[Runemist34]

Hey Ruby!

I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling with the things going on in your head, and with your medication. I don't take medication for either my depression or my anxiety, but I know some things about it.

First, I'll tell you this: It will likely clear up. Unfortunately, when it comes to medication like that, doctors have somewhat less information than they would like you to think- what you're messing with are the chemicals in your brain, and psychologists and doctors are about as clear about what those things do as… well, as mud. They have great guesses and some accurate understandings, but… yeah.

Medications like that, though, take some time to "settle," so after four weeks or so, you should know how it will be affecting you in the longer term. Keep in touch with your doctor about that one, and be sure to emphasize what you need to happen with your medication, and what things are problems for you.

I'm a strong believer of people overcoming their mental illnesses. I was told a LOT that I would never get rid of my depression- It was long term, very difficult, but I continued to refuse medication. I worked hard to get rid of it. After all the counselling, all the discussions, and all my lost and screwed up jobs… really what I needed to do is teach myself something new, and ask myself some very hard questions.

So, even though you are on medication and you may feel much better, I still think that asking yourself those questions. Get a journal! It's been amazing for me. And don't be afraid of the stuff inside your head- it is what makes you. You deal with it every second of every day. You hear those horrible things in your head all the time, even if you aren't aware of it… But, if you question it, if you explore it, you learn to rule it. You become able to make the choice!

And I wish you luck and happiness, no matter how you choose to go about it 🙂

[Runemist34]

Goodness! At 35, you're still totally in your prime! I heard of a lady at the old studio in town who came for a full set of classes… at the age of 85! And she was hot stuff!

What do you think you look like gyrating around a pole? Well, what DO you think you look like? Really! Because I bet you that you look sexy and amazing, and I bet you feel the same.

I feel very self-conscious often. I don't "sexy dance" when people are in the house. I'll do my workout and I'll work on strength moves or other things I'm working on, but I don't really get bump-n-grind sexy until I'm the only one home. I'm very anxious about people… even if they are my boyfriend!

However, getting to the point of doing any kind of sexy was not easy for a while. I didn't feel like I did it well, I didn't think I looked good, I judged myself often (flabby arms, huge hips, thunder thighs, look at that belly…) and it's an issue I continue to have. But, I sort of stopped letting myself say those things when I'm dancing… because, by the end, I feel SO GOOD! It doesn't bother me anymore, because I just had an awesome dance!

And… well, let me put it to you this way: I suck at sexy dancing when it includes actual moves. Steps, little bit of backbends, perhaps a half spin, that's as far as I get.

But, as the boyfriend and I say, sucking at something is the first step to being kinda good at something!

And you're on your way to being a confident, strong, sexy lady. 🙂

[Runemist34]

Personally I've found that many older people these days are fairly open to the idea of pole fitness- heck, they grew up in the glory-grow-up days of Burlesque! Which, I will point out, is now considered a very different thing from stripping in clubs, and is also seen as something fun and exciting, while also empowering.

For those who associate pole dancing with strip clubs and other wild business, I would say that you should sit down with them, and engage in thoughtful discussion with them on the topic. Tell them how you feel (by using "I feel" or "I believe," things that start with what happens inside you, rather than what you assume happens inside them), ask them questions about their beliefs (Why do you feel that this is different from gymnastics? Does it always have to be done in a strip club? What if it made me feel happy, and I got a lot of benefit from it, like strength and flexibility?) so that they need to think carefully about them.

And give them time, and space, to think about it, if they need to. And, if they cannot engage in thoughtful discussion with you about it, simply ask them to accept that there are things about you that they may not understand right now. And, you can ask them if there is anything you can do to help them feel more comfortable with you and your hobby, or being in your house… without giving up what you love to do.

Parents and In-laws are people, too!

[Runemist34]

I'd probably be somewhere between luxurious boudoir and rave dancefloor! Haha

I love the idea of having something like a plush red carpet (I don't mind pole on carpet) or some deep, dark hardwood flooring. Drapery just long enough to pool a little bit on the ground in a red or dark brown or black velvet (with the lighter drapes underneath so that you can filter the light when it's sunny and you want that). A really good chair for chair dancing, and maybe one of those lounging couches, both for the look and so people can hang out with me 😉 Or I can have a quick sit to think and drink water. Have a dimmer switch on the lights, put red or purple bulbs in the lights (humans look really good under those lighting conditions), and paint the room something bold, at least on one wall, like a deep purple or a soft but dark brown. The other walls can be kept something more "neutral." One wall could also be a wall of mirror!

And, on the other hand, when I'm in the mood, I'll have blacklights, strobes, and other light show stuff, and maybe even a fog machine (which, actually, would look awesome with the boudoir effect!). Make sure my sounds system is sufficiently loud, and get into the rave music 😉

Either way, I'd be happy.

Also I think I just designed my future pole room! <3

[Runemist34]

I'll have pictures up as soon as I can co-ordinate myself and my boyfriend into doing something at the same time 😛 He's the one with the good camera (mine's eating it's battery now), and I just seem to dance/stretch at random times during the day. I'll have something soon, though!

[Runemist34]

For me, it was more-or-less when I owned my own pole! I had been taking classes, and decided I would do it at home as well.

It's been a long time since classes have actually been available to me, and a long time since I bought that pole… and, through all the hiatuses and such, I still call myself a Pole Dancer 🙂

[Runemist34]

Floorwork always feels a bit clunky to me, too! But, I don't practice it much, so… yep, serves me right 😉

Aerial Amy's blog is awesome, and it took me a little while to realize just how awesome it was. She's helped me with a lot of moves and a lot of the mentality of dancing. She always seems to put up the right help for moves that I'm struggling with!

Glad to hear you're feeling better about it with practice 🙂

[Runemist34]

I wouldn't say it'd be good directly before a workout… it's like chugging a big glass of water! You might get a little sick too close to working out.

I just drink it in the morning, have a bit of food, and it works out well. It provides me, mainly, stuff that I don't get in my diet, and helps me fill in the deficit of Iron. I really notice when I don't drink it, I get very tired all day. I don't really think of it as a "meal replacement," more like a diet enhancer for me 😛

The increase in energy and stamina and stuff is more overall- I don't get a burst like I would with caffeine.

[Runemist34]

30 days notice is perfectly reasonable, and you NEED to be warm! You aren't hurting anyone by choosing to take care of yourself.

[Runemist34]

Webby, do the cities laws not state that, if one is owning a house, it must stay above freezing temperature?

I know that, up here in Canada, we have to keep our homes properly insulated, if not heated, because if the pipes freeze they can screw up the pipes connected to them. Thus, the city must dig them up and replace them. It's part of the landowner's responsibility to keep an eye on it.

But, you are correct… being just a friend sharing a house and helping with expenses, rather than a tenant with a lease, negates much of the rights and responsibilities one would normally expect :/

[Runemist34]

I agree with Webmaster- do you have a lease? Or can you give your notice when you want to?

Personally, I've done the house with no heat, I've done the "trying to deal with it" thing, and it sucks. You're human, and there are certain things you need! Shelter is something that is meant to protect us from the elements, and that includes cold.

As landlords to ANYONE, they need to know their responsibilities, and one of them is to provide you with a working, proper home if you are their tenant. If your refrigerator were to break, would it just be "Oh, we don't have the money for a new one"?

As nice as your place may be, as kind as your friends are, or any other reason you have to stay… I think that you should look into moving elsewhere. I know, moving sucks (I'll be moving for the 3rd time this year, soon), but you need a place that works for you, provides you what you need, and that you feel safe and comfortable in.

[Runemist34]

I'm just gonna leave this here…

http://aerialamy.com/blog/2011/08/23/tuesday-tips-kneeling-floorwork/

 

Basically, you need to press into the floor with the whole bottom leg, use your weight in such a way that, if you're on just your knee, not all of your weight is on it, and you aren't hurting yourself!

Your knees are sensitive things (I know this, I've had a chronic problem with them since I was 14, and it's slowly clearing up now at 27!), and if you place them down wrong with too much weight, you can move the kneecaps in the wrong ways, or even hit a bundle of nerves and really tweak it. It hurts a lot!

[Runemist34]

I would love to beta test! I've got the time during the day (or night, in my case) to really dig in 🙂

[Runemist34]

Wow, sounds like you've had a really rough time! I'm sorry to hear that you've been sick, and that your back is being mean to you.

I've had my share of issues with sticking to my pole- after 5 years, I still haven't gotten further than a cross knee release, and only recently gotten my basic invert (in the last 6 months or so).

What this sounds like, though, is a series of unfortunate things. From being sick to back pain, I think you've done the right thing in taking it easy and not taxing your body.

Getting over colds and things can be a very long process- I recently had one that lasted about 4 weeks as well. It really sucked!

However, the main reason I reply…

I find that, when getting back into the pole journey after a hiatus of 4 weeks or more, you need to start slowly! The first workout day is going to suck, and you'll probably be sore for a couple of days afterward. It'll be like starting all over again. No strength, no flexibility, tired out really fast and sweating like crazy. That's usually my "first session back!" So, take it slowly in getting back to your workouts, test your strength slowly and see how far along you are. Remember that as you work out, you'll gain quickly at the beginning, through each session. First one will kick your butt, second one will feel a little more normal but less strength, third one you'll probably find yourself improving pretty far, and fourth one and on you'll know what level you're at, and be able to get back into the swing of things.

Be careful with your back. Treat it nice 🙂 You'll be back on the pole in no time!

[Runemist34]

As long as it's not a balance problem and it's not somehow damaged, it's fine 🙂 I'm pretty good at ignoring sounds like that, and the squeaking doesn't detract from my fondness for it!

[Runemist34]

Haha, never worried about people reading my writing books, so no worries there! It's a strange mishmash of stories, ideas, building and journalling in there.

I'm not really used to the idea of trying to explain a move to myself. I tried, once, to write down some of the moves in Veena's videos, but I ended up with huge paragraphs of which leg/arm/side goes where, and by the time I was done, it wasn't really "get it at a glance" or quick-reminder material.

I like the idea of using pictures to show yourself your goals, and then once you achieve them, putting a picture of YOU doing it! That's a great way of keeping yourself motivated. 🙂

I really prefer paper when it comes to creative endeavors (if ever there was doubt that I'm a writer…), so writing things down like combos on paper would really be helpful to me. I would like very much to have an "at a glance" picture to remind myself of what I'm doing, and then alongside I could write about the move- tips and tricks and stuff. It's just that, when it comes to drawing… I'm really not very good. That's why I was asking about stuff like how to tell front and back, or which limb is which, and where they are going!

For example, if you're trying to explain to yourself how to do a basic invert into a knee hold… how would you do it? What if you had a three or four move combo going? How do you tell yourself where your legs go, where your arms go, what kind of spin you're supposed to get? Longer explanations by the side of pictures are helpful, but what if you want pictures, too?

[Runemist34]

My advice? If you love it…
STICK WITH IT.

I can't tell you how many times I've done all my beginner moves again so that I know where my strength is, because I've taken a month or two off my pole. Life, lack of space, tiredness, the blerg- they all get in there and try to make you not able to practice. It's all about getting creative to solve those problems!

[Runemist34]

It sounds to me like you're trying to get this directly from the plank, and I could see that being particularly hard.

The main thing I would have to say is that you really need to drop your hips similar to the way you would in a CKR, and curl your spine into a C, hollowing your belly similar to a split-grip V lift (or spin), so that when you reach around underneath your bum, you have just that extra little bit of room. You're not trying to go from shoulder right to your spine! If you need to put your arm directly under one buttock, then do so. It's all personal.

The other thing is about your hands. I found very much that I would slide, and I couldn't get a strong grip with my hands in this position. I felt very unstable. So, first of all, you want to make sure you've got your thumb pointing up. People have said "Think of it like sticking your thumb up your butt," and I suppose that's true! The other really helpful hint I had was to switch hands. It seems counter-intuitive, but it will help in trying to pull a little bit with the top hand, so that your weight is evenly spread, rather than putting all of it on your wrist (which would hurt!)

Sometimes it helps to study some of the pictures of people doing wrist sits to figure out what their body is doing; I had to do that a LONG time before getting this move. I noticed that some people tend to wrist sit with their hips a little off-center, and some people really like to have it all aligned. Again, it's a lot about practice.

Give it time, because this move can be really scary for some!

[Runemist34]

Hey everyone!

This is a very interesting discussion, and I've got a few points and/or questions for it.

My first would be this: Is the studio perhaps trying to separate itself from the "strip club" origins of pole dance by trying to remove the "sexy" aspect? Is it a single studio holding this competition? Does the studio teach any kind of sexy in their dances or moves? This would all likely go into the decision-making process for them. Not saying it's the correct decision, but all of these things may be factors.

As a counter argument to the whole "professional entertainer" thing… well, I've done burlesque, and most people don't consider that to be "being a stripper." I took my clothes off on stage, but I'm not a "stripper." I have ENTERTAINED on stage, actually in a few different ways, but since I'm not a stripper, I could technically dance in this competition? Doesn't this seem strange, and rather blind to a variety of people's skills and interests, rather than just… stripping? I know a lot of natural entertainers that would easily deal with mishaps on stage, as well as being able to make everything beautiful, graceful, effortless, entertaining.

So that's where I get confused Oo;

Anyways, I hope that this isn't turning into a huge drama for TroubledWaters, because as much as I love to see these discussions going on (and feel that they are incredibly important for us as people, as well as a community), I am hoping that we keep in mind that pole dancing is fun, and that's what we're all here for 🙂

[Runemist34]

Funny, because I have found the CKR much more comfortable than the CAR, and my thighs are much of my weight- they're big and strong and able to crush people, apparently 😛

However, it's possible I may prefer the CAR as I practice it, especially since I have a new, grippier, awesome pole 😉

I do prefer the look of the CAR much more, so that may also play into future-me's preference to it, as well!

[Runemist34]

Katas are usually a lot longer, and incorporate many different kinds of moves, often (but not always) centered around a particular stance or idea.

So I don't think those are quite long enough to be considered "katas" 😉

[Runemist34]

I've practiced this move a LOT and I really enjoy it- one of my only inverts, so I cling to it as a huge accomplishment!

Biggest thing for me was the bent-leg position, and getting your bum down into position before letting go with your hands and laying back.

Veena's got it entirely right (as she should!), make sure to drop your bum down and put your legs into position before letting go. I've found that, for me, I actually make a near-right-angle with my bent leg, and I get a lot of stability!

You can also help with a little stabilizing by placing one hand on your foot (the foot of the bent leg), so that you can pull down and get a little more comfortable with the position.

Best of luck! 🙂

[Runemist34]

I should also say, as my roommate is quick to remind me, it is entirely possible for you to do this! No one had ever heard of a 12 year old that could take a full front kick to the stomach and keep walking… till he came along. He's one of the toughest guys I know, and as he says, sometimes you get people that break the rules!

So, maybe you are strong enough to do a shoulder mount! I don't know for sure! So please don't feel discouraged by what I said.

I just want you to be careful 🙂

[Runemist34]

Leyrose, please be careful! I have never heard of someone doing a shoulder mount so quickly, and these moves can put major strain on parts of our bodies that we aren't even aware of!

I know instructors are supposed to know exactly what they're doing, and have our safety as first and foremost in our minds, but unfortunately pole dancing is technically unregulated. Depending on the studio, some instructors may just know how these moves are done, but not how and when to teach them.

I would really, really hate to hear that you've torn a muscle, or put undue strain on some tendons and have to take a long hiatus from pole in order to recover.

If you're feeling iffy about ANY move, talk to your instructor in-depth about it! Really press your concern, and ask for the direct proof that you are strong enough to do this move without injury. You want the science, not the excuses! None of this "I know what I'm doing" or "Well, if you don't think you're ready for this level" crap.

Pole dance, like martial arts, is something that takes years to master, and going through levels or belts are not as important as your safety and ability to enjoy yourself!

[Runemist34]

Oh the busy times I have had!

Time management is not easy, but it's fairly do-able. Most people use something like a planner, if they prefer paper, or using their smart phones these days for keeping schedules all together. Having school and work at the same time is a really difficult thing to do, and when I was doing it, I found it really helpful to plug all my shifts and classes into my iPhone (which has become my brain, practically) so I don't forget them.

Otherwise, I would say that you should keep workout times around the same time every day. Our bodies like schedules and you'll find yourself actually craving the workout, food, work or anything else if it happens at the same time each day! Also try to keep your workout about 2 hours away from going to bed at night- you don't want to be high and raring to go off your workout and needing to go to sleep! You could even use that high feeling to your advantage, either putting it right before work, or homework!

Be sure to give yourself free time, hopefully every day. Don't schedule your whole day right down to the hour, because sometimes other things come up! What if you want to do some gaming, hang out with friends, or something else? Or what if you're blindsided by a project? (Hopefully not, if you keep things organized! I'm just learning this now!) At least an hour, hopefully two or three, each day would be really good.

Be sure to have rest days! Very important!

And really… it's sort of a personal process! Lots of people make their planners into a kind of creative project, where other people like it just for function. Some people love to check and double check their planners (like me!) and others only need to write it down to remember. Lots of people have different styles and ways of remembering what's going on!

And, if you're really bad with time, the way I am… you can also time how long it takes you to get home from work or school, or takes you to get between work and school, how long you like your workouts, and things like that. Then you get an accurate idea of how long things take, rather than thinking "Oh dear, I have an 8 hour shift today… I can't do ANYTHING else!" Which, frankly, is completely not true! And dancing on stressful days, or days where you feel awful after work, totally helps. I'm serious. Even if you feel awful and just want a nap!

 

And now I have to go and practice what I preach… >_>