I want to weigh in with my thoughts.... but I'm not sure quite how.
I, like Veena, was brought up in an ULTRA conservative Christian home (homeschool... etc). However, I kept my faith in Christ and held onto all of the scriptural truths I was taught. I married a man who was not brought up in a Godly home and became a Christian only a few years ago. Thus, we come at life from very different perspectives.
I started pole dancing long before meeting my husband. I found it a way to get into shape while building confidence. My family does not know I pole, nor will they ever because in their ULTRA conservative minds it would cause a stumbling block and they would consider it a sin.
There are definitely aspects of pole (___"whatever"___) that Christians have to reconcile that cannot be comprehended by non-religious/non-belivers. Numerous verses from Romans could be applied here. While there could be a whole theological debate on what "sin" is... I believe Paul sums it up best with "Whatever is not of Faith is sin". How you interpret this as applying to pole is individual. Which is really Paul's point throughout the epistles. Brings to mind the whole debate over eating meat offered to idols. Intentionally causing one to lust is a sin. Being sensual, erotic, or sexy... no verses specifically say those are wrong. In fact, encouraged in the context of marriage.
I have always dreamed of teaching a workshop in a church on "How to be sensual and seduce your husband". I think it would save a lot of marriages if women in the church could realize the Bible gives them permission to be erotic and sexy within their bedroom. However, I seriously doubt I could ever find a church that would let me teach a workshop, pole, chair or floorwork.
As you've already stated, you and your husband need to pray about this TOGETHER and come to a decision TOGETHER. While it's sweet that he's more or less leaving the decision to you, I would personally want my husband to engage more in a discussion and know that WE made the choice together. My husband often defers moral issues to me, since I have a stronger sense (having been brought up in the church). However, his opinion still means a lot.
My husband and I are only comfortable with pole dancing in context. We personally find little eroticism in the pole community (i.e Studio Veena, YouTube, USPDF, Studios...) He went to East Coast comp with me and we both found the one girl to be downright slutty (moves, song choice, outfit that broke USPDF codes...) However, he thought of it as a turn-off because he thought it was just slutty. I have never been uncomfortable having him watch any competition or performance (online or in person). However, neither of us are comfortable with him watching women in strip clubs, or me dancing in one because the whole purpose there IS to be erotic and arouse lust.
The "dancing" at anything pole related (strip clubs excluded) will have a certain element of sultry and sensuality.
Where is your moral line?
I am personally ok with my husband watching other women because I know he is not going to be getting aroused or later fantasizing about any of them. He is ok with me dancing at the studio for this same reason. The context is different. Although there is intention of "turning on your man" it seems that everyone there knows it is specific for Your Man and respects that. Most studios won't even allow single men, you have to be with your significant other.
As someone already pointed out, the fact that the women (including myself) wear sports bras and booty shorts to parties and comps at the studio really isn't any different than being at a pool or beach. How comfortable are you with your husband seeing other women in string bikinis? How comfortable is he with other men seeing you in a skimpy bikini? My sister always wears a T-shirt when she goes swimming and Never in a public place where there may be a possibility of other women dressed immodestly.
By posing the question here to the group you are indicating some level of uncertainty. I have to reiterate what Charley said, "Why test boundaries???? When you don't have to?" Yeah, it sux that you may miss out on a really awesome party and bonding experience with the other girls from your class.... but if you have any hesitancy why risk it?
My opinion: Pole is a sensitive moral line where the scripture isn't black and white. It can open the doors for a lot of fun and romance with you and your husband, while at the same time causing others to stumble if not careful how it is presented. I have some Christian friends (male and female) to whom I brag to about my latest tricks and accomplishments because I know their faith is strong. While to other friends (Christian and non-religious), I would never breathe a word about pole dancing to because I know that it would cause them to stumble.
Good luck with finding your moral Pole line. I will be praying for you and your husband as you broach this topic.
