Poling and Dating, Dating and Poling

nolaelle started this discussion · 4/13/2012

Hello y'all! Good morning. I went on a 2nd date last night with a guy which brought me to an interesting conundrum: how do you handle poling and dating?! At first I was just avoiding the topic completely but since pole is such an active obsession/piece of my life, I decided to go with "contemporary dance". Part of me is sick of lying about pole and wants to be honest with a potential boyfriend so it's not like "surprise!" when I eventually feel comfortable enough to tell them but then the other part of me doesn't want them to be scared off or doesn't want them to start objectifying me/expecting that they're going to be getting private dances on the 3rd date (they're SO not! haha). I don't know! All my single ladies, how have you handled this in the past or now?!

21 replies

Jojodanza · 4/13/2012
why dont you say your into aerial acrobatics/silk? you can do 2 things 1. wait until he falls in love with you and then tell him (lol) 2. or just tell him by like the 4th date maybe, (whenever you feel you got a good sense of his personality and vice versa) and just tell him your into pole fitness. i cant imagine being in situation like this...im a "i dont care what anyone thinks" type chick and i tell the world because theres nothing wrong with what we do. good luck!
Danielle Tillie · 4/13/2012
I'm not single, but I would go at this headfirst. I would tell him probably within the first several dates (because if he even gets a second date, or a third, then I probably like him quite a bit). Just stay true to your interpretation and feelings about pole. Call it pole fitness, call it pole dancing, whatever you like, just make sure that this is a discussion, not just single statement. You'll need to try to help him understand what pole dancing means to you. Stay confident about it! If he's a good guy, he'll get it and understand that he won't be getting private dances right away, and he won't objectify you. If he does start to objectify you, then he surely isn't the man for you. At least you'd have that answer early on! Good luck and don't worry so much about it! Lots of guys can "get" pole fitness, you're just going to have to explain it a bit.
Jag5303 · 4/13/2012
^^ Agree 100% 😎
SoloEbo · 4/13/2012
This is such a strange subject with me and my guy. he really doesnt understand the difference between poling and stripping. He doesnt have a bad attitude about it, but he always calls it a "stripper pole" or "stripping" and I ALWAYS have to correct him on his terminology.
Danielle Tillie · 4/13/2012
Keep correcting! He's bound to give in eventually, one would hope.
Drdredancer · 4/13/2012
I say be honest and see what happens. To make it work, he should understand and let you do what makes you happy. I've dated a guy that didn't like me cheerleading and made me quit. I shouldn't have quit. Should have just dumped him coz it was fun and important to me and I missed it. I'm dating a guy now and he works in fitness and totally gets it. My entire life is so fun and our relationship is the best I've been in. If this guy doesn't get it or has a problem with it, he may not be worth your time.
Cherished · 4/13/2012
Part of the way he takes the news might have to be with the way you deliver it. If you tell him as though you are revealing something shameful your attitude might influence his attitude. I personally mention my poling when the subject of hobbies and pastimes and things like sports come up. For a guy I'm dating I would definitely elaborate on the fitness side of it. If he's lucky and if he's worth it maybe one day down the line he can experience another aspect of pole through me ;) Of course, there are always going to be some people who see it the way they see it no matter what, but a lot of times you can spread your impression of poling to them and open them up to the way you view it.
tarah · 4/13/2012
hey nolaelle ❤️ in my opinion, pole IS a form of contemporary dance. sometimes it is just called aerial pole, or like jojo said - aerial acrobatics. pole dance can be any kind of dance you want it to be. you could show him a video of Oona, or one of the dancers who have more gymnastic or ballet style. that might be a good intro. good luck and keep us posted!
Takara · 4/14/2012
I agree with everyone you should tell him as soon as possibile as soon as you got all the vibes of is he going to judge you or make you feel less then what you are. I think you shold say your are Arial Polist and hopfully he wont think your a stripper. I think sharing this with any one is hard I just recently started talking about it with my family who you would think would support you in anything you do but they were alittle closed minded and I was bullied " your just learning to strip" It was hard to listen to it. This is a part of all our lives when you enter the world of Pole, your so excited that you want to share it with everyone and have them accept you for doing it. How ever here in America the stigma of this awesome excerise / beautiful art of dance we will forever be judged. None of this is to discourage you and I dont think it will at all. Thereis alot of great advice going on here. you just might have to dive right into with him and say Im not a stripper and if we continue to date please dont expect me to give you a show all the time. straight up and forward and blunt sometimes is just the way to go with this. Good Luck Lady xoxo keep us updated. I want to know the out come on this.
Takara · 4/14/2012
And trust me when I say that this is hard to talk to any one. I live in Utah a very very very closed minded state. So if you found someone who is open and all hell ya about it I say you found a winner and try and keep him.
Devika · 4/14/2012
I am not shy about telling anyone, including dates or prospective dates, that I have a pole at home and am learning. If I get weird reactions, I tell them to imagine an exercise bar in say, a ballet studio, and this is essentially the same thing ... it just happens to be vertical instead of horizontal. I'm a little older, so maybe I feel like I don't have time to waste on men who will not accept me as I am or respect that which is important to me. Family, of course, is different.
moth · 4/14/2012
I'm quite upfront about it; it gets brought up when I'm discussing anything relevant and I use it like a guy-filter. A few jokes are fine but if someone's continually sleazy about it, I cut my losses and keep looing for someone else, who'll treat me with more respect. I've found most people are interested but polite... although that might have something to do with my totally dorky enthusiam muting the sexual connotations somewhat haha.
Anonyma · 4/15/2012
pole is my life, no studio no food in the fridge.... so you like it , or get out lol! My "new friend" is quite excited AND respectuf about it, never asked me to do a "dance" or anything like that, he s surprised there is competitions and encourage me to train , i find him very cute hahaha
DedeJoy · 4/16/2012
I use mention of poling as a litmus test to determine who is interested in me as a person and who is interested in banging a stripper. I'm not a stripper, but I'm not really very vocal about saying that because I don't think there's anything wrong with being a stripper. What I find happens, very often, is you're having a perfectly polite respectful conversation and the minute the word "pole" comes out of your mouth, some people feel like they have to start treating you like a cheap whore. There's nothing wrong with that either, except the respect just flew out of the conversation. Suddenly, I'm talking to someone who has no more questions for me other than, "Can I watch?" (I once had a contractor spot the pole in my house and asked me, "Hey! Tell me about what you do for a living?" I looked right at the pole, then back at him and said, "I'm an editor. What do you want to know?" "You're not a stripper?" "Nope. Were you interested in editing, then?" :: crickets chirp :: Dede LOLz.) If I do finally break down and let a date watch, in my experience, the first couple times they're all into it and after a while, they barely notice. We've gotten the girls together for at-home pole jams and I notice the boyfriends and husbands getting bored and gazing longingly at my Wii. LOL The people who are into you as a person will not change how they treat you when they learn of your favorite hobby. If anything, they'll respect the athleticism and appreciate the art involved. The people who are into you just because they want to bang you reveal themselves very quickly and I tend to ditch them to the curb faster than a spiral spin. 😉
ronia · 4/16/2012
It's a shame we still need to be so cauctious about revealing the fact that we pole dance. It is still a controversial hobby. But in the dating situation you can really use it to your advantage to weed out the guys who are not simply worth your time. Their attitude towards pole dancing will tell you a lot about how they think about women in general, if they are only interested in sex, etc.. Just tell him you pole dance for fitness and if he starts acting like a jerk - dump him :)
glitterhips · 4/16/2012
I haven't read the others responses so someone may have said this already. I told my now boyfriend on our first date that I pole, exactly what it's about (I remember being militant about how I was NOT AN EXOTIC DANCER AND NEVER DO IT NAKED haha I'm sure he thought I was nuts!) But I would never want to date anyone who wasn't okay with it. It is a big part of who I am and if you don't like it then don't date me. Same with my tattoos, if you don't like them don't look at them! I realize it's not for everyone but I personally couldn't date someone who couldn't accept it especially when there are so many men out there who do accept it. This weekend I went to a tattoo convention and my friend's husband got a pole dancing pin up inked on his forearm, talk about supportive!
Lyme Lyte · 4/16/2012
Glitter, speaking of tatts, I am waiting to see a picture of yours! :)
SandyBrown · 4/28/2012
Great thread! I've been poling on and off for 4 years now, and throughout this time, I've been single. I'm interested in getting back into the dating game and the responses you all have given thus far have been very helpful!
JhennD · 4/30/2012
I used to use an online dating service, I mentioned I was athletic and working early on my bucket list, (pole & all forms of dance) never actually mention "pole dance/fitness". When I went on a date he brought up the bucket list, we happened to be walking around the parking lot, I did a pirulotte (? Spell? The twirlie thing) into a climb sit/hold (really cold really thick sign post). And said I'm learning as much as I can in different dance forms, also looking for a foxtrot partner. Smiling. He was interested but other things ceased any relationship. Be honest and dont brag about the pole burns for awhile if he's supportive.
Former member · 5/1/2012
What a great thread!! I loved reading all of these responses! I'm newly single and have gone on a few dates. Usually the topic comes up when the whole, "So what do you do for fun" conversation begins. I loved how Cherished described it, the way you deliver it can sometimes dicate the kind of response you'll get. I say it matter of factly and then judge the guy on his response. If he's not ok with it, then he's not the guy for me. A lot of guys I've gone out with find it intriguing and we end up talking about the strength it takes, how I got into it, what it's like, etc. If the guy isn't politely blown away then I get annoyed LOL Poling is something incredible and unique!, it's something to be proud of !!!! :)
Brumby · 5/1/2012
This is funny. I tell all my dates that I pole dance. I usually tell them that I do silk or acro first, to soften the blow, and so they don't picture me naked on a pole. Ha ha. If they are too close minded to hear you explain what it is that you are interested in, kick em to the curb!