Poor Body Image

TreesySpins started this discussion · 1/8/2018

Hi ladies, I am wondering if any of you struggle with poor body image? I'm brand spanking new to poling and I was so inspired to see so many amazing women on Instagram at all skill levels just rocking the world with their confident selves. I was so excited to join in the fun, that even though I'm new, I got some pictures of me doing very basic things with my pole. I felt like a total badass when I posed but when I saw the results, I was devastated. I'm only 4'7” and weigh about 118 pounds so I'm VERY short and fairly round. I've never looked like a “normal” woman because I'm so short. I think every woman is stunning and beautiful but when it comes to myself, I'm crippled by self consciousness. I could just pole for myself and my husband (who thinks I'm a rockstar) but I would love to have the courage to join all the amazing women online. I created an IG account specifically for my poling adventures (treesyspins) but I haven't the courage to post anything. My question is, do any of you struggle with poor self image and if so, how do you manage it?

23 replies

Allison Erin · 1/8/2018
I totally struggle with poor body image, and understand the frustrating feeling of being irrationally crippled by self consciousness. It held me back from sharing anything on Instagram for a long time; I finally caved last month and found that just sharing boosted my confidence a lot. I've heard sooo much advice on this topic, and most of it is of the "learn to love yourself" variety, which I've personally never found very helpful. (I wish it were that easy!) What initially helped me was learning how to make my body look slightly better *to myself*. I'm also shorter than average, and proportionally my legs are SUPER short--so I'm obsessive about pointing my toes, because it really does make your legs look longer! Heels realllly help too! And while I'm not overall round, I have a weirdly big butt that I've been terrified for anyone to see for years (have avoided the beach my whole life). So I spent a long time trying on different bottoms and learning what styles flatter my weird body the best. When I take the time and effort to dress in something I know works for me, it gives me courage. It also helps that I haven't shared my pole account with anyone I know personally, except my parents (haha) and a couple very close friends. Another tip is to start by wearing leggings and/or skirts/dresses (there's a lot you can do without taking off your clothes), and you'll likely feel comfortable showing more skin as you gain confidence sharing. Good luck!!! I'm going to follow you on Instagram and I hope I can watch you find your courage! =)
TreesySpins · 1/8/2018
@allisonerin thank you for your kindness and realistic suggestions! I'll start with leggings and skirts and I really like your idea of only sharing with people I DONT know first. That actually makes me feel better. I'll lock my account to start. I'm not sure if that dryers people from requesting to follow but at least I'll have you! Thanks a lot!
polegramma · 1/8/2018
If you're crafty there are super easy sewing patterns for dance skirts. You can really personalize your pole outfits with those. I think Simplicity has one and so does Jalie.
Veena · 1/9/2018
These are great ideas and replies! I think most of us have struggled with body issues (I sure have) and I agree that finding clothing that you feel makes you look nice is so helpful. It can be as simple as finding the right pole shorts or leggings (not every style looks good on everyone!) Remember that the people who react to you in a negative way on social media are UNHAPPY. If you're a person who is satisfied with who you are and where you are in life you don't feel the need to try and hurt someones feelings, I feel sorry for haters. What others say about you says FAR more about them! Last thing...most of what you see on IG is the BEST that person can do or has done. It's far from reality for the most part.
PinkPhoenix · 1/9/2018
Freest, Oh-My-Lanta do I. Ever since I moved into my new home I haven't pulled in 3 years consistently and I have gained so much weight. I remember when I was about 124 lbs and now I'm a 181 lbs. I don't look like I weigh that much but I do. And everytime I look in the mirror I get a little sad but then I know that if I just eat right and exercise more that the wait will eventually come off. So every morning I look in the mirror and I tell myself five things that I love about myself that does not include my weight or my appearance. When you don't focus on your appearance you realize that you're a wonderful human being. Don't get me wrong some days are a battle but on the days that are tough I just take it one day at a time.
PinkPhoenix · 1/9/2018
Treesy sorry I wrote my response on my phone and it autocorrect it.
Shihyu Liu · 1/9/2018
Hey, I know where you're coming from! Also a short person myself. Veena is right, most instagram pics of other polers we see are the best shots, sometimes I take 10 to 20 pics to find just the right one to post, can't imagine how much time those people take! I've actually started using instagram as a motivation to improve my poling skills, after I take pics of myself practicing, I'll see my flaws and know where to improve, I use it as a motivation to pole more, but I also try not to be so hard on myself, as Veena constantly says, everyone's journey is different, do not compare yourself with others. Besides pointing your toes and wearing heels, I find the these tips effective in giving you a better proportion: wear dark color polewear especially black, wear high waist pole shorts as they'll make your thighs look longer, wear dark leg warmers or knee length socks, stand on tip toe. Hope this helps!
Barbarella · 1/9/2018
I have and probably always will have issues with the way my belly looks like. After having 2 children the skin is all flabby and strech-marked and I guess this won't change (the younger "baby" turned 4 yrs last week...). And my breasts which were never big now are saggy and flat in a non padded top. I can't imagine to post pictures with a bare belly, most times I don't even like to have it uncovered when working out home alone. I am very happy I have found some lovely leotards so I can do hip holds and still keep my mid covered! Though I know you should not compare yourself with others it's pretty hard sometimes. But it helps a lot to know you are not alone and that perfect image that social media promotes usually isn't the whole reality!
PinkPhoenix · 1/9/2018
yeah, 4'11 and 181lbs.
TreesySpins · 1/10/2018
Kiki yes thank you for the support! I would like to follow you too. What is your IG name?
StrangeFox · 1/10/2018
Oh my gosh... this post totally speaks to me! Treesy - I'm quite short and it has only been recently with watching what I eat and exercising regularly that I've been able to cut my weight down. I have a large derriere and thick thighs and sometimes I fret that I look "stumpy." To make matters worse, I'm not very flexible so I don't have very nice lines. I agree with AllisonErin that it's really hard to just let go of your insecurities and love your body. It does happen, and I found pole has made me love some of the things I've really hated about my body, however, it's not something I can force and it takes a long time to get to that place. I used to refuse to wear shorts because in addition to a thicker bottom half I have cellulite, stretch marks, and really bad spider veins all over my legs. I've made peace with my "stumpy" legs because I've found being short and having thick legs has made certain things easier for me in pole. Just a few things I can think of off of the top of my head: laybacks and leg hangs are more secure, and due to my short stature I don't struggle all that much with shoulder mount. Plus, it's more comfortable for me to pole in a smaller space. Everyone's suggestions are awesome! Def. second the pole clothes shopping as that makes a huge difference. Here's some additional things that have helped me: - Get some fun lights in the room you're poling in. I find fun lights are better than blinding fluorescent lights that highlight all of my flaws! - Work on flexibility - the more flexible I get the better my lines. - As painful as it is watch and keep all of your freestyles/pole vids. When I first started I was disheartened that I didn't look as sexy and graceful as my instructor - and I still don't, but I'm gradually looking better. I just watched a couple of videos of myself walking around the pole and posing from back when I started in April and it was cringe-worthy! Veena is right about the haters and IG. I have a phone filled with HUNDREDS of pics and vids. In fact, for Veena's IG challenge I have filled up my phone twice in 3 days just trying to get a halfway decent vid! I just sent a request to follow you! :) I'm: x_ceej_x Whew...sorry that was so long!
TreesySpins · 1/10/2018
StrangeFox, thank you for your suggestions and especially for pointing out the benefits of being small when it comes to poling. I hadn't considered that! Also, I love your creative posts and I'm so glad you share on IG! You look awesome and are super creative!
Veena · 1/10/2018
I really do envy the shorter girls, you can be so powerful!!! The grass is always greener lol
StrangeFox · 1/10/2018
Thank you for your kind words Treesy! I love that bar you made! It was a big deal for me just to set up my x-poles and install my mirrors so I really admire that you can build something like that! LOL! Veena - I'm always so envious of taller girls and their long legs! You tall ladies always look so graceful and flexy. There are benefits both ways but you're right - we always want what we don't have! :)
Allison Erin · 1/10/2018
Great points, StrangeFox! I'm going to try to think of the advantages from now on every time I get sad that me and my legs are so short! An amazing thing is I also used to refuse to wear shorts because of cellulite, spider veins, and stretch marks. They haven't gone away, but I've almost forgotten about them--that's how much my confidence has improved! I guess it also helps that all that stuff usually isn't visible in the videos I take, ha. Yay for low-quality camera phones!!
TreesySpins · 1/10/2018
Veena, thank you for your input. You're right that the only people who will really judge are people who are unhappy with themselves. I'll try to remember that.
Kiki5817 · 1/10/2018
Treesy, my IG is _polar_angel_ There's nothing on there yet but sometime hopefully in the near future
asloan · 1/11/2018
Am I ever so insecure!! Omg its terrible, I have found that putting the colored light behind me with no lighting from the ceiling on that it almost creates a silohette so u see no cellulite or bulges etc..I record everything and keep everything..so I can see my own progress and also it does make me feel pretty sassy when im unable to see any flaws just my movements!! Hope this helps and so nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way about myself!! When I get IG I will for sure follow so we can support eachothers progress!!!😃😃
travelerunderstars4916 · 1/12/2018
To be honest I'm exactly the same way! I am tall but not super skinny and just feel very gangly and awkward and I don't normally wear heels because they make me too tall! I have an insta too but I don't post anything on it because every picture or video I've ever taken looks awful. I even do some of veena's challenges but I've never actually posted! I did finally find a few pole clothes I like better and I'm working on flow and closing my eyes and enjoying the dance and the movement. I don't even love looking in the mirror some days! So you are definitely not alone. Thanks everyone for the suggestions!
Suzanna · 1/18/2018
Treesy, (and other ladies), here comes a thought from the completely opposite end… I am TALL (6 feet) and quite heavy and if you would look at me, you would think I am a super woman, ha ha… well, that's what other people think when they see how fit I am… (IG: suzanna.fit_vegan) I have been working really hard to get fit, but honestly, the pole is killing me (and my "athletic" ego, ha ha… that's good for me, I guess)… I've been poling for 1.5 year now, and my development is so slow. I feel heavy and tall and weak for my body proportions… I so "envy" (I mean it in a positive way) the shorter girls, they seem just to jump on the pole, boom, invert, boom, Ayesha… while I am still mastering the climb. Or something simple. Because of my body size, I have been always feeling like a baby seal trying to dance on the sand, ha ha… Always a little awkward. I don't have any dancing or gymnastic background, I am 52 years old, and I don't have too many tall role models… As I was getting slightly better, and I do have a few moments of grace sometimes (like 15 seconds, haha), it struck me that other ladies/people comment how beautiful this tall body looks moving around the pole, so this, so that, so graceful… all these things that I had as my limitations, they did admire… and it hit me that I did put all the limitations on myself… I am who I am, and I'd better do the best out of it. Maybe it will take me 10 times longer than a shorter girl can do, but ultimately, who cares how long it will take me? As long as I am improving, little by little… It maybe sounds like a brag a little about my fitness, but it is not meant to be that way. I just want to show the opposite point of the spectrum—tall and seemingly fit—and I struggle as much, if not more, than anybody else… It will bring things in perspective. I started to follow more of the "beginner" polers on IG because it makes me in touch with reality, that we all struggle when we learn something new. I still love to watch all the graceful advanced ladies/men, but for the balance, I also admire every beginner of every size.
Veena · 1/18/2018
Suzanna, this is a great post!!
dannielletaylor2609 · 1/19/2018
Thank you so much for your courage! I like you struggle everyday with poor body image and soome days poling make it better and some days my mind gets the best of me and makes it worse. What a couple of people have already said is true, A lot of what you see on IG are cultivated it's the best of a performance or the best of session. Remember that what may be awkward to you may be amazing to someone else as well. And years from now you will look back and be amazed at how far you've come. I also agree that u have to find clothing that works for you. I now pole in a dance skirt that has pole shorts attached. I original bought it to cone my thighs a bit but found that it gives me freedom to move without being self conscious. And it glows in the dark so that is fun. And here is my two cents, what I didn't know when I started poling is there are all different types of poling and polers They are some pole sisters that love power moves and are amazing with the inverts and hangs and such while there are others are a beautiful contemporary polers just like ballerinas and then there are some who are so slinky and sexy you'd think they had no bones!!! Find a style that make you feel confident! I didn't think I would like erotic style but I sooo do while the power style is harder for me I'm 5'7 290lbs so the simple power stuff like pulling up and climbing is my nemesis. And lastly, be kind to yourself. Find one thing you like in your videos and celebrate it even something a simple as my arm looked beautiful extended and have a powerful effect. Sorry for the length but your post was like finding a kindred spirit. Thanks to everyone else who shared as well. I plan to follow you guys on IG, I'm @curvypolegoddess if anyone wants to follow back. Like so many of us I have barely posted but maybe we should use this to do like a posting challenge or something with basic moves, sometimes those can be the prettiest.
TreesySpins · 1/19/2018
Suzanna and Danielle, thank you both for your posts and for being able to relate! Suzanna, I suppose you're right that regardless of your shape or size, there are benefits and yet we all need to find what makes us comfortable. Danielle thank you for your comments as well and I LOVE your idea of a post challenge. Just simple stuff to get ourselves posting!! I began following other women who are also new to poling and it's very inspiring to everyone in various stages of learning. It's made me realize that this is such a great community of people, they're all doing their best, and I'm exited to be a part of it. I locked my IG account and only share it with other polers and that makes me much more comfortable now. I would like to follow you both and any other lovely ladies interested in inspiring/encouraging each other. My name is TreesySpins. I'll look for you!