What if pole dancing isn't sexy?

Masked Loopy II started this discussion · 3/15/2010

As I said in a previous post, my husband has never seen me pole dancing even though I started in June 2009. He asked me, "What if you're doing all this work and I don't find it sexy?" I don't even know why he'd say something like that, but I basically said that I enjoy doing it for myself anyway because it's really improved my strength and flexibility. I told him that I consider pole dancing like a grown-up version of the gymnastics I loved as a kid. He responded "I can see that." I'm not sure what kind of bizzaro man wouldn't be into this stuff, but I wasn't upset. Anybody else married to an odd one? 👽

16 replies

Ginny_Ryu · 3/15/2010
I'm not married to an odd one, because I'm not married at all. However, I don't find pole dancing sexy. So, maybe I am the odd one. I've always known that, though, so no surprise there. I am a female, so maybe I don't apply to your point. I've always found pole dancing to show the performer's impressive physical strength, but that's all I've ever seen it as. I don't see the sexiness in it at all. It's a good work-out. And guys like it, but if anything, I find that it's hard for me to do things when that is the case. I don't want their attention that way, because I feel it creates a bias. I think that pole dancing shouldn't be learned for one's mate anyway. I would never take up something just because I wanted someone else to think it was a specific adjective; I do things for my emotional well-being. I don't feel right if I'm not being myself the best I can, and so caring whether someone thinks what I do is this or that is only going to distract me from what really matters - what I think about myself. 👸
Runemist34 · 3/15/2010
I am married to an odd one...mostly because when I look at pole videos, he doesn't want to watch them. He just says "I want to watch YOU do it, not someone else!" I don't know if it's really a matter of sexiness when it comes to non-stripper pole dancing, it's more of the passion we feel for the art, the strength and beauty of it, rather than the sexiness. 🐱
Bellz · 3/15/2010
Pole dancing has always been a private thing for me and it isn't sexy at all. When I was with my bf, he never saw it. Well, he saw me practice for shows, but it was never a dance for him. How dare him put that pressure on you! (hehe) I'd tell him there aren't any worries on his opinion cuzz ur not gonna show him! haha. Take that. lol. 🙂 <<<Not sexy at all>>>
x Sakura x · 3/15/2010
Haha we're not married but I have an odd one! When I finished my beginners course I was soo excited I decided to show off what I'd learnt to the boyfriend. After seeing my routine he didn't seem even remotely impressed lol! Never mind, I don't bother showing him any more and just wait to jam with my girlies instead. I think pole dancing can be extremely sexy, but I think it's because of the confidence it gives you and the elegance of the moves, not because of the stigma attached. I wouldn't worry about your hubby huni. You're doing this for you and if he happens to find it sexy that's an added bonus!
pole-twista · 3/15/2010
well 1st i think any man that tells his woman he doesn't want to look at women on the computor, only wants to see you... go hug that man! 😀 🥂 not that's there's anyhting wrong w the mens looking at each others vids i know i am always saying "jay come here and check this chick out! " but if he's saying things like that its kinds sweet. 👑 now that's out of the way, i am a little shocked your husband would say that, 😲 😕 but men think in a diffrent style than we do sometimes so.. guess try not to let it get to you, 😎 especially as you are doing this for yourself, and if he gets to be so lucky as to see a beautiful, sexy, woman dancing seductivly in his home.. ❗ 😳 he will find it sexy if he opens the idea of it. either way have fun, make videos (for u of course, but he may find it sexy if you do a video for him where you may feel comfortable even more so as you can redo etc, & may decide to throw in some freaky little scenes and use props, costumes, wigs, etc just be sure to tape over things after!), and remember we all are here to watch your progress and self expression! 🤸 ☀️ 🌸 rock on girl! POLERS 4LIFE
Journey · 3/15/2010
Lol I don't think your husband's odd - I think that's awesome! From my experience, the majority of men think pole dancing should be automatically sexy - and that goes for several pole dancers, as well! I've read several pole dancer's blogs where they sneer at the idea of someone pole dancing and it not being sensual. My husband is one of the people that hasn't let go of the sexy stereotype. He knows I don't do the sexy stuff in front of other people but still doesn't like the idea of me even demonstrating tricks to other people. We've gone out a few times and I'll ask if the place we're going to has a pole (half-jokingly) and he'll say it doesn't matter because I'm not dancing on it, anyway. *sigh* I WISH he could see it from a different point of view. But pole dancing means different things to different people - dancers and spectators alike. 🙂 But, Loopy, I think you're husband is actually being very sweet. He was apparently under the assumption that you wanted to do something sexy for him on the pole and he was worried about hurting your feelings if he wasn't aroused by it. That's the impression I'm getting (it's hard to tell just reading a forum post...). Maybe he was relieved when you said you did it for the gymnastics angle! 😜
amy · 3/15/2010
just to be devils' advocate-- because i'm curious-- for those of you who don't find pole dancing sexy, or if your husband (or sig other etc) doesn't-- do you/your husband find regular dancing sexy? if so-- why wouldn't pole dancing be sexy?
Runemist34 · 3/15/2010
Amyxshi, I actually find pole dancing very sexy...but I suppose it's more that I don't find it sexual. I don't enjoy things that are really overtly sexual with dance, I like it if it's all innuendo. 😎 Like the Tango! What a hawt dance 😀 I find pole dancing sexy because of the flow, the passion, and the individuality of it. I believe I had said before somewhere...what we find sexy is personal, so for some people, they like feet, and other people like boobs, and some people like the whole package...but only when it's moving! All kinds of things. So we can tailor pole dancing to what we want, depending on what we want from the dance itself. Thus, if we WANT it to be sexy, we can make it so...and if we don't, then we don't have to! 😉
Journey · 3/15/2010
Here's what I have to say on sexy and pole dancing: http://polespection.blogspot.com/2010/03/why-is-sexy-sexy.html http://polespection.blogspot.com/2010/03/pole-dancing-should-be.html Edit: added another one: http://polespection.blogspot.com/2010/03/sexy-where-to-draw-line.html
Ginny_Ryu · 3/16/2010
Regular dancing isn't sexy, either. I think it could be sexy given how one moves, but generally speaking, dance isn't sexy. It's beautiful. It's self-expression. Not everything about someone's ego has to boost their self-esteem by boosting their sexuality. It can boost self-esteem without sexuality - in fact, I find that targeting sexuality directly actually makes me more uninclined to partake in an activity. I think it's cheap to want to be sexy. It's manipulative. I get very angry when guys look at me lustily, because they think I'm someone I'm not. They don't even get a hint when I try to glare at them, it's like they don't see me at all. However, different types of dancing - like belly dancing or tango - can be sexy to me. It's all a matter of difference of opinion. On top of that, though, I want you to know that I don't think pole tricks qualify as dancing. It's very hard to move to the actual music on a pole, unless you're twirling. Other than that, bopping your head in the middle of a trick or whatever else could be classified as moving to the music wouldn't be very cool, I think. Pole tricks are not dancing. They're just done to music. That's how I feel.
Gsylass · 3/16/2010
Yeah I'm married to an odd one too... he doesn't find pole dancing sexy - usually anyway - if I try to dance just for him he appreciates the effort but it doesn't do much "that way". Heck I even tried the lap dance thing and nope, not interested. *sigh* Depending on the performer, I find some pole dance sexy and some just "WOW", when watching dancing it depends on the style again.
amy · 3/16/2010
Regular dancing isn't sexy, either. I think it could be sexy given how one moves, but generally speaking, dance isn't sexy. It's beautiful. It's self-expression. Not everything about someone's ego has to boost their self-esteem by boosting their sexuality. It can boost self-esteem without sexuality - in fact, I find that targeting sexuality directly actually makes me more uninclined to partake in an activity. I think it's cheap to want to be sexy. It's manipulative. I get very angry when guys look at me lustily, because they think I'm someone I'm not. They don't even get a hint when I try to glare at them, it's like they don't see me at all. However, different types of dancing - like belly dancing or tango - can be sexy to me. It's all a matter of difference of opinion. On top of that, though, I want you to know that I don't think pole tricks qualify as dancing. It's very hard to move to the actual music on a pole, unless you're twirling. Other than that, bopping your head in the middle of a trick or whatever else could be classified as moving to the music wouldn't be very cool, I think. Pole tricks are not dancing. They're just done to music. That's how I feel. i think sexy is in the eye of the beholder, not the beholden. in other words: you can't try to dance sexy. you can only be found sexy by others. i think i understand your opinion a little better now. 😀
Charley · 3/16/2010
I've spent a lot of my time being outspoken about the fact that pole dancing is a great work out and I suppose I've always really focused attention on the dancey aspects or the athletic aspects. Over the last year I myself have grown into accepting the sensual side of pole dancing and as I have gotten to know it - It's turned into my favorite side of dancing. Mine doesn't care about the pole at all but he reaps the rewards of my feeling sexy. I agree with Amy.
polarbearlove · 3/17/2010
I have an odd one too!! He doesn't think it is sexy because he "sees it as an art or work out" However... I think he is full of it because he doesn't find anything I do to be sexy. NOTHING! Now that I think about it maybe men don't find the pole dancing sexy... Maybe its the allure of not knowing the women doing it and knowing that it is not really socially acceptable. When you bring it into your home then its the norm and he knows you all allure is gone... just a thought.
amy · 3/17/2010
I have an odd one too!! He doesn't think it is sexy because he "sees it as an art or work out" However... I think he is full of it because he doesn't find anything I do to be sexy. NOTHING! Now that I think about it maybe men don't find the pole dancing sexy... Maybe its the allure of not knowing the women doing it and knowing that it is not really socially acceptable. When you bring it into your home then its the norm and he knows you all allure is gone... just a thought. i agree that there are a lot of subconsicous societal/normative pressures on people to perceive different things in differetn ways. people who were raised to think of certain things as "dirty" or "slutty" will have a much harder time finding it sexy when their girlfriend dances for them.
polarbearlove · 3/17/2010
That s part of his problem.. He was raised super religious, he is like the anti Christ now but a lot of things he will shy away from because his mom was super omg that's not very god like.