Being the new girl, and feeling left out...

JBStarryEyedGirl · 2010-12-01T21:05:55+00:00

Well , let's start with the fact that while I can Certainly be talkative and friendly, I'm not always very outgoing when meeting new people.. I've been working at a spa for about 6 months now (I'm a massage therapist) and though I can friendly with the girls here, I always feel a little left out. Most of the girls here are hairstylists and have worked here for several years. While they are nice, I haven't meet anyone I would consider to be a close friend. I definitely take my time getting to know people but sometimes i wish I could open up more... Feeling lonely in a group of 25 women sucks. I have the same issue at my dance studio because all the instructors have been there a while too... It just sucks and I wish I had some friends.

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chemgoddess1 · 12/12/2010
It is hard as an adult. I've also found it almost impossible to build a friendship with a person because I am a "recovering" alcoholic. I have been sober for almost 30 years now, and when people find out I don't drink they ignore me. I like to go out to the clubs and dance/listen to bands...none of that has changed for me. I just choose to drink soda instead. I don't have a problem with people that choose to drink alcohol...why must I be judged for my choice? The only time I seem to be included or invited out is when someone needs a DD (designated driver)...I started saying no awhile back because I didn't want to be only "used"...well needless to say I haven't been invited out since. This is garbage, but then I have family and friends that are alcoholics.
litlbit · 12/12/2010
This is garbage, but then I have family and friends that are alcoholics. I apologize, I wasn't implying that everyone is this way, just people I meet where I live. I have a hard time sharing my feelings as I was brought up to never talk about them. It was hard to post...I don't mean for things to come out the way they seem to. I just don't know where I belong 🙁
Bellz · 12/12/2010
I'm not sure what chem was referring to, but thank you for sharing your feelings. My mom was an alcoholic, so I know a bit about it. I think it makes drinkers feel guilty to drink around non drinkers. I can DEFINITELY understand how it could impact building relationships. I have a lot of problems building friendships because I'm the Adult Child of an Alcoholic (Acoa). Stuff like that impacts a lot about a person. Thanks for feeling comfortable enough to share your difficulties. 🙂
litlbit · 12/12/2010
I'm not sure what chem was referring to, but thank you for sharing your feelings. My mom was an alcoholic, so I know a bit about it. I think it makes drinkers feel guilty to drink around non drinkers. I can DEFINITELY understand how it could impact building relationships. I have a lot of problems building friendships because I'm the Adult Child of an Alcoholic (Acoa). Stuff like that impacts a lot about a person. Thanks for feeling comfortable enough to share your difficulties. 🙂 I'm sure there are some that feel that way..but the people I'm referring to aren't in that group because whenever we went out they could get drunk because they knew they had me to drive them home safely. I don't tell people i'm an alcoholic, it's not important to anyone but me. I do however take referral calls if someone has asked for help. I spent over 25 years in therapy learning how to express and acknowledge my feelings, and how to tell people how and what I'm feeling, it's part of how I stay sober and clean. I feel alone most of the time, then to put my feelings out there makes me feel alone and vulnerable.
chemgoddess1 · 12/12/2010
I meant that people treating you this way is garbage, not that the comment you made was garbage. I am so sorry if you took it that way. We all are different in some way or another, that is what makes us interesting. For people to shut you down because you do not drink shows a huge lack of character.
Bellz · 12/13/2010
I kinda figured that's what you meant chem, but I didn't want to talk for you. 🙂 We all are different, and those differences make us unique and special. 🙂
JBStarryEyedGirl · 1/4/2011
Just a little update... Well I went to polejam with the new girls I met.. and while they were very nice, it was obvious they were only interested in learning pole tricks (on the plus side, they paid me for a private lesson..) So I tried to put myself out there... We had a Xmas party for work and it was a nice change to see all the girls outside of the salon, and with a couple of cocktails it was a good time. I bonded with a new girl and we have been chatting more at work which has been nice. I guess I'm just a solitary creature.
polefairy · 1/4/2011
I know the point being made was that it's harder to make friends when you're older but I can relate too. I'm the type of person who makes 'friends' everywhere I go. I click with everybody. But at the same time, while I get along with everyone and am liked by people on the surface, I've nothing close with them. Honestly, if my life fell apart tomorrow I actually don't know who I'd call. I know this might sound weird but I'm invited to parties all the time etc but I'm not close to anyone. I'm kind of socially everyone's friend but they're never, ever there when it really matters. I seem to be the person who constantly gets screwed over and used. I assume it's my fault in some way, I think I'm far too approachable and too open so I'm a beacon for people who are a bit damaged and a bit insecure. I'm totally with you guys on this, older or not.
Jenn · 1/4/2011
Hey there STLPD27, I just wanted to add my two cents in here. I am 29yo. and moved to a new state about ten years ago, away from all my childhood friends. Over the years I have made some close friends, but most of them I have retained from when I first came here. In recent years it has been more diificult to forge new friendships that were anything more than social aquantainces. I am very social, friendly and am easy going with most things, so you would think it would be esay to get along with other people. But a lot of people my age are married with kids or are busy with their careers, and are comfortable with the friends they already have so it's difficult to make friends. And it's not like you can just go to the bar and approach random women, because they usually are with their own posse and will probably think you are a freak or a lesbian trying to hit on them. The last several years, I have worked on and off on the night shift as a nurse, and because of my awkward sleep schedule, it has been difficult for me to maintain or make new friendships. None of my friends are up and available when I am up, and I can't do a lot of day time activites because I have to sleep. It sucks and it is lonely as hell sometimes. I got so lonely and desparate that I posted an ad on CL looking for other night shift people to hang with. Surprisingly, I did find a couple of people that were worth talking to, but I had to sift through a lot of less desirable responses before I found those people. And of course it was a little scary because you don't know what kind of crazy people are out there. Another way that I have tried to meet people is through social group websites such as Meetup.com. There are a lot of activity/interest based social groups on there and so it gives you the opportunity to meet other people that are into the same things. Do you have any social networking sites or clubs in your area?
Madfelice · 1/6/2011
Ok, first let me say that I can sooo totally relate to everything here, but I have no advice for anyone really as I find it hard enough to dea with the situation myself without giving advice to others! Now, my reason for posting is to ask what exactly was involved in the 'Pole Party' you mentioned that you attended at your studio? My mind is exploding with ideas here as to things that the studio I attend could do but I would like to know what other places do before I start suggesting stuff... Thanks a lot in advance for replying, lol! ;P