Trying to find myself.....

Sukarina started this discussion · 10/12/2009

Hi everyone!!! Well after reading a bunch of posts i thought it would be a good idea to write down some of the stuff i feel......... I'm not happy with myself, i don't have self esteem at all, i feel that everything i do i do it wrong, and i just don't know why. I'm suposed to feel good 'cause i'm going to Brasil to study but i've been workless for a year so i feel useless.... I love to go out with my friends but they are busy with their jobs, family or boyfriends. So i feel reeeeelllly lonely. I'm confused and i don't know what to do about it. I was thinking i should find something to get myself into, so i started watching pole fitness videos and i just felt in love with it lol, and now i'm trying to decide if it's a good idea to buy a pole (and convince my mom and her husband because he is traveling to us so he's going to bring it for me). The thing is that i'm not the kind of person who commits herself into something (does anyone gets the idea????) I'm afraid of giving up the pole thing after a few months, because i realized that's what i do i drop off everything. Something that doesn't help is i'm not confortable with my body at all, i think i look ugly with a top and shorts. If you think i'm crazy for all the stuff i wrote just let me know!!

9 replies

miss fern · 10/12/2009
I too am the kind of person who gives up on stuff after trying it for a little while. Pole is the first thing I have ever stuck to and now I am good at it! YAY! No matter how many times someone tells you practice makes perfect, it never sinks in til you feel it for yourself! Now I am much better at persevering and improving when I take on a new challenge or hobby. 😀 I recommend taking some classes. That way you will know whether you like it, and by the time you get your pole you will already know a few things, so you won't be in the danger zone of feeling so lost and overwhelmed that you give up. I'd say at least 5 classes really, because you will need a bit of time to build up strength and technique to see results.
Sukarina · 10/12/2009
I too am the kind of person who gives up on stuff after trying it for a little while. Pole is the first thing I have ever stuck to and now I am good at it! YAY! No matter how many times someone tells you practice makes perfect, it never sinks in til you feel it for yourself! Now I am much better at persevering and improving when I take on a new challenge or hobby. 😀 I recommend taking some classes. That way you will know whether you like it, and by the time you get your pole you will already know a few things, so you won't be in the danger zone of feeling so lost and overwhelmed that you give up. I'd say at least 5 classes really, because you will need a bit of time to build up strength and technique to see results. Thanks for writting!!!! I'll love to take some classes but the thing is that i live in Ecuador (South America) and there isn't a place where i can learn.... besides my mom's husband is traveling to the US in two weeks and that's the only chance i'll have to buy a pole and having someone bringing it to Ecuador. I HAVE TO decide now.... So i'm entirely lost.....
FreeTheSun · 10/13/2009
Well if you wanted to go the purchase you could do Veena's lessons so you wouldn't feel lost. And if you end up not sticking to it, but I think you might suprise yourself, you could sell the pole because I am willing to bet there are people (def in the expat community) who would love to try pole but are in the same predicament as you and don't have access to buying one without paying huge overseas shipping costs.
litlbit · 10/13/2009
Hey sweetie...believe me I can relate to you, I was once in your situation about how I felt about myself. I went into counseling because I couldn't do it alone...soooo glad I did! I learned how to accept and like myself, then was able to love myself and realized that yes it's nice to get "warm fuzzies" from others but it needs to come from within to have an impact. I began to pursue one interest at a time until I found one that "TRULY" was an interest not just a thought or desire...once I did I began to excel and not feel so worthless any more...I hated myself and how I felt for a very long time. What I learned was that I had to stop dwelling on my "bad" feelings, get off my butt and CHANGE what I didn't like..with my therapists help I did!! I don't have but TWO friends, and they are busy with their jobs, families and grandchildren....my children are grown and gone and my husband is never around...HOWEVER, I have the gym and people I work out with now and my pole..it has given my life new meaning and it doesn't matter if I have someone to hang with or not (I felt lonely all the time) because I always have people at the gym to talk to and have met a lot of bodybuilder/competitors that have been helping me reach my dreams of competing, and I actually enjoy my own company these days LOL...anyway I hope you get what I'm trying to say, I do get long winded sometimes!! LOL I just care about what your going through and know how it feels...I think getting a pole is a wonderful idea for you...you may surprise yourself....not only that but a sexy sensual woman isn't a size 0,2, or 4...or someone that looks like a model when she's wearing clothing, she is a woman that embraces her curves and femininity and is so beautiful on the inside that she glows on the outside! The most beautiful woman I've ever seen in public was about a size 24...and she is INCREDIBLE! Self love, acceptance and attitude are what it's all about not how we look...I had to love myself before I could change anything about myself.
loopielou · 10/14/2009
I'd say get the pole - people are right on here, you could always subscribe to Veena's lessons or buy yourself a DVD to work through at home. I am definitely the sort of person who gets really excited about something and then gets bored of it really quickly, but I have found that pole is different - there is a new challenge every time as you are learning different moves all the time. I won't lie to you, it is difficult, particularly at first when you are building your strength up, but it is such a rush when you get a new move so it's all worth it. 😀 I have really low self-esteem and body issues, but I have found over the year I have been doing pole that my body shape has changed which has made me happier with how I look and as I've become more confident in the moves I am doing, my self-esteem has also grown - I'm not saying everything that was wrong in my head is fixed because of pole, but my attitude to myself and life in general is so much better. It's all well and good people telling you that you need to think positive, but you have to find that thing that will refocus you on to the positives in your life, rather than the negatives. My glass is more half full than half empty now so life is getting better. I hope you find your happiness and I would thoroughly recommend pole to you. It's fab! Good luck with everything x
Sabrina · 10/14/2009
I would like to echo what everyone's saying. I, too, get really excited about something and then get bored just as easily, but Pole has been different for me - it's a challenge every time and you're challenging yourself - it can be frustrating at times, too, but it's like a high every time I have a breakthrough and get another move - and there are endless moves and combos. I subscribed to Veena's lessons on this site and they are fantastic - very clear and very helpful! Get yoruself a pole - exercise is KEY to beating depression or depressed feelings. and working with only yourself and a pole is like meditation - alone with your thoughts, but moving and getting stronger at the same time. You will become stronger on the outside and in - check back and let us know - good luck with your struggles - believe in yourself and come here for support - it is such a unigue place! 🥂
Sabrina · 10/14/2009
One more thing - just remember to start slow! Follow the lessons and master the beginner moves first, then you will have somehting to build on - of course you will want to jump right into inversions and bigger moves, but you will be more successful and feel more satisfied if you crawl before you walk and walk before you run- don't hurt yourself, it's quite easy to do; even some of the beginner moves, you are constantly lifting your entire body and you may not realize you've done something bad until the next day when you can't move - be patient (as my father in law would say "I'm not a doctor, I don't need patience) haha and it's hard for me, too, but you will have a much better time 😀
Runemist34 · 10/14/2009
I totally agree, Sabrina. I've been lamenting the fact that I cannot invert for a long time, but honestly, since I don't stick with my dancing sometimes (I'm bad for getting caught up and forgetting to take care of me) I haven't had the chance to build my strength! Also, while I totally understand wanting to get into it, I've found a whole new world of challenge in just trying to improve technique in those spins and beginner moves! Like, on one move, I found I don't push my chest out enough, and I'm actually losing momentum in the spin because of it! Don't give up, just keep trying. It's a great challenge...especially for those of us who give up easily, or burn out quickly. It's the challenge to keep trying, and keep going at it, because it's fun and beautiful and makes you feel great!
teresawitch · 10/14/2009
sounds like the move to Brazil to study is quite a big change for you and i get the feeling that the feelings of looking forward to this change are overshadowed by a fear of changes that there is no controll over and perhaps a little bit daunting. as for feeling that nothing i do is right i guess being out of work has somehow hit confidence levels and if i set myself up to get something wrong when it happens i can a least tell myself that i was right in my self concept of how i am at this moment in time. life is moving forward but somehow get the feeling that i want to put on the brakes and stay with what i know, fear shakes our foundations and our beleif in ourselves but the fact the you have applied for study is for me a positive step to moving forward, you found a place within oneself that took courage and it sounds like there was a part of you that inner strength that is within you is there to assist you in your goal for a future you are striving for through study and taking charge of one's life. good luck with your new and exiting journey.