Poling and the boyfriend...cringe!

Queenie426 started this discussion · 8/30/2011

Hey everyone! So I have been poling for a while and I have had my own pole for a little over a year now. I live with my boyfriend of almost 3 years and he recently starting asking me to dance in front of him. My pole is in our living room and I NEVER let him see me dance for real. I'll goof around in front of him or practice tricks but I leave the sensual side completely out of my poling. He wants to see what I can actually do and I do not feel comfortable! I just feel chubby and awkward. I've always had body issues but they have recently gotten worse. My fluidity is terrible and the idea of him seeing me dance does not sit well with me. Have any of you felt like this in terms of dancing in front of other people?

24 replies

polergirl · 8/30/2011
I blogged about this recently... hope it's OK to post the link here. https://ginadances.wordpress.com/2011/07/13/dancing-for-someone-besides-yourself/ If you search the forums here you'll find LOTS and LOTS of posts about how scary it is to dance for someone, so I won't tell you not to be nervous or feel awkward. What I will tell you is that he won't notice those things. Not at all.
polergirl · 8/30/2011
I think Amy (blog is aerial amy, I think) has also written about this.... hopefully she'll chime in. :)
Assi Mimi · 8/30/2011
I danced a couple of times for my ex and It was fun. I think if you do it he will feel like the luckiest man ever. I personally feel more nervous dancing in front of one person than many, so I imagine that I am on a big stage:) but that is individual. you should DEFINITELY do what ever YOU are comfortable with. But you should not be ashamed or feel shy about your body.We are all different (all have issues of course) no one is ever perfect, and people see you according to your confidence. Also It should be fun, and I am certain that no matter what you will do, even if you do the most simple tricks your boyfriend will be thrilled.🥂
mrsbaybeegurl · 8/30/2011
I completely agree with what everyone else said. I wanted to add that the beauty of pole isn't defined by body type. Pick out a cute outfit something that makes you feel sexy, things like monokini's can be a great way to disguise belly flaws and appear perfectly shaped. Or try a sexy bra and panty duo, even add fishnests and heels, wear whatever makes you FEEL like you WANT TO BE SEEN Your confidence in your own body is what helps alleviate the anxiety, it's like if you feel sexy you can rock that pole and almost forget you have eyes on you. Get into that "zone"and get a good flow going and understand that your man finds whatever your doing attractive, just like Assi said, it could be a simple as touching the pole and arching your back n he'll be happy 🙊 lol If your truly body concious also rember to control the lighting, maye a dark room with several candles or a red light bulb, you want him to see you move and perform but the dimmer the light, the less "imperfections" you'll worry about him seeing, although most men are not half as judgemental of a womans body as we tend to be. And as funny as it can be to bust out laughing out of a nervous habit, hold it in and use that energy to display your talent....so have fun, dont think to much into it or your likely going to feel akward. Perhaps having a few sensual practices without him around can get ya going, practise positioning your body in seductive poses, try some floor work and be sure to use music that sets the mood 😁 Have fun, and only do what ever you feel most comfortable with.
JeHanne · 8/30/2011
It can be terrifying to dance in front of someone you care about... or even complete strangers. I think deep inside a lot of us fear rejection! He would love it and feel so very lucky! You have gotten so much great advice here! I agree with the red lighting, soft lighting, or a bunch of candles. It creates a very sexy mood and hides areas we may not want seen in harsh light (bonus). You could have a few moves picked out that you feel comfortable with and then some transitions to throw in the mix. Pick a short song for your first dance... that takes some of the pressure off. There is a saying that dance is a conversation between you and that special person without words. What would you choose to say to him? Incorporate it into your dance! If you trip, forget a move, get your shirt stuck on your ear or whatever just laugh it off and get back into your zone! Laughter can be a great ice breaker and also strengthen the connection the two of you share. Spend some time thinking about it and planning it, there is no rush. If you do decide to dance for him, boyfriend will LOVE it! 😁
Queenie426 · 8/30/2011
Thanks so much everyone! I love how supportive everyone is on here. Lots of good advice. I think it's something I am going to have to work myself up to definitely. I know I am way more critical of myself than he is. He's been with me this long so he must like me! I think finding the right song will be yet another challenge.Thanks again! :)
sexygyrl · 8/31/2011
The ladies are right...I was dating a guy and rather shy about letting him see me pole especially since I do it in a sports bra and short shorts. I ended up letting him watch and he was impressed. I don't really have a sexy poling style (yet), but he thought it was "sexy as hell." He also recognized the amount of strength it took to climb and invert. Your man just may want to be a part of something that's important to you. I read these tips a while ago...maybe some of it will be of use. Hope you guys have fun! http://poleskivvies.comhttps://pub-a085b59791bc4c1a94b0a223a67a37d6.r2.dev/wp-uploads/2011/08/PoleSkivvies-Get-Your-Sexy-On.pdf
Pole Angel · 8/31/2011
I think if it was me I'd probably make up a routine beforehand and show him that. Then I'd be concentrating so much on what comes next in the routine that I'd almost forget he was watching. Or at least I wouldn't be concentrating on the fact that he was and therefore also about whether the dance was looking sexy, fluid etc enough. I get terrible brain-freeze when improvising a routine when someone's watching lol. Fine at it on my own :-) x
Pole Angel · 8/31/2011
I think if it was me I'd probably make up a routine beforehand and show him that. Then I'd be concentrating so much on what comes next in the routine that I'd almost forget he was watching. Or at least I wouldn't be concentrating on the fact that he was and therefore also about whether the dance was looking sexy, fluid etc enough. I get terrible brain-freeze when improvising a routine when someone's watching lol. Fine at it on my own :-) x
glitterhips · 8/31/2011
Men are simple creatures! I think he would pleased just watching you stand next to the pole in linger or nothing at all honestly! Men don't hold us to the same standards we hold ourselves to so we can do pretty much anything as long as we are scantily clad and they would eat it up. The best I have for you is IGNORE HIM! When you're doing floorwork, make sure you are having a good time dragging your arms across your body, touching your leg, etc. If you can ignore him and give off the sense you are doing this to appreciate your own body and he is just lucky to be watching then he will be putty in your hands :) good luck!
ORGANIC ANGEL · 8/31/2011
My hubby is so bored with poling! I have been a poler forever. You should show him w/ lights low if you feel uncomfy. Show him every week or two and he will see your progress. My hubby is always shocked how many diff. tricks I incorporate but now that I am pregnant, I do a lot of slow transitions,which he is actually more impressed with. Good luck! ?Enjoy. Have a drink first if it helps you relax. Just not too much:)
DoodlebugDances · 9/1/2011
You've had tons of great advice already. I can sympathise with the body issues - I think we all have them, right? I would say, he's asked you to dance for him because he wants to see YOU. He obviously loves your body and the way you dance. He's not going to know if a spin isn't perfect or a transition is a little sloppy. Guaranteed the only thing running through his mind will be "Damn, my girlfriend is HOT!". I've found that keeping things simple and sticking to spins and floorwork seems to work best. Inverts and tricks are great but I don't really think of them as that sexy. Each to their own though! Turn the lights down low, pick a song that you love and have fun strutting your stuff! Hope that, when you're feeling confident enough to go for it, it goes well!
Queenie426 · 9/1/2011
So much great advice! I definitely was not expecting this many replies! :) I think planning the dance beforehand and coming up with a little routine will help like poleangel said. Men are definitely simple creatures. Im sure making him happy will be waaay easier than I am making it out in my mind, I will be picking a short song for sure!
amy · 9/1/2011
woah, i'm late to the party! thanks for the shoutout, polergirl-- i did blog about this a while back: http://aerialamy.com/blog/2011/06/22/dancing-for-him/ i think that the pole skivvies link is FANTASTIC! TONS of information and a lot of really specific suggestions on what to do in case you run out of ideas. but remember that your man ALREADY finds you sexy-- you don't need to put on an act for him. he loves you for you =)
islandgirl001 · 9/1/2011
omg ... i have the same issue as Queenie426 and one of the other ladies (thanks, tarah!) on this forum sent me here! i've been poling for a little over 5 years, have had my pole for 4 years, and my husband has NEVER seen me pole. sure, he's seen me practicing tricks and i've asked him to be my spotter when i was teaching myself something new, but i've never danced for him. he just asked me yesterday to dance for him and now i'm a nervous wreck! i can dance sensually for the ladies in my studio just fine but when i think of dancing in front of my hubby, my mind goes blank. but now my hubby has uped the ante: if I dance for him, i can buy another pole (xpole xpert 45mm titanium gold) AND convert our unused studio into my own pole/exercise studio! so, i'm going to read all the articles you ladies referenced and maybe get some ideas and work up the nerve. wish me luck ... and i'll let you know how it goes! (btw i'm not as good as you'd think after 5 years; i only get to practice about 1x/week :(
sexygyrl · 9/1/2011
Have fun with it! Oooh another pole, I REALLY envy that. Take pics and post a vid of new room after all is delivered and complete ;)
islandgirl001 · 9/1/2011
oh, forgot to mention that my hubby said i could make the extra room into my own pole studio regardless if i dance for him or not but that he just REALLY wants me to dance for him! kinda of cute, huh?
aliceBheartless · 9/1/2011
Hehehe Islandgirl, Thats awesome. Now, how to work that same magic on my guy so that I can get a new pole, too? :)
poledanceromance · 9/1/2011
Everyone has already said the eloquent stuff. I'll just add my motto: Simple monkeys. Banana in one hand, penis in the other. Remember this always. They aren't that critical!
islandgirl001 · 9/1/2011
@poledanceromance - LMAO ... I have to remember that! The image makes me less nervous ;)
TinyDancer04 · 9/1/2011
Lol at poledances comment! Your so right! Personally I don't have a partner at the moment but I'm really looking forward to suprising a new man with it. It'll be so hot! He'll think all his Christmases have come at once lol
Laura KittyCat · 9/1/2011
At least your man wants to be part of your pole journey. Mine does not have an opinion. He does homework while I pole. Sometimes he will pick songs for me to add to my playlist, but as im dancing and freestyling (in sexy attire-not the usual sports bra n shorts) he is STARING AT THE COMPUTER!!!!!!! WTF!!! then he will cut off the song and play another. Ugh! Whats wrong with men? Im happy that yours takes an interest, and i like the advice given here. Im sure that what ever you do, he will love it. I may even try some of these to see if I can gain some of monkey's interest... Banana- lmao!
Laura KittyCat · 9/1/2011
At least your man wants to be part of your pole journey. Mine does not have an opinion. He does homework while I pole. Sometimes he will pick songs for me to add to my playlist, but as im dancing and freestyling (in sexy attire-not the usual sports bra n shorts) he is STARING AT THE COMPUTER!!!!!!! WTF!!! then he will cut off the song and play another. Ugh! Whats wrong with men? Im happy that yours takes an interest, and i like the advice given here. Im sure that what ever you do, he will love it. I may even try some of these to see if I can gain some of monkey's interest... Banana- lmao!
PlatinumAni · 9/1/2011
My advice is always the same. Pick a song you love, clothes you feel sexy in, and do what you enjoy. If its floorwork, spins, or lapdance it doesn't matter. Once you have given it a whirl you will probably enjoy it. If you have Veena's lessons her and Saschapoles have some funny and helpful lapdance lessons/bonus lessons you may like.