Recent Competition Blues

ORGANIC ANGEL started this discussion · 6/20/2012

I have been feeling really down lately b/c of the outcome of a recent competition. It was my first post baby pole perfomance. I look awesome, so that isn't the issue. I was one of 13 competitors. There were titles like Ms. Fitness and Ms. Attitude, as well as top 3. There were 5 catagories of titles. It was nerveracking. We were in a sky box for the entire time until we competed. I didn't know wether to pee or puke when using the bathroom before my performance! I was just nervous. I had never experienced this before. I can perform no problem, but this was my first competition. Now I feel like NOTHING because I have not placed in anything. I feel like well what does that mean? Great, so I can perfom but when it counts for something-I well am nothing. I feel like giving up school now and moving 1500 miles away so I can start my journey of "being someone". I just want my own pole studio and I want to teach. I have been a certifided teacher for a year and a half and I havn't even used it! I feel like everyone around me is doing everything that they want while I sit and watch. I am really depressed over all of this. I just don't know how to "climb" out of my cave! I should be happy. I am really blessed. I just had a beautiful perfect baby and I have a great family, but who am I? I feel like a big pile of nothing.

11 replies

Cherished · 6/20/2012
The fact that you entered a competition shows that you are climbing. A lot of people in life that are successful started out with lots of "failures", lots of setbacks, doors slammed in their faces and having to try all over again. Probably a competition included more nerves than for an ordinary performance (which still takes guts) so maybe it's something you just needed to get familiar with before you start placing in your future competitions. I believe that persistance and consistency will pay off. You just need a minute to regroup and get back to your journey. Also, I don't know if it's true or not but I've heard having a baby can be a bit draining hormonal wise and might intensify feelings of depression until body chemicals go back to normal. I think you really just have to hang in there and this will pass and you will be on your way to bigger and better things before you know it. Also competitions are not just about skill sometimes individual taste and preference of the judges factor into the equation as well so not placing doesn't necessarily equal a bad performance. Sometimes a style and skill set that doesn't appeal to one group of people will be the winning combination for another group.
Danielle Tillie · 6/20/2012
Cherished nailed it on the head... I've been performing my whole life in some way and getting over the nerves of competing takes time and experience. The fact that you actually entered a competition and went through with it tells tons about you! You are not a nobody! You are an accomplished pole dancer worthy of competitive performance, so relish that! The more competitions to do, the more you'll get into a routine to deal with the performance anxiety. Things like breathing techniques, affirmations, certain foods, a regular warm-up style, and a grip-aid regimen, are very useful in curbing this anxiety. When you have a plan in place to set you up for a successful performance, you'll feel much better about getting up on stage and you'll feel better about what you left on stage after you walk off. As a competitor, you have the right to request anything within reason. If you don't want to sit in a sky box because you need time and space for your warm-up, for instance, you can request that. You want to feel in control of your circumstances. Keep doing what you're doing, and keep going for it! You never know what will happen next time until you try. 🙂
ORGANIC ANGEL · 6/20/2012
This helps a lot. It's crazy that I can feel that way from a competition, but I do. I also had some "nip slips" lol. My boobs came out the entire time! (I didn't get disqualified though b/c lots of others had the same issue! Ha...Mika Yogawear needs to add some serious inchage. I pumped right after my competition while I was waiting for the judges decision and I felt silly for being away from my baby for that. It was the longest time I'd been away from her (3 hours). The only other thing I am away for is pole(which is usually an hour). I just felt like I was away for her for nothing then. Hope I can do better next time. My hubby was in a competition and didn't place and the next yr. he won 2 gold metals in the jr. Olympics.....so hopefully I can do well next time too. Thanks ladies! I just need to be proud of where I am. I had my TG handspring in that routine, caterpillar, and shoulder mounts in there...so that's great progress for 5 1/2 mo post partum. I didn't connect with the music though.I picked a song that I thought would be popular. I also went blank on what to put for my bio.I forgot to add that I am a certified instructor.I don't know why I feel so down. I just feel like I want some recogition for where I am and I know it should come from myself. I can't rely on others to build me up.
Charley · 6/20/2012
I know how you feel, that's how I felt after USPDF ECR 2010. I had so many things go wrong I can't list them all. I never thought I would place or anything but I knew I hadn't performed well AT ALL, I had freestyled which wasn't what I had intended on doing and the 10 hour ride home I felt like the years and the weeks preceding the comp had been a waste. I threw a pity party. I let myself have those moments because if you don't feel them then they will haunt you. I didn't want to pole for a bit which I let myself have that break. The thing about competing is you're being judged. That's the worst feeling in the world (to me.) Not everyone is a good competitor - I'm not. I hate it. It hurts, I doubt myself constantly. There is a difference between being a good performer and being a good competitor and not everyone can do both. I know some people who need the competition to bring their best and others like myself. Competing is a journey and competitve performances so different from just performing because there are often compulosry elements that you have to work in. Don't be hard on yourself. You've had your moment of feeling bad. Now, I want you to take a deep breath and think about how amazing you are, how far you've come and all the exciting things you are going to do in the future. No matter where you place in a competition you are still tops to so many people. :) I hope you feel better. Dance it out when you're ready!
NaughtyLibrarian · 6/20/2012
You're 5 1/2 months post-baby and you're in competition condition!? Honey, that is NOT nothing! I've only competed twice (didn't place either time) and done 2 regular performances, and it IS different. It'll take some time to find your "competition rhythm". If you even want to find it. There are a lot of great polers out there who have decided that competing just isn't for them. It sounds like you know where you went wrong (choosing a song you didn't connect with) and that has nothing to do with how good of a dancer you are. Don't get too down on yourself. Spend a little time with a pint of ice cream (or your vice of choice) and then go hit the pole!
Mindy4pole · 6/20/2012
Would you go up to the other seven girls that didn't place and tell them they were nothing for it? Probably not. So don't do it to yourself!! =) You went out and did your thing, and the comp gave you a reason to train. So, you won!! And your daughter wins b/c you are w/ her and breastfeeding. :D My little boy is 10 months, and I'm trying to coordinate nursing him during a competition in a week and a half. LOL The difficulties of motherhood!
ORGANIC ANGEL · 6/21/2012
Oh many Charley, that helps a lot. I actually watched that comp of yours and I think you rocked! I loved watching it! And even though I had a routine, I felt like I could have freestyled better too! I tend to feel the music more if I freestyle. I will start thinking about how amazing I am ;) @ naughtylibrarian- Thank you so much. I had ladies come up to me afterwards and just gawk b/c of my post baby body. They couldn't believe I was doing anything. But I didn't want recognition for being fit post baby but rather for having pole skills. @Mindy, well said. Good luck with your comp and training. I bought an Ameda breast pump and pumped a lil for my hubby. That was hard b/c my daughter feeds every 60-75 min STILL!!! So having the energy to train, work out, feed and be stable is tough work in itself! Bring some Clif bars with you to enjoy before your comp. I pumped right after I finished until the judges read the scores. I left after I went off stage> I didn't watch the 3 girls get their sashes. I just bolted out to get home to my baby.
Jennifer Dovidio · 6/22/2012
Hello! It's interesting that you said all you want is it own a pole studio and teach. I am in the opposite position. I have a owned a pole studio for 3 years now. I want nothing more than to compete and then have a baby. I love teaching but I want to be a part of pole community on a larger scale. I have been performing all of my life, not necessarily on pole, but I want nothing more than to give people awesome performances. I am hard on myself and have my own expectations to meet - but you should be proud of what you have accomplished. I have a "saying" - The moment you start to doubt yourself is the second you start to fail". Trust in your ability to work hard and come back with attitude that is uplighting. There are people all around the country that wish they could be in your shoes, including myself. I wish you the best of luck in the future.
ORGANIC ANGEL · 6/22/2012
@Jennifer, I know I have a lot to be proud of. Thanks. I know it seems so silly. I should be proud of having my healthy baby and for being able to pole so long into my pregnancy and for getting fit so quick afterwards. I don't have one stretch mark and people think my baby is my younger sister! (cuz I look so lil) I know I have accomplished A LOT from personal goals to things exceeding my own expectations at times. I also got to meet my POLE IDOL who said that I was HER idol for having a baby and making it to her drops class 13 weeks post partum. I had to be ready to invert for it! ( I had gotten back to pole at 8 weeks post partum). I should be proud of the journey instead. I think I learned a lot about myself and from all of this and I think next time I'll rock it and if I don't place- OH WELL.I am a great a** woman, not because I place in anything but for who I am to myself deep down in my heart and to those that I love:) xx to you all. Thank you again all of you for your kind words and for reaching out. I feel much better and it helped give me the boost that I needed. 'Thank you pole family:)
Anonyma · 6/22/2012
I really understand your feeling, i was in a competition last year i totally messed up everything (my first competition ever lol) still today, i dont even want to publish or watch the video! I felt like sh$% for at least 3 months this year, I am going back to this competition with more experience, and more confidence! You rock and sometimes its just the judges tastes, dont think youre not good cause you didnt place, you entered the competition wich means you are good! (thats what i told myself to cheer up)
pegasusaerialfitness · 6/22/2012
I view things a little different...as you move through your life, keep trying....you will learn more from your "faliures" than your successes...If we are not "failing" sometimes you are not trying hard enough.. Be glad that you got out there and were willing to give it your all and with each step you will get closer to your "wins" and "successes." It's all part of the journey, and rememeber, this feeling and knowledge that you have gained from your experience will help you again in the future.. maybe it is knowledge for yourself or maybe it is knowledge that you will be able to give to someone else. The best teachers are not always the best "doers" and vice/versa..Some of the most proficient athletes at their sport are not great teachers of their sport. so...dust of those wings and fly again sweetie!