pole or boyfriend?

emeraldswift started this discussion · 5/19/2012

So I have come to the point of questioning which is more important..my pole or boyfriend? I have a pole set up in my house and I would like to dance all the time but I can't because he is there and I need my pole time to be alone. I am addicted to my pole. Alls I can think about is pole. I feel like such a horrible person because all I can think about is my own time..if only I had the pole in a different place so I could go there. What am I doing??

18 replies

JeHanne · 5/19/2012
Have both! Explain to your boyfriend how important pole is to you and discuss you need uniterrupted time alone to practice without him around. If your living space prevents you from having a room that creates privacy you could maybe use something like room dividers to section some privacy near your pole or ask him to leave when you are poling. Always options!!! If he rejects every suggestion and is unwilling to work with your needs... replace boyfriend with better boyfriend. ; )
azblanco · 5/19/2012
If pole comes in between your relationship- he is not worth it anyway. Do what you need to do to make sure YOU are happy. I learned this the hard way. Although some may say this sounds selfish- you have to put yourself first because no one else will. In terms of what satisfies and fullfills you- you are the only one that can make that happen :) You deserve nothing less than the best
Runemist34 · 5/19/2012
I agree with JeHanne- You can explain to your boyfriend that this time is very important to you, and that you need some space when you dance. See if you can work something out so that, when you need to Pole, he can go and do something for himself, as well!
JeHanne · 5/19/2012
I couldn't agree more with all these wonderful posts! You need space and you deserve time to practice something you are passionate about without any distractions. MemphisKitten, left because of your pole?!? Wow... like you said it is his problem. Good for you for not owning his nonsense and staying focused on your priorities.
emeraldswift · 5/19/2012
Thank you to all you wonderful ladies for your support and glad that I'm not alone. I will look forward to finding a happy medium where he will do his thing and I can do mine during the summer. Hell understand ! :)
Tali Kat · 5/20/2012
It's healthy to have a hobby just for yourself, so your boyfriend shouldn't be upset if you don't spend every waking moment together. It's about finding balance in your activities, but also finding someone who AGREES with you on what you consider good balance. My husband is a gamer and spends a lot of time gaming and I used to get a lonely sometimes but now that I have pole I have something that I can do just for me. Although Diablo 3 is a major time sink... o_O
Dancing Paws · 5/20/2012
Or shouldn't even be an option. You should have both, but within reason. If you are truly addicated, then that is obviously not heathly. You shouldn't be poling everyday anyways. You should leave at least a day in between. With that said, it is perfectly reasonable for you to ask your boyfriend to go do something during your pole time. I do that often, when I want to play my music for poling and my fiancee doesn't want to listen to it. He goes in the bedroom and plays guitar or does homework. If he makes the effort to give you pole time, then you have to make the effort to make time to give him plenty of attention. I can totally understand if you were to be doing nothing but pole, talking about nothing but pole, watching pole vids, etc all day. I wouldn't blame him if he got annoyed, so, as with any activity, you gotta do it in doses. This goes for anything. I take art classes twice a week, and bellydance twice a week, in addition to poling on occasion, but also spend time with my man. It also goes both ways. If my man wants to play a computer game to detox from school, I usually let him, and I go off and read or something. I don't really go by the "thinking about yourself" attitude. That is not what a relationship is about. If one partner thinks that way too much, the relationship is doomed to fail. It's all about COMPROMISE! Also, if you truly love your boyfriend and want to be with him in the long run, then NOTHING should be more important than him (even your hobbies.) I had to drop an activity that my fiancee was uncomfortable with me doing. I thought the activity was fun, but it was not worth it if he was dreading the thought of me being there everytime I went. That just causes a rift that isn't worth it. It obviously wasn't something I was in love with, so it wasn't that big of a deal, but if it was something I was in love with, I would have worked to make a compromise. One last thought. If your man comments that you always want to be alone when poling and he makes it sound like he wants to watch, make a special sexy dance time for him. Tali Cat - Hahaha! My fiancee is drooling over Diablo 3! He keeps trying to download Portal 2, but our internet is too slow!
ORGANIC ANGEL · 5/20/2012
Enjoy! If poling is what you r "addicted" to than don't let people get u down about it ! There are far worse things that you could b into! Don't sweat it. If you are driven to pole, than just follow that instinct. Its a healthy obsession😀. Can you go to a local sttudio?
emeraldswift · 5/20/2012
Thanks sensualclimitar for your feedback. I think it might be pretty unhealthy what I am doing. I do watch videos all the time, think about pole, talk to him all the time about pole and even though I work out at the studio for 3 days a week it definitely doesn't feel like enough. My boyfriend is more than willing to give me my space, but our house is small so he has to go drive somewhere which makes me feel like I'm kicking him out. I definitely need to find some sorta balance. Maybe I should consider that pole is a hobby..instead of my life..but it sure feels like my life! If I could I would do it everyday for atleast 2 hrs and workout on top of that..all for what? Balance would be great..
Onga01 · 5/20/2012
I thought i was the only one who thought this!! My pole is in my living room.. And my boyfriend loves to watch movies. Thankfully he recnetly got a job out of town and is away all week. While most girls would cry over this.. I love it! Pole 4 times a week and 2 days with the boyfriend. A perfect balance i think lol! Pole is very important. Its does alot of things men fail at... Like makes us lose weight and feel sexy. Surely your boyfriend has a passion such a fishing or making things.. Tell him its the same as you with pole dancing :) good luck!
Dancing Paws · 5/20/2012
I think it will all work out if you give your man plenty of him time. Men are pretty flexible if they feel they are getting adequate attention.
betsyevil · 5/22/2012
i completely understand. my boyfriend used to make poling very uncomfortable for me. i would always wait until he was gone. i found that sometimes if i ask him to help me with a move he doesn't feel so put out when i say i want alone time to practice.
Crystaljng · 5/22/2012
I also used to struggle with this issue with my partner. I'm very much into pole and spend a lot of my spare time doing pole related activities. Then I realize everything in life needs a balance, work, hobby , relationship, family...There's an old chinese saying, translate to English is something like Too much is not good. It takes time to figure out what that balance is like for the two of you. I think if you both care enough for each other, you will figure it out!
joycee · 5/22/2012
make sure you have your 'couple time" too. my fiancee is addicted to golf as i am with pole but we make sure we spend quality time together.
pegasusaerialfitness · 5/22/2012
My advice is to just pole as if no one is watching. It isnt fair to have to kick him out. It will become normal if you treat it as such. When I pole at home (which is great...cuz I can ask my husband for a spot when I'm a little nervous about something) he doesnt even notice anymore. My pole is in the busiest room in the house too. The only way to change a behavior in other people is to change your self. Get over it and just pole if that is what you like to do, he will adapt. Men are great that way. Ps. just leave it up too... it becomes invisible after awhile.
VeeRose · 5/22/2012
I agree with Pegasus, and personally I would rather pole WITH people. i love when my boyfriend is around because i can show him the new things I am working on and what i've learned recently. its becomes more of an interactive thing for both of you to be happy about , (and him more to be happy becuase you are happy), I totally understand what you mean.. i think I am addicted to poling but i don't pole everyday i get sore otherwise and can't perform to my full potential but i do talk about it all the time, so i get it, but work it in like a normal thing and it will become that (:
VeeRose · 5/22/2012
I agree with Pegasus, and personally I would rather pole WITH people. i love when my boyfriend is around because i can show him the new things I am working on and what i've learned recently. its becomes more of an interactive thing for both of you to be happy about , (and him more to be happy becuase you are happy), I totally understand what you mean.. i think I am addicted to poling but i don't pole everyday i get sore otherwise and can't perform to my full potential but i do talk about it all the time, so i get it, but work it in like a normal thing and it will become that (:
Tali Kat · 5/22/2012
Lol I feel totally opposite about having my partner watch me pole! My pole is in a room that is out of the way so I won't often get walked in on. I like it best that way because I feel like I can't loosen up completely unless I'm on my own. My husband doesn't resent my pole time at all, and he would never stick around to watch unless I asked him (which I don't). It's kind of odd, considering where pole originated but I've never once given him a show!!