My husband just doesn't GET it...

Quirkygrl16 started this discussion · 8/6/2013

My husband just doesn't get my obsession with Pole. He's supportive and approves of me going to classes, but the more I talk about getting my own pole,the more he makes me feel like I'm stupid for wanting it. I'm aware we can't afford one right now, but I was hoping maybe by Christmas i'd have some money saved/get money to put towards it. He tells me "Why do you torture yourself? We can't get it." I know that, but thinking/dreaming I CAN get one gets me through these days when I can't get to pole classes... Ugh sorry.. kind of a vent.

53 replies

Wanda G · 8/6/2013
Don't care so much about what others think and just take that first step and get urself that pole. I waited like a whole year before I bought my first pole because of the same concerns that u have like omg a pole in the house and ppl thinking ur stupid. Once I got the pole it wasn't such a big deal anymore even the cost of the pole wasn't an issue anymore.
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
I wouldn't care if it was someone else saying it, but it's my HUSBAND.... I can't just go and say " I'm getting a pole and that's that."
SpyralBound · 8/6/2013
My husband similarly annoyed me last night when I was rambling on and on about ideas for the business I want to launch, and he tried to rein me in with a "first things first" sort of comment, and I was like... well yeah, I know that, I'm not going to start at Step 7, I'm just so excited and have so many ideas! And it sucked to have him take the wind out of my sails like that. Most men are "fixers." They are practical. They look at situations through a Problem/Solution lens. Through that lens, you're presenting him a problem (lack of pole) with no immediate solution (lack of finances); his comments are just him venting his "there's no way to fix this" perspective on the situation. So cut him a little slack and if he harps on you about the price of a pole, just say "Yeah, but a girl can dream." Can't really argue with that. :)
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
Those are the exact words I said this morning,lol. I just hope he understands I'm not trying to make him feel bad we can't afford one right now, I'm just in crazy dream girl mode.
Veena · 8/6/2013
Men! 😕 They never really "get it". That's why it's awesome that we have each other to get excited about pole with!!!!
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
Right,Veena? I mean if I get a pole I can show him all that i've learned. You would think he would be rushing to save up money.😉
Paula Floyd · 8/6/2013
I feel so lucky in this area. My husband is so suportive. Buying a new house he knew we had to have a great pole space. He is passionate about wood working and I am about pole. We don't understand eachothers obsessions all the time but we respect It. When I first bought my xpole he was a bit pissed as I'm bad for gettting into a "fad" and getting board f it a month later. But he sees the change in my confodance and excitement for. It and says he is so happy I found pole :) I bet when you save your monies and get your pole later down the line he will see your passion and join in your same love for the sport :) xo
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
I sure hope so, Amber Sky. I think he is worried i'll get over the 'fad' too,but i've finally found a fitness routine I just LOVE! It also has increased my self confidence so much. He supports anything I want to do,but maybe he just thinks I won't do anything else? lol.
Elskerpolet · 8/6/2013
If he's caring and supportive maybe he's secretly thinking about getting you one for Christmas but doesn't want to spoil it for you either. Give him pros and cons (savings of pole vs always going to pole classes) however you'd still have to go occasionally to learn new moves and stay connected with your new "family". Or ask him specifically when you save enough money can you get a pole and see what his reply is. I'm wanting a new pole and my husband is rolling his eyes at that thought. Lol. So I feel for ya! Hang in there!
Elskerpolet · 8/6/2013
If he's caring and supportive maybe he's secretly thinking about getting you one for Christmas but doesn't want to spoil it for you either. Give him pros and cons (savings of pole vs always going to pole classes) however you'd still have to go occasionally to learn new moves and stay connected with your new "family". Or ask him specifically when you save enough money can you get a pole and see what his reply is. I'm wanting a new pole and my husband is rolling his eyes at that thought. Lol. So I feel for ya! Hang in there!
Koidragon · 8/6/2013
I agree with Pankake - and I am a little bit the same, in that vocalising something that I (or someone else) can't do anything about makes me a little bit crazy - even when I am guilty of it :) Is he a handy kind of guy? Why don't you ask him to see if he can make one for you - and offer to help, make it a project you do together. Sure, it may not be as good as one you can buy, but it could get you by on your pole needs for a little while, and if you research properly there is no reason why you couldn't make a stable and useful static pole. It would be a way for him to help you (men love that whole coming to the rescue thing) rather than it just being something he hears about, knows you want, and can't do anything about. Or, come to him with possible ways to make the money for the pole - yard sale, teach english to some international students... my first boss (I was what, 15?) would throw up his hands in fabulous abandon and cry "I want solutions, not problems". Best advice I ever got. Come up with some possible solutions, so that when you are going to him with the venting of wanting a pole, there is something that can be discussed and perhaps even able to make happen.
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
Good thoughts, Koidragon. I definitely want to contribute to getting the pole. We work together on everything we do.
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
Elskerpolet: I totally get yah! I was thinking he might be trying to surprise me too... I mentioned the savings to him and he agrees about that. It would also save on gas!
Koidragon · 8/6/2013
You could offer a challenge... http://www.instructables.com/id/DIY-Stripper-Pole!-Stripper-not-included/ "hey, honey - see this? hint hint? hiiiinnnttttt? :D No idea if this would be strong enough though :)
InstructablesDIY Stripper Pole! (Stripper Not Included)DIY Stripper Pole! (Stripper Not Included): So, my girlfriend was hosting a bachelorette party at our house, and the girls decided that they were going to be their own strippers for the evening. The girls: "Man, it sure would be great if we had a stripper pole..." Me: "A stripper pole? No pr…
DedeJoy · 8/6/2013
Point out that one pole one time is way cheaper than an ongoing gym membership. Unless you guys are just barely not starving to death, I don't see why y'all can't budget for a pole savings fund, setting aside maybe $10 a week. Is there some luxury (fancy coffee or something) that you could give up and use that money? Hell, set up a kickstarter or gofundme page. All you need is ten Studio Verners to donate ten bucks. ;-)
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
DedeJoy:No,thank god we arn't starving,lol. I plan to start saving $10 a month to fund my pole :) It would be $720 if I just did ONE class a week at my studio,so my own pole is MUCH more afforadable. I'm even getting the cheapest pole (45" Lil Mynx Color/ powder coated). I just hope I can learn well on it :p
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
Koidragon: My husband would look at that and say:"No, we are buying you a real,safe pole." XD Maybe if I say that i'd make that since we can't get a real one yet?" Lol JK.
Koidragon · 8/6/2013
Ha! Perfect idea. Start making one, using old door hinges and gaffa tape. :D
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
Ahahaha Koidragon!!! He would flip!
Nikita Day · 8/6/2013
I got really lucky with this. My boyfriend is the one who recommended pole, got my a few lessons for Christmas and asks how each class goes knowing full well may spend an hour talking about it. He fully supported me buying a stage pole to set up outside some my ceilings are so low and even offered to give me money for it for my birthday. But he also knew that none of the money came out of my budget. Anytime I got a gift of money (gift from my dad, birthday, Christmas and I sold a few things) That's the only money I used for it.
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
Day623:I agree fully. It would only be extra money i'd put towards it.
sassylina · 8/6/2013
Before my first class I told my honey I was going to pole dancing. He didn't like the sound of that. After that I started calling it pole fitness and told him I was taking private class and not doing stripper moves, then he warmed up to the idea. After my pictures of my first wrist sit and other stuff he started showing off my pictures to his friends. And at one point he told me as soon as we have some extra $ I can buy my pole :)
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
sassylina: He has always been okay with me going to classes and is always supportive when I tell him what i've learned. Maybe I should just stop talking about it so much to him ..XD
sassylina · 8/6/2013
Just try safe up for it yourself :) every time you have something extra to spent, put it aside and pass on eating out etc. maybe you can cut back on something like Starbucks or soda's, something you spent $ on but not really need and then use the $ you save to buy a pole.
Quirkygrl16 · 8/6/2013
That's what I plan to do :) Now I must pray bills allow for savings, haha.

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