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“I’m NOT a stripper!”
Crossposted, apologies to my FB friends! 🙂
Why does the sentence “I pole dance” so often get followed closely by a derisive “but I’m NOT a stripper!”?
In our desire to be taken seriously as dancers and artists, we are — without even realizing we’re doing it — carelessly tossing aside the very people who created (and continue to create, dancers are INNOVATORS) many of the moves we aspire to do. Think about this little tidbit: many, many of the founding dancers of pole got their starts in clubs.
As a community (and, frankly, as a species) we are hurting ourselves when we tear down other human beings simply because of what they do for a living. Dancers have bills to pay and families to care for. Life goes on for them just as it does for any person on earth.
We are attempting to prove our legitimacy by tossing theirs into the garbage.
Believe me, I understand not wanting your friends and family to have the mental image of you shaking your tail feather for a group of strangers in a club … but how about putting a positive spin on *your choice* to pole dance, instead of condemning someone you don’t even know?
“I pole dance … it’s a great way to connect with my body and get more fit at the same time.”
“I pole dance at a local studio … there are so many cool women there and it’s a great workout, plus invaluable ‘me’ time that I wouldn’t get at a traditional gym.”
“I pole dance because I watched a video of Jenyne Butterfly once … and it took me a week to pick my jaw off the floor.”
“I pole dance because it’s fun and I get to hang upside down like a human bat.”
Give it up for the causes of kindness and tolerance.
Peace out. -
30 Replies
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Agreed!
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When I get the sideways look I either respond that I am a chemist or I say…..”ummmm, take a good look….I don’t have the body to be a stripper.”
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polergirl i 100% agree. Stripping is what started this beautiful art / fitness form of expression. At 18 years old i honestly thought the only i vould pole dance would be by going to a club. i wanted to pole dance and knew nothing of the fitness side of pole dancing. When i found the fitness side of pole dancing it was 2 months after i started going to the park and playing with the pole there lol. i love and embrace the sexy side of pole and stripping is what brought me to pole fitness. pole fitness showed me that i dont have to bare my body to dance how i want to and do what i enjoy.
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You are so right. I have a bad habit of that sometimes, and I need to break it
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I just let them think I’m a stripper. I just don’t care anymore. And Chem you are wrong! you do have the body to be a stripper! I saw one of your videos. 🙂 yowza!
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I don’t say that immediately but if the topic comes up I try to educate the person on the differences between those that ‘pole dance for fitness’ and exotic dancers. Not in a negative way, of course! It’s just that it’s two very different worlds with some similarities, such as some of the dance moves and tricks. But the goals are different. Strippers are dancing to make money, of course, and the way that they do that is to entice their clients so there usually tends to be a whole lot more up-close-and-personal floorwork, for example. Also, I let people know that not all strippers are indeed pole dancers, like not all pole dancers are strippers, and to each their own. It is unwise of anyone to assume anything because someone says they are a pole dancer or a stripper.
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I don’t try to “defend” what we do by saying “it’s not stripping” etc…in fact if the opportunity comes up I usually say “I WISH I was a stripper…always wanted to be one and wouldn’t it be great at my age! Hopefully I’ll get to do it one day!”
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I appreciate all the responses on this thread. To me, it’s important to reflect pole dance, whatever your style of pole dance may be, in a positive light *without* putting someone else in a negative light, whether outright or by connotation. If I can make one person think about this issue in a different way than they may have in the past, then I feel like I’m accomplishing something worthwhile.
Group hug! 🙂
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I understand what you’re saying. I like that you said it!!! I’m learning from this post.
I don’t like it when people try to figure out if someone is or is not a stripper when watching pole. Play that game of is she or is she not. I kinda want to punch people in the face when I hear that…. punch… it does not matter!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can’t we just appreciate the dance without caring if someone is or is not or was…. Just enjoy it!!!
I’m struggling with this. How do I do my part to promote pole to a very conservative community of individuals who are reluctant to try do to the sexual stigma. Pole is more then sexuality!!!! It is a wonderful aspect that helps us to grow, but it’s not the only option. How do I tell everyone the truth in a way that keeps things positive. I have never been a stripper and it does matter. I’ve had a girl come to my studio who wanted to start working in the industry. I actually told her about the other pole studio options near by and mentioned that I’m not going to be able to teach her to do an awesome lap dance because I don’t really know how to lap dance. On the flip side, my lacking past does not matter to my AMAZING group of current and former strippers who love my studio. I LOVE, love, love them too!!! I learn from watching them move and dance. I’m so lucky to have those people…. LOVE them!!! I need to honor them and their current and former employment without any negativity. They need to feel good!!
Seriously, how do I move forward and address this to the larger community and in my studio positively???? I still don’t know exactly the right way to handle this touchy subject. Touchy in the pole community too. Sorry, I’m going to be honest, I don’t want to be a stripper like I don’t want to be a surgeon. Cutting people open does not sound fun to me. It’s just not my thing. I’m still a good person even though I don’t want to be a surgeon, right? Help me find the right mojo to project!! I guess I need to understand the other side of the coin and how people feel who are entertainers? How would you want to hear someone like me address this topic????? Please help!!!
PEACE, LOVE, AND POLE people: I want to help promote pole to the larger community and I’m all about pole in the Olympics. It’s evolution!!! If you don’t agree with this statement, How would you like to hear me address the topic of the sexuality? Help!
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I think it’s great that you’re thinking about this–thank you!! To me, it seems perfectly appropriate to say “I pole dance for fitness. I enjoy the physical challenge and the dance aspects of it, but I don’t dance in a club anywhere,” as long as the last bit isn’t delivered with a contemptuous sniff and roll of the eyes. It’s possible to have strong opinions on a subject, without allowing it to degenerate to negativity and name-calling. There’s no need to build pole dancing up by putting a whole segment of humanity down! 🙂
Personally, I don’t particularly want to see pole in the Olympics. I would rather not see it sanitized to the extent that Olympic competition would require. But if someone asks about pole in the Olympics I don’t roll my eyes and disparage Olympic caliber athletes.
So yes to peace, love, pole! It’s a matter of remaining positive whenever we talk about pole, and staying off the defensive (which is what often starts the negative statement ball rolling in any conversation where we’re put onto the defensive, we feel like we need to distance ourselves from the “offending” party/action!
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Playing devil’s advocate a bit, I don’t see the “but I’m not a stripper” comment to be meant as derogatory towards strippers. “I pole dance but I am not a stripper” is a completely accurate statement about me. I can see how someone might *infer* that I disapprove of stripping, especially if it’s spoken out loud with a certain tone, but it’s not like I’m saying “I pole dance but I’m not a stripper, that would be icky.”
I have found that even when I qualify with something like “I pole dance for fitness and fun” the stripper question is still not far behind on my listener’s mind. They might then ask “Have you ever been a stripper? Do you know a lot of strippers? Would you ever consider stripping?” kinds of followup questions.
Like it or not, for a majority of people, the only context in which they can immediately place pole dance is the exotic context. Saying “I pole dance but I’m not a stripper,” in a non-defensive and non-accusatory tone, just nips that question in the bud so I can take the conversation in a different direction (talking about the many many positive aspects of pole) without that shadow hanging over, just waiting to be asked.
I do see your point, though, not disagreeing with you – just providing another perspective, that it’s not all bad all the time.
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I love that you posted this! =]
I had the same feeling a while back listening to people talk about pole. It almost seemed that rather then enlightening people about why they love to do pole. They had to defend it rather then embrace it.
I sort of do like Chem, along the lines of.. I tell people I pole, if they ask about which club I work at, I usually tell them “I wish I had the moves and body to work at a club!” that I do pole cuz I love it. I love how I feel when I nail a move that’s been giving me trouble, or get just a little bit more fluid in transitions and the dancier parts.
I feel that making pole fitness “better” then stripping is like hating your sister. Same parents but they do different things for work and fun.
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My comments along the lines of “You mean people would actually pay to see my A cup boobs?!…Where do i sign up?!?!” ;-D
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@SpyralBound, I have no tremendous issue with a dispassionate delivery, the way you describe–though it is almost never delivered in that manner. The “but” part of it does still trouble me somewhat because there’s an automatic (even if slight) negative connotation that comes with the intentional distancing of one from the other. Admittedly, that’s what they call splitting hairs. 😉
If you were to leave the stripper part completely out and smile and say “I take pole dance lessons at a local studio” or “I pole dance at home, just for me”–do you think would that give you the same nip-in-the-bud effect, seeing as how it makes the context of your pole dancing very clear? Follow-on questions may include stripper/club questions but at that point the door is more open as is the conversation.
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Usually my own delivery is something like … “One of the main things I do for exercise is actually pole dance (or pole fitness), I took it up a few years ago when my friend got me curious about it, and have never had so much fun exercising.” Depends on the audience and how much time I have to go into detail.
Worst experience for me was a few years ago, a coworker outed me to the whole office on a reply-to-all email. We were joking about the features we’d like to see in the new space our business would move to… jacuzzi, massage table, mini bar, basketball court … and then she chimed in with “Yeah and we could put up a stripper pole and Spyral could teach us some moves!” A few people replied awkwardly (one with “TMI, la la la la”) and I gathered my jaw off the floor and responded with something like “Ha, I like the idea, but prefer to just call it a pole, I’m not a stripper!” This was when I was relatively new to the company, so I was a little concerned about the impression that gave.
On the plus side, it did encourage some other coworkers to come ask me about it out of curiosity.
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