Getting started with Sexy movement

Runemist34 started this discussion · 12/3/2014

Hey Ladies! So, I've been watching a lot of pole videos and stuff, and I've really been noticing the kinds of things I love to see- and the way I'd love to dance! However, the reality is rather the opposite: I love the slow, fluid and controlled movements, especially like Eva Bembo, but I move like some kind of kamikaze squirrel. I just cannot seem to slow down! I know that a lot of people have talked about this issue. The search for sexiness seems to be one that really draws people to the pole, and is something that we talk about often- both in the way we think of ourselves, and the way we move. I do have the S-factor book, and I've been working on it for a little bit. It's helpful, but still... not quite right! The movements are lovely and very circular, sensual, and controlled... but I am doing them fast, and I'm not "feeling it." I don't feel very sexy when I dance. So, having had it discussed many times, I'd like to narrow it down. How did those who got into sexy dancing get STARTED exploring those movements? How did you learn to "turn it on," and do you feel "on" all the time, despite the way you look when you dance? Was it something to do with a routine, a type of music, a particular move that clicked it for you? Are there tips you would give to those of us who are super uncomfortable slowing down? I find I often feel silly, or even bored when I'm dancing super slow. Any tips for that, as well?

26 replies

Adrestia · 12/4/2014
I would love to hear the responses to this post too because I feel the same way. Maybe not a kamikaze squirrel...more like a stiff minion from Despicable Me! Haha. I don't ever FEEL sexy either. What I HAVE noticed in people I think are sexy when they dance is that, yes, they slow down but also they aren't afraid of small movements. Like, Alethea Austin has just amazing floorwork but some of the sexiest movements she does are simple things that I feel totally ridiculous and silly doing like....simply lifting a leg into the air...or rolling over very slowly... or even just laying down and moving only her arms. Things I would never even think to do because .... "well that isn't a MOVE that's just...sorta MOVING!" I can't wait to hear people's suggestions here!
Krista Bocko · 12/4/2014
Wow, this is a topic near and dear to my heart! I love slow, sensual dancing. I started with S factor (the book and later, a dvd or 2). I don't know what comes first--you turn it on and THEN do the movements, or you do the movements which makes you turn it on (I suspect the latter) :) I always say this....MUSIC is key! You wouldn't dance fast to a slow song, right? Use the music and ride that wave. I find the 'undercurrent' and dance to that (the S book talks about this and gives lots of music ideas). Or if it helps, instead of throwing a hip circle to the count of ONE, make it take 8 counts. Literally, count it. Tune in to what happens in your body as you slow down and savor that movement. IE-count one, I'm pushing my hip out, I trace it's curve with my hand, counts 2-5, I circle it around to the front and feel my back contract as my hips come all the way fwd and around to the other side, my breath exhale, and then I hit the other hip and trace it with my hand as my other hand draws up the opposite side of my body...and Im halfway through one circle. You get the idea... When I'm on the floor...same thing. How sloooowww can I go> Am I paying attn to my breath? How does the floor feel under my hands? Can a reach a little further? What is the music driving me to do? Explore, explore... I am no expert, I feel I have only touched the surface on my OWN exploration and practice, but these are things that have helped me. as apolemorphic said, details are key. Always details. They are so noticable and what makes it so luscious. And, don't worry about feeling silly. That's unavoidable as you're learning. The key is to do it enough so that it flows out without (too much) thought. Hope this helps some...
RobynPoleDancer · 12/4/2014
2 words MEAN IT Even when your head is saying "WTF are you doing moving your hips like THAT!!?? In front of people!!!!" Shut up head, my hips look great, I just want to show off all my womanly shapes.
Tamarinda · 12/4/2014
Finding sexy was hard for me. An ex from a long time ago used to comment that I'm a 3 legged gazelle. Very beautiful and majestic, but clumsy and not very graceful. Lol I didn't take offense to it cuz it was true and we would crack jokes like that all the time to each other. I never necessarily hated my body too too bad but I suppose I did have insecurities. When I began dancing a bigger displeasure rose in myself because I was dissatisfied with my lack of being able to dance, move fluidly, and be strong. Recording myself did make me feel kinda bad about myself to be honest. I'm still not the best dancer or the sexiest but I have noticed a lot of improvement in my movement. There's still a lot I'm unhappy with and a lot I need to work on, but of course all women have those thoughts in their head. I think my biggest improvement came when I started to love my body more. I think loving our body, thinking its beautiful, focusing on the positives rather than the negatives, and finding our sensuality is the best way to come across as sexy. Of course that's easier said than done. Most women pick themselves apart to no end. I think the point when we can let go of negative views of ourself and 'find the mood' is when we can create something decent, and then from there it just takes practise and viewing back videos to see what works and what doesn't.
Tamarinda · 12/4/2014
P.S And alethea Austin videos!!!!!!!!
Runemist34 · 12/4/2014
Wow, thanks everyone! Sparrow, it sounds like you're describing a kind of "moving meditation," focusing on even the smallest movements, taking it super slow. It might help me to think of it that way! Also, "You wouldn't dance fast to a slow song, right?" Umm... you'd be surprised. I find music that I think is still interesting, but slow enough to cause me to slow down... and, well, that doesn't really happen! I still end up too fast for my own taste! I have something of a distaste for super slow music (and especially sad music) because I can't seem to get into it. I think I do have to listen to that 'undercurrent,' and when I'm thinking about it, I can find it... but rarely do I actually listen to it when I'm dancing. Suppose I'm just stubborn. Have there been any particular movements, or challenges that people set for themselves to get into their "flow," for dancing slow?
Veena · 12/4/2014
Have you tried watching yourself dance? I all for "feeling" the movement but I find I personally do better when I can see my movements and have instant feed back of wow that looked great or oh that was bad, or should slow down or change this and that. Slowing down and being sexy just takes practice most of all. You could also practice moving slowly by working on the Flowmotion routine, I'm not a fast mover but it's challenging for even me to move sloooowly though the stretches.
Krista Bocko · 12/4/2014
Yes, I guess I would say it is moving meditation, because I am focused and intentional. Man, it is a great feeling to do a freestyle to a song I love and be so 'in the zone'... It all comes back to the music for me. I have to be into it. Have you looked at finding your freestyle? Those are some great challenges too for being an authentic dancer and exploring styles.
Runemist34 · 12/4/2014
Ahh, I've been wanting to do Finding your Freestyle, but I always feel like pole challenges are for people way more advanced than I am! But, I'll take a look, and see if I can either modify some of their ideas, or actually do them ;) I'm so rarely "in the zone" when it comes to dancing! Writing, I can practically conjure "the zone" at will, whenever I want. But, dancing? It's like I'm asking for the stars to come visiting! Impossible! I'll get there, though :) Thank you for your advice!!
Krista Bocko · 12/4/2014
nope--this is for any level--https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qIrJXWcams
Tamarinda · 12/5/2014
Whoa! She rocked that! Thank you for linking those challenges Sparrow, definitely going to try those!!!
Runemist34 · 12/5/2014
Wow, that was amazing! I'm really impressed! And, what a fantastic idea for helping you get into your body and pay attention to what can be done... especially with those body parts you don't usually think of, like wrists and lower back. I'll be keeping that one in mind for sure! Thanks Sparrow!
AllysonKendal · 12/5/2014
Thanks for sharing that sparrow! It really inspired me :)
Runemist34 · 12/5/2014
So, talking about the importance of music when dancing sexy, or even just slowly... I came across this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBFP3aZWNJI Not only do I consider this a fantastic dance, but I LOVE the music! How shameful for me, that I like dubstep to dance to :P Normally I haaate dubstep, but I think if it's slow and dirty like this, it's perfect. I'm going to be hunting for more from now on. Looking through more of the challenges, I totally agree with you, Sparrow! They can be done by those of a less-advanced skill. I'll be working on them as much as I can! It should be a great challenge for me, and get me out of my usual routine.
Runemist34 · 12/6/2014
Just wanted to update: First attempt was a HUGE success! I tried the one Sparrow posted (the body scan) and it was great! Good music and some particular focus on parts of the body did me a WORLD of good. It was less super-sexy and more just exploring movement, but... I think the two go hand in hand. I'm still discovering my "voice" with dancing. Thanks everyone!
Tamarinda · 12/7/2014
Tracee Kafer is awesome. I remember when she posted some videos on here not too long ago. I went back and looked at her profile on here and she had some vids up from 2009. It was so inspiring to see her roots and where all her hard work got her today. It makes me feel good and like it is achievable. I know she is a pole beast and her flexibility, strength, body awareness, and technique are pro status, but it helps to see someone in their beginnings struggle. I know it will take years to be half as good as her but she shows with practice and work that progress does come. Another person that has old vids up is dirdybirdy on youtube. It truly feels good to see pros and people with great flow in their beginnings. I'm sorry for my long rant but I'm just so excited to sink my teeth into these challenges after finals and so glad Sparrow linked them. If anybody is unhappy with their progress or lack of being able to freestyle I strongly suggest to go back and look at these two polers beginning vids cuz it will breathe new air into you.
polergirl · 12/7/2014
There's an exercise I do with my students where I make them pick a single body part and touch only that body part for 60 seconds or more. The idea is to encourage them to play with what your hands and wrists and arms can do when it comes to telling a story with your dance. Think about the difference in the posture of your hands when you are feeling coy, shy, sexy, seductive, angry, happy, silly, sad. Large hand/arm movements. Tiny, almost imperceptible hand/arm movements. The idea behind isolating a single body part is that they are forced to really think about it and focus – there is no room for absent-minded touching.
MommaDragon · 12/7/2014
My dance studio teacher has us work on moving slowly. The idea is to move as slowly and as smoothly as molasses or honey. It takes awhile but you can do it of you practice at it.
SharkyHill · 12/7/2014
I feel ya Runemist34! I am always going way too fast. It's like my body doesn't understand slow; although I wish it would because slow looks so good! I have been going to pole classes for almost four years and I am just barely starting to feel okay dancing "sexy." I get super self-conscious when I'm dancing and think that I may be doing something wrong. If you ever get a chance to take a flow workshop with Marlo, DO IT!! She has some amazing exercises that were helpful to me in finding movement/flow. For example, she did one exercise where certain parts of your body could not leave the ground at all. We had to find out how to move/dance like that. It was awesome! I should really look into the Finding Your Freestyle stuff. People really seem to like that!
deb5600 · 12/8/2014
I am a dancer-comtemporary and modern and jazz are my genres. When you look at slower movement notice how the dancer "fills" each count. The movement begins at the top of the count...If you have a piece of music that has a slow 8, and you want to use the slow count think of the movement as starting at the top of the One and continuing to the Two and so on. The fluidity comes from sustaining each count as it flows into the next count. Slower movement is harder! It requires more body control and mental concentration. If you are familiar with musical notation use this analogy: the 'tie' or 'slur' or "legato' these musical notations indicate how notes relate to one anothe. Staccato is sharp--hit hit hit. The slur is languid and fills the counts connecting each note.
Runemist34 · 12/8/2014
Hey Deb5600! I am, unfortunately, not a classically trained dancer of any kind. I'd love to take some dance classes, but the closest I got to them has been Pole and Belly dancing, and neither of those counted during music. I am trying to learn to read music, as I slowly (very slowly!) learn to play my harp, but unfortunately most of those terms are beyond me. I know what staccato is! lol I *think* that I understand your meaning, but... It's not quite how I understand or relate to music.
Lucca Valentine · 12/8/2014
ohhh i just love that 60 second idea!!
Lucca Valentine · 12/8/2014
tamarinda, thank you for mentioning tracee's videos! i had gone back into dirdy birdy's youtube video vault to see what her dancing was like at the beginning but had never looked at tracee's. it really is so encouraging to see everyone's beginnings
deb5600 · 12/9/2014
Runemist...you needn't be a classically trained dancer! Here is a better image...think of alowly pouring water into a vessel...glass ..whatever...for slower movement let the movement rise like your slowly filling a pitcher. Then let that overflow into the next move
tacha666 · 12/29/2014
No, I don't feel sexy all the time. Sometimes I'm the squirrel, sometimes the minion. But sometimes, I'm super sexy! Here are my tips: 1. Try to feel every part of your Body. Be aware of all your limbs. 2. Feel every movement, even the super small ones and try to exagerate every movement, for example try to really arch and round your back to the Maximum in a Body wave, when you lift a leg, at the end try to lift it one more inch 3. Pretend that you are someone else. I often imagine I'm Alethea Austin or an exotic dancer in a Strip Club 4. Dance for an audience, Keep eye contact and communicate with your movements. If you're too shy, pretend there is an audience, works as well :-) If it doesn't work for you, Close your eyes 5. Look for slow Music that you really like 6. Turn down the lights 7. heat up the room 8. don't do any tricks and stuff that you have to think about, Keep it simple - this helps switching off the head

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