Quiting Pole due to Pole Drama!!

TatianaSD started this discussion · 8/23/2013

Good Morning Peeps :) I hope everyone is having a great day so far!! I decided to start this discussion because I need some feed back from other pole communities. What would you do if the studio you have been going to for 1 year gets upset at you because you decided to take a couple of workshops at another studio...being that the studio you attend never offers workshops, but you don't cancel your membership with them...you just want to try something different. Then you start discovering that the entire pole community in your town don't get along, studio pole drama!!! they want to own you, they want to control your life, what you do and where you go, they want you to only go to their studio and if you don't, they get really mad at you, to the point where they won't talk to you anymore if you don't do what they tell you. Should that person just quit pole and move on or continue the pole drama?

36 replies

luvlee · 8/23/2013
Honestly, I feel sorry for you that that is the only studio in your area. I have none locally and go tommy different ones for workshops. I would find a new studio or just go to workshops. That sounds like a royal mess.
chemgoddess1 · 8/23/2013
No studio owns a client. Is this the owner that is doing this or the other students? I would personally sit and talk to the owner about it. They should not be bringing their own personal drama and instilling it in the students. Sadly I know this to happen all over though. If the owner is smart she will stop this because in the long run it will only hurt her business.
TatianaSD · 8/23/2013
It's the entire studio staff not the students...and I have spoken to the owner but we got no where. :(
Krista Bocko · 8/23/2013
That's too bad. I don't understand pole drama...and believe me in becoming part of my local pole community I've been involved in it unwittingly. Unfortunately, there seems to be drama in ALL circles (I'm also a hooper and have been involved in it there too, sadly). How did the studio owner communicate her upset to you? If it were me (and not knowing the exact situation) I would question whether it was worth it to continue at the studio (e--do I like my teacher/classmates/progression etc)...or whether I should continue poling solely 'at home.' Probably only you can answer that. I'm personally fine with my students going to other studios, in fact I have a hard time saying 'my students' because I certainly don't own them or want to control them, but I do feel a lot of affection for them and want them to be safe and avoid injury. I feel like there's this balance between pushing physical limits and being unsafe/having students who are not ready do moves too soon/not be taught proper body mechanics and engagement etc. Everyone needs to have a good sense of their own limits and a good sense of self preservation. :D
Veena · 8/23/2013
Sadly it's common.... Learning from other instructors is a great thing! If the studio you're going to offers quality instruction and fair pricing, then there shouldn't be any reason for them to get upset about students supplementing their pole practice elsewhere. I find the studios that know they're teaching might not be the best, tend to get their feathers ruffled if students look outside the studio for instruction. This doesn't mean all studios who dislike students poling elsewhere have poor instruction, I'm just saying it's one of the more common reasons. Owners having bad relationships or one studio feels the other has unsafe practices are also possibilities. As Sparrow mentioned, there's always an option of home poling. I would hate to see anyone stop poling because of studio drama!
portableninja · 8/23/2013
Unfortunately this does not just happen in pole. I see it happen in yoga communities too - even though there is this idea that yoga is all about happiness and peace and love, there can be a lot of drama about student retention and local studios "getting along" with each other, in terms of instructional style, class offerings, or just overall attitudes. Like it or not, studios are businesses and need to retain regular students in order to make consistent money. It sounds like your studio might be going about student retention in the wrong way. Do you live in a large city? If not, it could be that there are not enough people in the area to support as many pole studios as there are. That could make a studio really anxious to maintain loyalty. You definitely shouldn't give up on pole. Home study is one option. There are no studios where I love. So I practice at home, do yoga, and also take occasional weekend workshops at several studios in reasonable driving distance, including the one I started at (which is 2 hours away, but worth visiting.) One of the reasons I really like StudioVeena is because there's none of this rivalry that comes from local business competition. Sure, the local studios around here might be rivals and trash talk each other, but why can't I be pole friends with, or get instructional tips, from someone in Texas or California or France? It doesn't impact anyone's bottom line at all, it's just done out of sheer friendliness and a desire to share.
TatianaSD · 8/23/2013
I informed the owner of what one of her instructors was saying and doing in class, which made me and another student feel uncomfortable...and then she went off on me about how I hurt her because I went to a workshop with an instructor she didn't like.
calipolepixie · 8/23/2013
Oh no this is just so wrong. Did you sign a waiver/student contract that said that you can't attend classes at other studios? Even if you did unknowingly, this is just wrong. No one has a right to do this. And to me, this is definitely harassment/bullying. I would leave that studio & just do workshops & home pole, no one should tell you who & what you can do. That is your choice. Veena's lessons are excellent & you can set up Skype pole jams with other veeneers or join the Flexines on Tues, Thurs & Sundays for morale, stretching, pole practice & motivation. We're all here for you. Message me anytime if you need to vent.
calipolepixie · 8/23/2013
That should be where you should go & what you can do...not who you can do lol
Lina Spiralyne · 8/23/2013
OMG this is so childish of the staff at your studio! If they don't even offer workshops, then what are you supposed to do? I understand studios are eager to keep their students but anyone should be grown up enough to understand that they don't own anyone. I'm sure I could never enjoy going back to that place anymore after such a drama. I'd say, go for home poling :)
Koidragon · 8/23/2013
I agree with a lot of what others have posted - and this is an age-old issue on the martial arts world - at least in the pole community you don't have students turning up to other studios to try and beat up the instructors... Mt muay thai instructor closed his studio and began to teach only from home because he got sick of fighting the new karate studio kids wanting to try and take the 'top dog' down. Alas, politics comes into play in most communities - and unfortunately it can be very difficult to avoid, and for those who are lucky enough to be in a very welcoming interconnected group, difficult to understand what you are going through. Of course it shouldn't be this way, I utterly agree that we should all be one big fabulous upside down loving family. I would agree, whilst I love my studio, if I ended up in a place where I couldn't pole in a studio (due to politics or availability), the passion for the style is still a part of my life, and I would pole purely at home, and perhaps start a movement of street polers, taking on those pesky parkour kids (joking - I was one of those at one point). I know it is disheartening, but the internet has made the world a very small and accessible place - you have a pole community here, ready to train with you and support your progress.
portableninja · 8/23/2013
Koi I wasn't gonna say it, but... OMG this is such a problem in martial arts too. It's like everyone decided that the Karate Kid was a documentary...
Koidragon · 8/23/2013
Ninja... wait.. you mean it wasn't? Mr Miagi isn't real?? NOOOOOOOO
portableninja · 8/23/2013
LOL, he was, but he wasn't that guy... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ch%C5%8Djun_Miyagi Japanese martial arts is interesting because of how much it draws on the samurai-clan mythology, which requires fealty even to death. It makes it so much more dramatic when you actually do want to leave for legitimate reasons. I left my dojo because I got a job far away, around that same time my instructor got sick and eventually passed away from cancer. It was sad all around but the power vacuum from his absence brought out everyone's ugly sides. Now none of those people even talk to me anymore - won't answer phone calls or emails, didn't respond to invites to my wedding, just because I "betrayed" them. I spent 10 years of my life with them, and now they act like I don't exist. Martial artists can be almost cult-ish. Back on topic to pole and Alexa's specific problem - yes, it sounds like the people at this studio are acting like children. Maybe their intentions are understandable (students=money) but I would not give my money to a place with staff that acted like that. I say, go to whatever workshops you like, pole at home, and don't bother with people who can't accept that other pole studios exist.
en.wikipedia.orgChōjun Miyagi - Wikipedia
chemgoddess1 · 8/23/2013
That surprises me about the martial arts as the school that my husband went to did not allow crap like that. It was out of RESPECT that you did not go to another dojo without first asking if it was ok, but in no way were they ever out to get one another unless it was at a tournament. But maybe it is also the style at the dojo. I know that many are all about the fight and not about the message. I guess I have been lucky thus far. In Cleveland the schools all work together and realize that each one has a place. They share instructors and students and many times events. Here in NC while I am still new, I know that many of the students attend workshops all over and there is a push to go and learn all you can. After all, the instructors job is to make a great student and without outside influences that just will not happen.
Koidragon · 8/23/2013
Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of MA school that do not condone that sort of behaviour, and there is an emphasis on respect for both the chosen dojo/school, and for fellow practitioners. However for every 1 of these, there are 3 that think there is a need to 'prove' their mightiness. When I was at my muay thai/eskrima studio, we had 'visitors' from karate, judo, taekwondo, various kung fu's and a few of the kick boxing boys come through to 'test' us. When I was at my Wing Chun (kung fu) school, we had the same - although my Sifu was such a frightening little nugget of a man that most would end up coming back to train with him - some in private only so as not to 'ruffle' the feathers of their home schools. Crazy stuff. The other side of it (devil's advocate) is that for some instructors, they feel it is a huge slight to them for a student to come to them for training, take their expertise, their knowledge and then go somewhere else. Some feel it is about loyalty - I am not saying I agree, just that I understand the mindset. I know my muay thai Guru would get very upset when he would put in so much effort to train someone for competitions, really give them the inside knowledge of his years of experience, and then they would just quit because their lives changed - which is utterly understandable that they should do that, but he would still feel hurt. For this reason, if I were to want to go elsewhere to train for some reason, whether as a traveller or for a workshop, I would have a conversation first with my studio. Not because I think they would mind, I know they wouldn't - and not that if they did, it would change my actions - but rather out of respect to my 'teacher'. I would want them to be a part of my progress and my training. Mind you, I wouldn't necessarily expect others to do this - it is years of MA conditioning that makes this something I would do :)
Koidragon · 8/23/2013
Oh and geez Ninja, how DARE you leave your dojo. don't you realise they are meant to own you for life? I tell you what though - for those who think the pole community has drama - go check out a MA forum. It gets very very ugly. This is nice here. I like it here. :)
TatianaSD · 8/23/2013
Thanks everyone for your honest opinio...but I think I am going to purchase the Studio Veena membership and pole from home...I have 2 poles and soon I will also have a lyra and fly gym. I'm just glad I didn't have a contract with them...paying $150.00 monthly to go deal with drama is not worth it at all...my husband is very supportive of the pole community but he says that I should go to pole to de-stressed not to be-stressed!! :)
Cara Christina · 8/23/2013
Good luck, Alexa! I'm so sorry this has happened to you. We should be supporting one another in the pole community, not tearing each other down. I understand that studios are businesses but it's bad business to drive students away by being catty.
Quirkygrl16 · 8/23/2013
Ugh that's soo sucky. I wish you luck in your journey of home poling. I hope to do the same soon.
Dancing Paws · 8/23/2013
This situation screams red flags to me. Any instructor who has any sort of certification in fitness via ACE, AFAA, what have you, should KNOW that that is unacceptable behavior. Honestly, I would go where there is no drama. If all of them are like that, I'd leave and learn at home. Seriously, SV lessons and a home pole and you're golden.
Phoenix Hunter · 8/23/2013
The acting community is very much the same. Acting classes are filled with drama that has nothing to do with acting. Teachers get jealous when you see another teacher, etc. Just get what you want out of class. if comraderie is very important then you might want to go somewhere else. if you are cool with just learning what you want to learn then stay there. bottom line is this- they will take your money either way. you are paying them for their services. they work for you. you dont like them. fire them. You owe them nothing. I may sound like an a&&hole but it's the truth. You are not paying class fees to be treated like crap.
Lee lee · 8/24/2013
I'm disappointed for you. Recently I went to another studio while on vacation. Although I didn't have to mention it to my current studio since it was in another province, I chose to because the instructor at the new place complemented me on a couple of moves that my instructors had been working with me on. Turns out my current studio thought it was wonderful that I tried something new. They also say that if you are stuck or at a plateau that sometimes learning from a new source can be helpful. Your studio should be encouraging you, and not acting as they are. Although learning from a studio (i.e. having live instruction, spotters, crash mats, etc.) is great, it sounds like you would be better off learning on your own for now and leaving the drama behind.
Laura KittyCat · 8/24/2013
I must admit, i stopped reading half way through... But i have had an experience as an instructor of a studio in my city where another studio has said to me 'if you teach or attend classes at TML you can NOT take classes or workshops at our studio (meanwhile said un-named studio trolls our public facebook page and contacts our clientele and tries to skim clients from us via FB msngr) and that hurts me... Because as a pole community we should realize that even though we are close geographically, we differ in what we offer as far as classes and overall goal for our students. While one side may say "come here and meet your sexy side" the other may say "we welcome all women, no matter size, color, or musical preference- we want you to find a home here and be able to work out and better yourself, no matter your goal) I wish 'competing studios' in my area allowed students from other studios to come and take workshops (at least) at each others venues, but so far this is far from the case.... In my view- there are enough clients to go around- find your niche as a studio owner and OWN it... Dont pull nasty, passive-aggressive crap to take one or two clients from someone who is just about the CLIENTS... If you are doing the right thing by your people they will stay, and if not your busuness will falter... Pole people are a small community and we should stick together, not fight with each other. We are all about the same thing- finding a fun, liberating, sexy way to express one's self and keep in shape.... Oh, and F*ck that studio that pushed you away... I would never do that to my students- i encourage them to seek instruction from multiple instructors- we all have different talents, right?
Dancing Paws · 8/24/2013
Let me just say that I quit bellydance due to drama, but in the time I was teaching, I had good relationships with a lot of the instructors in town and I took classes from them! I wish everyone took that approach, but alas, when you get girls involved in anything there will be drama.

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