So Frustrated......

Rara started this discussion · 4/16/2009

All week I havn't been able to get a good practice in since the Kids are on spring break. We had nasty weather the pass few days , so they couldnt go out. I just dont feel comfortable to practice when they are here , due to the fact that they want to sit and watch and keep walking through the room. I Just completely loose my focus on what I am trying to do. Well today is a nice day out the sun is shining, and they still wanted to stay in...lol. Well I chased them out , thinking I will finally get a good practice in and work on a few new moves. I thought wrong I got on the pole and its like I no strength or grib . There is so much I want to learn ... and I see how others are learning things so fast. Sometimes I wonder if it may be my age since I am 37 and thats why its taking me longer to master things. I still cant climb the pole and its been at least 6 to 7 weeks now. I do manage to pull up and sit for a second, but cant hold it. I do know that my legs are much stronger then my arms. I been reading alot on about the pole-burn and maybe that is scaring me some. Well tomorrow is another nice day , so I will be kicking the kids out again and hopfully I will get a good practice in. Trust me I am not giving up , this is something I always wanted to do..

14 replies

Veena · 4/16/2009
I totally hear ya on this one. My kids are having spring break this week and I got a pathetic practice in yesterday, I was not happy about it, I felt weak, tired and frustrated. I usually do my work outs in the morning during Henry's nap while the older boys are in school. Don't be too hard on yourself, just because your daughter and others have learn some moves quickly doesn't me you will. I have taught some moves to all of my boys and only one of them gets it right away. Everyone learns at their own pace, its also a matter of building up the strength. Now I need to take my own advice I'm about to give, and stop comparing yourself (myself) to others and work on being happy with my personal achievements on the pole. Don't worry about what others are doing just work on achieving your personal best. 🌸
Rara · 4/16/2009
Thank you Veena , I know I am being kind of hard on myself. I just get jealous of others and there progress at times and wonder why cant do certain things yet. Dont get me worng I do enjoy seeing someones progress and I also enjoy watching. A few friends of mind did come out and say to me , that I am to old for this pole thing. I think that got to me for awhile. I was just progressing things so fast for a while , but now its not so quick. I just cant wait until the kids go back to school next week , so I can start practicing again everyday.
glitterhips · 4/16/2009
Did you ever see the post I made about being so frustrated that I even took down my pole??? People started responding to it saying that everyone else felt the same way I did at one point or another...which was relieving for me because when I see some of the dancers here it's hard to believe theyve ever have a bad practice in their lives! And I dont think your age has much to do with it...I turned 23 a few weeks ago and I dont think I catch on quicker than anyone else...in fact I actually think it takes me a lot longer than most girls here to learn new moves. Hopefully Im still poling when im your age..I wish my mom was cool like you and wanted to learn with me too!!! It is really hard not to beat yourself up but everyone has their own style of dance and way of learning things. I took a little pole break for about 2 weeks and just lifted weights and worked on transition moves and when I went back to the pole I nailed about 5 or 6 moves I had been trying for weeks all in the same day. But now I'm stuck again so I think another break is in order..the great thing about poling is you can take breaks and as long as youre still doing some weight training during that time you wont lose any strength. But really I think we've all been there so dont be so hard on yourself...I've seen your videos and I think you're great and Im excited to watch you grow as a dancer 🙂
Gsylass · 4/16/2009
I don't believe anyone's too old to start a new hobby unless they're physically incapable of doing it (in the sense that they'd be silly to try and would harm themselves in the process) so don't let her saying that get to you. I was initially shy about it but since connecting with the YouTube community and then discovering Veena's I realised that there are people the same age and older doing it lol! As for your progress, what Veena says is so true. I'm a very sensitive person and I feel awful for confessing this, but when I'm watching other people's videos I swing between being kinda jealous (but not in a nasty way, I fully support their achievements) of people who learn faster than me and then guilty if I achieve something that I know another person is struggling with 😳 😕 I guess my brain is pretty wierd huh?! I guess we all compare ourselves to each other when really we should be proud of what we have achieved, even when it's only a tiny little bit.
litlbit · 4/16/2009
All week I havn't been able to get a good practice in since the Kids are on spring break. We had nasty weather the pass few days , so they couldnt go out. I just dont feel comfortable to practice when they are here , due to the fact that they want to sit and watch and keep walking through the room. I Just completely loose my focus on what I am trying to do. Well today is a nice day out the sun is shining, and they still wanted to stay in...lol. Well I chased them out , thinking I will finally get a good practice in and work on a few new moves. I thought wrong I got on the pole and its like I no strength or grib . There is so much I want to learn ... and I see how others are learning things so fast. Sometimes I wonder if it may be my age since I am 37 and thats why its taking me longer to master things. I still cant climb the pole and its been at least 6 to 7 weeks now. I do manage to pull up and sit for a second, but cant hold it. I do know that my legs are much stronger then my arms. I been reading alot on about the pole-burn and maybe that is scaring me some. Well tomorrow is another nice day , so I will be kicking the kids out again and hopfully I will get a good practice in. Trust me I am not giving up , this is something I always wanted to do.. You are doing FANTASTIC! I am 53 and I started poling at 51 (self taught..no spotter, no crash mat..with a hardwood floor! LOL) There are many things I can't do, but I'm not going to stop trying..there are also many things I can do...so for me itz all good! Just keep going and give yourself time...I teach a 24 yo basics and she after 3 months still can not climb..but we focus on what she can do!! We are all different and learn at our own pace!! *HUGZ* 🌸
adamseve · 4/16/2009
RaRa, Thanks so much for posting your feelings today. I was / am feeling the same way you are, particularly about this age thing. I'm 42 and have never, ever been into exercise. I was always tiny and in shape, but I knew I needed to do more in hopes of increasing my lifetime and staying healthy & fit. So, when I got the chance to do pole dancing I jumped at it. I was so naive about what it would take to do this however. I continuously wonder if all the stretching and trying the moves on each side is really doing anything. I know it is in my mind, but for the life of me I can't see it so I'm losing the desire to try to move forward. Not to mention I hurt my shoulder blade last Saturday and that really set me back. And the fact that I can't even pull myself up the pole makes me so angry. It seems my core strength is a negative even though I'm doing crunches, etc. I need to do them more than 1-2 times per week, but I do make sure I do the plank every night as well as push ups and the pole pull ups. I have been at this for all of 2 3/4 months and I feel like I can't do anything. I know I can do a few spins, but I can't put them together to a song to save my life because if I mess up I can't move forward. I beat myself up so much about messing up that I lose the momentum of going forward and just continuing to try. So all I end up doing is practicing spins and increasing my strength and flexibility. I so want to dance and look graceful. I love dancing, but I'm afraid of what I'll look like trying to pole dance. Second, I feel like I can't really do anything that makes it look like I know what I'm doing. I hate feeling this way. Sorry for venting on your thread, but I needed to get the whining out so I can move forward. RaRa, don't give up OK. I know we can both do this...We've just got to give ourselves a little more time. Also, are you taking classes or are you self-teaching? I really believe that makes a huge difference. I'm self-teaching until my next 6 wk session of classes start. Thanks again for letting me piggy back on your thread. Take care...Hugs and kisses.
yogabeachbabe · 4/16/2009
You may be much stronger than you think! This is a new form of movement for you so please try give yourself a break. Your abs might very well be strong but they might not be sure how to work together with other muscles to pull yourself up to sit on the pole (or any other move, for that matter). Pole dancing is really unlike other forms of exercise. You WILL get it when you get it! And when you do, muscle memory takes over and you'll find yourself dancing and stringing together different spins, climbs, inverts and floor moves. Confidence is also a muscle that needs exercise. Try to think about it like your child learning something new. You wouldn't expect him/her to become an expert immediately! You would keep encouraging them to stick to it and praise them for trying during each practice. Here's on old saying: it's the journey, not the destination. Enjoy your trip! ps. I'm 40 and I know how you feel!
Foxy_Rei · 4/17/2009
I'm not sure how much better I'll make you feel, but I'll give it a shot 😕 I'm having a reputation around here as being a beginner but learning really fast, and trust me, even though I can do several moves I still feel like I suck... I watch Veena and Fleur dance then want to cry when I watch my own. I still feel like I can't dance and properly string my moves together and I beat myself up about it, and not to mention my sweaty hands making every dance and practice a nightmare... Also I can do moves like the gemini and scorpio and learned to switch between them with no hands right off the bat, but truth be known, I still can't climb the pole! I put my foot/shin up there to get into a pole sit but it's not doing anything - it's all my arms. I can't hold myself up on the pole with my legs whatsoever when I'm right side up (other than a pole sit, but I still have to hold on with my hands because I fall backwards). So all that to say that we all feel like we're inadequate no matter how much we can actually do. It always seems like someone else is better than us... But that doesn't mean we should be getting down about it! We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and you just need some time to find out what those are. Being happy with who we are as a pole dancer is something that needs to happen at some point, so it may as well be in the beginning, because like I said, it'll always seem like someone's better than you and you'll always be upset. So if you learn to be positive from the start you'll save yourself a lot of heartache. This is something I have to learn for myself, too... But we're all in this together! You're not alone! 🥂
Polegirlsonia · 4/17/2009
😂 too old!! great that must make me achient!! ha ha ha! i have the kids home on easter break too, i find that getting them involved helps?? go figre, teach them some stuff, at least then you'll get to practice!, my kids love the pole, but i avoid all sensual movements, just do the pole trix, it can make for fun family entertainment! 😀
Rouge_LAmour · 4/17/2009
:lol: too old!! great that must make me achient!! ha ha ha! If you think you're ancient, how old does that make me!!!! More decrepit???? I can't do so many things, but the things I can do, I do well. An amazing dancer we have at the studio told me she loved watching me dance because I was graceful and she found that a pleasure to watch. She's got the most amazing tricks and I thought she was an amazing dancer!! (Shoulder mounts up and down, completely controlled and at a snails pace to start...) I feel completely useless and a failure sometimes when I see girls I've initially taught, do tricks like the Jamilla split like it's a fireman! I don't even invert, yet. 😉 well, I try, but I've discovered that I can now kick the pole upside down as well as right way up. Big toe is now purple. 😂 But I did beautiful aerials last night! 🥂 Don't give up, your muscles have to learn how to be used in a different way. They will build up strength for pole in their own time. Pole is not an immediate thing for everybody, a few are naturally talents, but then you'll find they did gymnastics or martial arts for years. BTW: I'm nearly 38 and I'm not the oldest here. The woman who won Sonia's competition last year was 55 and had been dancing for 8 months. She was incredible: graceful, strong, amazing to watch. So age has nothing to do with it. 🌈
Rara · 4/17/2009
I just want to take a minute to thank everyone that repied to my post. Trust me I wont be giving up. I am to eager to learn at this point, and so is my daughter. I just tend to push my-self to hard at times to learn things, and then theres no progress. The next couple of weeks I will be working on what I can do and improve my form and grace. As for the age thing , I never said I was to old for poling. It was said to me that I was to old , it just burned me up and got to me for while. I did say I wonder if my age could be a reason why its taking me longer to learn things. I realize now , and deep down inside i knew before that age has nothing to do with it. I am just so use to being hard on myself to accomplish things. Everyone here is so encouarging and friendly. Veena I cant thank you enough for this site . Its Great to know that we can come here and feel as if we are not alone and to be here for one another.
RoxyPink · 4/17/2009
I know it is harder said than done..but remember every single one of us were beginners at one point in time. We've all had bad practices and frustrations when not advancing at the pace we want. We've all had bumps and many many bruises! But we are all here to support each other and to watch each other grow as dancers! There are many times when I see someone do something I can't do and for a split second I get the jealousy bug..but then I get motivated to work on my move...but most importantly my ATTITUDE! I don't know if this is right or wrong thinking..but to me everything is a game and I have to have the mentality that I'm going to win....whether it be pole moves, advancement at work or even my weight loss. If I lose that drive even for a day it sets my progress back! It's hard to be possitive all of the time but the more you "force" yourself to do it...the more natural it becomes. don't get me wrong...I still have those moments/days (did you see my post on superman??? GRR)! Glad to hear that your not giving up! 😀
Poledancefan · 4/20/2009
Pole practice interruptions are a big pole "nemesis" for me. It's one thing that I really like about the health club as opposed to pole practice in my basement. Everyone at the health club is there to work out. Even when you see people you know, if you get the vibe they are seriously into their workout, you just give 'em that little "wave" and move on to your next weight station. It's all about the business, no idle chit chat while you are working out. But at home...it's the doorbell...or the phone... Or I'll have the TV on in the background and get into a show and totally lose focus, LOL! It's one reason I'd like to try a class, if one were available for men here. I think I would be more focused. Joel
Rouge_LAmour · 4/20/2009
It's one reason I'd like to try a class, if one were available for men here. I think I would be more focused. Joel There's a pole at our studio with your name on it if you're ever in Wellington, NZ! We teach co-ed classes so we have no issues with boys in class.