I find myself not wanting to pole

ARoulette started this discussion · 11/14/2012

I find myself not wanting to pole because of my lack of flexibility. I hate the way some of my moves look. My friends and family say I'm being way to hard on myself and Honestly I know I am but after I practice and I go back and watch my video I start beating myself up about just about everything.Ugh I just don't know what to do. I don't want to 100% just focus on flexibility and loose my strenghth but I find myself not wanting to get up there and disappoint myself I guess. I know it's silly but I just make myself so mad. Anyone else feel like this?

26 replies

luvlee · 11/14/2012
My back is just bad. It prevents me from doing quite a bit. I have a pinched nerve so it hurts to even begin a cobra. I feel your pain. I do.
Lyme Lyte · 11/14/2012
See the post above yours. A member can't believe how far she has come since starting. Look back at your very first videos and you will be amamzed. Your not going to hit new moves every practice, it just isn't possible. And yes you are being to hard on yourself. Have fun with pole. Heck, I am pushing 50, and am proud of what I can do. If I compare myself to the 20 year olds, I would be depressed. But yet there are 20 year olds that although they practice a lot may never be "great" as some people would think. This is a journey for all of us. We all learn at different rates, have differnt styles etc. Be proud of what YOU have done!!!!!!!!! Now I am going to watch one of your videos............
Lyme Lyte · 11/14/2012
OK, saw this picture: https://www.studioveena.com/photos/view_photo/5091e66f-6384-4dee-a69d-13600ac37250 That is an amazing move. You look great! I wish I could get that back flexy like that, but I can't and probably never will. You have amazing lines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
luvlee · 11/14/2012
Oh yeah!! My bridge looks like a banana. Not even kidding.
RoseMay · 11/14/2012
Ha, I can't even reach the pole with my arms in a CAR or CKR! Do I win the "most unflexible back" award? 😀 Though I think it's normal that once you start with inverted tricks and are putting several together in combos there will be a point where you feel that your lack of flexiblity is hindering your progress and makes everything look "bad". At least for me it was this way. I think it's worth it to focus the training more on flexibility if being more flexible is what you want. It doesn't have to be 100% flexibility and losing your strength - what about 50-50? :-)
ARoulette · 11/14/2012
Thank you ladies I'm going to go home today warm up and get to it or put forth the effort to. @ Lyme Lyte I only have one video up because I'm so hard on myself but I will put up my latest practice video. landed a couple moves that got me a little excited but I sat on my computer criticizing myself the hole time.
chemgoddess1 · 11/14/2012
Ummm...I cannot even bridge because I lack the flexibility in my shoulders to get my arms back there. There are SOOOOOOOOO many moves that do not require flexibility. If you know that this is your weak spot then work on moves that suit your body type. I have a short waist which makes a lot of moves pretty much impossible. Add to that my tight shoulders, tight hamstrings and limited back mobility and you have knocked off so many moves that I think are pretty but I realize I won't be able to do. BUT the moves that I CAN do are MINE. It all comes back to us being our worst critic. Both Charley and Amy wrote blogs about this recently. Theye are both excellent reads: https://www.studioveena.com/blogs/view/Class_It_Up_20121112120255 http://aerialamy.com/blog/2012/10/25/for-the-love-of-pole/ There are many here that get discouraged at some point or another....I don't think ANY of us have not felt the way you do. I guess I am trying to say you are not alone and you will get past this.
Lyme Lyte · 11/14/2012
I think if you put videos up, it will help make you feel good! You will give a lot of positive comments and that is always a good thing for our self esteem! That's why I put up a lot of videos....not so much latley, but I do like to post them. I will be anxiously waiting your next video! :)
Lyme Lyte · 11/14/2012
...you will GET......
luvlee · 11/14/2012
I agree that the shoulders are actually a big problem for most and they think it is their back. I am working on my shoulders. They will come around eventually on their own time. I am ever so slowly working on my back, but it has to be SLOW for me with that pinched nerve. If it is something you want, work on it slowly. If not, work on what makes you happy!
ARoulette · 11/14/2012
This is my practice video from last week. I'm trying to upload it to the site but it's taking a really long time so I'll link it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZgm_zCLAxk
Elektra Vallens · 11/14/2012
@ aroulette - Instead of being hard on yourself, come up with a realistic flexiblity plan and stick to it. Even if you're only stretching for splits/back flexiblity once a week, it will make a difference over time. Be patient. Everyone is different, but it took me a year of practicing a few times a week to get my splits. But I got there. You will too.
Runemist34 · 11/14/2012
One of the biggest pieces of advice I ever received when it came to art... don't look at it immediately after it's done! Give it a week. A month. However long it takes! When you look at your video right away after making it, I think you're still so attached to the dancing itself that, when you critisize, you're really hurting yourself. You can't look at it in a clear and unbiased way. Your criticism hurts you more than it helps, and you'll feel hopeless, sad and unmotivated the next time... because you'll know that your "reward" for your effort will be a bunch of "I didn't do that right!" So let those videos sit a bit. Give yourself a backlog, dance like you're perfect, and DON'T look at those videos for a while! Allow yourself the happy afterglow of a good workout. Looking at how your flexibility is going every day may not be so good, either. I've noticed that, for me, I tend to get very discouraged looking at my flexibility every day. I don't progress very quickly, as I'm not used to being flexible... so, I'm trying not to measure it, just to enjoy it (not my favourite part of the workout, if I'm honest) and let it come.
ARoulette · 11/14/2012
@Runemist34 That is great advice. I can honestly say I was happier before I started recording myself lol.I just find it so hard not to look, But if that advice worked for you I'm going to try it. Thank you
SpyralBound · 11/15/2012
I like Runemist's idea - I am SOOO guilty of going straight to the video after a practice, I sometimes even forget to cool down properly because I just wanna watch my footage (usually because I did something cool and want to see it!). You also might try to make a deliberate effort that when you are watching your footage and feel yourself starting to get overly critical, stop and compliment yourself. Find something about your dance you can compliment. Maybe your Jade isn't straight, but you can do awesome pirouettes. Maybe your curves aren't as deep as they could be, but you're really good at keeping your toes pointed. Or you rock the floorwork. Or whatever! There's gotta be something you like to balance out that which you're not satisfied. I'm lucky to have a very bendy back - like chemgoddess, I have a short waist/torso and can fold pretty easily along my waistline. But my legs? PFFFFFFT. No splits, front or center, not even close. So moves like Jade and Chopsticks, or anything with a wide V (like in the StudioVeena logo), I already know that's not gonna happen for me. I can't do a Jade yet but feel like I will be able to pretty soon (need to work on basic hip holds a bit first, get more secure with those), and when I learn, I'm not going to stress out about getting it straight - it will be an utter TRIUMPH just to do it at all! And The Duchess variation, with one knee still bent, is also very very pretty. So focus on what you CAN do, and work slowly (and patiently) towards improving the moves you're not satisfied with yet. Don't expect too much of yourself, and definitely don't compare yourself to others, everyone's anatomy is different.
Veena · 11/15/2012
The only thing you need to be watching is your progress. Video is a great way to do that. Yes, you may look at the video you just recorded and not like how it looks. But then try going back to your very first video. I bet you'll see the improvements you've made. I make videos all the time and don't like them, I can see tons of things I'd like to change. Flexibility takes TIME. There are some who are naturally flexy and others who are naturally strong. Unless you are a professional level pole dancer you should not expect your flexibility to be at the same level as someone who poles for a living! Also have you created a plan of action for improving flexibilty? Sometimes taking a break from poling is needed to find your passion for it again. It's ok to work on something else for a while. 🌸
ARoulette · 11/15/2012
@Veena right now I'm working on my leg flexibility. my hamstrings are really tight after that I'm going to work on my back flexibility. I don't really have a problem there because I have a fairly flexi back but I would like to have my butt touch my head one day in the future LOL. My legs are my biggest problem when I'm on the pole though and a bunch of things just don't look pretty with bent knees.
SpyralBound · 11/15/2012
A bent knee + a pointed toe can be a lovely variation to a lot of moves where the legs are usually straight, I think - but the pointed toe is the key, bent leg + flexed foot just ends up looking sloppy. Gemini, Scorpio, Butterfly - these are all moves you can do with the free leg completely straight or bent and they still look fine as long as the toe is pointed! Maybe it would help to know which moves in particular you feel are being held back because of tight hammies?
Runemist34 · 11/15/2012
I've always had tight hamstrings, but there are a few tricks I've learned to get around/past that! First, I gotta say... stretching the hamstrings is really a thing of delicacy. If you overstretch before they're ready, you'll set youself back and they'll get tighter. I learned that one the hard way. You can always try stretching a bit in the shower. I like my showers nice and hot, so when I'm in there, I just carefully let my upper half come down and get the hamstrings to relax. Not too far at first (one of those things where it should NOT hurt at all), but after a minute or so, you'd be surprised how much difference it makes! Especially if you do it every day, or every other day. It really shows for me! And, for any moves you might be "held back" on because of tight hamstrings, I'm sure there are other moves to work on, too! I totally agree that those amazing, flexible moves are beautiful, and I'm trying to get to them as well... but being gentle with yourself and understanding your limits, and knowing that they won't be there forever as long as you carefully move toward greater flexibility really makes all the difference! Imagine how awesome it would be to have a bunch of other moves under your belt by the time you get those sweet flexy ones, so you can create new and interesting transitions and combos because of your limitations, and your strengths? I find the best art comes out of limiting situations. Learning to work around certain things, even as you are working to overcome those limitations, is an exercise in creativity, and can give birth to the most amazing art :)
ARoulette · 11/15/2012
Inverted v or chopper and the v carousel are the main two that come to mind at the vary moment.
SpyralBound · 11/15/2012
Oh yeah, those two are tough. I find with Chopper, if I really focus on pointing my toes, my legs automatically go a little straigher than they were. V Carousel, straight legs may not be so much about hammies as quads, quads are what pull your legs upwards towards your body and if they're not strong enough, holding them parallel to the floor won't be easy. (I find all the Carousel variations tough, though.) I know when I do yoga, the instructors often talk about extending through your limbs or the top of your head, imagining they go on forever and ever and really reeeeeaching for that point on the horizon. OR, imagine there's a string tied to you and someone is pulling it straight out/up. I think maybe pointing your toes really really hard, like someone has tied a string around your big toe and is pulling it away from you, could even out your lines a bit. The rest will just come with practice, though! Every time you do it, you get a little better at it, even if you can't see it. I also left a couple comments on your vid. You have some great stuff in there that you should be proud of. :)
ARoulette · 11/15/2012
Thank you Pankake. My legs look better in the chopper then they do in the v carousel.
Runemist34 · 11/15/2012
The V Carousel is super hard for me! I can't seem to keep up the momentum for the spin in that pose, and I can only hold my legs up for a short time. I know you're supposed to round your back and use your core muscles to lift... but I still suck at it :P So, don't fret! You will have little challenges, and some will be tougher to take on than others!
ARoulette · 11/15/2012
I can hold myself up there I just can't get my legs straight. The longest I've recorded myself holding that position is about 40seconds as long as I'm breathing I don't have an issue but my knees are bent. a bit.
Runemist34 · 11/15/2012
Hmm, are you rounding your back into a C shape, and pulling your belly in? You'd be surprised how much that makes a difference! It takes the load off your quads and transfers it to your core, which is much better able to handle the weight of your legs. Also, keep in mind that you can have different levels of "straight," with this move. Trying to do Veena's version, where her feet are practically up by her ears (okay, not quite, but close!) is something I certainly cannot do! So, I just go for kind of straight forward, as high as I can, because I know my hamstrings are tight, and my muscles need strengthening. I do this move usually as a static hold, and rarely try it as a spin. As I said, I have issues with momentum, and that's just with the general hold- Carousel, Carousel V, any of that. It's quite frustrating!

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