Should Kids Use The Pole?

scubagirl started this discussion · 8/29/2013

I have a 10 yr old boy. I also have a pole at home. He has never seen me on it. To be honest, it's not up that often. I allowed my son to try climbing the pole and he also did a perfect corkscrew spin (so jealous!) with absolutely no instruction on my part. To be fair, when we were at the park a few weeks ago, he climbed the fireman pole and did spins with no true knowledge of what he was doing. The kids goof around on it at the playground all the time. My husband very quickly took the pole down stating that if kids find out at school that his mom has a pole and he climbs it, parents won't allow their kids to come over anymore. I get where he's coming from, but some of the other parents know that I pole dance for fitness and they're cool with it. Opinions?

26 replies

cupcakejenea · 8/29/2013
My kids are 7 6 4..they all play on my pole..i don't really see the harm in it esp if "we" are trying to change the way other veiw it..my daughter (7) sees it as gymnastics and ballet all in one..we youtube comps a lot together ..she knows what tasteful and what's not (in her eyes)..my boys are still small so the play fireman...o ya my daughter went to school and talked about it..it turns out 3 of her classmates have a xpole in there home and they are all boys..lol..i find that no matter what a parent does your kid is gping to find out..for me i take it as the opportunity to open that door as communication :)
Jacki C · 8/29/2013
I have a nine year old girl and a 5 year old boy. I have a personal studio in the attic space of our home. I'll be honest, I do worry what teachers or other parents might think, especially since moving into a smaller community. And I'll also be honest in saying that it kinda ticks me off that I or any other poling parent would even have to worry. When it comes down to it, I know that I am not doing anything to be ashamed of. But that doesn't change the stigma that I believe non polers have of pole dancing which plays on the whole slut shaming mentality. So I strike a balance, because I don't want to hide the fact that I pole, so I have conditioned the kiddos to tell people that I do pole fitness. With emphasis on the word "fitness." At that point, I'm out of the closet, and I figure if tongues waggle and assumptions are made about my sexuality based on the fact that I like to work out using a pole, then waggling tongues attached to people with poor logic skills are the type of people I don't want to waste my time on. Because being judgemental does not make one correct, and we do have the power to not agree, and I refuse to make that agreement with people who really have no idea what they are talking about. The sorry thing is your husband could be correct about the responses of other parents, and that's an unknown factor. But probably what is going to happen is there will be a few who do that and there will be a few who don't care. As I see it, it just weeds out people I don't want myself or my family to be around. :)
scubagirl · 8/29/2013
A lot of the moms I am friends with on Facebook, so they know and are really cool about it. They "get it". I have also stopped talking about my "dance" class and make sure I use the terms exercise and fitness. When he was climbing the pole, I made sure to tell him all the different muscles he was using and making stronger. Thank you for your reply, Jacki C! :)
scubagirl · 8/29/2013
cupcakejenea- I like that you view it as a way to start communication. As my hubby was putting the pole away, I thought "Am I perpetuating the stigma by putting it away? Does it make it seem bad or wrong to my son?" I don't see anything wrong with it, especially since he's only doing strength moves/conditioning. If any parents say anything to me, I will also use it as an opportunity to show people that the stereotype is so wrong. Thanks! :)
Veena · 8/29/2013
This is a common question here from moms. My answer is always YES! Kids LOVE playing on the pole!!! I have 4 boys and they all are allowed to use the pole. However, they have to ask my permission, and they cannot use it when I'm not around for safety reasons. I even made a video with my kids a few years ago (they are much older now) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vCkyjxm1Hk I don't steer away from the sexual aspect of it, I don't think its necessary. I want my boys to have a healthy view on sexuality and I think that comes from not hiding that we are sexual beings. There is nothing dirty about wanting to feel sexy or think someone is sexy, it's normal!! I let my oldest boys watch Dancing with the stars and So you think you can dance and they have some very sensual (sexual as others might see it) dances on those shows. They understand that pole dance can be many things including sexy, just like any other style of dance. Jacki C I use to feel the way you do!! I would immediately say it was a good workout when talking to others about it! 😀 Now that I have matured in my pole journey, here's my take on it. I totally understand why many parents (and others) like to emphasis the "fitness" aspect of pole, because it's less awkward. You want to protect your kids and yourself from judgment. But, by not talking openly about the other sides of pole, like the fact that is can be sexy, are we possibly keeping that very stigma that many pole dancers worry about? Unless a person truly, ONLY, uses the pole for exercise (which some do and that's cool) I think we might be doing ourselves an injustice by playing the "I do it for fitness" card. Wouldn't it be great if everyone could be comfortable with their sexuality!!!! One last thing, I'm not say that poling just for the fitness is bad or wrong, not at all! I just don't want it to become the excuse we use to justify what we love..IF that love is Pole DANCE. If you do pole FITNESS, then yes, focus on what a great workout it is when you talk with others. 🌸
scubagirl · 8/29/2013
Thank you Studioveena! LOVE all your points! Definitely opened my eyes too! I guess I'm still a little uncomfortable with my son knowing I'm a sexual being. But I AM a sexual being and you're right...I want him to have a healthy view of sexuality too. I never had one growing up. Something I need to work on in myself for sure. I love the fitness aspect, but I love the sexy part of it too! I love being a woman, putting the stilettos on and dancing for my hubby! Thank you for opening my eyes (and mind)!
Veena · 8/29/2013
In all honesty I wrote it as a reminder to myself too!! :)
PandalinaHooker · 8/29/2013
Veena, I love that you made the association between the sensual movements of ballroom dance and pole dancing. What a wonderful way to look at it! It makes me think of all the women rushing to put their kids in Ballet or Jazz dance classes. Ballet dance has LOTS of adult-themed connotations (even though the movements may not seem sensual to us, the stories they tell are definitely not always kid stories!!), and Jazz used to be considered something reserved for uneducated, promiscuous people (not unlike stripping, and unfortunately the strong mainstream misconception of pole dancing still has the two in the same box)! And don't get me started on all of the sexual connotations of Latin/ballroom dancing!!! What an amazing way to put it in perspective!
Polewalker916 · 8/29/2013
Yes!!! I have a 12 yo boy and 2 yo girl, they both love it. My pole is right smack in between my kitchen and living room and stays up all the time. Honestly anyone who comes to our house (kids and adults) either don't even notice it at all (which is weird to me) or just naturally gravitate towards it while in conversation. I watch them either lean, stretch, climb, or walk around it. Even my husbands grandma!! Unfortunately my sister in law doesn't really like it, I am pretty sure she sees it as a stripper pole. To each their own but I have 6 nieces and nephews from my brother, 3 of them girls. She doesn't mind the boys coming to sleep over (they are teens and not biologically hers) when I asked about my nieces she said she would only let them if they didn't get on the pole. What she doesn't seem to see is that they are already swinging around a pole at school, same thing. I hate the stigma. It's not like I would give them a lesson and if I did it wouldn't b sexual!! A fireman spin, they have probably already done it on the 'fireman' pole on the elementary playground. Anyhow, it's terrible we even have to think about what other people will say/do/or/think. I think as long as its being used in an appropriate manner and safely, go for it kids :)
zzzzzz · 8/29/2013
My oldest daughter is almost nine and I see it as a wonderful thing for her. For the past year or so, she has been asking if she is too fat (nowhere close), turning down food, and standing sideways in front of the mirror, poking at her belly and sucking it in. When I was trying to lose weight after having my second child, it got worse and other family members started voicing concerns about her body image and behaviors. I have two poles, one in my room and the other in our family room, and she’s on one or the other all the time. We’re using it to shift her focus from being “skinny” toward being strong. She likes to show off her muscles and what she can do. 🙂 My husband initially had the same concerns about how it might influence her as she goes into her teen years, and what other people might say. When I got my first pole and put it up, I told her it was for dancing and exercise, and she immediately asked, “Like on ‘My Name is Earl?” It wasn’t an easy or comfortable conversation, but I told her the truth. I can tell she is trying to figure things out when we’re watching TV and a comment is made about women’s bodies, but I can’t shield her from that reality any more than I can prevent her from growing up. What I CAN do is to help her be confident in her body and her sexuality so that as those pressures increase, her choices are made from a place of strength. I don’t wear heels or do any booty moves in front of her, but I have seen her “grinding” on the pole and shaking her butt in the mirror, and I just let it go. As far as other parents are concerned, I agree with what Jacki C said above. Those who are going to pass judgment without questioning their own prejudices are not the sort of people I want around my family. If my daughter tells her friends, or if other parents see the poles in my house, I’m happy to discuss it if they are interested or have questions. I don’t allow other people’s children to play on them (I don’t want to be held responsible if someone gets hurt), but our home reflects our interests, our values, and who we are. We don’t try to offend, but unless it’s illegal or immoral we make no apologies for what we do here.
TansyRae · 8/29/2013
I really can't say anything that hasn't already been said. My kids call it "moms exercise pole" and yes, its in our room because there is no where else to put it. They can't play without permission and supervision but its amazing to see my legally blind 6 year old scramble to the top and be so determined to "Ill hold it, Mom. Im strong enough" because he wants me to go get my phone and take his picture....or my two year old who knocks on our door first thing on a Saturday morning in her cupcake jammies and comes running in to swing around, "fall" down and giggle. I swear, since its been up, I've spent more time supervising family play time, because even hubby gets in on it - and that man... He makes me jealous with how easily he can roll up and over into an inverted pike (one of these days I'm going to leave it on spin and see how he handles that....LMAO)...I'mgoing off on a tangent but I feel like my children are a reflection of me...if I think something is bad, so will they. If I react to some thing as shameful or embarrassing so will they....its like "curse" words - my kids understand that there are words Mommy might say (accidentally) that they are not allowed to say because it is not appropriate...but we don't call them "bad" words - they are just "adult" words...If you are proud of your fitness and your talent then share it and teach a different, judgement free mentality in your home. The only thing I dont do around my kids is wear heels...because a)my daughter will try to put them on if I leave them out and I'm afraid she will hurt herself and b)most of the time I end up helping them do stuff and its hard enough to balance my own clumsy self while wearing them...let alone playing safety net to the most precious things in my world :)
CherryPop4u · 8/30/2013
Simply put I see nothing wrong with it! In fact my granddaughter is on mine all of the time she's 6 years old! You just have to make sure that you introduce the pole to them in a non sexual way! It is exercise, dance, sport and entertainment! In fact her spins are better than mine! She knows that she's a kid! And just like you don't want your kids using foul language you have to teach them not to dance in a foul way! Bottom line kids should have fun! They hang, slid and jump off all kinds of poles at the park! What's the difference? !!!
CrazyKosters · 8/30/2013
I think a lot of people let their kids use the pole and see nothing wrong with it and agree with the above posters and veena, more people need a better healthy view of sexuality instead if acting like its some sort of unnatural tendency that needs to be suppressed. I just posted a video I finally got around to editing today, its me and my friend with her kids (the youngest is 2) having a little pole jam. https://www.studioveena.com/videos/view/52204c30-ddf0-4402-8ed2-32a30ac37250
CrazyKosters · 8/30/2013
I meant I agree lol
Dancing Paws · 8/30/2013
I really don't see the problem with your kids using it and knowing it's there. It is what we make it. For you, it's a fitness pole, something to play on. That will be what your kid views it as. Not to mention it keeps your kid active, which is great!
mspretty1414 · 8/30/2013
My daughters have a blast on mine :)
tiggertail · 8/31/2013
Why not? My boys use to have my pole in the middle of their play room or in some way they had their toys all around my poel, not sure. And they even put some in the park, call them fireman pole so i don't see why it would be a problem. I had a family party at my place once and the main attraction for all the kids was the pole, so much that parents start to play on it to...everybody love pole😀
dresdendoll · 8/31/2013
I started pole classes at 15. Most of my friends thought it was really interesting and cool, but of course, I did encounter some who made stripper jokes. I think if the children are young, though, as you describe, peers in their age group wouldn't make fun of it. Plus, all I had to do was show them an Oona Kivela video, and then they finally saw pole as an art :)
ChevaleresseMommy · 9/1/2013
My Kids are 2 boys(10 & 5) and 1 girl(1 1/2). All of them play on it. I find no harm in it at all. My 10 year old can do awesome stuff on it. No prior teaching. My 5 year old is good to. My daughter runs around it, but I also will do pole moves and have her in my arms. When I stop and put her down she cries. Personally I don't see a problem with it. It is starting to become popular. Its not distasteful at all and I think its an amazing form of Art. And it shows the true power and strength of the female body and mind. Shows how strong we truly are. My Fiancee tried it and was so sore for next 2 days. To sum it up I feel its ok and personally I don't see any harm in kids doing it. I think it will make them more prepared for sports later in school. Plus it teaches that if you work hard, you can do amazing things. Just have to work hard. And as for the parents and what they think I feel its not their opinion. But thats my personal feelings.
ChevaleresseMommy · 9/1/2013
My Kids are 2 boys(10 & 5) and 1 girl(1 1/2). All of them play on it. I find no harm in it at all. My 10 year old can do awesome stuff on it. No prior teaching. My 5 year old is good to. My daughter runs around it, but I also will do pole moves and have her in my arms. When I stop and put her down she cries. Personally I don't see a problem with it. It is starting to become popular. Its not distasteful at all and I think its an amazing form of Art. And it shows the true power and strength of the female body and mind. Shows how strong we truly are. My Fiancee tried it and was so sore for next 2 days. To sum it up I feel its ok and personally I don't see any harm in kids doing it. I think it will make them more prepared for sports later in school. Plus it teaches that if you work hard, you can do amazing things. Just have to work hard. And as for the parents and what they think I feel its not their opinion. But thats my personal feelings.
Pole Mommy · 9/1/2013
As a mother of 3 young children I have a strong opinion about this topic. I have a pole in my home (actually in my bedroom) and do allow my children to play on it (they must ask permission and no inversions allowed without a spot). I use to worry about what their friends would go home and say when they came over to play (I do not allow my children's friends to play much on it just for safety reasons). I figured if I got any flack for it I could handle any comment or remark that was made. However, my fear was that my children would not. So far, we have had very few negative remarks (for lack of better words) from me having a pole in my home. Here is why I think. First, I didn't hide it. My opinion is that we tend to hide things we fear or are ashamed of. If I, as a woman, a mother and a wife, made a choice to do pole dancing/pole fitness then I should be proud. Proud that I have decided to challenge myself physically, mentally and socially. Yes socially. I say this because I am not foolish or stupid. I understand that pole dancing is 100% associated with strippers. I knew that people would think I was going to "stripper class". I knew that the first reaction from people would be the deer in the headlights look followed up with the uncomfortable pause and then the "oh, um......I hear that it's ummm good exercise". My response is an honest one. I would say yes, it is good exercise but a whole lot more. I could get a good workout just going to the gym. Pole is more than exercise. It is a personal journey of growth and empowerment....the extra benefit and bonus is the good exercise and physical fitness. I don't ever try to hide the sexy (when I'm in the appropriate forum). I don't believe to be sexy or sensual is a bad thing. In fact, as women, we should consider it a gift. To be secure in our own skin no matter our age, race, weight or size is sexy. Sexy is not selling sex as a tool or a weapon...that's insecurity and uncertainty. SOOO, the long and short of it is that I don't make pole dancing about sex nor do I hide it. I am just honest about it. My eldest knows what a stripper is and does (my other two are still too young to fully understand). My eldest is a pre-teen boy. Do his friends come over and get wide eyed sometimes? Yes, but my son seems to be able to make it a non-issue. His response usually is so nonchalant that his friends forget about the pole within the first few minutes (unless they decide to try and climb). My kids will often say "mom, show us your new tricks". At home I usually practice pole tricks and leave the sexy for pole class. The sexy side of pole has a place, and is a great part of pole dancing. I think for the most part common sense is what should prevail. I'm not going to put a sexy song on and start grinding the pole in front of my kids. I do dance in front of them , as well as practice tricks and flow. My hope is that open communication and honestly with my children will enable them to understand, have a healthy view of sexuality and an appreciation for hard work. I also hope that keeping our lines of communication open and honest will allow them to come to me should questions arise about pole dancing or any other issue that comes their way as a result of me being a pole dancing mommy. Good luck to you and know that sometimes husbands take a little bit more time adjusting to their wives being pole dancers (this is another discussion unto itself). Keep the lines of communication open with your husband and kids (if they are old enough to understand) and be respectful of their feeling.
scubagirl · 9/1/2013
Thank you everyone for your posts! You have all inspired me thru your confidence and strength! My pole is back up and I plan on leaving it up! :)
Mhoney · 9/3/2013
My boyfriend has a 9 year old girl and she loves playing on the monkey bars and poles at school. She didn't know anything about me going to pole class and one day I saw her run up to a parking sign and do a fireman spin. It was really eye opening and made me realize that a big reason why I enjoy pole is because it reminds me of being a kid again. Swinging yourself around without fear is a sensation I hadn't experienced since childhood on the monkey bars. When we go to playgrounds we search for poles to do tricks on. The rest of our kids are younger so it's a way to make it fun for her to hang out with little ones at playgrounds and it's great exercise for her. There's no connotation or stigma for her. She's totally innocent and it's fun. The adults are the ones that try to put something on it or see something dirty in it. So when her mother found out I have a pole and her daughter has been playing on it she kind of freaked out. My response is that her daughter likes to play on bars at the playground at school everyday and she likes to dance. Maybe some dance lessons would be nice for her. I also tried calling it my 'vertical bar' which sounds so silly but I thought maybe it would help to call it by another name because clearly she was in a very negative judgmental place. Not sure how else to handle it. She's not my daughter, her father doesn't have a problem with it (he totally sees the fitness part of it for both of us) and it's not like I'm going to take my pole down. I wonder if the mother would have reacted if she found out the I've been teaching her daughter how to belly dance...So sad that people are still so closed minded about anything that could be remotely connected to sex.
moonlitmare · 9/3/2013
My daughter's 6. She loves to show me up on my pole. Its amazing how flexible she is. We do have some rules. She's not allowed to play on it when I'm not around. I have a tendency not to do a lot of twerking or grinding around my pole when she's there. So many other things to work on I can save the rump shaking practice for dad. When we 1st started out I told her the pole is our secret. Now, I'm the one who's getting lazy about keeping that up. I go back n forth with ah the heck with it i'm proud i can hang by my feet or keeping it to myself and enjoying having a little privacy in my life..inspite of the mainstream adoption of corporate philosopy we have the right to know everything about you or you're not a team player. For the most part I follow the don't ask unless you want to be told policy. I do post on fbt my street poling pics and my progress trying to put my feet on my head. I dont caption it doing this for my pole but they can figure it out My biggest worry is I'll never get the chance to explain my veiw to another parent & my kid will be shunned over it. As much as I'd like to say screw those other parents if they don't like it, the fact is I have a bit more experience in defending myself than my 6yr old. Obviously i can't shadow her all the time and she may not fare to well against a gang full of students or a disapproving teacher that heard about mom's pole. I've already had a row with this teacher over my priorities...can't wait til she sets up some group project and the kids come back telling her about the pole. Its an eventuality, I'll deal with it when it happens. Hopefully, I've prepared my daughter well enough to hold her own and of course she knows I've got her back.
Jacki C · 9/4/2013
I LOVE that meme!!

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