Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

Serzi started this discussion · 3/29/2015

Kind of unrelated to pole, but maybe a few of you can relate. I'm not going to divulge many details of my own personal experience with this, but let's just say that I thought my boss had my back on this one and I guess I was wrong about him. I'm exhausted talking to people about this, but I know I'm not the only one who's probably had to deal with such bs and would like to know how other's have rose above it in their own experiences. Thanks to anyone in advance. You can pm me instead if you'd rather.

14 replies

Serzi · 3/29/2015
*others, not other's
Runemist34 · 3/29/2015
I'm really sorry to hear you're having to deal with this in your workplace. I know that it can be exhausting to keep talking about it, but you may want to look into your company's human resources, and file an official complaint. If your boss does not have your back, and is not taking you seriously or feel that this issue is serious, I think you're allowed to go above his or her head with your issue. Further, you may wish to seek out different employment. I know it can also be difficult, but you shouldn't have to work in a place where you feel harassed.
Serzi · 3/29/2015
I appreciate your input. I am currently searching for employment elsewhere as I battle this issue at my current job. I want very much to move on and put it all behind me. It is difficult to find others willing to speak about their own experiences and I do not blame them. Not wanting to address it personally is a huge reason why it has spiraled out of control for me. I've been married a very long time and sometimes forget that I'm still viewed as an object by other people. Can I at least say that I'm tired of it being treated as though it didn't happen or that "it's not a big deal"? If it were any of these guys' wives, sisters, mothers, daughters or friends they would lose their damn minds and woe betide the sleazy bastard that grabbed them like they own them. For that matter, what if a dude groped another guy at my job? They would probably punch his lights out.
quancutie23 · 3/29/2015
Call hr and make a complaint or look for a sexual harassment. Hotline number to help file a complaint why should you leave make them get fired, especially if you told them to stop loud and clear and told them your uncomfortable with the behavior. Hello forget your boss go straight to hr or call corporate
Serzi · 3/29/2015
HR and corporate are not an option for this particular position. I've had to go above and beyond that at this point. And it's pretty difficult when your boss has accommodated you by putting you on a separate shift, reassures you that he's investigating it and believes you only to pull a complete 180 once he decides he's fooled you long enough. Yeah, I know, dumb move on my part. To think I could trust another human being even that much to be remotely decent or professional. Thanks for the pep-talk, I probably needed to hear that.
Phoenix Hunter · 3/29/2015
I was sexually assaulted by a surgeon I used to work with. I reported it. it happened twice. they wouldnt let him schedule surgery at our facility for a few months after that, he was doing surgery at our facility again and I was scheduled to work with him. this was after going to HR and having to file an embarassing complaint. I left that job because I was just too fed up with the bullshit. If I could go back, I would have called the police the second time he put his hands on me and had his ass leave in handcuffs because that is how that shit should have been handled. But now, Sharp hospital gets to sweep that one under the rug and he is still working there doing the same thing to other women. Dont leave your job until you for sure have something way better lined up. Get a lawyer. Dont handle this on your own. It has been 10 years since that happened to me and Im sitting right here crying my eyes out about it because he got away with it and a whole corporation didnt do shit about it and they got away with it too. I am so sorry this happened to you. And if anybody puts there hands on you and you tell them to stop then that shit is assault and it is beyond corporate and HR punishments, they need handcuffs. This sucks. I am mad for you. get a lawyer and give those f*&kers hell!
Phoenix Hunter · 3/30/2015
Serzi, i had the hardest time forgiving myself for not handling it differently ya know. before this happened to me I always thought I would just turn around and punch him in the face or I would report it immediately and everything would be taken care of. none of that happened and I was angry at myself for not being stronger. but f*&k that!!! he did that, not me. there's no rules for how to handle this because you dont really every expect this to happen. just do everything you can and know you tried your best and then forgive yourself if you are like me and you doubt yourself or how you handled it. I really am wishing much better things come your way.
Serzi · 3/30/2015
Thank you so much for your response, Phoenix. It really means a lot to me that you would take the time to not only tell me your own story, but your encouragement and advice helps so much to soothe these difficult fears I have. Your words take me outside of my own situation and I see it a little more clearly. That is absolutely awful what happened to you and I am sorry for triggering your memories, but I want you to know I admire your strength.
Summerthyme · 3/30/2015
I will try to make this as short as possible, but hopefully it will help. First and formost you have to make it very, did I say very clear their behavior is very inappropriate, their behavior makes you extremely uncomfortable and you need to be very clear they need to stop it. Document, document and again document EVERYTHING!!!!! Contract their boss if it continues file for full investigation on the matter. I had a similar situation I dealt with for over 2 years. My outcome was not good, because I thought I could handle on my own. When I finally came forward he got a slap on the hand, then the retaliation began! I went straight to the regional president, again another investigation. He was finally fired and come to find out I wasn't the only one. Afterwards I looked like a trouble maker because some regional people got in trouble for not handling things properly. The president was relocated (my only savior) then I later was incompetent at my job (mind you I have over 30 years experience and was in management) I was demoted and now make less than I did 20 years ago. Had someone shared that story with me, my first reaction would of been....there's got to be more to it than that....guess what there wasn't! I'm 50 this year and changing jobs in this economy at my age is not that easy. I would never wish what I've gone through on another woman ever. The labor department can help you with your problem as well. Please don't try to handle this on your own. Go to the labor board or get an attorney. Have documentation and any possible witnesses. Companies have a lot of money wrapped up in attorneys to protect themselves and their reputation. You would be smart to get all your ducks in a row and not discuss it at work and give them any heads up. I hope this helps and I hope I didn't scare you by what I said. I just learned my lesson the hard way and wouldn't want anyone else experience what I did.
Ariabella · 3/30/2015
The problem is proof so that is Not she said he said. This can be more than one woman making the same complaint. A witness willing to step up and support you. I have been in all three situations at least once. Another thing HR or a lawyer will want to know is what your response was? How did you communicate your objection? Did you keep a journal? The last time I was able to get a transfer to a better position to get away from the discriminators.
Serzi · 3/30/2015
Thank you all. I have everything written down since this began eleven months ago. My waiting time certainly makes this difficult as the cut-off point to report such events is at 180 days...ironically the same time my boss decided to stop acting like my buddy on the matter. Although initially I did not seek to deal with this at all, I have done my homework over these past few month. I can't afford a lawyer and, really, I don't want one. I have reported this to Unfair Labor Practices and the EEOC. They are investigating and, even if it doesn't help me, it may help the other girls I know who are too scared to come forward. I am very angry that I have to be the one to step forward while they all pretend they never told me their own issues with this guy, but...whatever, I understand. Hopefully they get to keep their dignity and receive the help I didn't. I have no desire to stay at this job, it is not worth the pay as it is. No benefits, no vacation, tons of work, but I was good at my job and until that jackass came along I enjoyed being around all of my coworkers. Don't worry, I'm securing another position elsewhere and continuing to suffer at my current job until I can put in my two weeks. Or, by some miracle, finally being taken seriously and not being retaliated against for whatever may happen.
Serzi · 3/30/2015
*months, not month
Serzi · 4/3/2015
Well, whadda-ya-know. I have three job interviews lined up next week, underemployment check on the way, and my boss is being disciplined left and right for a wide variety of mismanagement. Add this one to the pile when the EEOC starts and I'm pretty sure he will be terminated along with my harasser. This really wasn't my goal. I never wanted anyone to be fired, but it looks as though that may happen. Oh, well...they sure didn't seem to care how I felt or whether I keep my job or not. A lot of the other girls who have been groped by this guy have been complaining to upper management more too lately. I wonder if my report to the EEOC had anything to do with it or if they've just had enough bs too. It's a pretty stressful work environment right now, a lot of people are talking about quitting.
Runemist34 · 4/3/2015
Hey! It sounds like you're taking good care of your end of things, and making sure that you've got yourself figured out. What the company does with these people isn't necessarily your fault or business- it's up to THEM to initiate and follow through with discipline, and honestly, if someone groped me, I would want them ejected out so fast their head was spinning. It's NOT okay to do that, and you shouldn't be allowed to keep your job if you're using said job as a place to sexually harass people. Sorry, got a little ranty there! Anyways, I think it's awesome that you have lots of job interviews and that you're doing a good job of keeping your end up! Keep going :)