How to Tell the Kids Not To Tell

MommaBear started this discussion · 4/23/2010

I made the decision not to hide the pole away like a dirty secret and explained the reason I was getting one and showed them all videos about how the pole was used for fitness - my kids are fine with it and are begging to play on it. But . . . how do I also include a conversation of - well, even though there is nothing wrong with it - don't tell all your friends and teachers that your mom got a pole!!! I've been thinking of how to explain it, without also having to include a entire conversation on strippers, and strip clubs and all that muddy water 🫡 Any ideas? Outlines? Slideshows? 😂

28 replies

FleurDelicate · 4/23/2010
I'm wondering the same thing, my baby girl is 3 so i don't know if she's gonna undestand, she's probably gonna say at the daycare, my mom told me not to tell that she has a pole looool. I am gonna wait for the ansers with you.
miss fern · 4/23/2010
What about something like "Some people might not understand it, and would think it's weird. Some people will say bad things because they aren't used to it. So just for now, until you're a bit older and your friends are a bit older... I would like it if you didn't tell people about my pole. Is that okay? Do you have any questions?" My Mum also used something like this a lot when I was younger: "Now, you shouldn't tell your friends about this, because it's up to their Mummy and Daddy to tell them when they feel it's the right time. They will wantto sit down with them and explain it nicely, just like I have done with you today. So let's make sure they still get that chance shall we? We'll keep it secret for now, and leave it up their parents to tell them." She used that for the santa clause thing, and for where babies come from hehehhee.
miss fern · 4/23/2010
Also, I have a 6 year old sister, and she has known I pole dance since I started when she was 4. She obviously loves to play on all the firemans poles and lamp posts and school and tells all her friends (very proudly) that her big sister is a pole dancer! LOL! If my Mum or I are around at the time, we'll do damage control and explains that it's for fitness. No-one has said anything bad yet though.
minicoopergrl · 4/23/2010
ive gotten to a point in my life where I just dont have any shame. My kids currently know I go to work out (still poleless at my house), my oldest (5) has seen the shoes but has never questioned it. My sitter and my MIL know what I do (I can only imagine what my MIL told my IL's after FBstalking me and discovered it, my AIL loved it). But if they want to question, let them question. Im proud of what I do and make no bones about it when it comes up. I even have a sticker on the back of my car that reads "Ive been Xposed!", and I pick up my kids from school proudly rocking that sticker.
MommaBear · 4/23/2010
The more I have been thinking about it, your right on point Minicooper - I could care less what anyone thinks to be blatantly honest. I just don't want them to pass judgment down to my kids - but hey, should they feel my kids are inappropriate playmates because their mom poles - frankly I don't give a flying crap and they probably were not likely playmates for my kids in the first place. Ahhh, I feel better now. I guess I just gotta own it. If there are parents that want to judge, all I can do is explain and be me - take it or leave it : )
MommaBear · 4/23/2010
ive gotten to a point in my life where I just dont have any shame. Ain't that the truth - I think it's a side effect of giving birth. 😂
chemgoddess1 · 4/23/2010
By not trying to hide it I guess it sends the signal that this is not something out of the ordinary. Your kids may even grow up thinking that those that don't have poles in their houses are the odd ones! Wouldn't that be great??
Veena · 4/23/2010
I think telling them to not talked about it would confuse them and they would think the pole is a bad thing. My kids are all little too and they don't really ever mention it to anyone, only if the person is in the house and see the pole. To them its exercise that mommy teaches and does 😀
megs982 · 4/23/2010
lol..my kids think my pole is the greatest thing ever..my 4 year old comes home from preschool every m-w-f begging if he can climb the pole like a monkey (he has such a nice pole sit and i cringe when he starts sliding down) anywho it was my 7 year old daughter whom i was concerned about..especially running outside and telling our next door neighbors..i told her if she went around telling everyone that they would all want to come over and play on it, and her and i wouldn't get too...has worked so far LOL
Chream · 4/23/2010
Kids are innocent until screws it up. My kids are pretty much teenagers except for the youngest who just went to middle school. That's why I was the first one to explain why I was getting a pole. And let them know what I am using it for exactly. Not to say that what others do with their poles are better or worse but to make it a clear understanding what I use mines for... I can't say that strippers are wrong. I am just not a stripper nor do I work in a club. I give the strippers props, i like them because they enjoy poling also, they are strong too, they use their poling in another way than I do, that's just fine with me. I do have a sexy side sometimes myself if I dance for my husband. I don't feel the need to go into this detail with my kids, they may just be grossed out LOL. But if they were to ask I wouldn't lie to them. I rather my kids know up front about it all and hear it directly from me than someone else. My kids are on Facebook. They see all my poling friends, etc. They even watch some of the youtube Vids with me. My youngest thought the male duals on extreme poling and he said I can do that. I just smiled 😀
Mindy4pole · 4/24/2010
I wonder about this one too... My little girl is two, and she LOVES my pole. Anytime she sees a pole, out in public, she has to go run around it. She talks in her infinitely cute baby way about "poling", "spinning", and "climbing". These words often include excited hand gestures. 😀 I'm just waiting to get in trouble with my in-laws about it!! 😂 Mostly, I figure that there is no hope in telling my oh-so-verbal munchkin to keep her joy to herself. Mindy
minicoopergrl · 4/25/2010
I'm just waiting to get in trouble with my in-laws about it!! 😂 My MIL knows but not my FIL (I think). My dad just found out last year and ive been doing this for 4yrs. Id tell them to shove it if they had a problem with it.
tiggertail · 4/25/2010
My oldest boy is 5 and go to school so I had to have "the talk" because he was so happy about the pole. After 2 day of him talking all the time about it... I finally just told him that I use my pole for exercises but some girls use it for a very different job that not include a lot a clothes 😕 (he didn't ask for detail) Some people think it's wrong (no it's not) but I don't want people say bad things around and hurt your feeling because they don't understand. And he got it, he know with who he can talk about de pole. For my family and friend they know, and when you get into my house it's one of the first thing you see, I don't hide it. Can't wait for having someone who want to sell me insurance 😂 But I'm not ready yet for the bumper sticker maybe later, because the more we'll talk about it more people will see it as a sport and not just a club thing.
MommaBear · 4/25/2010
Your kids may even grow up thinking that those that don't have poles in their houses are the odd ones! Wouldn't that be great?? OMG, I can just imagine that - my kid walking into his friends house going "So, where's your mom's pole?" 😂 i told her if she went around telling everyone that they would all want to come over and play on it, and her and i wouldn't get too...has worked so far LOL 😂 That is too funny - mine have only asked once in front of friends if I would bring out the pole - the other kids were too busy playing on the tire swing and didn't even hear the request. I just quietly told mine that we couldn't bring the pole out because I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I swear, I wish I would have kept mine a secret, between sharing it with my three kids, I don't get as much time as I would like. 🙄 Mostly, I figure that there is no hope in telling my oh-so-verbal munchkin to keep her joy to herself. 😂 that is so right on point! Mine have already taken to finding the first thing that resembles a pole at the playground and letting the whole world know about it. I just smile and try to direct their attention to the slide before other parents start to make faces 😂
Rena LadyBug · 4/25/2010
Haha I never even thought to tell my little one to please not discuss it with other people... My aunt was in town one weekend (She was staying at my dad's and didn't come to my house, so she didn't see my pole) and we had decided to go shopping, well we are walking around when all of a suddent my little one turns to my aunt and says "Have you ever seen Rena on her pole?" 😳 My sister was dying laughing and I was laughing from embarassment... So my aunt was like "No, does she swing on a pole when she is drunk?" Shiane was confused by this statement and was like no, we exercise on it. After that I explained pole fitness to my aunt... Then later Shiane asked me why I was embarassed by her telling people about my pole, and I was like it's not that I'm embarassed, it's just that I didn't expect it... It's not a bad thing, but some people don't understand pole fitness. Since then, she has kinda learned not to tell people.... But I feel bad, b/c I don't want her to think there is something wrong with it!!
megs982 · 4/25/2010
sharing it with my three kids, I don't get as much time as I would like. 🙄 I hear ya, there is no point in me even attempting to get a good workout with my kids when they are home...yesterday instead of me working out ..my 7 year old wanted to learn how to do a cradle and reverse grab spin...the other 2 wanted to be monkeys and see who could touch the ceiling first (sigh)
Mindy4pole · 5/4/2010
I took a free Tango intro class tonight, and my hubby and little girl (2 yrs old) came in to pick me up. She loves my pole, and think she owns the place at any pole studio. So they come in and she is dancing in front of the mirrors. At a moment of silence she says, quizzically, "No poles?" I just say "yeah, no poles." No one seemed to notice, and I just kept moving! Later I explain to her that not all dance studios have poles!! 😂 Mindy
CaliPolePrincess · 9/20/2010
I've been lucky so far. I have a 3 year old, a 6 year old & 18 year old. My 6 year old is being homeschooled right now, so not many people for him to blab to about it and thank god, my 3 year old doesn't exactly get the pole yet either to blab about it to others just yet. My 18 year old thinks its gross and weird (even though of course I am fully clothed when I dance) that I pole dance but I think that's because he only associates it with strippers and not as an art or fitness/exercise. My 6 year old is really good at climbing the pole actually and quick at it...he climbs it like a monkey. My 3 year old is pretty good at spinning around it lol I have to fight them some nights to stop fooling around on it, so I can practice! My pole is smack dab in the middle of my living room. My in laws, friends and other family know that I pole dance for fitness and fun. Some think it's cool and others are not too sure about it but I don't care what people think I LOVE it!
EvaRut · 9/20/2010
I think telling them to not talked about it would confuse them and they would think the pole is a bad thing. Agree. I think the best thing is not telling your kids not to tell. Besides.. Kids always feel that urge to tell people about things they arent allowed to tell anyone about 😛
goodie2shoes · 10/2/2010
I'm really stuggling with this issue right now. I finally set up my pole room and have been spending as much time in there as my sore muscles allow. Right now we're telling our 4 year old that mommy is exercising and needs some privacy. She's happy to spend time with her daddy and she knows if she needs me she is welcome to come to the door and knock. We taught her about privacy when we began potty training and she knows mommy needs privacy when she studies for school so she gets the concept. She hasn't asked why I need privacy to exercise, maybe she thinks it's the same as when I take her to the gym day care when I work out. When the time comes we'll show her and hope that she understands it's not a bad thing, it's not a secret...most of our friends and family know, but it's something we keep private from people who aren't close to us. It might be a good way to reinforce our right to privacy....or it might make her a secretive wierdo! I don't know, it's the best I can come up with right now. 🤔
MrsNaughtywed · 10/3/2010
I don't have kids but if I did I think I'd just be honest about it. I'm doing 'artistic pole fitness', or I am practicing aerial pole, Chinese pole, vertical dance, vertical gymnastics, vertical ballet, etc... because that's what it is, a legit form of exercise. Just don't call it stripper pole dancing or something like that. I'd just not ever associate it with stripping. Kkeep it G rating around the kids and your fine .. but I do make it dirty for my hubby 😛 Maybe it's easier said than done?? Maybe I will think differently when I am a mom?? I donno. I just see pole dancing becoming more mainstream regular fitness like anything else... LOL hell Yoga has some moves I believe should be x rated! Mmmmm x rated yoga... :p
stars2shame · 10/3/2010
Once, at the school playground with my 6 yr old son, he grabbed me and dragged me over to the fire man pole and said "look mom! You can pole dance while I play!" I just laughed and said that not everybody knows what pole dancing is and they might not understand it so no thanks. I am a young mother (I look even younger and get mistaken for 18!) and I feel people already look at me funny with a 6 year old, I'd rather him not tell anyone that I pole dance too. But I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, he thinks there is nothing wrong with it, it is just exercise and dance, and I worry what will happen if he finds out from someone else about the negative connotations.
MrsNaughtywed · 10/3/2010
Once, at the school playground with my 6 yr old son, he grabbed me and dragged me over to the fire man pole and said "look mom! You can pole dance while I play!" I just laughed and said that not everybody knows what pole dancing is and they might not understand it so no thanks. I am a young mother (I look even younger and get mistaken for 18!) and I feel people already look at me funny with a 6 year old, I'd rather him not tell anyone that I pole dance too. But I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, he thinks there is nothing wrong with it, it is just exercise and dance, and I worry what will happen if he finds out from someone else about the negative connotations. LOL! That's going to be me when I'm a mom. I can't wait to take them to the park to play!!!! LOL I already know all the parks in my neighborhood that have a fire man pole.
goodie2shoes · 10/4/2010
I don't have kids but if I did I think I'd just be honest about it. I'm doing 'artistic pole fitness', or I am practicing aerial pole, Chinese pole, vertical dance, vertical gymnastics, vertical ballet, etc... because that's what it is, a legit form of exercise. Just don't call it stripper pole dancing or something like that. I'd just not ever associate it with stripping. Kkeep it G rating around the kids and your fine .. but I do make it dirty for my hubby 😛 Maybe it's easier said than done?? Maybe I will think differently when I am a mom?? I donno. I just see pole dancing becoming more mainstream regular fitness like anything else... LOL hell Yoga has some moves I believe should be x rated! Mmmmm x rated yoga... :p I like "vertical ballet". And your right about it getting more mainstream, I just saw an ad for a studio in a local parenting magazine. I guess I'm afraid of her telling someone and then they say something about stripping, or worse. Thanks for your suggestions, you've at least pointed me in the right direction.
Melrose · 10/17/2010
My kids are 9 and almost 7 now (girl and boy). They both know what I pole dance, and they know it's for fitness. When I had a pole up in the house, they knew they cldnt play in the "pole room" when their friends were over; I told them that not all mommies have a pole in the house so the door needs to stay closed. Last year my daughter started to get a little embarassed and said something about it being "ya know...weird, cause I'm shaking by butt and stuff" and I immediately told her there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with pole fitness, that I love it, it keeps my body strong, it keeps my heart healthy, and those are all very good things. (Of course, this is the same girl that, in first grade, declared me "the best at pole dancing" on one of her homework assignments...go figure!) I drive around with a big 'ole magnet on the side of my car advertising DivaFit. Sure I get the occassional funny look at softball practice and at school, but oh well! Some people are just closed minded and that's fine; however, I refuse to hide what I do bc of them. I honestly believe there is nothing wrong pole dance fitness and it is a big part of my life now, so it made sense to be upfront with the kids about it.

Load more replies (page 2 of 2)