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Its Become An Obsession
As my husband put it. Yesterday I was talking to him about Pole Convention and how excited I am for alot of it. I even told him I was impressed that Jessalynn got corp sponors. He looked at me and told me "you know I could really care less about pole" https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif Yep thats what I started doing. He totally hurt my feelings about it. yeah, I could care less about nascar but at least I let him watch it and actually listen to what he says.
So after 20min of me sitting at the kitchen table alone, sobbing, he comes back. He tells me it seems like the past few months all Ive talked about is my MINI and pole, that ive got no interest in him. He said its taken over my life and I need to get a grip. He doesnt like the fact that when our oldest doesnt have school that I go and practice or film a new video instead of getting the kids right away. He thinks that I make pole more of a prority than my kids (this is where an obvious eye roll would go). The only reason ive been talking about the MINI is b/c it needed a whole new transmission and its the only thing I promised myself out of life. If you only you knew how bad my MINI obsession is, just come to my house! lol Its like if its a hobby that requries me to be outside of the house w/o the kids, im not allowed to do it. Same basic principle why I gave up on Mary Kay (for now). Its like Im not allowed to do anything on my own, my kids have to be included. Personally I find this unfair. Pole/Gym is my only break from the kids (besides work, but then again he works too). Ive given him plenty of chances to go and do something but he refuses. He says he would rather watch nascar ALL WEEKEND LONG than go anywhere b/c he can still parent the kids and watch all at the same time.
So my question is, does your other half think youve taken pole too far? Do you have a compromise? How do you balance being a parent and getting a chance to pole?
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56 Replies
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I was in this position when I first started too. You’ll find that a lot of women have had this problem. Sometimes I wonder why it’s seems so hard for some men to just sit back and allow us to engulf ourselves in something that makes us so happy, especially when it takes attention away from them. Maybe it’s an insecurity thing, I don’t know.
My hubs hated it when I started. But we had other issues going on at the same time. Once we figured those out we realized that me poling wasn’t the problem at all. He realized how happy it made me and although he’s rather me sit under him all day and watch him watch the history channel he knows that allowing me to enjoy my hobby will keep a smile on my face. Getting him to realize this was no easy task and took several counseling sessions LOL.
That being said he’s still not a huge fan and even when I talk about it I can see that he’s totally not interested in anything I’m saying. LOL I compromise by not blabbing about it half as much as I want to. I pole when everyone else is gainfully employed so they don’t "miss" me. I try to make sure that I set aside time dedicated just to him and the kids so that he sees that although pole means the world to me, it’s not more important than my family.
I wish I had an easy answer for you, but it’s something that has to be discussed between you and him, maybe with a mediator for fairness and to help both parties get their points across. When we talk about it so much it seems to take up more of our life than it actually does, ya know?
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Lu, I’d say it’s time to invest in the pole, put it in the living room directly in front of the television (between nascar and the couch) and watch the kids as you pole.
If Nascarring counts as family time, so does poling.
I don’t have kids, though, so that’s my disclaimer.
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Lu, I’d say it’s time to invest in the pole, put it in the living room directly in front of the television (between nascar and the couch) and watch the kids as you pole.
I love your answer! I would of gotten the Xpole for xmas but the MINI came first when we thought it was just the clutch that need to be replaced. Now I have to spend my Uncle Sam cash on the car, give him $ to get tires on his car that im driving and dump the rest into the paying off the house. so hopefully by the begining of summer.
I agree Sissy, its gotta be an insecurity thing, or one of his stupid ego power trips he goes on. As much as id love to have a mediator, he wont go for it. He thinks that ‘why spend $ to see someone just to be told the husband is at fault for all of this’ (again, we need a wallbash smiley). When I go to the gym or pole its always late in the evening after one kid has gone to bed, or im up and gone before they even get up on the weekends. Thats maybe twice during the week and one weekend morning. Dinner is on the table when he gets home, hes got clean laundry and I clean the house – what more does he want from me??? He would much rather me work a part time job then have a hobby outside of the house.
Again, wheres the easy button people!!!
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Good answer Amcut. I didn’t even think about the fact that you don’t have a pole at home. You have to leave to pole. Poling at home might help. Sometimes I multitasking and pole and cook dinner or pole and bathe kids lol.
And why are men so against counselers???? I had to do something drastic to get my husband to go. And by drastic I mean move out. Lmao!
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Sometimes I multitasking and pole and cook dinner or pole and bathe kids lol.
Ok Sissy, you are now my new hero! Talk about being the queen of multitasking.
Im all about a fair balance, I see it as if he spends so much time on racing (he will watch everything related to nascar), then I can spend that amount of equal time w/pole related stuff (here, YT, studio, editing my stuff etc).
So I figure if hes watching a max of 3 races every weekend (avg of 3hrs each), qualifiying, practicing, happy hour that comes out to 12-15hrs a week during race season (a season is about 40w I would know I had a pregnancy that was w/in that timeframe as well). Between reading at my lunch break at work, pole/gym for an average week thats about 8-10hrs; when our oldest isnt in school it could be as close as his. So I dont see where the crazy obsession lies. I love hockey but I dont give up my life to watch the game when I can get stats on my phone (unless its an important game like tonight eventhough weve already gotten the Southeast Div done – yep, im a crazy hardcore Washington Caps fan). But sometimes I feel bad b/c I dont get alot of time to watch everyones videos + comment or read blogs from some of you and be able to comment while everyone has time to watch me and see what I do/type.
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I personally would develop a large interest in something else which is shown on the TV at the same time as Nascar https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif Then when the husband moans that he wants to watch Nascar, I would say "oh well, I’m happy not to watch my programme, but I’m just nipping out to do something else instead" https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cool.gif
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Been there done that!! Same situation! Sissy knows allllll tooo well! LMAO!! Basically we had to do the same thing as sissy…that C word! lol…men can be such idiots some times!
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My hubby has never been happy that I pole. Doesn’t like when I talk about it or spend hours surfing the internet looking for youtube videos, etc. I admit I’m addicted to poling but there could be alot worse things. He spends alot of time playing xbox so as long as we are not neglecting each other I think its fine.
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:sigh: I’m in the same boat now. Yesterday I get home from work and because my husband is playing WOW (sorry if any of you play wow, but personally I think it’s a stupid, pointless computer game!) so I get on my laptop and lay in bed watching tv and browsing SV and facebook.. Well he gets tore up b/c I’m on my laptop instead of sitting behind him on my desktop pc (our computers are on opposite walls). Then he starts pouting around saying I’m obsessed w/ studioveena and poling and blah blah blah. And then I have to hear about all I want to do is pole or be on SV or look at pole websites……….. UGH! You know what, you have your stupid computer game, allow me to f-in pole and be obsessed with it!!!!! I love poling, it’s so much fun. I am a step mom and with my hubs on nights the next 3 months (he has this crap schedule where he is on days 3 months, nights 3 months, days 3, nights 3) that means I’m left to do most of the work!! I prepare the food for the week on Sunday so he doesn’t have to worry about that, I always get up early for work and take the spoiled little one to school, and now I have to go pick her up after a long day of work and come home and cook her dinner since she isn’t eating the same boring stupid food that we are eating. Oh did I mention checking her homework?? I don’t pick her up til 7 and I’m supposed to have her home showered, homework checked, food in the tummy, and in bed by 830! I guess I shouldn’t complain too much b/c he does help out around the house, we rotate laundry weeks (I guess he got tired of me complaining about it) and we also rotate who has to clean the kitchen even though that doesn’t always happen… I don’t think he really has a problem w/ my poling as much as he has a problem with me being on the internet looking it up all the time. AND that is only when he is feeling needy and attention starved…. He is perfectly content with it as long as I’m not hogging all the internet preventing him from playing his game.. So I can surf and be an internet pole addict as long as he is busy w/ his game.. I mean really?! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_mad.gif He needs to let me have my hobby when I have the time and energy to enjoy it and just enjoy the changes my body is hopefully going through! Sorry for the rant!! I’m w/ Am, time for a pole, and make sure to put it infront of the Nascar and pole while it’s on tv b/c you can pole and watch the kids just the same as him watching tv and watching them!
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I am with you all!
As to the pole at home, I reckon it makes it worse for me. My SO is fine with me going to classes (5 a week!), but when I’m home it’s like my poling is in-his-face betrayal. He’s so pole-jealous sometimes it’s not even remotely funny. He doesn’t care if I’m watching a DVD or I’m on my laptop (not looking up pole things), but if I am on pole or editing vids or looking up pole stuff I’m cheating on him in my mind or something (he doesn’t say that, but he acts like it with the boohoo you don’t want me anymore). He doesn’t care if I’m out with friends, at work or at classes, but if I am in the house I’m supposed to be ready to drop everything to sit and eat chips and watch a DVD whenever he wants to? Housework is ok for me to do, sitting on my butt is ok for me to do: I used to bead in every spare moment and that was fine…. but as soon as my music goes on and the furniture gets moved back I feel like I’m on borrowed time.
I pole for like 2 hours a day at home max, and he’s on WoW or doing something else on his computer for half a day/night sometimes (uni student, lots of term breaks, no job, doesn’t sleep when and as much as he should). It doesn’t even compare!
I’m mean and rude if I object (strongly) to being interrupted, but he’s allowed to bite my head off if I interrupt a raid to ask him to come out to have dinner? I only pole when he’s already busy, I think I’m justified to ask for two hours alone!
If he hears me in high heels he asks where the horse is and comes out to annoy me like heel noises on the floor triples the ‘you’re not thinking about me, you never spend time with me, all you do is pole, you love your pole more than me’ mood.
I’m a nanny, I spend all day with babies… I spend the rest of the time crushed by stinky people on public transport and in class with 10 other girls (they’re all amazing and lovely, but they’re people nonetheless)… Having a little time alone at home should be a guilt-free given, right? Urm… nooo… apparently, women aren’t allowed to feel that way?
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I’ve got to say, pole is probably my only vice(?) but my husband is fine with it. The only time it impacts on our relationship is if I want to do something on a weekend when he has his daughter over to stay. As we only have one car, if I want to go to a pole thing, him and his daughter are stranded in the house. Mind you, as their favourite passtimes are xbox and laptop, that isn’t too much of a problem for them.
I feel for you all who seem to have stroppy husband types. Men can feel threatened by the most daftest of things can’t they?
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OH HELLS NO.
Two of you women have WoW playing husbands and they have the muthamahahahata NERVE to have a fit about pole?
Oh HELLS no.
Hells no.
no.
I’m going to go on a husband whooping tour. Starting with mine. He’s only mildly jealous- but I don’t really understand what it is that makes a man interested in you being stuck up his ass while he’s not stuck up yours. Mine likes history channel, conservative propaganda, and video games. And obviously while he’s doing these things, I should be saying, "Baby, lets watch a movie." "Baby, can you come look at this" "Baby, you know Glen Beck gives me a headache" "Baby, do you think you could eat dinner before it grows mold".
UH HUH.
WHOOPIN TOUR. -
UH HUH.
WHOOPIN TOUR.HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif
You coming to the UK?
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lol..I had to laugh at this topic. I have played wow (to spend time with my husband of coarse) My husband has become addicted over the years on and off .. He thankfully has quit that game as i have too (hmm i see him more now?) Anywho. I’ve only had my pole for a day..not even a day.. and my husband has already started.. he told me i get defensive..well he pissed me off..he does not refer to it as a pole..he refers to it as a stripper pole..and i dont know about you guys, but when he says it i get PISSED lol. I think all these men just need to get there own pole get off our butts about it and quit being jealous. So, after reading this..i think im in for the long haul of the jealous over pole husband <sigh>
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Been there done that!! Same situation! Sissy knows allllll tooo well! LMAO!! Basically we had to do the same thing as sissy…that C word! lol…men can be such idiots some times!
The big "C"! Men hear it and they run for the hills! LOL
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