MzVelvet started this discussion ·
ok,so i finally got my dvd from my level 1 peformance. so since the guy whom im supposedly getting to know was curious, i showed him the dvd. After showing of the group performance, he made a comment and said "yeah, you can definitely tell thats level 1".i think we did a great job. would you be offended at that comment?
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luvlee ·
I wouldn't show him any more videos. I also would not be offended. Really... what do men know about this sport? Not much.
luvlee is right :) Don't be offended. He's just not good at praise... Hopefully he has other talents that will make the relationship worthwhile :)
Reyn ·
I think "outsiders" may sometimes have a hard time understanding how difficult it is to do certain things we do in the pole world. Some are more blunt about it than others when they see something they are not drawn into. Keep in mind that you are learning, every step you take is better than none at all, and maybe try to understand WHY he felt that way so maybe you can take something away from the comment to work on. Explore his answer a little more, if you can take it. If not, shrug it off, and avoid asking for an opinion you don't want to hear.
adAstra ·
I would take insult, at least at first. I definitely agree, though: most non-polers have no idea how much you are actually doing and it hurts; everyone else is right that you should try to let it go. I bet if he were up there he could not make the same moves look half as good! The trick is to keep that in mind and not let it phase you. You may just change his viewpoint later, maybe not, but just think that his is just one little comment against all our voices cheering you on 😉
I once said to my hubby, that it would be so cool to ditch med-school and spend my life as a pole instructor. He answered without hesitation "you're not that good. It doesnt look so hard to do, so since you are not better after a year, I would stick to the doctor thing" Even though I would never leave my education, I got really upset. I asked him to do some of my moves,since they are so easy. Pole spin: fell down. Chair spin: fell down. Pole sit: Got tears in his eyes, of pain. After that, he started to really respect what I can do. And today, he often brags about the new moves I've learned to our friends.. Guys dont know anything about pole, untill they try it :)
first: I would be totally upset about it, because here we all know what a hard work poledance is. and second: that is so typical for people who do not really exercise. a friend of mine told me, her teacher said that pole dance is not a sport. well, I would love to see her working the pole, would probably end crying like a baby :) sweetie, we know how hard the training is and even though I did not see the video, I am sure you can be incredibly proud of your progress and even though we never met, I am proud of you as my fellow pole dancer :)
korinne ·
My typical response is to challenge them to do the same moves like steffie. If they do, they'll see how hard it is. If they won't accept the challenge, either they know they can't do it or don't really respect what you do...
Hazelnut ·
I agree with the others - if he hasn't done it, or been exposed to it for long, he won't realise how hard it is so I wouldn't judge him too harshly on that comment. It does look easier than it is! Show him a few tricks, if you can, and then he'll change his mind! You just gotta educate ignorant people rather than getting upset :)
Whether you could "tell" or not, that was a rude comment. He knew you were a beginner-- What did he expect, Jennyne Butterfly? If this boy does not encourage you, I'd question if it's worth keeping his company any longer!
every level 4 had to start @ level 1. You have to start somewhere. Show him in a year and see what he says. My husband is blown away by what I have accomplished in a year. DONT Feel bad for where YOU are!!! Simply being where you are shows dedication!!! It was not thoughtful, and actually men get a lil jealous seeing us throw around our body weight like it's nothing...UNTIIL they get on the pole and try to do one. Ha- bet he can't do squat! Don't worry honey, you're already a shining star. smooches...
And honestly, I think watching a level 1 is far more exciting than a level 4 right now, because more emotion comes through. You are more focused on enjoying yourself than the "baddest trick"!. That's sexy and fun.
MzVelvet ·
yes, what your all saying makes sense. I know if i would have ask him to try to do what i do, he would of say" im taking the comment way out of portion", because when i said the comment was not nice, he couldnt understand why ,when he was saying how he sees it. Then he compared it to, if you were to see a kid, you can say " oh ,she looks like she is in the first grade. I said that made no sense at all.lol He is the type of person to make comments on everything he see. For me, I took it as he was saying I wasnt as good as... Its like going to a strip club and commenting on a performer and saying I can tell she is a amateur. Then on the other hand I thouhgt maybe it was just the routine the instructor had us do. Maybe the routine wasnt showing the group at its full potentials. Well either way he is not worth all this thoughts.lol
MzVelvet ·
Also@steffie, That was mean what ur hubby said. But glad you proved him wrong. :)
SoloEbo ·
Very true.. not worth his thoughts at all.. I mean, what is he supposed to be a Pole Connoisseur???
Anonyma ·
Don t take this the wrong way but guy go to exotic clubs and know whats good or beginner pole dancing :p
I highly disagree w/ you Olivia, in a club, you can simply sit extremely slowly while grazing your hand down your leg, making eye contact and have a seductie smile on your face and the guy can say, wow, you've been pole dancing years. Ha-what makes someone sexy is different than what is usually exuded in the pole world(sad but true fact for many- as I hope to change that, but diff topic/thread all together). Anyway, if you take every move that you already do and elongate your lines, show confidence in your step, are correctly guided, you'll improve. Watch your own vid and think about what advice you would give yourself. Hope this helps.
Charley ·
I'd be pretty offended at first. Echoing what's been said, he just doesn't really get it. I have had students tell me that their husbands told them their floor work wasn't sexy, lol. You should ask him what he was expecting. AS far as the strip club correlation, men who have been to clubs do sometimes make the connection but I think it's more about the overall look and feel of the dance vs moves you and the girls were doing. Exotic dancers generally don't do a lot of tricks for a myriad of reasons (pole is slippy, pole isn't safe, pole tricks don't always equal $$.) I've never seen a beginner exotic dancer start out looking any different than pole students, either. We all start somewhere, we all feel awkward dancing around the cold steel pole. Heck, I see exotic dancers who have been dancing for awhile still look uncomfortable with the pole - progress and comfort are individual. Some of the exotic dancers I know who really aren't into pole also make big bucks because they love to chat, talk and hustle.
Flip the comment on its head, take it as a compliment! Since when is it insulting or offensive to be called a beginner or an amateur, if that's what you are? And it sounds like that's how he meant it, not as ANY kind of slam but just an observation. Don't read more into it than he meant, especially if he's told you what he meant. There's nothing derogatory about the term "level 1" - it's pretty neutral. So yeah, he's stating the obvious, but it's your choice to take it personally or not. Let this roll off your shoulder and keep being the awesome "first-grader" you are. :)
MzVelvet - it really was. But he said it so fast, that he didnt mean to be mean,but that was what he thought about my poledance. Thats why I decided to let him discover the difficulty of pole :)
firebird ·
MzV -- you yourself said it best: he isn't worth all these thoughts. Love how you put that. I personally would think any dude that is gonna leave me w/that much doubt & discomfort, I'd be movin on... You seem like a sharp young hottie that is blossoming into a future bad-ass ("level 4", LOL!) pole dancer! Dang that sounds like a chickie that is worth a million bucks, so yeah, maybe that's this guy's loss...
MzVelvet ·
@sawyer venm, i like the way u put it. they dont undestand how much work we put in. we had to practice 8 weeks for our performace to just get a negative comment was not supportive at all.
I don't think it's rude. It's a statement, an observation 'you can tell its level 1' like 'you can tell its blue', well yes you probably can tell its level 1, but that's not a bad thing, you might have kicked ass at level 1!!! Men say what they mean there is rarely an alterior motivation to their comment..
There's something to remember because this comes up in aerial a lot, too. And from what I can tell, any technical discipline ever. For one thing, the good and experienced dancers make anything they are performing look really easy. It's not performance ready if it doesn't look easy. So right away, anyone watching a good performer, regardless of the performer's skill level, will react in a way telling them it must be easy (or at least, not horribly difficult), after all, it looks so easy. Another thing that really gets me is that the unexperienced eye cannot distinguish between many of our pole tricks. Which isn't surprising, I remember watching trapeze videos before I ever started that blew me away, totally and completely. Now, when I find a trapeze piece I love, I usually love it for its technicality, for knowing just how hard it is, the complexity of transitions, the musicality etc. Basically, the average person might not really see the difference in scorpio or gemini, split grip vs elbow grip, and they definitely don't know how much working for all the skills hurts or the time it takes. I read about a Cirque du Soleil juggler talking about how when jugglers get technically really difficult, and audience can't appreciate it the way other jugglers can. Because an audience can't tell the difference in juggling 5 balls or 7 balls. But there's a huge technical difference there. If one asked people after the show about the juggler, all they remember about the show was WHAT he was juggling (balls, rings, clubs). Not how many. Not how difficult. In combination, both of these things make the average person watching performances not particularly capable of determining the skill level of a person. It's good and bad. It means a performance can be great without being technically really difficult. Because performances are so much more than just technical skill, usually. But it also means that if you bust your ass for a move, perform it when its ready, absolutely no one in the audience is going to know how damn hard it was to get, and they might clap more for something you didn't have to work for at all. Something you got the first time you tried it so you put it in your piece as a resting point. Ugh. That used to happen with trapeze a lot to me. Bottom line. I wouldn't think its a big deal. There's nothing wrong with being level one. Everyone was at one time. Most people not involved in performance arts don't have a frame of reference for the difficulty of performance art.
