[Runemist34]

In my experience, this is simply the nature of the beast. Few, if ANY people put “weight” or fat to their shins, thus leaving the shin bone directly under the skin, for almost every person anywhere. Climbing, for me, is and has usually been a painful thing! And I’m certainly not “skinny legged” by any stretch.
Best thing I can recommend is to do what you can, practice up to your pain threshold, and it will become tolerable, eventually. Your body adapts, but only if you give it reason to!
If using a lot of your upper body strength to climb works for you, however, perhaps this could become part of your style- I’ve found that creative ways of getting around problems makes way for even more beautiful forms of expression!

[Runemist34]

“”Imperfection” means there is an object of perfection, and that is just not true.”

This one hit me pretty good. I’ve been struggling against the idea of “perfection” for a while, and I just couldn’t put into words why I felt like it was incorrect!

Thanks for sharing, Veena!

[Runemist34]

Wow, you guys work out a lot! It’s awesome to see that we all go at this in our own way, and that so much can work for so many different people!
I know we’ve had lots of discussions about rest days and how many times a week to pole on the forums here… I’ve actually found that pushing myself too much can really mess with my enthusiasm, and I become disheartened, and eventually stop for a while. At current time, I’m poling 3 times a week, and running 3 times a week. One of those days overlaps (wednesday) so I do a run in the morning AND pole in the afternoon. That way, I have two solid rest days so my whole body can recover!
It seems to be working well for me, though I do occasionally feel like I’d like to pole more often. I’m trying not to push myself too hard, though.

I have a follow-up question to all of this: With all the strength training, trick training, and everything else we do in a structured (or unstructured!) workout, how do you ladies translate this into the beautiful, polished pieces that you would put up as a video, or as a performance?

[Runemist34]

I have seen the issue come up time and again since Pole got more into the mainstream fitness industry.
“Someone thinks pole dancing is shameful!”
Whether it be a city who has to decide whether to “allow” a pole studio to set up shop, to certain people’s brothers making lewd and unkind comments, all the way to “How does your husband let you do that?” and even being shunned by one’s friend group, or family, because of a hobby.
I’ve even heard from a UK university that “women are being tricked into thinking that pole dancing is empowering, when it’s really not.”
All somewhat insulting, all frustrating, and all things I could get rant-y and political about (accepting women as actual business people, proper boundaries between family and friends about certain comments, assuming someone is “owned” by their husband, and all-around trying to keep women down, and desperately trying to keep them away from taking up space, being sexual, and being empowered), I’ll try to refrain.
In reality, we have to accept something: Pole dancing, in the western society, is strongly linked to stripping. This is where we first learned of dancing upon a pole, this is what we associate naturally with pole dancing, unless we’ve been conditioned not to for a very long time. Even I, who does not go to strip clubs and only has connection to poles through fitness, still think of it as “a stripping thing.”
And, we continue to enjoy the sexual nature of it. In many ways, increasing your “flow” and getting in touch with your sexy side is taking advantage of that western-world history of strip tease and womanly power on stage.
In my opinion, this is nothing bad. We’re using this sexual energy, this internal energy, in a way that empowers us, that encourages us to “take up space” and be ourselves, to live and breathe something that all people know to be powerful, engaging and brilliant.

Otherwise, in the real world, “dealing with it” is something very personal, and depends on you, and your relationship to the person who is doing the shaming- be it overt or covert.
Your mom made a comment about taking the pole down because of company coming over, so, there are some questions to ask yourself: How comfortable are you being upfront about the issue, without being insulting, attacking, or confrontational? How aware do you feel your mom is, in order to conduct such a conversation in a way that will not result in either of you coming away feeling unhappy, insulted, or attacked? How much energy are you willing to invest into the conversation (as in, is it worth having, considering the expended emotional and mental energy)?

I will say this: The issue could have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. Many people these days worry about what other people think. She could be thinking more about the judgements they place upon HER about how she’s raising you, and whether she is encouraging you toward values that are against the values that she, and these guests, hold dear.

And, it might be entirely as AllysonKendal said: It may just be a little bit in the way, or distracting to some guests.

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
So, I’ve had Lil Mynx poles for the whole time I’ve been dancing. I also rent, and each time I’ve moved, I simply patch up the hole they leave in the ceiling. People tend not to look up, so they don’t notice. Worst case was… I basically ripped a hole in the drywall and it was too big for just some goo from a tube, so we got a patch thing from the hardware store! Worked perfectly.
However, X-pole might be more toward what you’re looking for, as it’s only pressure mounted and won’t leave a mark on your ceiling. Even if you have the popcorn-type of ceiling, I don’t think anyone will notice!

As for those shorts, I REALLY like them, too! But, I’ve only seen them at those websites, and I agree, they’re expensive. I only have a couple of pairs of shorts, so… I can’t really give good advice on that one 😉

[Runemist34]

Tamarinda, that sounds… surprisingly a lot like my running! It’s horrible, and painful, and I hate doing it all the time… but I feel SO AWESOME afterward! And, I see progress often and feel like I’m doing something really good for myself- and I am! I haven’t had pain in my knees for months now, and I can actually use them in ways that I haven’t been able to for over ten years.

I’ve considered working on routines and things for my pole workouts, rather than freestyle… or, I suppose, putting together combos and working on those at easy levels to warm up, and then progressively harder as I get all warmed up!

I love seeing how everyone’s workouts are put together, and how different it all is from the beautiful pieces we put together for showing off!

[Runemist34]

Motivation is hard 😉 I think most of us struggle with it! I know I do!
You’ll get there, not to worry! Focusing on the journey, rather than the destination, is one thing that has helped me to keep going.
Everyone here, I’ve found, is really positive… so if you need some positive encouragement, you can always put the call out!

[Runemist34]

I’ve had LOTS of ups and downs, and I still have them- the last two weeks I haven’t run or touched my pole, due to some pretty bad anxiety attacks. I lost a lot of time at school, a lot of time in general… but, I’m getting back at it now!
When it comes to uploading videos, I know how you feel. My current space doesn’t seem to be accommodating at ALL for recording, so despite my wanting to, I can’t post videos.
However, I must say this: The videos you’re likely looking at are finished products, and what you’re comparing it TO is work-in-progress. It’s sort of like an aspiring author comparing their first draft to a published book: They’re totally different animals, and completely incomparable!

Comparing yourself to others is something that so many new people here struggle with. I sure did! And, I still do, sometimes. I still look at other runners that pass me on hills and think “I’ll never get there!” Or, if you want a much more direct and in-your-face one, when I run with my roommate… he used to do cross-country in school. He’s so fit he gets 6-pack abs from thinking too hard. He’s just “one of those people,” and next to him, I feel like a giant, crippled T-rex, lumbering along, as he trots next to me like a lithe and graceful deer.
Not the image I enjoy seeing of myself, but… I realize I’m comparing myself, who has NEVER done cardio in her life, to someone who has been active constantly, who simply considers this to be a light warm-up, and who is doing it more for MY benefit than anyone else’s!
Comparing yourself to someone else, and especially comparing your journey to someone else’s, is sort of like trying to compare a tree to some lava. They’re not even remotely alike!
Your journey has seen you in the hospital, it has you on medication, it shows you different places in life than I could ever imagine. Your journey is one of ups and downs, like mine, but they are different! And, we’ll react to them differently.

Talking to a psychologist or psychiatrist is probably a good idea. In many ways, the challenge of accepting your body is far greater than that of trying to “lose weight,” but it can also be more attainable, and tends to make you happier, and it lasts longer!

Also, with that many steps each night, you must have buns of steel. Like, seriously, can you crush rock with those?

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
I have definitely noticed a difference in my weight.
About Two and a half years ago, I was about 180lbs, and was a bit larger than I normally am. Like, I was up to wearing large-sized shirts, for example, and I had more jiggle around the belly area. I wasn’t really working out, I wasn’t really strength training or anything… And then, a very stressful time came up, for about six months!
I lost about 20lbs. I was back to my “normal” adult weight, the weight I had been for most of my adult life, and a lot of it was size. I had stressed and starved my way into it, too, and I certainly don’t recommend that!
Now, though, I’ve picked up running and really gone for it with my pole dancing- lots of strength training, and running provides my cardio, which I have never had. It’s been super hard to get into cardio, but I’ve noticed a few differences. I’m happier, I’m stronger, I have much greater control of my breathing (this is really important when one gets anxiety and panic attacks), and I’m not in pain from my knees anymore.
I’m also up to 195lbs now (as of sometime last week when I weighed myself), and feeling awesome. I’m not wearing any of those large shirts though- not gotten any bigger!
Except for my calves. My poor boots can barely get over them!

Gaining weight because of medication is really frustrating, and though it’s not an issue I’ve had to contend with, I can see why it would be something to watch. 2 stone sounds like a lot. Have you talked to your doctor about it? Is there any other medication you could try that might work with your chemistry a little better?

Getting into pole dancing is awesome, and day 10 is further than I’ve gotten with the 30 day challenge! Haha. I’m just kind of wingin’ it on my own! I’ve also found cardio, of any kind, to be a huge help with both my mood and my body composition. Whether it’s swimming, running, step class, or anything else… cardio three times a week might really make the difference for you! I started noticing the difference about two months in- I started eating almost constantly (I’m not quite back to that yet, I had to stop during the super-hot part of the summer so I didn’t cook myself), and I was only getting stronger as I continued! I’m almost up to that point now.

I think, also, you need to be forgiving of yourself. You’re doing your best for your health and wellness, and you’re only just starting with pole fitness! Enjoy your own process and forget about the weight. It’ll go away, or it won’t, and you’ll just get stronger and feel happy with yourself 🙂

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
Welcome to the SV forums, to pole, and to the community!
It sounds like you pushed your hamstring a little too far, and in that case, I would say REST! Don’t try to stretch it any more, let it rest so it can repair itself.
The dangerous part here is that, if you continue to push it too far, you can damage your hamstring, and actually lose a lot of flexibility and possibly damage it. This can be a pretty big detriment to… well, life! So, please be careful!

[Runemist34]

Often this is just an issue with how hard you grip. I didn’t know HOW anyone could spin with little shorts on for SO long, and now… I’m spinning with little shorts on, with a much grippier pole than I used to have!
I think that learning just the right amount of pressure to put on the pole with your legs and hands is the key. Far better to learn this and be able to transition from spin into a climb or more of a “sticky” move than to have to rely on using powders or whatever else.

But, in the beginning, I wore capri pants. Those worked really well, because I still had most of my lower leg to do grip work, and I had everything else without grip at all. When I wanted to do anything that needed my thighs, I just changed.

[Runemist34]

Some people have a really difficult time learning things on their non-dominant side! Similar to my attempts in staff spinning, doing things with your dominant hand just seems to make sense… but when you try the other side, suddenly you feel like you have to re-learn it all over again!
And, in some ways, you do. Unless you’re naturally ambidextrous, learning physical skills on your non-dominant side is going to be very new, and sometimes very difficult. You’re teaching your body how to do something “backwards.” This can be frustrating, but is ultimately rewarding! Just remember that it will feel wrong, or strange, or abnormal, or just plain hard for a lot of the time, till you’re really used to it.

Strength will come. Seriously, I struggled with the basic invert off-and-on for about five years. I know of no one else who has fought with it that long! So I’m sure you’ll get it 🙂

[Runemist34]

I suspect that, if it’s pushing through the ceiling, you may not have found a solid part of the ceiling. You really need to locate a joist for your pole to push against, and so that it is really solid when you’re dancing on it!

[Runemist34]

I totally know what you’re going through- I have a fear of being upside down, unfortunately, and any inverted time is a struggle for me. I prefer certain holds over others because they feel more secure, and I struggle even to strengthen the right muscles by inverting and holding.
What I’ve found helpful is going slowly, and trying to be very aware of how my body feels, what it’s like. It allows me to watch my breathing, to control my emotional response, and to really look at what’s happening, and figure out if my fear is too much, or manageable for me to continue. This also means that I can exit the move if I need to, and try again later.
I know that the EFT technique, or Tapping, has been very useful for a lot of people. I think of it similarly to EMDR, which brings in both sides of the brain through things like eye movement back and forth, sound on both sides, or tapping both sides of the body (such as the knees). It’s not exactly the same, but it can be similar in effect: You’ll find yourself less afraid, inexplicably, without being exactly able to explain why.

With a traumatic event such as yours, though, I might also suggest counselling, as there may be some other things you can deal with cognitively, that may hold you back a lot stronger than a physical response. But, you’ll have to determine that for yourself! You may not find it so difficult to get through the fear once you actually go for the attack.

[Runemist34]

Hi there!
Happy to hear you’re picking pole up again- hard to believe it’s been around for over 10 years now!
Personally, I haven’t found pole to be particularly good for cardio. I’ve picked up running since April and that’s been my cardio workout, but I also still pole because I love to do it.
I’m sure some of the other ladies around here would have more ideas on that one.
I do want to say this, though: You may not “lose weight,” but you may lose some size. I’ve seen it several times here on the forum, the “I started losing weight, but now I’m getting heavier again?” This, of course, is in relation to the number the scale will give you. This is because you can have a very small amount of muscle weigh the same as a much larger amount of fat- the physical size it takes up on our bodies has little to do with how much it actually weighs.
Thus, if you start to lose fat and gain muscle, you may find that the scale begins to lie to you. Especially considering the scale number has nothing to do with your actual health.
I’ve also found this to be true, as I was about 165 lbs before running, and have gone up to about 190 lbs, though I have lost some size in some areas (my calves are a whole lot bigger, though!).

I hope that you enjoy your re-entry into pole, and that you find the forum just as amazing as I have!

[Runemist34]

I’ve got a lil mynx and used my pole on all of these surfaces and more! Most poles just crush the stucco a little bit and that’s it. Any that go right into the ceiling via a bolt, the hole is easily covered with some spackle or whatever.

[Runemist34]

Hi there!
I feel that it’s important to point out that, with a pole sit, you are NOT trying to cross your thighs the way you do when sitting on the couch. With the pole in between your legs, there is no way to get your thighs themselves to cross- you’d have to have some broken bones to accomplish it!
That said, in many ways it can LOOK the same, because of the technique Veena does (by dropping one hip downward to create a lock) and the wonderful optical illusions that are our bodies.
In reality, we are crossing down at our knees at the highest, and for some of us, we cross at the ankles and just squeeze REALLY hard! This is mostly due to how our hips, thigh bones, and thigh muscles work together and are put together… each body has it’s preference.
And, for the wrist sit, there are a few really good threads to search up on the forum for tips! I struggled a lot with this move for quite a while, and found those tips super useful. I would say, though, that the wrist sit is a difficult move and can be pretty harsh on your lower hand if you’re not used to the body position needed before taking your legs away from the pole, and if you’re not used to the push/pull necessary with your arms to keep your weight off your wrist.
The moves Lucca listed, like planks and laybacks (such as the cross knee release or the cross ankle release) are super useful to learn, and I did many of those before I touched the wrist sit.
I don’t know where you are in your pole journey for those moves in particular, but they can really help you get used to leaning back and understanding the see-saw effect that is required in a wrist sit.

Hope this helps! Keep at it!

[Runemist34]

Hi there! Hope that you enjoy it here, and share with us your pole dancing journey 🙂 I’ve found the help and support here to be phenomenal, and Veena’s lessons are just as fantastic. I don’t have a studio in my city now, so this is all I’ve had for a while! Still getting through it though!

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
What I’m getting from your post is that, when you try to do a pole sit, you find that it either hurts quite a lot, or you slide down.
Unfortunately, pain is a part of pole dancing, and for many of us the pole sit is our first introduction to the pain of gripping the pole in a sensitive place.
The issue of sliding, however, can be corrected in a number of ways! Certain leg or hip positions, such as leaning one hip down toward the ground, and putting your feet toward the opposite direction, can help to create a “lock” so that you can get used to the hold.
For something like the crucifix, which you mentioned, it can also be somewhat painful, but the hold itself is a bit different. You’re holding a lot more with your lower legs, such as your shin and your calf. This move can actually be used as an advancement from a squat, if you so choose, due to the difference in hold. However, you have to really concentrate on squeezing hard with your hold.

Things like a warm pole, and a warm (but not sweaty) body can also help with your staying on the pole, of course.

Hope this helps!

[Runemist34]

Hi Layesh,
I’m really sorry to hear that this has happened, and that you’re having to struggle so much. I’ve had my own marriage fail because he “fell in love with someone else,” and things became complicated for about six months after that- during part of that time, I definitely had a lot of these issues, such as imagining them together, and feeling very hurt and angry, and confused.
I have to ask… how did you find out that he slept with this person? If he confessed, do you know why it took him so long to do so? How does he feel about your relationship, and about why he felt he could sleep with this other person?
In other words… have you sat down and had a serious conversation with him about it? Having more information might help you to become less confused. Especially knowing what’s going on in his mind about your relationship, and why something like that happened, may take the decision-making for your future out of your hands. As hard as it is to deal with for so many of us, it takes two to tango, and if he’s not on-board, you’re both going to have to deal with the consequences.
However, if you find that he has no issues with how things are right now, there are clearly issues on YOUR end, and they MUST be dealt with. Please, NEVER think that your needs, issues, and expectations are any less important than anyone else’s in your life, including your children or your partner. If you aren’t getting what you require, and you simply roll over and take it… well, that sends a message to you, and all the people around you, and it is a lie. You are SUPER IMPORTANT and NO ONE should EVER say any different. EVER. If they do, you’re going to have to seriously re-evaluate why you’re around that person, and whether what they contribute is really worth you being put down and insulted that way.

I realize that forging ahead and being on your own, with two children, is terrifying, but I think that the main thing you must keep in mind is YOU. There are so many ways for a single mother to get along in the world, and part of that may be something like joint custody- that way, you are not needing to raise your children alone, or pay for them alone. There are options, and you must remember that.

Anyways, for the more immediate problem, there are a couple of routes to go: Staying with him and trying to re-establish trust, or deciding that this is a dealbreaker and cutting things off. Obviously both come with their positives and negatives.
If you wish to try to stay with him, think long and hard about what you need to trust him. Many people go on the route of “Big Brother” and want constant check-ins, and want their partner not to talk to anyone of the opposite gender. This is generally because of the lack of trust, and it tends to put huge strain on the relationship, and the children. This isn’t what we want! You want to be able to have him go out in the world, and trust that he will NEVER do this again. And, it’s you that must figure out if that trust is possible to regain, and how it might be done.

Again, I must reiterate: This is something serious. You are completely validated in being hurt, in needing to be taken seriously, and in having your needs met. It doesn’t matter what kinds of excuses are given, if he was drunk or high, or if he “just wasn’t thinking,” or whatever. He made direct choices that lead him to what he did, and if he didn’t think of you and his children, well… that also sends a particular message. That’s a big reason why it hurts, among many others.

I found journaling to be extremely helpful in times of this nature, and continue to find it useful. It helps me figure out how I really feel about certain issues, and figure out the things I need, and it helps me to feel grounded and established in myself.

Good luck, and don’t be afraid to reach out. The people here are amazing. Send me a message if you want to talk more privately, or anything else.

[Runemist34]

I agree with Phoenix hunter: Mix it up! I have a few different DVDs, but I don’t really use them… mostly because I just don’t seem to get enough time in each position to really feel like I’m increasing my flexibility when I’m using someone else’s methods. I suppose once in position, I could just pause it! Haha
I know that, for me, it takes a while to relax. Warm up and other training aside, I have to really think about relaxing, releasing, and proper form while I’m doing any flexibility training. It’s helped me out a lot, and I’m getting better at it, but it’s still a struggle!
On the topic of injured hamstrings… I, too, know what this feels like. I don’t THINK I actually tore it, but I don’t know- never went to the doctor! I do know this: I screwed it up, and it got tighter and tighter till it would just hurt, all the time, a sort of dull pain that I just couldn’t shake. I didn’t like that at all!

Knowing your “stretching limit” is so super key. You should never feel actual pain! I know there are some people of the notion that you push as hard and as far as you possibly can, but I really don’t agree with this. Your limit could be the difference between a shift of weight, a quarter inch, the flexing of your toes. This is the very best time to increase your body awareness!

[Runemist34]

I’ve spent most of my time doing home-pole, and I’ve had a few setbacks, where I’ve made progress and then been off the pole for several months. I know that I have difficulties sticking with stuff like this, but I’m starting to figure out where the difference lies, for me, between doing something in a class (and being able to have that time), and doing something on your own.
So, first of all, come up with a plan for your workouts- I call it my “I don’t feel like dancing” plan. Because, when you go to class, they always have something for you to work on! It’s not always freestyle. It’s not always even dancing. My experience was mainly dealing with one move at a time while in class, so I’ve tried to work things that way. I alternate core workouts and arm workouts, and I have a couple that I’ve already picked out that are either light, or harder, depending on how motivated to kick my own rear I am that day.
Next, setting time aside. I’m pretty bad for this (in fact, I need to get on the pole today and just procrastinated, playing video games and eating junk food all day!) and sometimes I just “forget,” or I push my dancing aside for other things- hanging out with friends, work, homework, or just lazing around. HOWEVER, I have found that having the time set aside each day, even if that time “moves around” and is at 1pm some days, and 7pm other days, you still have it. You know that you do. It’s important to you!
The last one, which is related to setting time aside, is this: Remind yourself that you WANT to, and that you promised! Having a class is something most people seem to “respect” because it’s time already set aside, that you PAID for, and is fixed due to someone else’s schedule, so they normally won’t interfere with it, and we don’t feel guilty about saying that the time is already booked. However, when it’s our OWN time, that we haven’t paid for and technically have a say in whether we move it around, we feel more guilty, and sometimes there is more pressure to put it aside for other people, other things. However, you WANT to do it and you PROMISED!! You must make your dancing time a priority, or else you just won’t get there.

Having a loss of strength is very frustrating, and having gone through that a couple of times, I really do understand how disheartening it can be. However, that strength will return, sometimes much faster than when you originally built it, and you still have the knowledge, which will help you out a lot.

And, as Veena hinted at, I have one dirty trick I use for running (because I actually find running to sometimes be torture and I don’t want to do it, especially in the morning, which is the best time for me to do it), and it’s that I’m not allowed to shower till I’ve had my run! I can barely function in the day without my shower- my hair is a mess, I feel dirty, half-asleep, and gross. My morning shower is a huge part of my routine, so barring that from myself till I go for a run is a pretty big motivator. But, like I said, it’s a dirty trick.

Good luck!

[Runemist34]

Oh, I should point this out though: A common misconception around waxing is that it results in an “always smooth” waxed area, and it does not. In order for you to wax again, the hair MUST grow out a significant amount, much more than you would grow it out before shaving. Eventually, the hope is that the hair would grow less, and I know that it can become sort of “patchy” and thin after waxing several times, making it easier to deal with and less to wax, but… that takes a while!
Personally, I prefer shaving as it hurts less, and I have more control over what I use and how my skin feels.

[Runemist34]

I can’t imagine waxing that area for men would be very much different than it is for women. Mainly, I would suggest finding a professional that is comfortable working with men. I’m sure you could call around to a few spas or aestheticians in your area and ask if they would be willing.
I mean, drag queens must figure out how to get waxed, or how to wax themselves, so why not straight men as well?

[Runemist34]

It sounds to me like you got a robot to answer you, and that you need to press the issue further. I didn’t see anything that didn’t meet their guidelines- you are not posting “before and after” images, simply Veena teaching and being who she is, in exactly the shape she is. Unexpected results are certainly not present here, either. And finally, showing a certain type of body weight as being either perfect or undesireable is nothing like what you posted, and nothing like what you guys have EVER posted. So that’s all a moot point.
SO, I would push it. I don’t think an actual human answered your inquiry, but just in case… respond, contest, push back.