recently single-how to introduce the pole

Mhoney started this discussion · 4/1/2014

I discovered pole while I was in a relationship. He went on that journey with me and saw the natural evolution and was totally super supportive of it (as a fitness thing not just as something for his personal enjoyment). Now I'm single and wondering... hmmm... back on the market... when would I reveal in a brand new relationship that I pole dance? And not only that, but that I have a pole... In my bedroom. (Because that's the only space in the house that I can put it I swear!) Anyone have any tips for such scenarios?

13 replies

johnssdeere · 4/2/2014
I'm a rather conservative person, but my now husband knew I poled for fitness and had one in my house prior to us dating because of Facebook pictures and and post bragging. He obviously saw the difference in what I do and club dancing, but through conversations about why and what it does for my body he began to understand and the newness somewhat wore off. It could be a first date "do you work out?" type conversation.
polesilks · 4/2/2014
For me when I met Pete he had no idea I did Pole.. I told him I went to a fitness class. He did not find out till about 3 months into our relationship as I needed him to put a pole up at my place. His face was a picture but he fully supported me and let me get on with it. Never told his mates or bragged.. And look how its changed my life? If I had never being doing pole bumped into Pete with him being an engineer Polesilks would have never been born.. I love him and he worked he ass for me in an area I knew nothing about... and look what he did last year at Pole Expo??? Sue x
RoseMay · 4/3/2014
Well, for me poling was never a topic for the first date. Just because I don't feel like explaining to a "stranger" that in fact I do not work as a stripper in my spare time (That's what most people around here are thinking when they hear pole dance.) .. and to not give them any ideas. In the beginning all they need to know is that I work out a lot (I do a lot of other things besides pole, so there is more to talk about in this regard). I usually wait till date number 5+ and if I feel like telling him I'll look for an opportunity to bring it up. The last time I told someone was on our fifth date or so (we've known each other longer than that). We were on a playground that had a pole. I got excited and was like: "Hey, let's see who can climb up the fastest" and "Look, can you do THAT?" .. he did not get suspicious at all that I was able to do all that cool stuff :-D Afterwards I told him that I had one of these in my house so that he wouldn't feel so bad about his lack of skill on the pole and he thought it was pretty cool because then he could appreciate the strength and skill necessary.
chriswarner · 4/6/2014
I am a male poler and I prefer to mention it at a first date because poling is such an important part of my life now, it is the person that I am. I would actually rather remain single than be with someone who had issues with something so important to me. It was actually through poling that I got my confidence back after a bad marriage break up to even start dating again.
ERIN6907 · 4/6/2014
I have been single for 7 years. Yes, SEVEN years. I have been poling for almost 2 of those years. I have been on probably 30+ dates in those 2 years and I have learned it is better to wait a little while to introduce the subject. I too agree that I don't want to ever be with anyone that does not support it and it is SUPER hard to "hide" something that consumes so much of my life but I also think more times than not I have been automatically "judged" if I'm open about it too soon. I'm talking first dates (blind dates) in general. A lot of times too I get to know them better and realize oh man I am SO glad I didn't tell them that I pole! lol You do what you feel comfortable with, I'm only sharing my general experience. Good luck!!! :))
polemecrazy · 4/6/2014
I thing this isn't a "first date" thing to say, but I also think that it all depends on a person you're dating. If they suck- they suck, regardless of the number of dates you're on with them. Last time I was seeing someone, he knew I was into fitness, but I waited to tell him what is it that I actually do. I eventually told him on the fourth date, and boy was I wrong. The minute I told him I literally felt his perception of me changed and he changed his attitude towards me. It's like he started to define me (and by that I am not thinking in a positive way) only through that, despite all of my other characteristics. So, I guess I am sorry for not telling him immediately, it would save me the trouble of seeing him next three times. :)
Skullpixie · 4/6/2014
I say tell them on the first go some like it some don't. You will know if that persons for you or not. ESP if they don't shut up about it lol I have had a few obsessed people since that it's ok their just fans of mine now for whatever reason ... lmao I have had all different reactions to my pole dancing it's hilarious !! Life is fun fun fun :) build your fan base hahahaa
Runemist34 · 4/6/2014
I'm really open about my pole dancing. For most people, if we get into hobbies or fitness, I say "I dance," and if I get the "what kind of dance?" question, I'll tell them! For dates... I think that being casual about what you do will help other people to understand how they should react to it. If you are really shy and don't want to talk about it, then they might think that you're ashamed, or that you do it in a really sexual way (which, obviously, isn't bad but most people in our society are shamed and shy about sexual things). However, if you just mention that you dance for fitness if the topic comes up, or that you dance as a hobby, and they ask "Oh, what kind of dancing?" you can just say "Pole dancing. So, what do you think of the steak?" Not a big deal- sort of like going to the gym, or running. Obviously you're going to get the occasional freak-out, the "You POLE dance?" Some people may get into the whole feminist talk, the "that's what sluts do" mentality, the "you gonna give me a lap dance then?" sort of thing... but those people are probably not the people you want to continue dating! Or, maybe they are, and they just need to calm down and become more educated about it... and I'm sure everyone on this forum is awesome about educating the ignorant about pole dancing!
AllysonKendal · 4/6/2014
I haven't been single since high school so I'm really not one to give dating advice... but I find that saying "pole fitness" raises a lot less eyebrows then saying "pole dance"... and for me thats honestly a more accurate description because it's rare that I freestyle or choreograph dances. At this early point in my poling it is much more about practicing certain moves then dancing. I usually liken it to the rings for gymnasts (only way cooler). I am not far from NYC though, and most of my friends live in NY so usually they have heard of pole fitness before because even a bunch of the big gyms have pole classes. My husbands friends were all like "oh man" and asking him all these questions... as if I was doing it for him. I bet he says "trust me guys, its not that sexy... and involves way more bruising and yelling then you'd think". Haha! My husband is happy I'm active and doing something I enjoy, but he honestly wouldn't care if it was running, pole, pilates... whatever. :)
Mhoney · 4/6/2014
Skullpixie I love it! Building my fan base! So maybe throwing it out there is the ultimate time saver! Yup it's what I love to do, deal with it and move on. Maybe I'm just missing my ex and how supportive he was. He would get very excited for me when I got a new move or did a good freestyle etc. His cheerleading will be missed. I've lost my #1 fan :(
Natacha · 4/7/2014
I can't believe we're still being judged when mentioning pole dancing, but seeing lately how boys can react to those two little words does make me more cautious. I date too and I'll now say pole fitness when it comes up for the first time, so as to be able to gauge his/her reaction and still give them some time to process correctly the info. But frankly, if the person is quick to judge it shows close-mindedness and might be a really helpful way to sort out unsuitable suitors ;-)
Anonyma · 4/7/2014
pole is part of me im proud of it and if they dont like it they can suck it
Phoenix Hunter · 4/7/2014
I'm not single so I don't have to tell dates about this, but pole is such a prominent part of my everyday life that I feel they should probably know very soon. I guess it's the same for runners, etc. when you meet a runner who is passionate about running, you will probably hear about their running really early. I guess I'm lucky that I live in California now and people here don't care if you pole dance. I know that if I was still living in Alabama, that would be a different story. I guess I would still be the same, except a lot more people would judge me. I still wouldn't care though. You're not doing anything wrong, so you have nothing to hide. Tango dancing can be more sexual than pole dancing! I have found most people are just really curious and fascinated and it makes more good conversation.