-
Comming out about pole dance fitness
-
Yup. I'm a happily married, well-behaved professional who got straight As, eats her vegetables, says no to drugs and has never even gotten a speeding ticket. I'm also a bisexual Star Trek-loving pole dance enthusiast and pro wrestling fan. Guess which parts I typically keep under wraps in public, LOL.
-
I also struggle with whom to tell about my newfound passion. And I do mean passion. I'm scrambling to figure out how to purchase a pole (they're so expensive!) because I can't stand not being able to pole when I get up in the morning!
I've told a few people, but not many. I'm a very open person and when I'm excited about something, I want to share it with everyone. Unfortunately, most of whom I've shared it with assume automatically that I'm doing it for sexual reasons for my husband and I. Sure, that will play a part eventually, but I'm really just doing it for me, because it's a blast, a great way to get in shape, and I want to perfect it! I even told my hairdresser, who's a very cool laid back lady, and she was like "Wow, you're telling me this?" As though I was sharing with her some kinky sex fetish! It's hard to not deflate when someone has no clue what it's really about. And then, when you try to educate them on the fitness aspect, it sounds as though you're defending yourself. I share portableninja's idea. I've decided to not really "come out" about it until I can remotely kick ass at it. I know for a fact that at that point, I won't care as much.
-
I don't have a big problem when it comes to telling people about pole, but there's always the little worry every time I tell someone new that they'll get the wrong idea. I'm not religious and I'm at uni so doing pole isn't overly shocking, especially as there is a pole fitness society at uni. When I tell people I always stress the fitness element of it.
My family know that I pole, but I think they believe it's just some silly hobby of mine. My dad lives abroad, and my mum has been very ill for a long time, so they've not seen me pole in person. Pole means so much to me, I'm proud of what I've achieved. I really want to show my family so they can be proud too, but I feel awkward about it. I did show my dad and his wife a picture of me in recliner when I first started, and my dad didn't seem to want to look. It hurts to think that he might be ashamed of the fact I do pole because he doesn't understand.
My boyfriend hasn't told his family either because they're quite conservative and would take it the wrong way. That makes me sad too, because if I were a gymnast or another kind of dancer, he'd tell them and they'd be interested in seeing and hearing about what I can do. Maybe it doesn't matter, but I want to include people I care about in this big part of who I am.
-
Oh! And I forgot to say that I'm a Christian too! My family and I are very involved in church, I'm on the prayer team, my husband and I lead small groups, etc. But fortunately the circle of people I do know so far from this church are non-legalistic. I guess I'll find out true colors once I "come out," so to speak.
I share Olivia's opinion that some women are jealous of women who are confident and capable of something they are not. Keep that in mind.
-
Jolene, I hear you on the sexual fetish thing. I'm actually a very sex positive person – I am always advocating healthy expression, and I would've made a great employee at Babeland or some other high end adult shop. But that's not what pole is about for me. A lot of times the first thing people say is "oh, I'm sure your husband must LOVE that!" Of course he does… he loves to see me happy about something, and we're both interested in fitness. We talk about the body mechanics and muscle groups used in pole all the time. Sure, he doesn't mind watching me contort my half naked body into crazy positions, but unless I'm specifically putting on a show for him, he'd rather be downstairs playing video games instead of watching me grunting and occasionally getting stuck.
The way some people react, it's like I just told them about my sex toy collection. (Jeez people, I know enough not to talk about those!)
-
I find it so funny how people automatically connect pole to bedroom play. People often respond with how lucky my husband is that I pole. Pole is a little more like this in our relationship –
http://pole-dancing-adventures.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-wife-pole-dances.html
(love this blog btw).
-
absolutely love and agree with ur post flyingfirebird soo true lol, and I recently decided u know what,,I'm gonna tell my mom and older sister, my mom thought it was awesome to my surprise my sister was the more hesitant about it lol. Now I feel great know it's something I can be proud to share. People have such a misconception like my sister did but after I showed her some stuff she respects my hulkness I've come to aquire hah
-
i came out right away! even in my small town where pole fitness is not heard of. my mom says i belong in the circus and my dad doesnt judge, never has. its all over my facebook and if people dont like it, they can delete me! i try to educate tho and really show the health benefits of pole. the whole church crowd cud be a little more difficult, good luck with it!!
-
I was amazed by the people who were cool with it and the ones who weren’t. Most people just aren’t educated about pole dance as a sport, as an art, as a way to get fit, or even just get your sexy back. It is the most versatile activity on the planet! I tell everyone it is like vertical acrobatics, or gymnastics for adults even. It is so empowering for an adult to finally be able to have goals like do a handstand or pull-ups and then to be able to do spins, and omg, go upside down! Moms especially say very often that when they were young this or that…but we can do it now, but we just had not maybe had the opportunity. This is what I tell people when they are curious about what I do. I have opened a studio in the Bible Belt and the response has been amazing 🙂 pole dance has changed my life in so many ways…you never know who else will need it in their life so I think it is important for us to share the experience, really. Good luck!
-
I don’t see it as something that you have to “come out” about. My husband knew when I started, obviously. But when I mentioned it to my parents, siblings, coworkers it was just as casual as if I was talking about running. I’m almost 30. Like it or whatever.
-
This is one of those subjects that is hard to cover because there are so many opinions and not all will agree. Especially when religious beliefs come into play. My fiancee and my family are good examples.
My fiancee is Catholic and I am Christian ( I dont go on a regular basis but that has to do with our personal feelings) but all that aside. When his family found out they flipped. Thought I was horrible and a stripper!! It put us through hell and we still deal with it from time to time. My family does not know yet, but will soon because Im tired of hiding it. In all of this I learned that poling is my passion. One of the ways I can truly express myself and it relaxes me. And stopping or not letting people know hinders you from living your dream. Life is to short to be ashamed of something you love. I feel that if I want to let others know of this I know my facts and I fight to make sure they know the real truth about it. His family made me feel ashamed and said because I poled I didnt worship god. It just shows you how much people try to push their beliefs and feelings on others. And feel its ok to pass judgment and it is NOT!!!! No one should have the right to judge me but The Lord when my time is up.
The Bible has lots of Psalms about dancing for example:
Psalm 149:3 Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre
Jeremiah 31:13 Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry. I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.
The way I look at it is, The Bible talks about dancing to rejoice and praise the lord, however no where does it say what type of dancing. So if you think about it your are doing nothing wrong(which is why the group that poles for God isnt either) They suffer people saying stuff about them and judging them, but they still go to service and love God. What does that show of their fellow church community that are saying they are sinners?
Most importantly its about how u feel truly. We can give you our opinions but its ultimately up to you. Poling doesnt make you a bad person or a sinner. I wouldnt hide it because its a new age and we have to learn to be accepting of all the new things coming at us. I also love it too much to care what anyone thinks about it. I have lived to long listening to others and for fear of ruining my reputation. I missed out on alot of neat experiences bc I chose to listen to others(just to make everyone happy) and not my heart. Whether you hide poling or not everyone will form their own opinion. Living life by others opinions doesnt allow you to truly live. Life is short and need to live it to fullest no matter how much someone tells you your wrong.
To juicy J your personal life should not affect you leading youths. What you do on your own time is your buisness. In a way that is discrimination and they shouldnt have done that to u. Im sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story.
I apologize if I offended anyone in anyway. Wasnt my intent.
-
This is one of those subjects that is hard to cover because there are so many opinions and not all will agree. Especially when religious beliefs come into play. My fiancee and my family are good examples.
My fiancee is Catholic and I am Christian ( I dont go on a regular basis but that has to do with our personal feelings) but all that aside. When his family found out they flipped. Thought I was horrible and a stripper!! It put us through hell and we still deal with it from time to time. My family does not know yet, but will soon because Im tired of hiding it. In all of this I learned that poling is my passion. One of the ways I can truly express myself and it relaxes me. And stopping or not letting people know hinders you from living your dream. Life is to short to be ashamed of something you love. I feel that if I want to let others know of this I know my facts and I fight to make sure they know the real truth about it. His family made me feel ashamed and said because I poled I didnt worship god. It just shows you how much people try to push their beliefs and feelings on others. And feel its ok to pass judgment and it is NOT!!!! No one should have the right to judge me but The Lord when my time is up.
The Bible has lots of Psalms about dancing for example:
Psalm 149:3 Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre
Jeremiah 31:13 Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry. I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.
The way I look at it is, The Bible talks about dancing to rejoice and praise the lord, however no where does it say what type of dancing. So if you think about it your are doing nothing wrong(which is why the group that poles for God isnt either) They suffer people saying stuff about them and judging them, but they still go to service and love God. What does that show of their fellow church community that are saying they are sinners?
Most importantly its about how u feel truly. We can give you our opinions but its ultimately up to you. Poling doesnt make you a bad person or a sinner. I wouldnt hide it because its a new age and we have to learn to be accepting of all the new things coming at us. I also love it too much to care what anyone thinks about it. I have lived to long listening to others and for fear of ruining my reputation. I missed out on alot of neat experiences bc I chose to listen to others(just to make everyone happy) and not my heart. Whether you hide poling or not everyone will form their own opinion. Living life by others opinions doesnt allow you to truly live. Life is short and need to live it to fullest no matter how much someone tells you your wrong.
To juicy J your personal life should not affect you leading youths. What you do on your own time is your buisness. In a way that is discrimination and they shouldnt have done that to u. Im sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story.
I apologize if I offended anyone in anyway. Wasnt my intent.
-
The only way to end, or at least reduce, the stigma attached to a "taboo" subject is to come out. The more people speak out, the easier it is for more people to speak out. I work in a field that often deals with topics considered "shameful" by society at large: LGBTQ, suicide, sexual abuse, etc. Silence perpetuates the fear, misunderstanding, hypocricy and judgment. Coming out educates people, they can hoepfully get to a point where they say "she SEEMS like such a nice person, perhaps you CAN be a __________ and still be ok". On that note, I am a proud tree hugging, critical thinking, pole dancing woman!!
-
My fellow teacher friends and I were having lunch a couple of weeks ago, One of them was saying how prim and proper that she thought another teacher and I were. One of them joked and said "Yeah I bet gail can cut loose when she wants to!". I said "funny u shud say that..as a matter of fact I can. Ive started pole fitness". Three of them said "realllly? Can u flip and stuff??" Another said "Oh…u mean pole DANCING?" I told her that was a part of it, but I m mainly into polefit rite now any way. Another said "I heard u can get them for your own home". I said "yes, u can. I have one". That was the end of it. The rest of them started talking about things they want to do or have done. I admit, I had to wait for the rite time but Im glad I said something. 🙂
-
JNBKillen,
Thank you for sharing your opinions. I didn't take any offence to what you posted and I am glad you showed some empathy as to what I went through. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
The funny thing is, I've stopped leading youth as of beginning of this year and this year I have really started to come out and be more bold about my poling passion. I have posted more stuff about this on my Facebook account and also not afraid to talk to my Church friends about it IF they should mention it to me and ask me about it.
I haven't had any negative feedback so far and I'm wondering because:1. People are becoming more accepting of this over the course of less than a year.
2. People are more tolerant of me doing this because I am no longer in a leadership position in the Church
3. People have decided to mind their own business and not say anything about it to me anymore.
For me, the next step would be to put up some photos of me doing some cool pole tricks simply because I feel that it is a personal achievement and empowering! I have already seen improvements in a few different tricks I've been working on and would love to show the world!
Log in to reply.