feeling blue...

MadisonsWorld started this discussion · 9/27/2012

First off, I suffer from depression,mood swings,anxiety...and the past week is so,I can feel myself slowly slipping into a sad state...I saw my Dr last week for my meds and told him I want to start therPy,but the first available is in another 3 week's...I can't really put my finger on things..I am just feeling need for things I used to crave,like pain...I don't want to tell my hubby cause he has enough on his plate with work ....I guess maybe I just need to vent..

27 replies

Danielle Tillie · 9/27/2012
Just popping in to say, I hear ya. I struggle with depression and I've been trying to stay unmedicated. It's difficult as you well know. For me the days getting colder and shorter are really affecting me. Try to keep your head up and focus on positives, and life's simple pleasures. I know it's easier said than done. Sometimes I just listen to Bob Marley tell me "don't worry about a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be alright".
portableninja · 9/27/2012
The important thing is that you recognize this is happening to yourself. Too often with depression, it's easy to sink into a hole where you feel helpless, and that makes it so hard to get through it. The best thing I can recommend is to keep talking about it. Either keep a journal, or talk to someone else besides your husband. If you focus on the facts of your depression (how you feel each day, and what you achieved that day, no matter how small) then it can help you recognize patterns in your behavior. Doing this helped me get "out of my head" and into seeing depression as a temporary condition, not a sign of lifelong failure.
Lyme Lyte · 9/27/2012
This is a great place to vent and get support. I've dealt with deperesssion in the past, but worked through it, but it took years, so I know how your feeling. I however am feeling blue this week as well due to illness, which is making me sad. So hugs to you my fellow poler friend. Take it easy this weekend and try to do something special just for you. A bath, some soft music, pole, or something you like. :)
MadisonsWorld · 9/27/2012
It may be the cooler weather and shorter days....I haven't been getting out at all lately,maybe that's part of it as well..I used to Gi to aerobics class,but both my favorite instructors are back to work...I do like on of the ones that replaced on,but she is there only 2 days a week...and I loved going atleast 4 times...the other instructor just isn't my speed and motivational enoigh.
Lyme Lyte · 9/27/2012
I agree with the weather, cooler days and shorter. I was running a few times a week but no motivation to do that, pole, or ANYTHING! I think it would help if I try to get outside at least. What you doing tomorrow? Maybe we need to promise each other to get out for a little walk at least.
MadisonsWorld · 9/27/2012
I am going to go to my aerobics class,even tho I don't care for the teacher...I need something..I got my pole up two days ago and barely touched it..I m sure seeing how much I have digressed at it didn't help.... I am wanting a tattoo this weekend,but have to get it drawn up first...which sucks because I feel the need for pain and was wanting thT to satisfy it...
MadisonsWorld · 9/27/2012
It's been yrs since I have seeked pain...
MadisonsWorld · 9/27/2012
Altho I have to say, ii have been on a cleaning hiatus which usually when I get in a dunk its the opposite...so its almost a manic state....I just don't want to leave the house
MadisonsWorld · 9/27/2012
I know some will not understand the pain thing...it is hard to explain or understNd myself sometimes..
Sassypants · 9/27/2012
I don't think I understand the pain thing, but I support that you're looking for constructive ways to attain it rather than just hurting yourself. You will get through this temporary depression, even if "temporary" means a few weeks or months... its all temporary in the scheme of things. Chin up, lady. There are so many of us here in the same boat, but we have to stay positive.
Lyme Lyte · 9/27/2012
I never had the urge to hurt myself, but I can understand the reasoning behind it. Maybe you can try to get on your pole tomorrow?
OzarkSiren · 9/27/2012
Depression can increase when Season's change. Fall is here. Exercise daily, watching sugar intake, eliminating alcohol, and drugs, sitting in the sun for 20 minutes a day can help. It seems to help me. Fish oil and D3 can help. I do what I can to keep mine away. I try not to dwell on sad things like my parents being gone, family 3000 miles away, try to replace negative talk with positive. Something else you might want to try. On the pads of both thumbs look at where your fingerprints swirl into a center spot. Press or massage those points on both thumbs. Use your oppostie thumb. Do this several times a day. That is your Pituitary Reflex Point. You pituitary is your master gland of all glands. It can maybe balance your glands. Reflexology and Accupressure can help. Give it a try. Hugs to all
MadisonsWorld · 9/27/2012
I know some will not understand the pain thing...it is hard to explain or understNd myself sometimes..
OzarkSiren · 9/27/2012
Madison, The pain thing can come in many forms. Cutting, tattoos, cutting or changing hair, overspending, drugs, alcohol and harmful behaviors. Let us know how we can help. XXOO
MadisonsWorld · 9/27/2012
I am vulnerable to all those.....I have cut in the past,I have tattoos, I have a history of cutting and changing hair color all the time, yes I drink ocassionaly,but not to where I am out of control..I don't do drugs,just what isprescribed....I need a night out of the house to just let loose and all inhibitions loose and b carefree for thenight...of course hubby would occopny me...
echo234 · 9/28/2012
I understand the pain thing with the tattoos. My daughter is a cutter and I don't really understand it but I accept it. She seems to have begun understanding the triggers for her.... to me it seems like when things or people or hurting her it's kind of her way of control. She is getting more away from it and leaning more towards the art of tattoo's but she is extreme in that as well. We all need what need till we find a better way. Your not alone
monica kay · 9/28/2012
Raise hour hand if u DONT have depression... i find it helps to realise that everyone - everyone- has depression and anxiety at times. you are not alone and nothing is wrong with you. i feel that people who are happy all the time are the ones in need of therapy. if a person doesnt experience all emotions--is that a person? being human means feeling: pain, happiness, joy, exhaltation, weakness, fear, hopelessness, euphoria, numbness, anxiety, etc. etc etc. stay strong get on ur pole and take comfort in knowing: "this too shall pass"
Machiv Leahna · 9/28/2012
To Madison,I really understand the pain cravings.Something triggers me and I immediately look for a knife.It's like a manic,panic,craving.....I start imagining the pain and the blood.A good way to stop yourself is think about what you would cut if you did.Because of the scarring potential I pick the first letter of how I'm feeling.Then I pick a synonym.I find a hidden spot,sterilize the spot and the knife then only cut the initial lightly.Picking at it then burning it shut with a lightbulb.This is only when you really need to.I have only left 3 noticable scars.An A on my chest,(scarlet letter)an s on my wrist(my lovers name)and an L.If you haven't lost all taste for cutting,read on.As a child,and still today I memorize every scar on a person's body and ask how it got there.Cutting and tattoos seriously lower your chances of being hired,and increase the chance of being fired.Idiot police think you tried to commit suicide...and the first time my lover saw my cutting marks he cried.When I admitted to craving pain,but not being able to risk the scars.....then when I just scratched up my arm after something awful happened he was wide eyed and made me promise to quit.I have.Turn on music like Kelly Clarkson's hazel eyes full blast and work out.A great way to get rid of pain is to turn it into anger.Anger motivates you and you can work it off,and burn it out.Then go to sleep.Wake up. Drink cofee(there's science behind that)turn on music and get on the pole!!!You have one.
JhennD · 9/28/2012
Roadtrip to Florida for hugs. I understand pain desire. Sometimes I can deal with it other times I release and do various things. I never cut before. Do you have a friend in the piercing business? That could help? Non permanent. I have major SAD (seasonal affective disorder) it's weird how so many people make it illegitimate. I'm looking into getting medical insurance with mental care because I'm tired of being 'imbalanced'
OzarkSiren · 9/28/2012
JhennD, I never had any depression until I moved from So Cal to Arkansas. I live in a beautiful area but it is heavy with trees that block the sun, stormy and overcast quite a bit. Then there are the Seasons which I am not used to. Winter, ice and snow came and this California girl found herself blue, tired, melancholia, and had no idea what was wrong with me. It is called SAD. It is very real. I also expeience aches and pains now when the Barmetric pressure changes and storms are coming. I never experienced that in So Cal. People underestimate how the elements can effect us. Fall is starting here so I get out and walk a ton and sit in the sun everyday. I take D3 and Fish Oil and that seems to help.
MadisonsWorld · 9/28/2012
I haven't cit in yrs...I have found some other outlets, I do have piercings and am finding some comfort in ,well not quite sure how ti say it or if its appropriate...I have always shown interest in pain/pleasure during sex...but has grown more into if...last night I couldn't get enough pain, my husband obliges and if it turned me onhe gets into it,but was afraid of hurting me because I have never been that vocal and demanding of wanting and needing more...I m at the Dr now,he made an emergency appt to see me.
JhennD · 9/28/2012
@ - I have to use UV beds when it rains and under 68*F AND also when it's under 65*F. I was thinking about buying a red light/blue light for light therapy but I discovered 'tanning' beds. At work when the AC is so low, I can't body temperature regulate so I start getting mini migraine symptoms (dizziness, blindness, auditory hallucinations, and nauseam). I know I literally would not be able to live in colder climates. My despression comes for psychological and physiological disfunction. I had to go to the doctors for constant migraines and then breaking down with symptoms occur- he hypothesized SAD could be it. And we agreed for a hollistic approach, I want some medicinal support as well, it was so hard. @MadisonsWorld- I can say, I too with the sexual encounters and partner of 10 yrs who is now my bf after discussion of limits is kinda weirded out about his boundaries on that. I say partner because I was in relationships with others that could satisfy parts of what I need/want/desired. Not everyone is fortunate with an open lifestyle and it boiled down I wanted traditionalism more than some other needs met. Bests to you, if you don't think this area of sexual gratification is a concern, I agree and so many others do too (find a sex therapist for both your husband and you to talk in a safe place with) But ultimate issue of the post was depression, again the bests to you. Like to hear resolution of appt or Tx.
Elektra Vallens · 9/28/2012
Wow, so much to respond to.... 1) If you think you might be having SAD, getting a full sprectrum light really helps. I moved from the US to Canada at one point, and struggled with this for a few years. 2) I'm glad you've made it to the therapist. Everyone is different, but maybe you should consider trying medication (if you haven't already). I have some kind of non-diagnosable mood disorder, and medication really changed my life for the better. If you want to know more, send me a private message and we can talk. 3) I totally understand the urge to self-harm, whether it's by cutting, or something else. My thoughts tend to go to suicide, and in fact I'm a survivor. I think that getting a tattoo is actually a great way to deal with the need for pain, as long as the tattoo is something you've thought over and will be happy with later. As for other instances of wanting to self-harm, when you get the urge, try to wait a few minutes and see if the feeling diminishes. Sometimes that's all it takes. Also, someone said something about self-cutting with a lightbulb. Please NEVER do this, as some lightbulbs can have toxic chemicals inside them, which would then get into your blood. A scar is skin deep; cancer can kill you.
MadisonsWorld · 9/28/2012
@jhenn...yes I know the post was Abt depression,which causes me to get the urge to seek pain....I have turned that urge instead of causing self harm have turned to sexual gratification... I really appreciate everyone comments...
OzarkSiren · 9/29/2012
Madisonsworld, I know you have probably had this done but have you had your thyroid, blood sugar, insulin and adrenal function tested? That is something the US Medical field does not always do. If you are unbalanced in those areas if can cause depression and anxiety. Just something to look at. Any hormone out of balance can cause mood swings. So glad you reached out and started this discussion. It is not talked about enough. When you get a group of intelligent creative people together the conversation gets real !!!

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