BassAddict started this discussion ·
Am I the only one that thinks its difficult to hang around friends who dont really understand poling? I am passionate about this art and always have moves and ideas running through my head. I'd love to express just how excited I feel about it but they dont get it. Around other people who arent aware of what it all means, I feel kind of like an outsider. Can anyone relate to this?
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I recently had somewhat of a falling out with. Presumed best friends. Made me realize my real friendship and support comes so much from the pole community. This weekend I chose to dance to radioactive because that's how I was feeling about it. Pole unleashes us, but it unleashes a power so great that a lot of people can't handle it. The empowerment makes us strong and gives us energy, but that energy is radioactive to the people around us who don't understand. They can't grab onto it without confronting all their own doubts and fears and that's hard and hurts, so they push back. They make comments that try to downplay what we do, how difficult it is, the athletic legitimacy of pole training. I know how you feel...I'm not sure I have advice for how to fix it. I am not always so good about things like this and have basically let go of otherwise meaningful relationships for my inability to handle it when people "close to me" don't understand such a huge part of me.
race911 ·
i run into the same thing. everytime pole comes up my non pole friend kind of rolls her eyes and sighs. others ive mwntioned it to only equate it with stripping and once i talk of it in terms of the sport it is get bored quickly. thats why im so glad for this site and all of the wonderful people and support offered here!
I don't do pole but think its amazing and graceful as well.
I have the feeling with more things but with pole and sports in general, very often people don't get me either. I guess that's why I am so happy I found this network :) I started ballet at the age of 30 where everyone looked at me like: gee, you got a midlife crisis? So now at the age of 37 I started to take pole dance lessons and everyone else is raising eyebrows. I say: so what? Nothing wrong with being fit and enjoying sports and dancing. I think it also takes people a while to understand pole dancing. People automatically think you have to be an exotic dancer. Well, nothing wrong with that either. It's a job just like any other. People are full of predujice and often reject things they don't understand. I'm glad I landed here because it is nice to have friends I can tell: awesome, I got like 100 new bruises and they get it :) so if you need to share something special about you pole dance experience and feel like your friends don't get you, thats when we step in ;)
I think I must have terrific friends! They are all quite supportive and humor me when I need to show them a new pole video I found or made. I have had a few people tell me, "Yea, it's not that hard." And that did irk me quite a bit. But I try to brush it off... they just don't know. Whatever, their loss.
My own friends have not made me feel weird about it but its mainly facebook connections from high school and what not. I've been trying to get to know my bf's friends more, cuz theyre the ones that live out in our area and they are like family to him. He talks to his friends about all the neat things hes seen me do and what not but I find its difficult for me to talk to their girls about it. I'll say a little something on the subject and it just doesnt go very far, I think they just dont understand what it is that I do. I was telling my bf maybe sometime we have a get together at the house I could do some showing of combos or something, maybe they might even want to try it if they knew. I love the community here though, we are all so supportive :)
When you find something new you love, its normal to want to share. However, those that arent into it or dont understand it usually dont want to hear about it. The same thing happens with other people in other hobbies/passions. The trick of it is just to not let it be an issue where you talk about it non stop and that is the only thing you are capable of talking about. With people who dont get it, then just dont talk about it or make it a big issue. Save the pole talk for the people who are in the know. It happened to me when i started lifting weights and living a healthier lifestyle. I got a lot of comments on it from family and friends, but now years down the road, they have just accepted it as me. Its what I do and who I am. Added poling into the mix and everyone is like, oh ya know its just her fitness thing, shes into all that... and they go on. Wouldnt say ive lost any friends over it, but i also dont talk about it much, only as it comes up in conversation. I dont really talk about my goals or plans for what i want my body to look like or my plans for competing again. Someone may ask and i will answer, but i just dont really talk about it cause outside of the fitness world, no one understands or cares. Took and aerial silks class yesterday, put up a post on FB about it and got some positive remarks. The rest just think i am crazy and into anything fitness so they arent worried :) I would say dont forsake your friends just because they havent found the same passion as you. Now if they are negative or rude, then you have an issue, but try and be supportive of their habits too. Dont just expect every one to love and do what you do, just as you wont love and do what others do. I have a friend who is into running half and full marathons, i hate running that much but we have never clashed over the issue, and she has never hated on my love of anything else. I dont think you have to hide it, but just dont let it be an issue.
Thanks collins :) I completely agree with you and so far there hasnt been much talk about it and I do try to talk to them about things they like as well. I guess it was just bugging me because poling is such a huge part of my life right now, I do it every other day and I base certain decisions in the day around whether its a pole day or not. Recently though I've been missing some of my other hobbies I used to have and am trying to find time to add them into my life again.
I sadly have had the issue with friends being negative about it. My issue is also that the people who are being negative about it and not understanding it are the people who I thought were my best friends. It's one thing to just "not talk about it" for the sake of maintaining a broad social circle, but it's a little different when these are supposed to be the closest friends. I know some people would be willing to have their best friend come talk to them about anything even though they can't talk to that friend about everything, but that's not me. I can't call someone my best friend if I feel like there's things that are core to who I am that I can't talk about with them. It's also difficult because I want to start stepping up my training to a more serious level, and that will take more of my time and energy away from people who don't actively support me in that.
jade s ·
I think we have all dealt with this in one way or another. We have to remember that each of our friends enhance our lives on a different level. Some friends we can vent to about work because they get it, others we can talk to about finances, or dieting or relationships, and yes...pole. It doesn't mean that those friends who have never had to work outside the home, or never struggled financially, or never had to diet, etc., aren't good friends, they just can't really relate, and as much as they might try to understand, they just aren't able to truly empathize. It's so hard not to want to talk about poling to everyone because we love it so much, and its been life transforming, and we want all the people we care about to have what we have. The truth is, pole just isn't for everyone. We simply have to accept that, and save our pole talk for forums like this and our fellow polers :)
poledanceromance I totally get where your coming from in the last part. I too am a serious poler and moving into advanced and from there I want to start booking performances. Poling is something I want to pursue as a side job so the fact that Im trying to make it a part of my professional life and wont be able to talk about it much kinda sucks. Jade I totally get where your coming from too, they just dont get it because they havent been in my shoes (6 inch heels) lol. I always feel so accomplished when Im holding poses and using my body to keep me there. They cant relate to that feeling, Its an amazing one and I love it <3
I totally feel you sawyer. I've recently been trying to post pics and vids so people like family and friends on facebook can see what it is that I consider poling. I do not strip and I dont come close to a stripper, No offense to those that are, I think its great that there are girls out there who go show off their bodies and get paid for it :) Thats just not where I am with it and I hope that when those girls I'm trying to get to know dont think of it that way but I honestly have no idea what they think of it because none of them have expressed what their understanding of it is. I've often wondered if they have seen any professional performances or if their mind goes straight to stripping. I'd love to ask them but I feel like it would be rude so I just try uploading my own progress with it but not all those girls are even gonna see it cuz we arent friends online. I think it may be best to keep it in the pole community and I'm hoping that when I start going to advanced classes at the studio I will make some friends there, one can hope :)
I totally feel you sawyer. I've recently been trying to post pics and vids so people like family and friends on facebook can see what it is that I consider poling. I do not strip and I dont come close to a stripper, No offense to those that are, I think its great that there are girls out there who go show off their bodies and get paid for it :) Thats just not where I am with it and I hope that when those girls I'm trying to get to know dont think of it that way but I honestly have no idea what they think of it because none of them have expressed what their understanding of it is. I've often wondered if they have seen any professional performances or if their mind goes straight to stripping. I'd love to ask them but I feel like it would be rude so I just try uploading my own progress with it but not all those girls are even gonna see it cuz we arent friends online. I think it may be best to keep it in the pole community and I'm hoping that when I start going to advanced classes at the studio I will make some friends there, one can hope :)
I totally understand how u r feeling. I'm a Registered nurse and everyone at work is into fitness I told them about my pole classes and I did make the mistake of uploaded some pics dressed in shorts and a tank nothing revealing just proud of tricks I've leaned. I end up hearing everyone talked crap about me. Even my closer friends and older sis and younger sister dont understand . I don't even pole dance for my bf of 8 years . I do it for fun and I love it. The only person that doesn't judge me is my mom I even took her to my pls studio open house. It's a fun sport addicting and good work out.lots of people look at it in a bad way but if they knew really what it is they would understand. There's lots of jealouse people out there and closed minded. I learned not to care what people think and do what makes u feel happy. I won't quit pole for anyone. I think gyms are great but boring. Nothing like pole dancing makes me happy. So needless to say I never post pics of pole dancing on FB . I I've this website for learning and relating to everyone here . My name is yanille I'm 33 I've been on and off the pole for about a year and a half. Took 6 months off restarted 2 months ago. I love it and I'm even more passionate about it then ever . Very happy that I found this site . Wish Veena taught in Miami. Good luck in your pole journey xo :)
I totally understand how u r feeling. I'm a Registered nurse and everyone at work is into fitness I told them about my pole classes and I did make the mistake of uploaded some pics dressed in shorts and a tank nothing revealing just proud of tricks I've leaned. I end up hearing everyone talked crap about me. Even my closer friends and older sis and younger sister dont understand . I don't even pole dance for my bf of 8 years . I do it for fun and I love it. The only person that doesn't judge me is my mom I even took her to my pls studio open house. It's a fun sport addicting and good work out.lots of people look at it in a bad way but if they knew really what it is they would understand. There's lots of jealouse people out there and closed minded. I learned not to care what people think and do what makes u feel happy. I won't quit pole for anyone. I think gyms are great but boring. Nothing like pole dancing makes me happy. So needless to say I never post pics of pole dancing on FB . I I've this website for learning and relating to everyone here . My name is yanille I'm 33 I've been on and off the pole for about a year and a half. Took 6 months off restarted 2 months ago. I love it and I'm even more passionate about it then ever . Very happy that I found this site . Wish Veena taught in Miami. Good luck in your pole journey xo :)
