Pole: Seeking advice from girls with thick curly/frizzy hair

CapFeb started this discussion · 10/30/2012

So about...we'll say three months ago, I decided to get a perm done on my hair. Pretty much the worst decision of my life. It cuts out a lot of time getting ready for work, but not really because when I get home I spend about 20m picking out my hair as soon as I get out of the shower (I live in phoenix, we have no moisture). I've never had curly hair. Ever. Like, my will curl only wet to dry, no curling iron on the planet will make it stay. So I wasn't expecting what I call "Pillow hair." Basically I'll go to do a shoulder mount, and I'll sweep my hair aside, and it's like moving pillow fluff. My hair is so fluffed together that it feels like a pillow if/when I brush it. If I don't brush it, it looks nice, but underneath the first two lairs of hair are little rats nests that I fear will have a cockroach family living in them one morning when I wake up. Since my perm my each individuals hairs feel more coarse, much more dry, uh...I don't want to say "damaged" because I'm not seeing breakage. But it just feels dense. When I pole sometimes it causes complications--my hair at work is getting stuck in the bottom of the pole, and it never did pre-perm. I guess I'm just looking for a super conditioner/ultra moisturizing hair mask or an alternative to a flat-iron since I don't have $100 to spend on a flat iron that won't fry my hair. Or any suggestions in general with how to keep up with this...mess.

32 replies

chemgoddess1 · 10/30/2012
Gah....about to leave work but have suggestions. I used to have different treatments for my hair during the different stages of my perm. I will get back once I get home.
Runemist34 · 10/30/2012
Hey CapFeb! I've had curly hair all my life, and it's taken a while for me to figure out how to make it work... So, first thing I'm gonna say... DON'T brush it! It creates a lot of issue for curly hair, results in epic frizz, and I found that it promotes tangles in the long run. Next- How often do you wash your hair? Like, with shampoo/conditioner? Because you'll probably want to not do that so often. I "wash" my hair about once a month, because of how dry it is, and what happens when I do wash it. I do, however, shower every day and get my hair wet- this allows me to reset it after sleeping on it, which also causes great frizziness. I do, however, highly recommend things like leave-in-conditioners. My hair LOVES them, and the thicker the better! Your hair may not need as much, or it may need more- it all depends! If you really feel you must de-tangle your hair, it's best to do it when it's wet. With your fingers. That's the very best way I've ever found, and I will never take a brush to my hair again, unless it's being styled up (which I can't do yet, it's too short!). I've had everyone and their dog tell me that if I do that for too long (no brushing, only with fingers, only when wet, etc.) I'll end up with dreadlocks. Well, it's been like five years, and no dreadlocks yet! Lastly, handle your hair as little as possible, especially when it's drying. Handling will also cause the hairs to come out of their little curls, and form frizz. Every curly-haired person is going to do something very different with their hair- I've even heard of some people needing to watch the PH balance of the conditioner they use! I've also taken to using a little gel in my hair- keeps everything staying nice, and keeps it DOWN when it's raining out (which it is all the time, because I live in BC). I've tried mousse, hair spray, and all sorts of other things... lots of them work, but I enjoy keeping it simple, and it works just as well as all the others. Little bit of gel when it's wet, then let it dry by itself, without fiddling with it. I wish you luck! Curly hair is a very different kind of creature than straight hair.
CapFeb · 10/30/2012
see, I don't want to brush it because of pillow hair. But I don't want the rats nest tangles either. What leave in conditioners do you use specifically? Also; I guess I should mention, my hair isn't super curly since the perm has fallen out....it's more like Britney Spears from 2000. medium hair crimp/waves?
abcollins1 · 10/30/2012
I have naturally thick curly hair, cant say that ive had any issues poling with it, but im not very advanced yet. Anyways, i do a lot of the same R34 said. I only wash my hair about 2 times a week, though i have to wet my hair everyday to style it. I typically will use a very heavy conditioner everyday to help with the frizz. Once a week I use a claryifying shampoo to take out all of the buildup from all the products i use, and another time I will use a moisturizing/hydrating shampoo, because you dont need more volume with thick hair! I also use a leave in conditioner and use a curl definer spritz so control frizz and keep the curls curly. I do brush my hair when wet because just doing it with my hands will not work on my hair. But I do have to have a specific type of brush to prevent damage. Once i get the tangles out, the brush doesnt touch my hair. With drying the hair, you either have to let air dry or blow dry using the diffuser ONLY! Just straight blow drying results in the curls separating, air drying is best but takes up to 2 hours with my hair. Also, as R34 said, DONT TOUCH!! Once its styled dont mess with it or the curls with just frizz. For products, I have found that the cheap ones do not work on my hair. My hair really does best with the better quality hair care products. I do not know why and i dont know if everyones hair is that way. I just noticed a huge difference with the products i use. For shampoo/conditioner i use Paul Mitchell, Redken or Aveeda. My curl definer is Bed Head Foxy Curls and when i want straight hair, i use a babyliss 2" flat iron (much less than 100 bucks and works just as good as the more expensive brands) and a product from SexyHair called Straight Sexy. Biolage makes a good hair mask conditioner that i like. Works really nicely on my hair.
Runemist34 · 10/30/2012
I currently use Lush products mostly, so their R & B leave in conditioner is great- however, it only comes in the little tubs, so... I can't use it too often, or things become expensive ;) That said, I don't personally notice a lot of difference between one brand and another, just the product really- like I said, the thicker the stuff is, the better, for me! The rats' nest thing will go away a little more as your hair becomes more moisturized. This is what often happens with curly hair- it's so dry, as opposed to straight hair which can get oily. Dry hair will tangle a lot easier, and a lot more, so try to keep your hair from getting overly dry! I also find that, if my hair is more dry, it is also more frizzy. And, having actual ringlets is not necessarily the way to tell if you have "curly" hair- there's a whole system out there for describing your particular type of curly hair, ranging from barely any wave to craaazzzy curly, like african-american hair!
Danielle Tillie · 10/30/2012
The only brushing I ever do is right before I take a shower. I like to get all the knots out before the shower, but brushing afterwards just creates a frizzy mess. I only wash with actual shampoo once a week. Otherwise it's just gentle head massage with conditioner. If you feel like you need to shampoo more often, baby shampoo is excellent. It doesn't have the harsher chemical that dries out curly hair, sodium laureth sulfate, so you can use it freely. Plus it smells lovely! I never skimp on the amount of conditioner I use. I use a lot, covering every strand thoroughly, and leave it in for about 5 minutes before rinsing gently (leaving a tiny amount still in the hair, that wonderful silky feeling). I use a hair "lotion" for curly hair and a light dusting of finishing spray and let it air dry. My hair lotion is by Garnier Fructis. It's light enough that it doesn't weigh my hair down but infuses plenty of moisture. That's all it comes down to. Moisture, moisture, moisture. :)
Lee lee · 10/30/2012
It's taken me all my life to learn how to care for my curly hair. What works for me, won't necessarily work for you, but I'll tell you anyways: - I only shampoo my hair once a week to get rid of build up or if I go swimming. - I do put conditioner in my hair, to "wash" it. Conditioner, when the scalp is scrubbed, will act as shampoo and clean any build up. This is the only time I will comb my hair (with either a wide tooth comb or my fingers). Never brush curly hair and don't comb while dry. - I rinse with ice cold water (just by flipping my hair upside down). I will then add back some conditioner to work as a leave-in. - To style, I put a small amount of olive oil (yep, same stuff as found in the kitchen) in my hair. Curly hair needs to be moisturized. Some people use jojoba or almond oil instead. Followed by gel. - If you do not have time to air dry or are doing this overnight, wrap your hair in a microfibre towel or a flour-sack towel (can be found at WalMart). Regular towels will break up your curl pattern. It seems like a lot of work, but if I use more products on the first day, then I can get 2-3 days of nice looking curly hair without having to go through the process of washing it. I might add a little water to re-activate my gel. Any time someone asks me about taking care of curly hair, I always point them towards the following website. It's done wonders for teaching me how to properly take care of my hair: Naturallycurly.com Hope that helps!
Lee lee · 10/30/2012
Oh, and I forgot to add that I only use sulfate-free and silicone-free products in my hair. Sulfate products will dry out your hair and silicone will coat it.
chemgoddess1 · 10/30/2012
Alright....my power supply on my main computer fried during the storm last night. When my hair was still a fresh perm this is what I needed to do. First I always tried to repair whatever chemical damage was done by using the Ion 3 step emergency repair kit from Sally Beauty. THis stuff works wonders for getting the pores closed again without stripping the curl. Next I used Infusium conditioner in the shower (the stuff is super thick) and also their spray leave in conditioner once I got out. Once a week I used a deep conditioner, I used to use Aussie 3 minute miracle but then changed to Beyong the Zone Last Call Hair Masque (Also a Sally product). In order for my hair not to frizz I would use a dimethicone/silicone gloss AND hair gel. I only used a wide tooth comb to get the tabgles out and then never touched my hair again. Later on in the perm I could go back to regular conditioners and then I would switch to Catwalk Curls Rock Amplifier. Toiward the end of my perm the curls would really loosen and this stuff really kicked them up. It was one of the best curl amplifier products I ever tried.
CapFeb · 10/30/2012
@Danielle: That's pretty much what I do. I just don't want the clumps to be there when I'm out of the shower. So I lightly towel dry and then after I've tousled my hair (while it still damp) I lightly go through it with a wide toothed comb. @Chem I just bought a new power supply like, 5 hours ago @_@ and that's still not the cause of my computer failure. But I was looking at the Aussie 3MM because I heard rave reviews about it on Youtube. Why did you switch to Beyond the Zone, out of curiosity? From this I gather I just need to buy a really good leave in conditioner, stop washing my hair three times a week, and get a super hair masque. Thanks for all the help you guys :3 Also; @Abcollins I'll definitely check out that flat iron....I'm just almost broke right now, so I don't want to pay a whole lot more than $40 for a flat iron. But I have been using Babyliss's hot rollers for years and I love them! Thanks for the suggestion
luvlee · 10/30/2012
I love all these ideas. I too have natural curly hair. I only wash it every 5 days or so. I use a dry shampoo inbetween washes. I like the Sexy Hair Concepts Big Sexy Hair one. I only detangle mine with my fingers or a large tooth comb after showering. Then I spray some Aquage sea salt spray all over it and let it dry or dry it with a diffuser. You only want to get the dampness out with the diffuser though. It will frizz if you dry it all the way. Argon oil is good too for thicker hair to stop frizz. Let me find a pic of my hair when I actually wear it curly.
OzarkSiren · 10/30/2012
Aveda Damage Remedy, not the leave in one the one you put on after shampoo and rinse out. It is awesome. My poor hair got fried with a bad color job and trying to get it corrected. The Damage remedy really helped. Good luck.
hookedonpole · 10/30/2012
Agh, curly hair, the curse for me LOL You probably can't tell in my pics and videos, but I have the ugly kind of curly hair. The kinds that puffs out into cotton ball head. I've had a phase or two in my adult life where I found the right kinds of product combination to get the cute curl, but then got the bright idea to do something different...big mistake! Now I can't get that cute curly look back. For some time now, I went back to the old fashioned setting it with medium/large hair rollers and sitting under hair dryer to get the frizz out. I found a beauty salon chair hair dryer on craigs list few years ago and love it!!! Depending on length of hair determines how long under the dryer, but it would take just as long if I blew dried or flat ironed it to get frizz out, not to mention sore arms! This way I wash it about twice a week and use hot rollers in between to get some control. Of course, humid weather or rain causes it to frizz, ugh. Drives me nuts because I don't have good "poling" hair LOL I still end up with a ploppy mop of hair on my head. Maybe I'll try the curly look again or maybe not. 😕
chemgoddess1 · 10/31/2012
I was having a hard time finding the Aussie stuff for a while and Sally Beauty is everywhere. Plus it seems like Sally's has the Beyond the Zone stuff on sale pretty much every month. I used to buy hair color from Sally also so I was always at that store.
FeeDen · 10/31/2012
Low sulphate conditioners are great and I use John Frieda Frizz ease on my daughters curly hair, it calms it down and defines the curls. I use olive oil and leave it on her hair over night it really works on Becky's hair . We were having terrible knotting, matting and frizzing problems after swimming but I found great advice on the British Curlies web site it covers all curly hair from afros to wavy, and saved alot of tears, mine and Becky's :) www.britishcurlies.co.uk
JhennD · 10/31/2012
AMEN for Naturallycurly.com !! They also have an app (I love it!) one feature is location and todays weather, and your specific curl/wave/kink type. Products, styles, methods, when NOT to mess with it. I grew up with my mum brushing my hair everyday. I looked and felt my hair was bozo the clown in blonde. Dreadlocks happened fast in high school because I didn't want to brush my hair out. Yucky scared teen of a straight hair mum. My sisters all have curly hair and we were funny looking when it came to hair grooming. My ethnic background Finnish mum and mediterran mix dad (curly). I shampoo my hair twice a month and my stylist thinks because my hair is so dry I must be shampooing 3 times a day. I soak it and while conditioning massage softly and comb thru my hair condition again and use a little oil (whatever was suggested by my stylist) then rinse cool water. i don't use a terry towel I use a white (hanes or fruit of the loom) t-shirt to dry -I mean blot up the water (less friction) and I try to air dry. Products for whatever style I go for. I try to wrap it up (since my cat sleeps on my pillow now) in a satin cap -try a silk or satin pillowcase. (body chemistry just like for grip on pole, is different for products and tools for hair) When poling (or exercising in general) at the studio I'm a fuzz head. I make it a point to get a blow dry when it's studios' girls night out or parties. So I know they see me NOT fuzz. I loved my hair pixie cut, soft curl and so much cheaper when it came to products (not for the salon visits though) but it took 8 years to grow it to this point. Yes vitamins I take daily, my hair grows thick not long. So I HAVE to stick with length till I decide short for life.
Aly77 · 11/1/2012
I agree with Chemgoddess about the Tigi Curls Rock Amplifier. I have naturally curly hair, and my "must have" for tangles and moisturizing in the shower is Queen Helene Cholesterol. You can find it in Walmart or most drugstores near the ethnic hair products and it's around $3 for a 15oz jar.
CapFeb · 11/1/2012
The aussie hair rescue thing was amazing, and then I had a super moisturizing shampoo and a curl definer....hair was great for two days. This morning it was super dry and I realized I didn't buy a leave-in conditioner. So I tried th curl definer and some extra virgin olive oil...worst idea. My hair is moisturized (but not well, more like a soft greasy feeling) in some patches and dry in others. I only used a penny sized amount on 16 inches of hair. A customer told me he'd like to come back and see me--when I've washed my hair. He was a fuzz head too, but he's a guy, he doesn't have to deal with the length. He was super understanding, it was just awkward and embarassing @_@ I'm thinking of the nexxus leave in conditioner. I couldn't find the garnier one Danielle suggested.
keex · 11/1/2012
How am I just now seeing this? I swear by Alaffia brand which I get at natural food stores like Whole Foods. They're shea butter based products which are awesomely moisturizing for curly hair which tends to get dry/brittle easily. It helps add shape to your curls too. Oh, & their products are certified fair trade. @ was absolutely right. Don't "wash" your hair a lot. I wash my once/week but condition it every 2 days followed by a leave-in-conditioner. http://www.alaffia.com/
AlaffiaAlaffia | Clean, Green & Fair Trade BeautyAlaffia handcrafts award-winning clean, green skin and hair care with fair trade ingredients that support community empowerment projects in West Africa.
KellyKegan · 11/1/2012
I do not perm my hair but I do process it and that will dry it out kinda like a perm... paul mitchell awapuhi deep conditioner changed my hair's life it's stronger and grows much better now I use it once a week....
hookedonpole · 11/1/2012
I love this thread, but now which product do I try first??? It's so hard to decide!
keex · 11/1/2012
the one w/ the least chemicals😉
Runemist34 · 11/1/2012
Honestly, I find that any thick, opaque (not-see-through) conditioner or product is best! If it says "curly hair," then it had BETTER be moisturizing! That's the worst thing for curly hair... it's so dry, and gets so dry if you do anything not nice to it. Try some stuff out, see what you like better, look for a pattern in the products that you like, that give you the hair you want!
DaniDuB · 11/3/2012
I love WEN for my curly hair and I use it as a leave in conditioner also. Instead of brushing, I use a wide tooth comb while my hair is wet in the shower, after applying the Wen conditioning cleanser. :)
DaniDuB · 11/3/2012
I order wen from qvc.com but here is the wen website. www.wenhaircare.com

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