other people

yourloveismydrug started this discussion · 6/18/2011

so i am fairly new to pole dancing, and with it i find that there of course is a massive stigma against it. i tell people and its like (insert insulting/sexist/inappropriate/just down right mean comment here) or else they just stare at me. and i get that if i love it the rest of the world shouldn't care, but has anyone found a way to be open about dancing and still not get that look or comments? or case two, if i tell guys, they think im easy. thats another one ive been finding out lately. anyways, anyone with any advice to the new girl?

5 replies

JeHanne · 6/18/2011
Hi There! You came to the right place! You have to do what you and enjoy and like and be confident in your skin. Others are always ambitious to push their hang ups on you as judgement. I do not think you can 'stop' comments or looks. You CAN control how you reply to them and how you handle yourself during those situations. I have had so many comments. One of the most surprising was that "I am too intelligent to do... (long pause) That". That?!? So taboo it can't even be mentioned in a sentence... really? So in addition to being whores and easy I guess pole dancers are considered dumb too?!? Not acceptable!!! You will get tons of practice to find the reply that works the best for you in most situations. My personal reply to comments is that dance is something I enjoy and that I love it. When people start with the ridiculous talk I tell them it takes immense strength and skill to do this type of dancing. If they go on and on... and they often do and bring in talk of exotic dancers... I tell them I respect women that do this for a living. It is extremely difficult and that they are working hard and making a living and supporting them selves. That normally shuts down the conversation. I would much rather enjoy my pole than stop something that brings me so much joy and health benefits because some judgmental people will have a problem with it. I love love LOVE my pole. Rock your pole and make no excuses for what you do. Welcome to the forum!
TSassy · 6/18/2011
Hello! First, that is excellent advice from JeHanne! And she is right, will find what reply works best for you. I have been through a bit of a journey with sharing my passion with others. At first, I only told close friends. In fact, I just recently "came out" on Facebook - making my photos and performances open for (almost) all to see. People are now approaching me asking me about my sport, and you can tell they are trying to be respectful with hiding their judgements but they ARE curious to learn more. So I'm happy to talk with them - any awareness is good! In the beginning I would explain to people that the sport is more fitness and dance. I would omit any sensuality I experienced, and purposely not talk about the attire or shoes when they asked. But then I realized, there is an inherent sexiness and sexuality in pole dancing. And that is okay! This is an easy concept for me to relate to others because I am also a salsa dancer of eight years - and the sensuality is there too (the outfits, the movements, the connection with the partner). Once I relate this, they usually have an acceptance of their own. I have adopted this tagline, "strength, endurance, flexibility." When people look shocked about my passion, I throw those three facts in there. I talk about how pole makes me feel - blissful, excited, accomplished. I talk about how my body and energy is changing. If they want to do know more, I am happy to talk about the other aspects of it. If not, I just let it go. One huge piece of advice, don't assume the defensive. (A lot of people will actually be excited and think it's cool, and you don't want to come across as rude, lol). And perhaps don't even begin the conversation with someone you know will have severe judgements. You are not trying to change people's minds, you can't. You are just creating awareness. And unfortunately some people's minds are too closed for even that. Why put yourself through that. So, to summarize (lol)...I love it, it requires strength, endurance, flexibility, it makes me so happy, I have met some amazing new friends, and I enjoy sharing it with others. Good luck to you!!
Runemist34 · 6/18/2011
Hey! Fortunately, I've not had any of the poor comments that others have had...I tend not to persue relationships with people if I find them too closed minded about the person I am or what I like to do. If that sounds elitist...well, sorry, but that's kinda how it works! Why would I want to hang out with judgemental jerks? lol Anyways, I have heard from the others around her an absolute plethroa of nasty comments. And, yes, I understand that sometimes you can't get away from those people! In-laws, family friends, sometimes our own parents, and especially co-workers. We can't really choose not to be around these people often, so our lives come out to them, and it's tough when we aren't accepted. However, I agree entirely with JeHanne, you cannot control what people say about it...but you CAN control what YOU say! This is your life and you get to choose what you persue for hobbies, and if you find passion and fun and joy with pole dancing, who's to tell you that you're wrong? For something like JeHanne's example, "I'm too intelligent for..." well, unfortunately I have to say I'm a little offended by that one! I consider myself a relatively well educated kind of person, I'm going to university, I love learning. My question for that person would be "How do you define intelligence?" Because if they're doing it by IQ, then they've got a lot more to learn about intelligence! And, otherwise, if they're doing it by lifestyle, by the clothes you wear or the way you talk, or the things you're interested in, then that's not intelligence! Intelligent people are also accepting people. If they weren't open minded, they wouldn't be able to learn much, would they? Anyways, I wish you luck! If you're feeling down (or have a really good zinger to share!) you can always come and talk to us...I always love a good comeback to some of the things people say about pole dancers ;)
JeHanne · 6/18/2011
TSassy, Great point about not being defensive. I have also had people completely supportive and tell their friends about it. They are proud of me for doing it! A few close friends have come over to try on my shoes or marvel the pole. Even though they are not ready to touch it just yet... I'm working on them. I love the sensual side too... "strength, endurance and flexibility" You are so right!!! Runemist34, You are absolutely correct... it is important that we surround ourselves with support people that are healthy for us. The comment really took me by surprise... it was offensive. It showed me insight on how that person perceives things and that they have a real block around sensual expression. That is their 'thing' and I won't own it. Maybe next time I leisurely read something 'intelligent'... I'll do it in a pole sit. I try to come from a place of compassion and understanding of another person's position when they are that blocked against sensuality and expression... but can be extremely difficult.
Runemist34 · 6/18/2011
Jehanne, I think that's an awesome idea...it would REALLY get rid of any prospect of pain in the Pole sit ;) And yeah, I know, it's kind of difficult to be compassionate when people aren't being compassionate to you! But, I just figure...they're on their own journey, and they'll learn these lessons in their own way!