Comming out about pole dance fitness

Autumn Sky started this discussion · 3/10/2013

So, I normally only comment on discussions, never have started one, but there has be something that has been bothering me and I don't know what to do. I have been pole dancing for a year, it has become my passion and my life, it is who I am. I enjoy it so much and want to share what I am doing with others, but I forget the prejudices still associated with the sport. I am torn between being who I am and respecting the views of others. For me, it is church related. My life revolves around my Love of the Lord and my passion for the pole. I am either at church or something church related or pole dancing or something pole related. I don't make excuses for either, BUT, sometimes I feel like I can't walk in the freedom to tell everyone what I do and that bothers me. I never wanted to live a life where I felt like I had to have "secrets'. It bothers me and makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. I am trying to find the balance in being who i am and respecting the opinions and not judging others who do not understand. Given the newness of this sport, I imagine their are others dealing with the same issues. Any suggestions? Do I live in total freedom and just let others deal with it, or do I be respectful and educate as opportunity alows?

51 replies

Legs4Days · 3/10/2013
I am feeling the same way, I teach school and I have to be careful as well. A few of my close friends know that I have started and they want to do it too, but you're right about what some people think, As of rite now, I am not "broadcasting" it but I want to in the future. For now, Im not saying much. I am with you on this one and I need help with this as well.
frenchhornprof · 3/10/2013
Autumn, a lot of people keep their lives compartmentalized for easier maneuvering inside various communities. Just because two of your passions don't intersect doesn't mean that either of them is wrong, or that you need to feel bad. I can imagine you would like to tell your church community about pole because it's so much fun, and you enjoy it. Some church communities would be open to your representation of the sport, others might not be. I myself have wanted to share my enthusiasm for the activity with people I work with (musicians and teachers). Some of them know because I have posted a few photos on Facebook. Usually when I present it to them as a skill that requires a high level of strength and flexibility, they are more accepting. As with anything, people are generally wary of and concerned about things on which they are not educated. Many of my colleagues accept the fact that I pole even if they aren't fans. But many of them are intrigued. Perhaps there are a few people in your church community who you think might be open to hearing about how you feel about pole. When I tell people about it, I usually try to find a Youtube video of a professional being incredible. I particularly like the Pole Art ones that feature pole as a creative/athletic art form. Everyone's okay with ballet right? Well, this is just vertical ballet. :) When people see someone they consider to be an upstanding citizen and good person representing something with which they are not familiar or misinformed they might start to change their opinion. I think we can all be gentle advocates/educators. But we do have to be sensitive to when it will be welcome and when it absolutely won't.
Crystabel · 3/10/2013
Hi Autumn, you've asked a good question there. It can be tricky because the thought of pole is of course going to be "exotic dancer" in the minds of people who havent been exposed to pole fitness. You should share with some of your friends and let them know how much you love it. God knows you, He knows your heart. What others think doesn't matter much. I'm not saying to just shove it in someone's face lol. I just mean that we don't live to please others, even in our church family. If people think badly of you for enjoying pole, then you may want to look elsewhere because those are not people who love you. You are not doing anything bad. But i bet they will surprise you. And even if they think it is odd they will still love you for you.
CapFeb · 3/11/2013
http://abcnews.go.com/US/hallelujah-christians-pole-dance-jesus-texas/story?id=13194891 Honestly, if I were ever to approach it, I would approach it through that artical. There are Christian groups all over the place who pole for Jesus. Your church could be the next :>
ABC NewsHallelujah! Christians Pole Dance for Jesus in Texas A new class, Pole Fitness for Jesus, gets Christian women to spin without sin.
Autumn Sky · 3/11/2013
CapFeb, I love that article:) Thank you all for your imput. StudioVeena is such a great community in which you can share what is on your mind and feel safe.
megan12 · 3/11/2013
Autumn...this is a tricky thing, for sure. Now, I'm not religious but I'm pretty cavalier about my pole dancing passion. For the most part it has been fine. My co-workers love to see my new tricks on facebook and hear about all the things I'm learning. But it did get me in hot water once and caused some family members to tell me how they really felt about it. Unfortunately, the "stripper" stigma is attached to poledancing as a whole. Some people can be educated and see the difference but some simply, don't want to. I suppose that's their choice. If they are good Christians, they shouldn't pass judgment on you. But, that doesn't always happen. So, I guess it's up to you, in the end. I'm someone who likes to live my life without regret and stay true to myself, even if that means something that isn't particularly popular within the general public. I just bear in mind that it might get me in "trouble" so to speak or have others think differently of me. But I'm willing to deal with that consequence.
Juicy J · 3/11/2013
Hi Autumn Sky, Wow...I am so glad I clicked on your thread! I am in the same situation as you as I am also a devout Christian from a young age and was brought up in a Christian family that attends Church every Sunday. To this day, I still attend weekly Church services as well as any additional Church events and activities that may take place during the week. A few years ago when I started taking regular pole lessons, I fell deeply in love with the sport and thought it was pretty innocent to put up a picture of me doing a pole sit during one of our pole classes. I was fully clothed, had black leather gloves on and a smile on my face. Nothing provocative about that at all. I even ran past my younger brother who looked at it and said it was 'fine'. Little did I know, a few days later, my Youth Pastor approached me at Church and pulled me aside to politely ask me to change my picture because someone at another campus within the Church had made a complaint about me (anonymous of course) and word got to it that it got to the HEAD Youth Pastor of the entire Church and the person who complained wanted the Church to get rid of me as a youth leader!! They had said some pretty slanderous things of me and how they didn't want someone who has any "stripper-like" qualities to be leading the youth. I was a youth leader at the time that led a group of high school girls in Years 10-12 and had been serving in this ministry since 2004. Nonetheless, it was brought not only to the attention of my Youth Pastor but another 2 x guys that were on staff at the Church that also attended my Church.I felt so humiliated and embarrassed. I wasn't even sure if my pastor was informed of this incident but I would have assumed they knew about it and would let my youth pastor take care of it. I was so deflated that night after that talk, and when I saw my best friend's boyfriend and we started chatting over a plate of food, I burst into tears and told him everything that had happened! He was absolutely disgusted that someone had done this to me and that I wasn't free to express who I was and what I loved. I felt so heartbroken that night. 🙁 It was an extremely painful lesson I had learned about censorship and the Church and I reluctantly removed that picture that I was once so proud of because it was an accomplishment at the time to climb so high up the pole and comfortably sit there! Over the years, that wasn't the only time I got a talking to from the leadership of my Church's youth group regarding my poling activities. I had been told to 'tone it down' and not post any material relating to pole. I tried really hard not to take it to heart and take it personally but it was so extremely difficult. It felt as though a part of me had been 'disapproved' by the very people that I do a part of my life with and am constantly reminded to 'keep it under wraps'. But when you love something so much, the last thing you want is to keep it a secret, right?! I wanted to be free and shameless about this passion of mine. I had very few friends who understood the pain I was going through. My boyfriend was one of the very few people who knew how torn up I felt. I had contemplated coming on Studio Veena and posting my frustrations and hurt over this but I decided against it until now, now that I know there's also someone else in very similar shoes to me. I didn't want to vent my frustrations over this because I love my Church and the people in it and want to protect it, but aside from that, obviously not ALL of them are against my love for pole-dancing. Some are very intrigued by it but mostly, they either tolerate it or show indifference to it. I think it just comes down to being a 'taboo' dance and sport. I can almost see that look on their face if I ever talk about it...that they're not interested in listening because somehow by listening, it was making them visualise me in all these awesome aerial positions that were all somehow 'sexual'. Sadly enough, even when I told a few Church girls that they'd be awesome at pole and should give a regular term a try, they would just brush it off and say that it's too 'taboo' and wouldn't look good on them. Towards the end of last year, I informed my Youth Pastor that I no longer wanted to lead the group of high school girls that I had been serving in since 2004. It was a huge change and I've had my life-changing moments leading a group of high schoolers for nearly 10 years but it was really time for me to take a bow and let the next generation run things. I looked forward to this change because I felt that by no longer leading the youth, I could be a bit more freer in my love for pole and have been a bit more active in 'liking' things on FB that were pole-related and have been shameless enough to tag myself and friends at pole events and comps. I mean why wouldn't you when there are polebrities to spot and awesome things to look at?! I feel much happier now as well that I don't have to hide things as much as before and funnily enough, last year when I was driving to a pole class, a thought popped into my head about what I would say if one of my own Church girls asked me if I pole. I thought to myself that it's time to be honest about your passion for pole and WHY I do it! And guess what?! Ironically, a few short weeks after that random thought, one of my girls asked me quite bluntly in front of the entire group whether or not it's true that I pole dance!!! And guess what?! I told them all shamelessly that I did and I love it because it's taught me that my body can do a lot more than I give it credit for. Aside from that, it's a hobby that I've found that I think I will stick with for a very long time, if not, for the rest of my life!! That girl listened and was very respectful. Infact, all of them were quiet and courteous and no one said anything else. I do think that this is a year in which I can finally 'come out' about my passion for pole and although I think I still have a long way to go before I can publicly post pictures and videos of me poling without some members of my Church kicking up a huge fuss, I do think that it's all about baby steps and having the right discernment. Baby steps in me gaining confidence and knowing the appropriate times to do so and also gaining enough confidence to be able to respectfully speak to people if they're against me for doing so. The ironic thing is, just yesterday, a friend of mine on Facebook posted a video of the 3 of us doing Brazilian Samba in our Week 8 Performance Week at one of the pole studios I go to!!! HAHAHAHA. 😀 I seriously couldn't be more proud of what I achieved in 8 weeks in learning how to Samba like a Brazilian Showgirl!! 🙂 And mind you, the costumes were skimpy too, complete with Brazilian Samba headpieces that our instructor lent us! I pray that this brings hope to anyone who is in a similar situation and I would also really love to hear from you guys. I'm always open to meeting more pole girls and guys to be my friend and it's always more special when someone knows exactly where you're coming from. ❤️
Krista Bocko · 3/11/2013
It's honestly REALLY bothersome to me to hear these stories about being so torn and feeling 'forced to choose' or hide what we love due to other's ignorance. I totally get wanting to keep some things compartmentalized, sometimes that's just easier. But what's NOT easy is feeling shame, guilt, the need to hide...it's just so oppressive, I 'hid' pole for YEARS. I'm grateful, sooooo so grateful, now, to not hide it anymore. It is so freeing. This isn't to say that I talk about pole at every opportunity and make sure EVERYONE knows I pole, but I am open about what I do when asked. If anyone 'judges' me for it, that is their own issue and not mine. They will sure never be on my speed dial, so eh, I'm sure no one who is a true friend or genuinely cares about me would expect me to change for them. GL, I have been in your position before and it's a tough place to be. Hugs!
acoretacri · 3/11/2013
Thank you for posting this thread. Although I am not christian, my boyfriend is a Christian. I am becoming increasingly involved with his church, which we both enjoy. We both find it hard to keep my "secret activity" from friends and his family. It is difficult when people ask about what my hobbies are. We mostly just say something else though pole is definetly my main hobby. I want to share my passion for pole dance but worry about other peoples reactions.
Krista Bocko · 3/12/2013
For years, no one 'in real life' knew that I poled, besides my husband and kids. I hated it being so 'taboo'. What if I'd met just one other woman that poled and was open about it? I would have been so thrilled to know someone else, and I also would have wished that *I* had the guts to be so open about it. What if I did meet other women that poled, but neither of us knew it b/c of course, no one felt they could bring it up! It bugs me that we feel so oppressed about it. Are we doing anything wrong? Of course not. We're doing everything RIGHT, actually, and it feels wrong to NOT talk about it when the opportunity is there.
prettypuff1 · 3/12/2013
I deal with this too. I have very conservative family who feel that pole =stripper in all cases. It was difficult; but I stood strong. I had to stand for what I wanted. During a family trip to florida I got grief for traveling to a studio to train. The studio was awesome and I'm glad I went but I still got flack. It's hard because we want people to accept the things we like. Pole is in my blood I love it. And for me it's a big factor for why I can't ever move back in with my parents. We just have to know there is a wonderful community Of women who share out love of pole. That keeps me going :)
DharmaDancer · 3/12/2013
I really feel for you ladies with these horrible stories. It makes me realize how lucky I am. I generally have very permeable boundaries and tend to share pretty personal things with my coworkers, but both of my jobs employ pretty outrageous types (ambulance and massage therapy) and no one ever blinks at what anyone else says or does. Occasionally I strip too...I started pole because though I've been in clubs over the years that had them
DharmaDancer · 3/12/2013
I really feel for you ladies with these horrible stories. It makes me realize how lucky I am. I generally have very permeable boundaries and tend to share pretty personal things with my coworkers, but both of my jobs employ pretty outrageous types (ambulance and massage therapy) and no one ever blinks at what anyone else says or does. Occasionally I strip too...I started pole because though I've been in clubs over the years that had them, I rarely saw girls use them. In my current club there are some jaw-dropping polers who blew my mind and inspired me. So in my "straight" jobs I tell everyone all about it and everyone jokes around and it's good. My point is that being open hearted and confident brings situations and people to your life that accept your uniqueness and expression. To hide oneself to accommodate the prejudices of others probably invites on some level the situations and people who are ready to be judgmental. Best of luck to all the coming-out polers. You're awesome!
Anonyma · 3/12/2013
to juicy J : Do you think all people in your church are all little angels? Do you think all men or guys in this church don't masturbate to porno (who knows what they watch: goldshowers, people shitting on each other ass to mouth.... ) do you think the ladies in the church dont masturbate and own big dildos and toys as well? I don t think so Be yourself and embrace who you are no matter what, this was probably a jaleous WOMEN, YES , do you think a guy would have complain "HELL" no... only one life to live, girls who pole are certainly causing reactions in their entourage mostly on JALOUS WOMANS!! So let them be and enjoy the power the pole gives you
prettypuff1 · 3/12/2013
I know quite a few people at my church who are interested in pole fitness. At the end of the day, there is no passage in the bible that says this is a no.
Maureen marleygirl · 3/12/2013
EDUCATE! ! Maybe show the Starfish teaser spoken about in an earlier blog. Who couldn't admire and respect the raw athleticism and elegance! what we do is still a stigma but only because because of ignorance
ImonlyMe · 3/13/2013
Although many people judge it is because they have no direction as to the good of pole dancing b/c the pole had already had negativity from the past people cant get over that and acknowledged that it is a well being good cause of fitness.And I am a women of many jobs so Autumn I understand but I am very up front about what I do an so we get that out. Of the way very quickly im in the light of church children mentoring and several different dance backgrounds so I always let people know each one of my jobs and hobbys are separate unless states other wise....
ImonlyMe · 3/13/2013
And juicy j dont get me wrong I love church surrounding but thats why the churches are so broken now worried about the wrong things of other people and not criticising there own pep in the church are not perfect hun everyone lives a life. ...
ImonlyMe · 3/13/2013
And juicy j dont get me wrong I love church surrounding but thats why the churches are so broken now worried about the wrong things of other people and not criticising there own pep in the church are not perfect hun everyone lives a life. ...
maurer rose · 3/15/2013
Hey! I am a Christian too, and I am touched by the others who have posted on here. So far I've been on the fence about sharing. I know there are some people who will accept it and some who won't (both in and outside of religious communities), but it's hard to guess in advance. You can't go back to undo damage that's been done once you let the cat out of the bag! I'm still trying to work up the nerve to ask another twenty-something at church why she has "Pole!" in word magnets on the side of her fridge! 🙂 I don't think my church family would be more judgmental than anyone else. I've already experienced negative comments by non-Christians and Christians alike. The stigma is so widespread. I don't feel like I'm being deceptive by not sharing this part of my life with others, including my church family. It's just easier not to offend people by keeping it under wraps. But sometimes I do feel sad because I wish I could share the joy of the confidence, strength and flexibility I have gained through my hard work at pole over the past few years. I want to further the awareness of pole as an athletic art that combines elements of aerial dance, gymnastics, contortion and even ballet. (Don't get me wrong, I like the exotic dance elements too. But I'm very firm on the point that pole can be practiced as a sport.)
monica kay · 3/16/2013
i am about to come out of the pole closet! maybe next week :) but not to my family... just my friends.
FlyingFireBird · 3/17/2013
Let us know how your comming out goes. A bit of advice, if you have a smart phone, keep a video of one of your favorite, least provocative performaces bookmarked on your phone. My favorite is Natasha Wang's on the View because people are more likely to believe it is innocent if it is on the view. If you have it on hand you can show people that pole dance is different than stripping (not that there is necessarily anything wrong with stripping). Good luck!
ljsch59790 · 3/18/2013
I hate the negativity and 'sluttiness' that people associate with pole. It really does hurt when it's about something youre so passionate about and want to tell the world about. All polers know where you are coming from and can definitely relate!
chemgoddess1 · 3/18/2013
Here are a few threads that may be worthwhile reading: https://www.studioveena.com/forums/view/3162 https://www.studioveena.com/forums/view/3436 https://www.studioveena.com/forums/view/479 It comes down to understanding that you cannot talk about all aspects of your life in all situations. It is not a matter of you being you, it is a matter of people don't need to know. There are numerous parts of my life that I do not broadcast here or on FB. And I certainly do not broadcast at work about my life outside of work.....I learned that lesson a long time ago.
pegasusaerialfitness · 3/18/2013
I think its normal to have different aspects of life you might keep more private. You could call it Aerial Fitness if you want to be discreet.

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