Post-Wedding Blues

Mechie started this discussion · 9/10/2013

Ok Polers...I got married a little over a week ago (hoooray!!) I love being married, I'm glad all the pre-wedding stress are over, I'm done with all DIYs, no more keeping track of spreadsheets, no more endless to-do lists...And FINALLY I can pole again where I'm not afraid of getting bruises or get pole kisses (I really want to get my shoulder mount down this year).... However, I'm feeling major post-wedding blues...NOT because I'll never get to be a "princess" again...but more like wedding-regrets. I know no weddings are perfect and I know that well before hand...But looking back at some of the pictures, I couldn't believe the seamstress screwed up my dress color (it has 2 different color because she changed some of the fabrics), I didn't get some pictures with my family, cocktail ran an hr too long, centerpieces were misplaced, two of my bridesmaids screwed up everything BMs can screwed up...thank God for my MOH for cleaning up after them, my mom had a major drama the night before the wedding and the morning of the wedding she threaten not to come because it's no longer "her day" (drama...)....etc. I think my dress is what bothered me THE MOST...it's in all the pictures...I don't know if I'll ever get over it....I contacted the photographer already and hope there's something she can do in Photoshop to fix it... Mr Mechie been super supportive...he even said he'll master Photoshop so he can fix all the photos for me...He and his friends wouldn't stop telling me how beautiful I look...I'm bless to have Mr Mechie as a husband...and I look forward to start this new life as Mrs. Mechie. But...I'm still blue as a blueberry... Married Polers...any of you had/have post-wedding blues? How do you get over it?

16 replies

AlphaKilo · 9/10/2013
Personally you shouldn't focus on the negatives that happened during your wedding (dress wardrobe failure, bridesmaids shenanigans, mother being dramatic etc.), but the fact that you got to say "I Do" to your best friend, soul mate, partner and now your hubby. You could have walked down the aisle in a burlap sack and he would still think you are the most beautiful woman/wife on that day (based on what you wrote). Focus on that, I know that doesn't change the fact of what happened, but you got to marry the person you love that should outweigh all the other things 😀. That's my two cents.
totalblaze · 9/10/2013
I got married in July. The first 2 weeks I spent in a horrible slump thinking back on all the things I wished I would have done but didn't. Find some other goal to focus your attention on so you don't have time to focus on what might/could/wish would have happened. I have refocused on my pole work and on getting back into shape. I gained 15 lbs right after the wedding moping about. find a goal and start working on it.
shelbsy33 · 9/10/2013
I got married this past July and I kind of know what you mean. My whole philosophy was that no one has the "perfect" wedding day. There will always be something amiss- going in with that attitude I didn't stress too much. There are a few pictures I wish I would have gotten but other than that I can't complain. This sounds cliche but the best advice is to simply focus on the positives. The day is what you made it. Did you still have a good day? Were you super happy to be marrying your best friend? Were you able to celebrate? Think of all the wonderful things that that day was (maybe even write them down) and say F*** It and laugh off the rest. Then, take any dissapointment/sadness you have left and work it out on the pole;)
SheenaB · 9/10/2013
Look ahead instead of behind! You should consider doing a boudoir photo shoot for your one year anniversary! Something you can give your new husband and a great reminder to yourself of how beautiful you are! It'll give you the inspiration to get/stay in shape! And what's the funnest way to get in shape??? POLE of course! Practicing your sexy moves makes you feel and look sexy! Also, if you need help in the photoshop department, just let me know. I've been working in it for almost 10 years and know a few things :) Good luck and keep your chin up!
Saphyre · 9/10/2013
I agree with what Alpha said. It is understandable for you to feel this way, and there is no reason to make light of it or dismiss those feelings right now. However, in the long run you have married an obviously, fantastic man. In time, none of these things will matter except for that. You will be building new memories with plenty of photo opportunities along the way. My husband and I will be married for 20 years next month. The photos are in an album, tucked away in a closet. Our love is right out in the open. In plain site, where everyone can see it. Take your time getting through your current emotions, but don't forget to focus on what really just happened!! You have a husband and you are a wife! Congratulations!!!!!!
Cliche · 9/10/2013
I had no idea. I thought I was all alone with my wedding regrets; just figured I was a fuck up. Thanks for letting me know that this is a common enough occurence; don't know why it makes me feel better...but it does.
portableninja · 9/10/2013
I had similar feelings after my wedding. Part of the reason is because my job was super unfulfilling, and the wedding gave me a project to focus on where I could really see my efforts make a difference. When that's suddenly over, it can be a bit overwhelming to know what to do with yourself. Give yourself some new projects (home? work? exercise? personal?) and see if that helps. As for wedding disasters... mine was pretty minor, but at the time it felt huge. So I understand. Our officiant forgot to pack a very important cable for her PA system (the one to be used for our outdoor ceremony music and for her voice during the ceremony.) Rather than sending someone else out to replace it, or proceeding with the ceremony without the PA system, she chose to leave the premises and go out in the mess of summertime vacationer traffic to get one herself. (!) So everything was ready to go, it was show time, and we had no one to marry us. I was waiting in the wings freaking out while the bridesmaids and groomsmen were trying to figure out what the hell we were supposed to do if she didn't return. She finally got back about 15 minutes after the ceremony was supposed to start, and that's when I walked down the aisle. I was already near tears from the stress of wondering if she would ever come back, but I managed to keep it together for the sake of my expensive makeup job! The ceremony went off without a hitch and the day was otherwise lovely, but it took a long time for me to calm down enough to enjoy it and stop waiting for something else to go wrong. My husband and I planned the entire wedding ourselves and I am a natural worrier, so it made the day so much more exhausting. To this day, when I look at our wedding photos, I groan whenever I see any that include our officiant. But it lessens with time. I also have some wedding dress regrets. I loved my dress, but it started to slide down as the day progressed, and a little sliver of my bra was showing in quite a few pictures. I know nobody else can notice it, but I can. I also bustled the train to get in and out of the vehicle when I first arrived for pictures, and I never remembered to un-bustle it. So there are no photos of my dress with its long beautiful train. It's fine though, it still looked nice. If you have a lot of regrets about your wedding, then it might be nice to have a really special 1st anniversary date. Go all out, get your hair and makeup done, go somewhere special, so you can relive some of that bride fun without the pressures of making it that one special day. The important thing is, if you married someone amazing, that is all. It is such a cliche to say "as long as you ended up married in the end, it was a good day" but it's true. Marriage is so much more important than one day, and if you can cope with some drama on your wedding day then you can consider it practice for all the other drama life will throw at you. I hope some day you will decide this is less of a tragedy and more like a great story to share with other stressed out brides. :)
cupcakejenea · 9/10/2013
I got married when i was 16...yup..16 and no babies were involved..lol..my grandparents picked out my wedding dress and i wasn't allowed to wear white..bc they assumed i wasn't a virgin. and to everyones suprise i was...i wasn't allowed any frirends and my dads a cheap skate and had hus marry in the funeral home chapel. bc it was free..welp we jus pasted out 12 year Ann. and we will have a real wedding in 3 years!!..u can always have a vow renewal and do it again :)
Mechie · 9/11/2013
Thank you so much ladies...I get sooo much more support here on Veena than on any wedding forums where the people there are just plain mean.... @ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/51a63696-d4ec-46fa-96df-17c40ac37250 - / https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/516815dc-e97c-432c-a65c-65c70ac37250 / https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/4fab1277-4634-4f27-a2f3-2b630ac37250 - I'm trying really hard to only think of the positive things. But I'd been having nightmares every single night since the day after the wedding...I mean every-single-night. It's like I have to re-live the whole wedding thing every night, I don't get to rest or pause! Sigh. I'm at the point where I'm afraid to sleep now. I'm trying to get back to poling now to help me get things off my mind. I took a nearly 4 months break from pole just so all my wound and bruise will heal up and I had to make sure I don't get new ones. I miss poling soooo much. @ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/4ec9769d-c610-49b4-9311-35e30ac37250 - I was planning to boudoir right after the wedding and before the honeymoon. But now when I think of it, you're right. I'll do that for our one year anniversary...to remind him what a hot wife he got =) (And yes...poling will give me that hot body~~) @ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/4f4e536d-f550-421b-9ac2-41f80ac37250 - Thanks girlie~~ If I can stop all my nightmares now. I think I can move forward a lot faster. @ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/4f989d02-1f84-4023-b471-781e0ac37250 - This is actually more common then you think. It just a lot of women don't want to admit that their "big day" wasn't as perfect as they had in mind. I'm not ashame to admit it...cause I know things WILL go wrong....it just depends on how bad. Mine...it makes me want to curl up into a ball and die! @ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/4f9192d7-3274-473a-bbed-2bba0ac37250 - Thank you sooo much for sharing your experience. My (was then "new") job, is also very unfulfilling, wedding did give me a chance to start my project on the side that makes me happy....but I'mnot lingering on "a project to do"....I"m just really upset that I will have bad pictures where people might even make fun of me due to the wedding dress discoloration. A LOT of little things went wrong that day....a lot...and I can get through all of them EXCEPT my wedding dress. Argh... I will take your advice on doing a very special 1st year anniversary...perhaps I just need something new to focus on so my nightmares would stop... @ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/514a27bf-2dc4-4277-818f-42fb0ac37250 - I'm a Jehovah Witness, we only believe in marrying once so there will be no vow renewal. But thanks for the idea anyway. I think I'll save up again and do a re-shoot or something....I just need to find SOMETHING to make me feel better now so my nightmare would stop haunting me....
portableninja · 9/11/2013
If your photographer was anything like mine, they can fix this. Mine did all sorts of supermodel type edits on my photos... She smoothed out bad skin and tan lines, did some warping/pinching to fix my posture in a few photos where I was slouching, and even removed a large bruise from my husband's grandmother's face. She didnt want to be in any photos because of this big multicolor bruise (she tripped and fell a week before the wedding) but my photographer assured her it could be fixed in post. Sure enough, it was. If your photographer isn't up to the task, find another photographer who can. I can even recommend one :)
AlphaKilo · 9/11/2013
I know this is a far fetch idea but you have a very supportive network here on Veena. To motivate you to get back into poling can I make a suggestion that we try and do a Skype pole forum together?? I'm a newbie to doing pole Skyping but if it is going to help you with your nightmares subsiding I'm all for that. I know all of ladies are scattered across the four winds but if we can each take time to pole Skype with you is that something that you are willing to do? Right now you need something that is therapeutic and I think focusing your time back into poling has some therapeutic effect. It helped me getting through a VERY rough patch in my life last year. Even if that is something you're not ready to do, just remember your fellow Poling Divas are here to listen and support 🥂
Phoenix Hunter · 9/11/2013
many may not agree with what I'm about to say: do not deny yourself of your feelings. go ahead and allow yourself to grieve what you lost. you will find very quickly that you really didnt lose anything. you were used to the illusion that you were able to control something. Really, we are human , and can not control other people and how they act, or what a seamstress does, or how the weather goes. You cannot control 50 different people and thousands of other occurences that happen on one single day. You are not God. grieve the loss of the illusion you were living in and you will be able to move on much quicker. you can't help what other people do and you can't control the fact that your mother had a selfish meltdown the day before your wedding. Say out loud and to yourself all the things that went wrong on your wedding. look at yourself in the mirror and read this post to yourself or have someone else read it out loud to you. it will give you a different persepective when you hear it out loud and it is not just playing over and over in your head. Then, as soon as possible, Get Busy with something else. maybe poling. immerse yourself in something positive. I think you will get over this very quickly , it is just very recent right now. you are so much stronger and resilient than you know! :)
Mechie · 9/12/2013
@ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/4f9192d7-3274-473a-bbed-2bba0ac37250 – I contact my photographer and she said they won’t be working on my photos until a couple of months from now…So I really wouldn’t know how they come out until then. But I will be getting all my photos in RAW format…So, I might be contacting you if I’m not happy with the outcome. Thanks in advance!! @ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/51a63696-d4ec-46fa-96df-17c40ac37250 – You’re such a sweetheart!! ~HUGS~ I have never done Skype pole forum before and I would love to try that!! Are there any active pole Skyping going on right now? I need to work on my flexibility and splits too… @ https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/52143737-7afc-4ac7-85e5-46540ac37250 – Thanks…I KNOW going in that I will have no control over what will happen. But, that doesn’t change the disappointment. I think I accepted the fact that it’s out of my control…but I just don’t know HOW to deal with those feelings now. The seamstress asked me to bring the dress back so she can see it for herself…I have yet to have the time or the courage to talk about it yet…hopefully I will soon…so maybe I will get some compensation back (I paid an arm and a leg to this lady…). >>> I’m going to keep myself busy and submerge myself into poling (I really want that should mount!!) Hopefully those feelings of disappointment will go away soon. Last night my nightmare when from getting ready in my discolored dress in the morning into reception time…hopefully the “wedding” will be over soon!!! Once again…you ladies are very amazing…I went onto Weddingbees and there are nothing but scolding and mean replies from those people…very dishearten. I’m blessed to be part of StudioVeena~~~ =)
Carrington · 9/15/2013
Focus on your new husband and creating a stable and happy life together That was one day. Its over cause if you have the blues over that you are in for it later!
pegasusaerialfitness · 9/16/2013
I think it is very normal and common to have the blues after a big life event like that.. It really can't go perfect, there is just too much emotion in the whole wedding thing for everyone. If it were me....I would embrace the "mistakes".... (It's like that "thing" when you were a kid that everyone use to tease you about is what makes you special today) It sounds like you have some great memories that you and your husband can have a good laugh about in all the years to come. At my wedding, one of my husbands best friends went around to everyone (drunk) and asked them why they didnt try to stop the train reck from happening and try talk my husband out of getting married to me. We found out a couple months later what he did....they are still friends because I told my husband to let it go and stay friends..it is "his friends" issues and not ours. Also the wedding official somehow didnt get our revised vows and blabbered on and on and on..it was a total comedy..my husband and I almost started laughing with every new paragraph. (I tell you....that was a huge deal, because my mother in law is really a certain religion and I am not the same as hers and I edited the vows to be more respectful....but those vows went out the window) You guys have your whole life ahead of you and you will face bigger drama and this is only a test to see how you two manage it together. Have a wonderful life together.
pegasusaerialfitness · 9/16/2013
I think it is very normal and common to have the blues after a big life event like that.. It really can't go perfect, there is just too much emotion in the whole wedding thing for everyone. If it were me....I would embrace the "mistakes".... (It's like that "thing" when you were a kid that everyone use to tease you about is what makes you special today) It sounds like you have some great memories that you and your husband can have a good laugh about in all the years to come. At my wedding, one of my husbands best friends went around to everyone (drunk) and asked them why they didnt try to stop the train reck from happening and try talk my husband out of getting married to me. We found out a couple months later what he did....they are still friends because I told my husband to let it go and stay friends..it is "his friends" issues and not ours. Also the wedding official somehow didnt get our revised vows and blabbered on and on and on..it was a total comedy..my husband and I almost started laughing with every new paragraph. (I tell you....that was a huge deal, because my mother in law is really a certain religion and I am not the same as hers and I edited the vows to be more respectful....but those vows went out the window) You guys have your whole life ahead of you and you will face bigger drama and this is only a test to see how you two manage it together. Have a wonderful life together.