Really!? Really.
Replies page 2 of 2. Back to the start of the discussion
34 replies · page 2 of 2
Sign in or create a free account to reply.
Replies page 2 of 2. Back to the start of the discussion
Sign in or create a free account to reply.
↑ Show earlier replies (page 1)
And thank you, chemmie! I definitely take that as a compliment coming from a badass chick like you! I am woman! Hear me.....shoulder mount?? 😂 This made me giggle this morning.
Mommabear, I’ve read more of your situation and feel badly about the two cents I threw in earlier. I had no idea it was this bad and that there is a history or pattern of many of other issues. I guess because my husband and I went through gunk years ago and came through it, being married for 32 yrs, I express hope for others. But not every relationship has a happy ending, as much as we’d like it to. I apologize if anything I said was hurtful and/or made you feel worse. That was not my intent at all, especially since you had the strength to open up and share. Again, I'm so sorry to hear how bad things are, hang in there.
OMG, please don't you, or anyone else, feel a bit bad about offering your opinion - that is exactly what I asked for! I was just trying to get an idea of how others would sit on this position knowing full well that each response is going to have it's own spin because relationships vary so much from person to person and the little elements and issues that come into play are not the same for every one of us. The odd part is that even though the responses vary, each person has mentioned a thought that has already run through my head - so, I'm not crazy here, maybe I have multiple personalities 😂 , but at least I know the things I have thought and felt run the gamut of normal in terms of other woman having similar feelings. And to officially end this battle (in my mind, not meaning here on SV), I no longer feel a pang of wrong doing, as I just found out that soon thereafter he went to a bachelor party, at a strip-club, which I strictly forbid - okay, strongly requested that he did not go to, I'm not his mom. I told him it was fine to meet up with the group after the "event" and go bar hopping or what not, but told him I was definitely NOT okay with the strip club. He kindly agreed and then flat out lied, said he was meeting the group at a local bar, but went to the whole party - strip club and all. But, I would have been proud, he didn't do anything wrong but go see some t****ies. 🙄 So, as far as I am concerned, I feel no guilt anymore and have further proved my point to myself that I am only 1/2 of this equation, and the other half is a giant, immature, disrespectful, piece of . . . . . butthead.
Ya know it's funny because I was talking to my husband about this last night (after giving him a huge hug and kiss because posts like this make me appreciate him even more) and he brought up the strip club thing.
I've got a similar problem here. Just told my bf that i've been ask for doing a show with 3 girls who do baladi/tribal. It's in a shop where they have music show every month, no alcool and i know a lot of people there. He's not happy, he say that guy will go there only to watch me doing sexy thing and looking at my butt. He always was supportive for the video or pole jam but for that one 😈 I know that there will be a lot of guy there and boys will be boys but he don't even want to be there to support me. Say his gonna get in fight because some dude will do something wrong. I know men are insecure and i know that poling still have a bad reputation but how can we change it if we don't put our foot down and say "i will show you're wrong" If you go in a club and act really sexy and use your stripper moves you will be judge as a girl who's asking for it. I think there way to pole in public and still be classy, doing more altetic stuff and avoiding wide open leg right in the face of people, what i'll be carefull not to do in my show. I love and respect him but on this one he's gonna have to trust me, he should know that i can (and will) kick any guy butt if he's being disrespecful to me or any other girl 😈 . It was my two cent 😉
And to officially end this battle (in my mind, not meaning here on SV), I no longer feel a pang of wrong doing, as I just found out that soon thereafter he went to a bachelor party, at a strip-club, which I strictly forbid - okay, strongly requested that he did not go to, I'm not his mom. I told him it was fine to meet up with the group after the "event" and go bar hopping or what not, but told him I was definitely NOT okay with the strip club. He kindly agreed and then flat out lied, said he was meeting the group at a local bar, but went to the whole party - strip club and all. But, I would have been proud, he didn't do anything wrong but go see some t****ies. 🙄 So, as far as I am concerned, I feel no guilt anymore and have further proved my point to myself that I am only 1/2 of this equation, and the other half is a giant, immature, disrespectful, piece of . . . . . butthead. Oh wow... THAT was nerve doing. He didn't want you going to a bar with a pole and have fun with a group of girls FULLY CLOTHED and you didn't, even though you really really wanted to and he skippity doo-das to the nudey bar after you asked him not to. Thats a sure way to p*ss me off for sure and it is definitely not fair that you respected his wishes and he didn't respect yours. It probably is better that you two live separately and from now on let him do his own thing and you do yours. I have occasionally mentioned to my b/f about wanting to go to a strip club because I had never been to one before until months ago when I visited North Carolina and he never brought me along when him and his friend went nudey bar hopping and they apparently been to all of them in Dundalk and Baltimore (not in one night though), which made me feel crappy 🙁
I have occasionally mentioned to my b/f about wanting to go to a strip club because I had never been to one before until months ago when I visited North Carolina and he never brought me along when him and his friend went nudey bar hopping and they apparently been to all of them in Dundalk and Baltimore (not in one night though), which made me feel crappy 🙁 I have to say the ones in Dundalk/Baltimore arent really that great. I live up that way and ive been to plenty of them. My personal top 2 are Hustler and Fantasies. The other ones, the girls are mega raunchy or its not even worth paying the cover charge.
This whole discussion is very interesting to me... I'll just pass on what my hubby (admittedly new - together for almost 4 years, but just married one month on Monday) says on the subject - with some context... I actually quit my corporate job for a little while to be a dancer (note: I don't really advertise this to my folks, but I don't mind telling most people, especially polers or burlesquers) and he thought this was the coolest thing in the world. A) Because, after my boss being a jerk to me for so long, I just gave him my resignation and left ten days later, and started earning money stripping, and he was so proud of me for standing up for myself in this way, and B) because of (not in spite of) the fact that other men were lusting after me, and he could sit there and think, "oh my god, that's my girlfriend - she's so hot!!" And he read some blogs from other strippers and sex worker's boyfriends / husbands at that time, and we both read Candy Girl by Diablo Cody, and my hub's take on it is, based on his reaction and others he read: you're okay with it, or you're not (meaning the husband or signif other.) He doesn't feel it is a learned behavior. And that doesn't mean you can't talk about it or compromise or work out rules, but you probably won't get more comfortable with it. So it's important to be honest, and think of a worthy compromise, and understand how it fits into your relationship. BUT, that said, I am reading on this thread that some ladies' S.O.'s did become more comfortable with time... so who knows, maybe my DH doesn't know what he's talking about. 🙂 It definitely reminds me of discussions about monogamy vs. non-monogamy on Dan Savage in his column and podcast-- I know it's not to that level, but the issues about jealousy are rooted in the same place, so it might help to listen to Dan - plus he's so funny and awesome, I love him!! 😂 Maybe you could even call or write him?!?! His podcast is TOTALLY one of the highlights of my week... I would geek out if I heard a poler on there!!!
Wow. I can't even conceive of one of my partners responding in that way, but then, jealousy of any kind is a complete no-no for me. Admittedly, I am non-monogamous and have several serious, long-term partners, so them getting worried about other men just seeing me dancing would be somewhat laughable. 😂 Even if I were monogamous, however, the idea that he doesn't want other men looking at "his" woman would send chills up my spine (and not in a good way). I'm a partner, not a possession. And I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea that a woman is 'owned' by her partner, especially visually. So what if other men look? How does that detract from what he gets (or was hoping to get) from you? What does he lose? And I'm absolutely with you PDR. Just because some men will interpret poling in a club as sleezy is no reason not to do it. And it's certainly no reason to say we're asking for harrassment. I'll be aware that it's possible (maybe even probable) and if it happens, I'll deal with it appropriately (10+ years of martial arts ftw!) but there is no way I'll accept blame for it. My partners would want to come with me to watch me pole at a club, but that's to do with them wanting to watch the hotness that is me dancing rather than them chaperoning me, or ensuring I do nothing 'inappropriate'. 😀 Whilst I love my partners very much and have very committed relationships, I'll always lose a man rather than lose my independence. Thankfully, those I care about feel the same way. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now, Mommabear. ~hugest hugs and care~ I definitely agree that it's time to be your own advocate. He's not taking into consideration your feelings and welfare so if you don't, no-one will. For me, this would be completely overstepping his bounds 😈 (and that's even without him going to a strip club! Don't get me started on the disrespect and double standards there!!) In your place, I'd be tempted to head out to a strip club yourself, with a bunch of pole girls with you, to "get some ideas for stage presence and dance tips". 😈 If he felt this was wrong, there would be two ways to go. The first to question why he's uncomfortable with you seeing boobies when, you know, you have your own pair and how come it's ok for him to go, but not you. The second would be to say very sweetly "I'm just trying to understand and learn what you like!" But then, I'm nice like that! 😂 😈 😂 But I really do hope things get better for you personally, no matter how things play out with regards your marriage. You deserve to feel cared for and supported by your partners, not constrained and judged.
