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Its Become An Obsession
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I thought my Husband would have Loved the Fact we have a pole at The house. (I kind of envisioned That He could go to His friends and say “my wife Pole Dances and i dont Even Have To tip Her”). But he Dont care For It. He Says im Obsessed because all i talk about is Poling. My Husband makes beats and all the Time he Is talking to me about his Music Making Software And music And the equipment He Wants one day. *sighs* men….
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I know it isn't funny, but this kind of made me giggle because he seems almost jealous! I don't have kids, but I'm 27 years old, and the way I look at it is…it IS clearly a hobby but its a hobby that keeps me fit and healthy and I believe it's good for the soul as well. If I had children, I would see this as a huge plus. You are of no benefit to anyone else anyway if you are always miserable with no passion and poor health. Sometimes it kind of annoys me if my boyfriend acts like the pole hobby is silly, but I try to keep it in perspective. I try not to take it personal or spend too much time thinking about it. However in your case, it seems like there may be a deeper issue, that he feels neglected. You don't have to take every little thing he says to heart, but I would consider his feelings even if he may not be going about communicating the right way. He's not going to say "darling I need attention!" Ha it sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty about it so you will stop. I would just call him out and say something like "you don't need to worry that any hobby would ever come before our family…this is just who I am and it's how I take care of myself so that I can be a better mother and wife…if you want to (insert family activity here), we should do that." But you shouldn't have to give up what you love over something silly. In my experience, men respect women who "have a life" more than women who follow them around like puppies! Haha so don't let that make you unhappy. But I would try to see his point of view also and see it for what it is, but not let it get me down. Guys have feelings too! They just don't want to look vulnerable, so they act out. and you probably had no intention of doing anything wrong! But yeah, I think he is just jealous and acting out. Good luck! 🙂
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ShonaLancs, interesting that you bring up MMA. That is something I could never support my spouse in doing because I just can’t see anything in it but violence and overblown machismo. Just like some men can’t get past the stripper mentality, I would struggle to get past my feelings on MMA and be supportive of it. I would probably complain about the time he spent doing it and make nasty comments, even if it did make him happy and fit. So maybe before we whoop our husbands/bfs for not “getting” our obsession, we should examine our own biases and be compassionate. Not to say you all would hate MMA but surely there’s something you wouldn’t be thrilled about if HE became obsessed.
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I thought the same about MMA until I got into it and watched it for a couple of shows, now I appreciate the skill and technique in the same way I appreciate it in pole. But if you don't know how difficult it is to do mixed martial arts (I tried jui jitsu for a few weeks) and fight for that length of time then you do just see it as violence and machismo.
My fella is one of the least aggresive men I know and has never even had a fight with anyone ouside of the MMA ring.
I am a pretty open minded person, so unless my fella decided to go Dexter on me I think I would be ok with anything…
As for the pole thing, I dont think the stripper thing is a valid excuse for partners because if you see anyone do pole, unless they are overtly sexy in their manner you can see quite clearly that it is not stripping and is not remotely sexy when you are learning. Bruises, swetaing and gallumping up a pole is not what I would call sexy lol…
I just think that basically anyone who wants to pull you away from your passion doesnt have a passion so doesnt understand how important it is to you. If they aren't willing to get on board to at least try to be involved / understand why you are so passionate etc then I wouldnt waste my time with them personally. But I am very black and white in my tolerance of others…
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A couple of years ago my boyf then now husband also had me in tears saying i was more interested in pole than him. It really does becone an obsession! but he was just going through a tough time at work and vented it on me. Everything is fine, i still pole 2-3 times a week sometimes less, i also perform with fire which means i need rehearsal time for that too, i always make sure we have time together.
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*Update from 2010 – fast forward to 2013:
My boyfriend is now my hubby. =) I finally got good enough to become a competition finalist, and he not only came to support me, but drove me to practice the night before, gave me great pep talks, and even brought a guy friend to cheer me on too. After all the hours and dedication and love I poured into, he learned to love it for me. And he is the most incredible partner, encouraging and supportive, he is my partner in our new pole studio. Maybe now I can get him to do some private classes with me!
Lesson learned, what you love becomes part of your relationship. Your actions and reactions will determine what direction you decide to go, whether is it alone or together.
The main issues are a simple matter of love and respect, just because you don't "like / enjoy / understand / care about" your significant others choices doesn't mean you can't "let them enjoy it / be supportive / be encouraging".
If something is important to you, it will be important to them because it is important to you.
*Side note: also an ex WOW player =)
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