if you think about it your are doing nothing wrong(which is why the group that poles for God isnt either) They suffer people saying stuff about them and judging them, but they still go to service and love God. What does that show of their fellow church community that are saying they are sinners? Most importantly its about how u feel truly. We can give you our opinions but its ultimately up to you. Poling doesnt make you a bad person or a sinner. I wouldnt hide it because its a new age and we have to learn to be accepting of all the new things coming at us. I also love it too much to care what anyone thinks about it. I have lived to long listening to others and for fear of ruining my reputation. I missed out on alot of neat experiences bc I chose to listen to others(just to make everyone happy) and not my heart. Whether you hide poling or not everyone will form their own opinion. Living life by others opinions doesnt allow you to truly live. Life is short and need to live it to fullest no matter how much someone tells you your wrong. To juicy J your personal life should not affect you leading youths. What you do on your own time is your buisness. In a way that is discrimination and they shouldnt have done that to u. Im sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I apologize if I offended anyone in anyway. Wasnt my intent.
The only way to end, or at least reduce, the stigma attached to a "taboo" subject is to come out. The more people speak out, the easier it is for more people to speak out. I work in a field that often deals with topics considered "shameful" by society at large: LGBTQ, suicide, sexual abuse, etc. Silence perpetuates the fear, misunderstanding, hypocricy and judgment. Coming out educates people, they can hoepfully get to a point where they say "she SEEMS like such a nice person, perhaps you CAN be a __________ and still be ok". On that note, I am a proud tree hugging, critical thinking, pole dancing woman!!
My fellow teacher friends and I were having lunch a couple of weeks ago, One of them was saying how prim and proper that she thought another teacher and I were. One of them joked and said "Yeah I bet gail can cut loose when she wants to!". I said "funny u shud say that..as a matter of fact I can. Ive started pole fitness". Three of them said "realllly? Can u flip and stuff??" Another said "Oh...u mean pole DANCING?" I told her that was a part of it, but I m mainly into polefit rite now any way. Another said "I heard u can get them for your own home". I said "yes, u can. I have one". That was the end of it. The rest of them started talking about things they want to do or have done. I admit, I had to wait for the rite time but Im glad I said something. :)
Juicy J ·
JNBKillen, Thank you for sharing your opinions. I didn't take any offence to what you posted and I am glad you showed some empathy as to what I went through. 🙂 The funny thing is, I've stopped leading youth as of beginning of this year and this year I have really started to come out and be more bold about my poling passion. I have posted more stuff about this on my Facebook account and also not afraid to talk to my Church friends about it IF they should mention it to me and ask me about it. I haven't had any negative feedback so far and I'm wondering because: 1. People are becoming more accepting of this over the course of less than a year. 2. People are more tolerant of me doing this because I am no longer in a leadership position in the Church 3. People have decided to mind their own business and not say anything about it to me anymore. For me, the next step would be to put up some photos of me doing some cool pole tricks simply because I feel that it is a personal achievement and empowering! I have already seen improvements in a few different tricks I've been working on and would love to show the world!
race911 ·
since i started poling i was very afriad to say anything to anyone.slowly i started to tell people and the positive response was surprising! i really thought they would jump right to the stripper stereotype and they really didnt. i guess im lucky to have such a supportive husband,family and friends. the more pole became part of my daily life the more empowered i felt and last night i made the big come out on facebook with a beginner vid! i figure pole is now apart of me and who i am and if someones offended by it they dont have to look :) the response was awesome...only a few stripper jokes were made in good spirits,and my husband is very proud. and im proud to finally have the confidence to show a sport im really in love with. all in all id say it was a succeess!
I have begun to show some of my co-workers my "power moves" that we do in class, mainly climbing. They are all "in awe" and most want to know where the studio is lol. I still wont post on facebook tho. Too many parents of kids from my school would see it.
Pole gal ·
ive never been in the "pole closet" i was very open about startin pole classes and 2 be honest i really couldnt give a crap what anyone though about it as i was doin it for myself and not to please others 🙂 if any1 had a problem with it then as far as i was concerned that was their problem not mine. i think we should forget what any1 else thinks, we are poling for ourself's not for others, and if they cant accept out passion for pole thne i say screw them. xxx
I just came out of the pole closet today on facebook to everyone and the response was nothing but positive 🥂 gives me the warm fuzzies. I really stressed the importance poling has on making me a healthy person in body and mind, I think that helped.
I was proud to tell everyone I started pole dance, but got the same reaction most of the times 1. Are you going to be a stripper? (Sure just like that...) 2. Did you fall down already? lots of video on the internet peoples are falling. (WoW) 3. .................................. (nothing, like they are ashamed to even talk about it) I was so upset first, I never imagined people are going to react this way, but I can't change anyone mindset so I just keep on doing pole and they can deal with it however they want.
