trying to convince parents pole dancing isn't skanky!

kerrierou started this discussion · 3/19/2009

i'm almost 21 (in exactly a month!) in school livin at home. tryin to get a spot to put my pole, and ended up tryin to convince my parents that pole dancing isn't skanky or just to be like "look at me! i'm sexy!" my dads like well why do you wear like underwear and i said cuz u need skin between ur legs to grip the pole so u cant wear shorts, and sometimes need ur stomach to grip too. i talked about how gymnasts and figure skaters and such wear leotards with their butt hanging out when they dont really have to, so whats the difference? i tried to related a lot of things to gymnastics and stuff. how it takes so much stregnth and form. and was doin a pretty good job convincing them. untill my dad was like well then why do you wear those shoes!! what are those for? they're sexy and girls wear them to lift their butts! (haha i had to laugh at that one) i didnt really know what to say. i said that they make it look better cuz ur standing tall with better posture and on ur toes, that they add a challenge cuz its weight on ur feet, and that some of them help you to grip the pole to climb it. idk he wasnt buyin it. i didnt want to say that yeah, its a little sexy, cuz im tryin to prove that its not just to be sexy and all that. i said that tap & jazz dancers wear heels and he was like well not 6" ones that light up! lol oh geezzzz.....well i got them to realized that its not just for "strippers", cuz if it had just come out as a new dance/sport/fitness thing, not ever had been related to stripping, then they wouldnt see it that way. and most strippers cant do much, if anything on a pole! my dad was tryin to prove the "butt lifting" aspect of heels lol. so my mom put them on (HAHA!!) she was so funny scootin around in them, we were all laughin! she waas like oh let me go out and get the mail! at least we had some fun out of the serious conversation i was tryin to have. oh mannnn. if you guys have anything else to add about why it should be taken more seriously (and something about the shoes?? lol) let me know! even though i know that the shoes do make it more sexy 😉 lol

39 replies

untamedshrew · 3/20/2009
Hmmm, the "stripper shoes" are gonna be a hard sell! LOL! I don't let my kids see me in mine. As for legitimizing our sport, maybe you could show them some videos that showcase the strength and skills required, and more dancey than sexy. Fleur has really beautiful vids, the kind my husband won't even bother watching over my shoulder! LOL! Your parents just need some educating to get them past "OMG! Our baby girl is stripping!" Good luck!
yogabeachbabe · 3/20/2009
You could say that the shoes really help exercize the calf muscle...but I'd have to admit that the light up ones really do scream out "STRIPPER"! Good luck with your parents.
Veena · 3/20/2009
Tell them the high heels are necessary for Balance practice. HEHE 😉 😉 Don't sweat it too much my family still isn't thrilled about my pole dance..... god forbid I went and started a SITE dedicated to it! 🤓
azriel · 3/20/2009
ok, i tried to send my reply TWICE to this, but it didn't go through!! so this is just a test to see if my posts are showing up now.. aaaaaaaaa how frustrating!
Trena · 3/20/2009
kerrirou you're so funny! I giggled all the way through that post. What a conversation to have to have with your parents. My mother was like that too in the beginning and now she's fine, she kinda laughs at the idea of me pole dancing for exercise but she's passed the stage of being wary of it! I showed her some of the things I can do and she was like, 'Wow!' Anyway I suppose I dont live with her so she doesnt really have to deal with it on a daily basis! lol Your parents seem like fun! I love the bit about your Mom wanting to go out and get the mail in your shoes!! 😂 Cute!!! 😉 The best thing to do (if you're comfortable doing it) is to showcase what you can do on the pole and wear the shoes and tell your dad the lights are only a bit of fun. All the points you made about posture are valid and I love Veena's balance thing!! Anyway best of luck xx
azriel · 3/20/2009
ok, 3rd time.. here's what i wrote: I totally understand how you feel that your parents (or just dad) don't see pole-dancing that way, but can't really blame them too much since pole-dancing as a fitness sport is so new, plus he's your dad..so ya know 😉 But it can be quite frustrating and really sucks when people have stereotypes about certain things! If i were you, I'd just wear short shorts while practicing when he's home.. you can do just about every move in short shorts, seriously! I'm 29 and even I won't wear my 6" heels in front of my dad- not because he has the right to tell me not to (cause i know he would never tell me that), but just because there's no need to cause him to worry, get upset, anxious, or raise his blood pressure LOL. It's just something he won't understand, DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW, so no point trying to persuade him. I would just save them for when he's not home.. But that's just me. Sometimes it's just not worth the struggle to argue with parents or people that just won't see things your way no matter what- they're too predispositioned towards their own beliefs. Hey, look at the bright side, at least he allow you to even have a pole in the house! i've heard stories where girls' parents totally forbid even that! But i guess if you can get away with it without a big arguement, or without it having a negative emotional consequence on you, then just go for it and keep making your statement!!! ... otherwise, it's just not worth the trouble, at least as long as your living under his roof 🙂 good luck!
Foxy_Rei · 3/20/2009
😀
kerrierou · 3/20/2009
thanks guys! haha for balance, good one veena! and yeah they are good for working ur calfs too! and azriel - yeah i dont wear them much, and sure not when hes home! i put up the pole twice in the dining room when they were at work and he got mad so i am gonna put it up in my room, where theres not much room at all to spin =( but yeah he saw the shoes cuz they came in the mail cuz i had to order them. it was funny they were lighting up and they wouldnt stop even when i took them off (they light up when theres pressure on the heel). i asked my dad to see if he could stop it and he was like "im not touchin those things!" 😂 but yeah they're better with it now knowin more about it. and i could definitely understand why they would be like that. but yeah it is frustrating. but thanks everyone!! 😀
kerrierou · 3/20/2009
lol jacq thats soo funny! "you guys are kinky" 😂 oh mann. but yeah it can be hard....hope it gets better for the both of us!
azriel · 3/20/2009
haha thats sooooo funny they wouldn't stop lighting, and he didn't want to touch them!! LOL!!!!! i'm glad everything's better now! i'm sure he'll get used to it eventually.. doesn't seem like he's that close-minded, since you're mom joked about it and all- he's just playing his part, ya know, the father role 🙂)
Neke · 3/23/2009
I just wanted to respond to this, as it has slightly offended me - I know you're trying to convince your parents that you're not being 'skanky,' but I feel in commenting on this you are implying that professional dancers are the definition of skanky. "most strippers cant do much, if anything on a pole!" I really don't think this is true - I've worked in clubs for 4 years now, and I know there's not many other girls on here who have worked in the industry, but there are a few. I've found it takes a lot longer to learn how to pole dance when you're working in a club because you don't have time to practice, so I find the girls who don't do much on the pole just haven't been dancing very long. I'm not wonderful, but I do feel I can do more than the 'nothing' that you are suggesting most dancers are capable of. I have seen some really amazing dancers in clubs, some that still make my jaw drop no matter how many times I watch them. Death lays, handsprings, crazy spins... One of my friends does things that really shouldn't be possible - she constantly defies gravity. There are many styles of dancing though, and quite a few of the tricks look cool but aren't necessarily sexy and aren't really appropriate for a club. Maybe find a video of somebody dancing in a really sexy way, and find a pole fitness workout video to show your parents the difference - it's like going to the gym. As for the shoes, I really don't think they're necessary. They do make you feel sexier, but I would just stick them in the cupboard for a long while and only wear them occasionally. I always learn new things without the heels, as it feels much safer if you fall or become unbalanced - If i fall in the heels I try to land in a way that won't break them, instead of worrying about breaking myself. I did find it easier to climb the pole in heels when I first started, but I only buy ones with clear plastic on top - I don't think the others stick as easily. That is the only thing I would use them for - show your parents how sticky they are compared to your skin.
kerrierou · 3/23/2009
Neke, im sorry if i offended you. i didnt mean that no exotic dancers can pole dance. but where i live there are strip clubs. and not one have i or anyone i know seen a girl that gan do more than a firman, if that. i've been to the ones in cities over, and i know people who have been to the ones in the bigger cities and they have said the sam thing. so from my experience and the area where i live, most cant pole dance. maybe where you are most can pole dance. i guess everywhere is different, but here is the opposite. but yeah i buy the shoes just for a little fun sometimes, i normally practice without them. but sometimes once i get a move i practice it with the shoes because it is harder, so i can get stronger and better at the move. again, sorry if i offended you. just from my knowledge and what i've seen in strip clubs around here thats what i've noticed.
Rouge_LAmour · 3/23/2009
why don't you show them the sites for the schools in NZ?? This may allay their fears better if they see it's a professionally taught sport. mine and LisaT's: http://www.polefitness.net.nz Polegirlsonia's: http://www.kiwipolefitness.co.nz Amy's: http://www.polerevolutionz.co.nz Lou's: http://www.pole.co.nz aroha's: http://www.poledancer.co.nz All of us teach for fitness and for the grace and beauty of this dance form. None of us teach for the "exotique" side. Normal dance schools teach burlesque, which ironically has a less risque attitude in NZ. I was looking up Swing and Lindy Hop today and found some of the Wellington Dance Schools are teaching strip tease and burlesque. Nothing wrong with it, but I do see this huge double standard: we're slappers / skanks because we pole dance, yet the suburban (Karori / Khandallah / Remuera etc) matrons who do burlesque (and get down to tassles and g-strings) are considered completely fine and respectable. You may also wish to advise your parents that women do this for fitness and creativity. And if they think it's done by skilless women for money, recite this list of quals from my studio alone: 3 Phd (Aerospace engineering, Psych and Law), 1 Phd candidate (science), several masters students, many grad students, a top Personal Trainer who features on a RayRay type show, a lot of students (mainly maths and physics funnily enough), several professional musicians (including Lisa), several film industry types (editors, art dept, cam ops, wardrobe) and a lot of very switched on women. Not one of them is learning for the exotique side. Nothing wrong with stripping, as long as it's done for all the right reasons and not just a desperation for money or fame. My old flattie was a stripper and she got very screwed up because she did it for those reasons.
lily · 3/24/2009
Neke I have seen such incredible dancers in Las Vegas (spearmint rhino) - doing tricks that made my jawdrop 🫡 I wish I saw more girls who actually got up on the pole in clubs near me, I am like 😕 that the Palace in San Antonio has taken their poles out of their club! 🙁 This dancer Joy is one of my favvvvesss http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkCIF7-Tmc0 omg Jacq I was dying at your post 😂 my parents and in-laws think I'm such a tramp, sooo embarassing - and my MIL is the worst, she always makes comments just like what your mom said - she's so freaked out by our mirrors and the pole, and the fact we have sex in her house 😈 haha, anyway - good luck Kerriou! just keep it athletic and classy. And fun.
Veena · 3/24/2009
Hey Neke girl....I felt really sad when I read that you were upset by some of the posts. 😢 I have a huge amount of respect for exotic dancers. I think exotic dancers are true performers which YOU ARE. I love the videos you have posted!! In my mind a woman can take off every shred of clothing....dance buck naked and she is still and Exotic dancer NOT stripper. The women in the clubs are true pros...they work set after set there is a difference (in my mind) between the "stripper" who looks uninterested and just takes it off and an exotic dancer. The Exotic dancer performs!! Captures you, makes girls want to be her and men well...turn into a puddle of mush...LOL I think you can tell when a woman is doing it for the wrong reason. One more thing Neke...there is actually a LOT of other exotic dancers on the site. I think most of them are too busy to post one the forum though. lol We do love and respect you!!! 🥂 🥂 🥂
Fleur · 3/24/2009
Thank you to whoever suggested she show her parents one of my videos, I am very flattered 😳 Here is a vid of me very clearly WORKING OUT (no sexy clothes, no heels, no stripping, not even any dancing! just acrobatics) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_is_AnmhDiE And here is one of me dancing (i've been a ballet dancer for 17 years! This is a legitimate art form!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXL8_CuSrkg You'll notice in the "ballet inspired" video that I am ON MY TOES at all times. The reason? It lengthens the leg line! This is the same reason ballet dancer wear pointe shoes and pole dancers wear high heels, aesthetics. That being said, I agree with everyone who said don't bother trying to convince them about the shoes. And here is another video of me fully clothed dancing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7FNIblnsYw Allright, I think you've seen more than enough of me!!! Fleur
Neke · 3/24/2009
Hey guys, Sorry if i over-reacted, I am possibly a teeny tiny bit oversensitive to people judging or pigeon-holing exotic dancers... I don't post my videos publicly for a reason, lol 😉 I've always tried to dance in a way that is the opposite of skanky! I think I was just surprised to hear you say that girls working in clubs don't do much on stage - that's so sad. I know quite a few girls who travel all over the country dancing at different clubs who are stunning, so it's safe to say that there's at least a few girls at every club here who could blow your mind!I'm nowhere near as good as them, but I would like to be one day (although I am sure it will not be until long after I have stopped dancing professionally). Even the girls that don't do any pole tricks are still stunning, because they can always do something - You know when you slowly shake a pencil in front of your eyes and it starts to look all rubbery? One of the girls can do that with her body, although I don't know how... I love it! Thank you for your kind words Veena! I have seen some pretty amazing videos on here from other girls working in clubs and I know there are lots around, but I figured that with nearly 5000 members here they would be the minority. And Fleur, those videos were beautiful (as always!) 🙂
pole-twista · 3/24/2009
as far as dancers i think alot of it is the club the strippers i have known personally have not been able to more than the very basic spins (no inverts) if that, and have seen some trashy looking girls at this certain club in the area that is known for run-down looking women w not much in the way of dance/pole skills there is a nickname for this club that i wont post here its just really a bad atmosphere alot of known drug dealers are in and out ect just not a good look 🤮 i would LOVE to visit a classy exotic dance club where the dancers are entertainers not just crawling all over the floor i am pretty sure there is 1 in area ( closer than 1 just mentioned) that is suppouse to be a little more upscale and women friendly in my personal opinion[/i there is a big diffrence between an exotic dancer and a girl who just gets on stage and crawls around with her a$$ in the air 😎 dancing and esp pole dancing are to me beautiful ways to express yourself, explore your sexualitly, and yes entice people but theres no talent (in my opinion) in just looking as skany as possible and crawling around and spreading your legs 👎 to me if your going to make a living off dancing on stage w a pole you should atleast put in a little effort to learn a few basic moves or atleast learn some sensual ways of moving on stage again i have been to see ladies"dance" several times in my life and havent been impressed as i said i know there are clubs (esp in RI and Boston) w lovely ladies of all shapes sizes who are amazing & talented who i wouldnt mind spending money to see perform bc thats what you get a performance 🦇 not just a mostly naked girl looking bored or strung out ( i rememeber 1 girl looked soooo aggravated being on stage and when my girl friend went to hand her money she actually gave her a real dirty look and turned her back just walked away like a big F u) I have actually been asking around for some time to get some people together to go to 1 of the nicer clubs but alot of females dont think they would enjoy watching another female dance( prob bc havent even tried or bc have had bad experiences like me ) and the guys seem to be willing to just see T&A and not care about how the lady performs as long as she looks good 🙄 hopefully will get up there soon really am hoping to do an ameuter night over the spring/sumer and would like to check out the clubs/atmospheres 🤓 sorry for such a long post just got in and am so over-tired but cant sleep 🤔
amcut · 3/24/2009
On club dancers... I think anyone who makes that money makes it for a daaaaaamn good reason. Even if they are just crawling on the floor. Or shaking their thighs in the face of a ying-yang twin. It's a job, to make money. The few times I've been in a club and seen someone make it rain, it's not been because of a straight-edge, or even a jamilla-esque burlesque appearance. No way. It's been because of some super nasty-delicious floor work. SO when your parents are like, "Well what's the difference?" ... it's that you're not getting paid. 😉 I think you shouldn't lie to your parents. If you're going to be an athletic only type dancer, than sure. Go ahead and preach gymnastics and "no it's not sexy". But you can't say it's not sexy wearing heels. Or if you ever wiggle your backside. Or if you run out of athletic boyshorts and have no problem "working out" in lace as opposed to spandex. Why not just preach the good that happens when a little sexy meets self esteem.
yogabeachbabe · 3/24/2009
Amcut: very well said! I'm inspired by your eloquence and insight.
Veena · 3/24/2009
Very good post Amcut!!! Thanks you. Hey....This is a site about support 😀 Calling any woman a derogatory name is rude! We as ladies are waaaay to quick to pass judgment on one another!!! In ANY and EVERY work place there are people who are great at their job and then there are people who hardly make an effort. I just don't like the word stripper.....thats just me. I don't even know why 😕 LOL. Its sooo true that you don't need a pole at all to be an amazing dancer. Have any of you tried my booty moves out yet?? They're not easy right? Learning how to move and control your body...crawling included!....its not easy. One more thing I want to point out...I was talking about the difference (for me) between a stripper and a exotic dancer....One being a perosn who looks like she doesn't care. Well I feel that with ANY job weather its working at McDonald's or at fine restaurant. If your not happy at your job it will show. Please ladies don't think I was implying that the girl who looks like she doesn't care is "trashy" for lack of a better term. I was only trying to describe the definition of the two words in my mind. As I write this I feel I should just get over my dislike of the word stripper. I truly feel that we ladies are amazing... lets support each other!! 🥂 🥂
kerrierou · 3/24/2009
i definitely agree, and very good imput amcut. neke said she was an exptic dancer, a pole dancer. if i went to a club and saw a girl dancing or up on the pole naked, i wouldnt call them a stripper. the clubs in my area ive been to are the ones were they dont do anything on the pole, dont even really dance, just walk around naked grinding on the guys and whatever. nothing dancey or inpressive about it. i have all the respect for "exotic" or pole dancers. and i agree about that it is sexy. i knoe that the heels do make it sexier, and yeah, i do shake my ass sometimes lol. when i was talking to my parents i actually talked about other forms of dance that are sexy but they are totally okay with. like belly dancing. it is sexy but socially accepted. also some hiphop dancing or just dancing in music videos is sexy. but just b/c its not on a pole its okay? why? also, my parents just went to las vegas a few weeks ago. they saw a kind of circus/acrobatic performance. my mom said the girls were topless. i asked what the difference was even then for being naked on a pole or in a performance like that? my dad said they were doing acrobatics and did stuff from like 20' up, dropped, and caught themselvs at the last second on a rope or somethin. i showed him some videos of girls doing crazy acrobatic stuff on a pole, and hanging with their legs, falling, and catching themselves at the last minute. just the same as he desribed. so i did get them to see it a little better, but of course, its gonna take some time seperate it from the "skanky" image.
Trena · 3/24/2009
amcut I loved your post! 🥂 Neke You're a great dancer and I love ya! 😀
RoxyPink · 3/24/2009
You ladies are all fantastic! Amcut-that was a wonderful response..Kudos!! 😀
pole-twista · 3/25/2009
i think its 2009 and a woman can earn $$ any way she pleases I just feel in my opinion that if i am going to pay hard earned $$ to see a lady perform thats what I expect a perfomance I am not saying floorwork is not a performance when its actually a performance booty poppin/shakin ect thats all great and I know its not as easy as it looks but when a girls is getting paid to dance I'd like to see that she made some effort to entertain and not just show up looking bored and aggravated 😈 I have been to clubs and been pretty disapponted by what i have seen 😕 (again these are local clubs in my area and I have obviously only seen a small part of what goes on various nights) i have also seen totally awe inspiring performaces by ladies in clubs on the net just so talented even when a lady is using pretty basic moves but you can tell their into it ( or atleast do a good job pretending if their not) and they seem to enjoy the attention of the audience thats easy to get into and enjoy i think strippers/exotic dancers are great and can be fun to watch i just dont think you should be on stage if all your going to do is lay on the floor barely moving except to open legs or walk around giving dirty looks ( esp to the females in the club) as i said these are all MY opinions we are all entitled to are own thoughts on things and i believe we are all mature enough to discuss are various opinions I dont believe my opionions degrade anyone its like me being a performer and getting on stage barely bothering to do anything, giving dirty looks/looking completely bored/aggravated and than me expecting you to not only be cool with spending $$ at the door to get in , but than also wanting you to hand over more of your $$ i mean if your not happy w your job work somehwere else or atleast learn to fake it thats how i feel as said am dying to check out a nice club to watch ladies perform 🥂 am more intrested in pole tricks but would be happy to just get some inspiration in general 🌸 ( just cant get inspired by women w no feeling for what they do wether singing dancing ect) so thats where I stand 🫡 hope no one takes offense although cant see why anyone would i'm not saying if you cant do tricks you shouldnt be on stage im saying if your not going to make it enjoyable for the people who are paying to see you, than no in my opinion you should find other work ( i realize for some people the whole idea is to just see naked/semi naked women, but i have alot more respect for dancers than that i want them to do well i want to see they enjoy their craft ) if you read my post through (and the tons of previous posts) you will see I am very supportive of everyone and there desicions I just dont like being mislead into believing I am paying for 1 thing and getting something very diffrent than what was advertised hope everyones doing well ☀️

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