[SpyralBound]

I like Veena's suggestion – making a schedule of focused, planned pole workouts. So you can still get on the pole in some way every day or nearly every day, but you're not overdoing it. 

My pole workout categories:

STRENGTH: More like a workout than a practice, using Veena's moves and others I've learned in pole classes, and maybe some non-pole strength training too like pushups and weights. 

FLEXIBILITY: Mostly just a stretching thing, but also challenging myself to the tricks I struggle with due to flexibility (my nemesis right now is Twisted Ballerina). 

DANCE: Freestyle, routine planning/daydreaming, meditative, theatrical 

PRACTICE: A dedicated session to work on my current moves and learn new ones, maybe with some dance thrown in for warmup & fun. 

CHALLENGE: A session devoted to completing one of the SV challenges! Or a challenge I issue myself. Like have a dance session where my sole focus is pointed toes. Or a session in heels. Etc. 

JAMS: By webcam or in person! Usually less strenuous of a workout because of the social time, but a great way to use pole to unwind. 

I aim for at LEAST 20 minutes for each and generally have no problem meeting that. And I also throw in other stuff, like yoga, walking/hiking and aerobics DVDs. So I'm not actually poling every day… but I could. 

What I like about this setup is that it helps me get over the discouragement hump you feel when you're not poling as often as you'd like to be. Out of all those options, the dance and practice sessions generally are the most time-consuming, so I can pick and choose to do those on the days when I know I have time, and when time is crunched, do a shorter flexibility or freestyle practice just to get SOMETHING in. 

Another thing is, I hate poling when I'm on my period, I feel bloaty, bitchy and unsexy and my skin is more sensitive to the pain. I got in a habit of just entirely skipping any kind of workout that week of the month, but that can really break momentum. With a "choose your own adventure" sort of plan, I can pick one of the options above that doesn't have me on the pole a whole lot (so less skin burn/pinch), doesn't have me upside down (never fun when bloated) and isn't overly strenuous when I'm fatigued and crabby. And I also don't put pressure on myself to film these sessions because frankly I just hate looking at my bloat on film later. Plus my flow is so heavy now that I usually wear a pad to catch any leaks, and pads + pole shorts = eek/potential Ick! (Sorry if that's TMI, just a reality of life!) 

[SpyralBound]

"Pole is fun because of the sensuality, fun, beauty, accessibility to regular people, etc."

My counterargument to this is: "Fun" is not the main point of the Olympics. Athletic prowess and show-off-icism are. Think of a lot of the more mainstream sports in the Olympics, like basketball. Judging basketball at a higher, more rigorous level at the Olympics does not take ANYTHING away from pick-up games in local neighborhoods. Swimming can be fun, but that's not the point of swimming relays, diving or sync. The point is precision. Excellence. Being the absolute best at what you do. Earning a medal with internationally recognized value, not a pat on the head for a job well done. 

And the problem with adding more artistic, interpretive "dance" to a competitive performance is that judging that is always going to be subjective. Suddenly there are all these OTHER things to judge – costume, creativity, expression, flow, for example – and those aren't strictly measurable in the way that the "perfect" Spatchcock is. It makes sense to set judgment criteria on what CAN be measured and observed with at least some degree of objectivity. 

I do understand why pole dancers feel threatened by the super-strict and athletically focused rules proposed by some judging organizations. But really, ladies, RELAX. What they decide to evaluate at the Olympics or at high-level competitions does NOT have to take anything away from what you do. I'm sure Michael Phelps likes to splash around in the pool for fun when he's not training, I'm sure pro volleyballers will have a friendly scrimmage at a beach barbecue. And I don't see why gymnasts wouldn't freestyle. Performing to rigorous standards for competitions doesn't have to cost them anything or be a killjoy. 

There are other venues and stages if you want to be theatrical, or sexy, or funny, or crazy, or experimental, or whatever. My feeling personally is that if you want to show off how fantastic your tricks, body and flexibility are, choose competitions. If you want to dance freely in front of an audience, choose showcases, or competitions that aren't athletically focused. We have variety. We have options. 

There's MORE than enough room for both Strong and Sexy in the pole community, this is not a zero-sum game where one side wins and the other loses. They can exist side by side without devaluing each other. Be a dancer, be an athlete, be both, be neither, be whatever kind of pole person you want to be. It all has value if it means something to YOU – other people's opinions (judges or just fellow polesters) be damned. 

[SpyralBound]

JungleCat you make me smile. Men are pretty simple, you get an erection and you're good to go 0-60 in a matter of seconds, but a lot more has to happen for the lady to be ready for it, and that doesn't happen in seconds. (Needless to say, this isn't universal and there are exceptions, but I've found it common enough to feel comfortable with the generalization.) 

My man is good at foreplay…WHEN he puts the effort in and doesn't rush it. And he's not likely to do that if he just wants to pump and dump, but guess what, I'm not going to enjoy that if I'm not at least a little warmed up. And if both parties aren't enjoying the sex, why have sex? (Like you day this can come down to self-centeredness.) 

In any case, ANY amount or type of foreplay is better than just whipping it out and asking her to hop on or go down. That kind of treatment can make a gal feel like a vending machine rather than a partner. (I'm not aiming this at anyone in particular, just sayin'.) 

[SpyralBound]

I'm glad it's not as bad as I feared… 

I get you on needing the warmup, I'm the same way, and my husband and I have run into this (continue to run into this… we're working on it) multiple times, because he is Always On and needs no warmup whatsoever, and always wants to rush through to the "sex" part of sex. Sure, no one likes rejection, and no one likes making their honey feel rejected, but boundaries trump pride in every case. If you're not up for it, that has to be the final answer, and he's not allowed to make you feel bad for it (like there's "something wrong" with you, to use your own words). It's probably because I've been so focused on boundary-setting in my own marriage that your situation set off my alarm bells. In my situation, the lines between "forcing" and "coercing" have been blurred a lot, so him giving you a command like that, and you feeling to blame for his rejection, triggered a lot of my own trauma. Sorry if I overstepped at any point. 

[SpyralBound]

Azblanco, I get that that can be a normal thing for some couples, but if it were the case for these two, I don't think polegoddess would be here ranting about it to the point that THAT is what she made the title of the post – not "my boyfriend wanted me to dance for him" but specifically calling out what he said. The most important part of any relationship is consent – both parties have to be cool with what's going on. If a couple has consented to name-calling and it's clear both of them are on the same page, that's one thing. But a significant other who's keeping their partner from getting into bed and commanding their partner to dance for their own pleasure, that's…sketchy at best, especially when combined with the other details about his expectations for her to perform sexually (dancing or otherwise) whenever he wants her to. It's not just the one detail of a disrespectful word being used, but the whole picture she paints that gives me the heebie-jeebies. 

In any case, it's not my place to say, polegoddess has to trust her own gut on this one, but it struck kinda close to home for me.

[SpyralBound]

Never mind the pole stuff and the being sore and tired and everything… calling you a ho is a felony in my book. Absolutely uncalled for, even if he meant it kind of as a joke (I can't tell from the way you wrote it, but I know my husband often says rude/offensive things with a tone of humor that, if typed out in black and white, would look really bad). 

I'm not saying dump your boyfriend, but girl…this makes my stomach turn for you. What you wrote in your last comment, the expecting you to jump on and then criticizing you if you don't want to… I'm getting chills of recognition here, I've been in a similar spot with an SO and it does not end pretty. (You can message me privately if you want to.) 

I would say, don't voice yourself quietly to spare his feelings *UNLESS* you think angering him would endanger you (I'm not assuming either way). He crossed a big line and you have to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that that shit will not be tolerated. These are your boundaries, only you get to decide what those are, and if he can't respect them, he has no business calling himself your boyfriend. 

This isn't a Man thing. This is an asshole thing. Any significant other, male or female, who does this and thinks it's OK is an asshole, plain and simple. Don't pawn it off on his gender, hold him accountable for his actions, because they speak louder than words. 

[SpyralBound]

Glad to give you a new tip! 

Everyone has their horrible days, I think. For me, I start getting crabby when I've been dining out too many days in a row, because I always eat more at restaurants than I would at home, and then the food I bought to make at home goes rotten while I'm out spending MORE food money on restaurants. 

But you're talking to a girl who will eat Nutella right out of the jar if she has a chance 🙂 I think we can all relate to being horrible eaters at least some of the time, and I think it's pointless for anyone to beat themselves up over it. I'm generally not an emotional eater, but I do eat when I'm bored or feeling lazy, and I'm an expert at talking myself into eating things I know I shouldn't have. One of my worst faults is that if I do have something "bad" in the house, like brownies or sweets, I will scarf the whole thing at once using the logic "I'd just have eaten it anyway, it's the same amount of calories whether I spread it over a week or eat it all right now, might as well get it over with and get it out of my sight." And my brain never second-guesses such reasoning. 🙂 

I envy people who enjoy things like Zumba. I've tried so many times to like it, but never had as much fun as the commercials promise. Maybe because, other than pole, I'm not really a dancer in general, dancing around my house in my undies is not something I'm prone to do, with or without Afro-Latin music, haha. There's something about the "let's party" vibe of Zumba that actually turns me off. My cynical side comes out, all the enthusiasm and THIS IS FUN RIGHT??? seems so fake to me and I just can't get into it.

I used to do the elliptical for all my cardio but ever since I discovered pole, you couldn't pay me to get back on a cardio machine. SO. BORING. The only trouble is, I'm not poling often enough to make up for the time I used to spend ellipticalling, and I don't get as much of a calorie burn from  my typical pole workout – I used to burn 500-700 calories on the elliptical each time. My other main exercise is yoga, which also isn't a calorie-burner, though I've started going to hot yoga so I at least work a LITTLE harder at it. I'm just a low-intensity person in general so it's tough to find something that actually makes me WANT to dial it up. I have options, I'm just not taking advantage of them. 

[SpyralBound]

Poledanceromance had some great tips. I also love the idea if "high end of my weight" vs. "low end of my weight," I haven't thought about it like that before. It's so easy to get hooked onto that low number that I want and not an acceptable range!

CloSmo I just had a suggestion for you re: soft drinks. Have you tried flavored seltzer water? It's carbonated, so it satisfies that part of the soda itch (I don't know about you but I've found what I usually crave is the bubbly texture of a soft drink, not so much the sugar or flavor). It has some flavor to it but the flavor is really subtle, like someone just barely squeezed a lemon into the water rather than made lemonade, but still enough that you can taste it. And there's no sugar or artificial sweetener, and very low sodium. So really, it's a no-guilt drink, and good for people like me who don't like drinking just plain water and don't want to drink soda but still get the craving. 

Your typical meal seems pretty sound to me – I would recommend that you do try to get those snacks in as often as possible, to avoid blood sugar dips and spikes (which lead to energy dips and spikes, and cravings for simple carbs like sugar) and to make sure you're not *too* low on calories.

The foods you're choosing are good – look for ways that you might shave off a little here or there, like low-fat or low-sugar yoghurt, whole grain bread/rolls/tortillas, vinaigrette salad dressing vs. creamy styles, fruits that are high in water (melon, citrus fruits, grapes for example) rather than starch (bananas are main culprit). I believe we really can eat pretty much what we want, but there are ways to make every choice a little healthier. 

One thing I like doing is making a DELUXE salad. I noticed I was getting pretty bored with just greens + dressing as a meal option, and I'd be hungry again in no time if that's all I had for lunch. But I've started copycatting some of the salads I've had at restaurants, adding strips of meat, fruit, nuts, goat cheese (not a health food but mmmmmm so good), extra veggies, homemade dressing, etc. So I end up with this huge and satisfying meal that's still pretty healthy, easily packed to take to work, and I don't really have to cook or clean up or do anything special to make it. (When I use meat, it's usually leftovers from dinner.) 

I do need to get more cardio in, though, and this thread has been a helpful reminder that I've been slacking on that part of my exercise. Ugh. I really dislike most cardio activities. I take no joy in getting sweaty and worn out, and my mind usually goes to really negative places when I try higher-intensity things ("Oh my god, this so sucks. Why are you doing this? Let's go home. This is the opposite of fun. Get me out of here. I never want to do this again." etc.). So, not exactly motivational. :\

[SpyralBound]

Not so sure you can do hands-free cradle on static? I mean I guess it's possible, but this is a move I'd try on spin, personally. (I've only ever gotten a one-handed Cradle). Because to stick without hands, you gotta grip the pole between your belly and the tops of your thighs, and I just don't see how you could do that AND spin. Ouch! 

Unless you're just talking about the pose, not the spin.. 

[SpyralBound]

My husband similarly annoyed me last night when I was rambling on and on about ideas for the business I want to launch, and he tried to rein me in with a "first things first" sort of comment, and I was like… well yeah, I know that, I'm not going to start at Step 7, I'm just so excited and have so many ideas! And it sucked to have him take the wind out of my sails like that. 

Most men are "fixers." They are practical. They look at situations through a Problem/Solution lens. Through that lens, you're presenting him a problem (lack of pole) with no immediate solution (lack of finances); his comments are just him venting his "there's no way to fix this" perspective on the situation. 

So cut him a little slack and if he harps on you about the price of a pole, just say "Yeah, but a girl can dream." Can't really argue with that. 🙂 

[SpyralBound]

I don't have any tips for you but I'm replying so I can get the updates when others chime in, because I have the same problem. I can backbend like no other when I'm on the pole, I can do Camel and Bow pose in yoga, but I can't lift my damn self off the floor for the bridge. And my arms are like the strongest part of my body! Grrrr. I share your frustration. 

[SpyralBound]

Quirky, I'm at about your weight, and have been plateaued at that weight for about a year now. Not surprising since I haven't really focused on weight loss at all, just doing more of what I love (pole and yoga) but I was a little surprised when I was reading through an old journal from last year and realized I still weigh now what I weighed then (if anything, I'd expected to have gained weight, considering my lack of effort/focus). 

My tip for you is to not think about "those last 20-30 lbs" but rather "the next 10 lbs." I found re-framing it this way has really helped me on the mental/emotional side. I have replaced thoughts of "Ah crap, I have lose freaking 30 pounds to get to my goal? Screw that!" with thoughts of "Ten pounds? That's not so bad, I've done it before and can do it again." 

I just recently got on the scale again after not having weighed myself in a long time and was surprised to see I'd dipped down to 167, without any major changes to my routine lately. This has motivated me to start putting more deliberate effort into the Next Ten Pounds goal again. My husband is about to start a contract that will have him traveling all the time, so I'm going to look into one of those Meals by Mail plans (from PersonalTrainerFood.com – it's basically the South Beach low-carb method all over again) to make cooking & portioning really convenient. Last year when he traveled all summer for work, I was having cereal for dinner, if I ate dinner at all. 🙁 Bad juju. Knowing laziness is my weakness, I want to do what I can to make things easier on myself. 

Wish me luck! Wishing it to you as well! Here's to 160. 🙂 

[SpyralBound]

I can credit all the muscle development in my upper back and arms to the pole/yoga combo, I catch myself staring in the mirror all the time. 🙂 

There's a great DVD by Rodney Yee, "Yoga Burn," where you do a full hour but go very, very slowly, almost painfully slow. So yeah, maybe you're just doing 3 down dogs, but you're holding them for minutes a time! That's a great way to use yoga for strength. He has a Core Cross Train one that I like a lot too, though I haven't done it in a while (ever since the weather got nice, I've been neglecting my DVDs – but not like I've been out exercising either! haha). 

Oh and if budget and equipment is a worry, go to your pantry! Water bottles, sacks of flour or sugar, and canned goods can be used as weights. You'll feel like an idiot curling milk jugs in your living room but it works. 🙂 And you can often use a beach towel much like a resistance band, for example to loop around your pole and lean back and do rows.

Just be careful how much strength + pole you do in a row, you can overwork your muscles if you keep working the same groups with the same movements. Look on the internet for exercises that work particular muscles or muscle groups, and switch it up pretty frequently, so you're not just doing the same movements every time and giving yourself repetitive motion injuries. 

[SpyralBound]

Count me among the genderqueerish, though it's not so noticeable in my outward presentation or my pole dance. I've always felt kind of dual-gendered, pretty much since I was a kid. I grew up going in and out of phases where I leaned harder to one side or the other, not quite fitting in either way. No surprise then that I came out to myself as bisexual ages ago. I just feel such a strong sense of both-ness.

I too came to pole interested in connecting with my feminine side – and boy have I ever! But I still veer away from the really girly stuff like pink and glitter and heels (I have two pairs but hardly ever wear them to dance, too unstable). I connect with pole through the music more than anything else, I think, so the gender I express in my dance is usually tied somehow to the song I'm dancing to. 

Women in general have more freedom to play with gender expectations than men do, in terms of how society reacts to us, so I say have fun with it. I'd love to see a famous androgynous or butch pole star making magazine covers someday. 🙂 

[SpyralBound]

Lee, funny that you make that distinction. Shawn has flat-out told me that he finds transitions and floorwork boring to watch. He's really only impressed by impressive tricks, and even then, he wants to see the trick, not the whole dance it belongs to. Well, if you ask me, most tricks themselves aren't super sexy, it's the motions you put between them that set the mood for the dance. Some exceptions, maybe, like a V-leg Teddy or something that shows off flexibility like a straight Jade, because some guys just like to think about how far they can make a woman bend in bed, But like, Scorpio? Meathook? Janeiro? Impressive, sure, but not giving any instant boners I don't think! 😉 

[SpyralBound]

Haha, I've heard my husband talk with his male friends about the early days of my pole hobby – "I'd have my wife and a few of her friends in my living room wearing barely anything and dancing on the pole, and I'd just grab a beer and say 'You have fun, ladies, I'll be in the basement.'" He's pretty desensitized to the sexiness of it. But he was never a strip-club-goer or anything. We have the great privilege of being friends with Danielle Tillie and she'd been poling for a couple years before I ever started, so hearing her talk about it and seeing her videos meant he was pretty "meh" about the sexy factor by the time I got into it.

In a way it's kinda sad because I'd like to dance for him, but know already that it won't get him hot the way I'd want it to. We're both pretty pervy too, but all the perversion has been stripped from pole in our house, it's just what I do to exercise. Eh, we still have a healthy sex life so I guess it doesn't matter, but I've definitely experienced what you're talking about with the lost interest. 

[SpyralBound]

Welcome! You confused me at first because I recognized the studio space in your profile photo and thought tarah had changed her username, LOL. Glad you're having fun! Tarah is a great dancer to have as your instructor! 🙂 

[SpyralBound]

Flip the comment on its head, take it as a compliment! Since when is it insulting or offensive to be called a beginner or an amateur, if that's what you are? And it sounds like that's how he meant it, not as ANY kind of slam but just an observation. Don't read more into it than he meant, especially if he's told you what he meant. 

There's nothing derogatory about the term "level 1" – it's pretty neutral. So yeah, he's stating the obvious, but it's your choice to take it personally or not. Let this roll off your shoulder and keep being the awesome "first-grader" you are. 🙂 

[SpyralBound]

If you are ever curious about a website, whois.com lets you look up the information about who owns it and who it was purchased from. Good resource to know about. 

And anyone who has been contacted, or would just like to avoid being contacted, you can block that FB user account from seeing you *at all.* Go to her page (just search from the top bar) and on her cover photo, click the little gear icon and hit Report/Block. (Up to you if you want to report her.) 

Stay safe out there, Veeners! 

[SpyralBound]

I would proceed with caution if I were you. I am a trusting person as well but this sends up my red flags. My first thought would be, who knows what they would do with your video once they had it? Sell it, publish it, take credit for it? What other information would they ask you to submit? 

Did a tiny bit of internet digging – the Facebook page for Dancever has only existed since December 2012 and says it's based in the UK. The domain name was purchased from GoDaddy.com through a company called DomainByProxy out of Scottsdale, AZ, which seems to pride itself on keeping the domain owner's identity secret. There are SO many easy one-step ways to buy a legit domain (hell, just go to GoDaddy and buy it!), I find it hard to believe any casual first-time website maker (judging by the quality of the site itself) would take the extra step to hide their identity unless there was a reason. 

Something seems rotten here. I'd think you can safely ignore the FB message. 

[SpyralBound]

Counts make sense when you're teaching a group routine to a certain song, because as long as everyone is counting at the same pace and knows where their body has to be at each count, that makes it easy to synchronize. But if you're just teaching a combo, or a sequence, then there's nothing to "count" to, it's just Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 etc. 

It's rare that I choreo anything because I don't perform much and have little use for routines, but I do sort of break it down into "sections" of the song, if not actual rhythmic counts. Like, first verse is floorwork and then when this guitar part comes in, I start climbing, and then I'll invert at the chorus… that kind of thing. 

I personally hate the classes where everyone learns the same routine and does it in sync. I like watching a synchronized group routine, but I hate learning one. I took my first pole sampler class at a studio that teaches this way, you sign up for a 6-week series and everyone learns the same moves and puts it together with a song, and it turned me off so bad.  The song was some Christina Aguilera crap (Candyman or something?) and after the 7th time running through the first 30 seconds of the song, I was like Pfffft I'm so done with this. I learned right then and there, I can't have someone else picking out my music for me, let alone telling me how to dance to it. 

[SpyralBound]

Thanks Danielle! I know it's mostly a mental block related to my wipeout last summer. Some days I feel up to it and some days not so much. I think I mentioned this to you before but I'm probably going to start mixing in some beginner classes with my intermediates so I can work on polishing my fundamentals as well as learning new tricks at the Int. level. As long as the studio doesn't mind me straddling the line, so to speak, and doing a bit of both levels. (Don't I just love to buck the system…) 

[SpyralBound]

I guess I feel silly wanting to pull out the crash mats for the freaking warmup, lol.

I have an inferiority complex among my classmates that I'm working hard to get over. Part of is that I kinda snuck in the side door at this studio – I didn't work my way up from the beginner classes like most students, due to my connections. : ) I feel like as an intermediate student, I'm expected to be able to do this, and my inability to do so points me out as a "cheater" who didn't have to level up like they did. 

[SpyralBound]

Maybe if we practiced a little at home first and not at the studio, I think having an audience adds to my nerves, especially when they're all flipping up like it's no big thing. 

[SpyralBound]

One of the warm-up moves in my Intermediate class is handstand pushups against the pole, holding the pole lightly with calves/ankles. While I can handstand dismount really well, and do elbowstands and such against the pole or wall, I can't just flip up into a handstand from standing like they do in class to get into the position. I missed the pole and flipped all the way over once, and while I wasn't hurt, it scares the bejesus out of me, especially on the wood floors at the studio (my wipeout was on carpet). 

With elbowstands and such, I can usually walk my feet up close enough to my body to start getting my center of balance in the correct spot and lift from there, but because of my body proportions (I guess?) I can't do that from standing with my hands on the floor. My torso/arms are much shorter than my legs and I can barely put my hands flat on the floor from standing, let alone put weight on them. My classmates even offer to catch my legs to help me and I'm like… errrr, no thanks. I just jump ahead to the crunches and hope the instructor doesn't notice, lol.