My Ex friend stole my pole. : /

SadieNikole started this discussion · 6/9/2012

Ok. I know probably no one can help me but I just want some advice. A friend of mine borrowed my first pole when I got a new one. She is living w her parents. Her parents agreed to let her put it up so my boyfriend n I (who is also one if her best friends) drove to her parents house over an hour away n my boyfriend n her dad installed it. At one point it got dropped on the floor but I didn't see any damage n nothing was mentioned about it. Now we are no longer friend n were about to exchange our stuff from each others house n she tells me if I try to take back her GIFT that I will have to come alone to take it down n pay for the damages to their floor where the pole was dropped. "Her Mother's Rules supposively." also her ceilings are tall n I feel extremely uncomfortable taking the pole down alone which I'm sure is why they said that. I'm extremly hurt that someone I was so close to would try to steal a $400 pole from me just bc she can't afford one when she knows I let her BORROW it. I just am at a loss as to what to do. : /

24 replies

Porshka · 6/9/2012
My advice would be to go over there and take the damn thing; jus tbring someone to help you. Or try to do it yourself; I'm sure you can. Then let them try to get "their" money. I don't see how on Earth they could legally hold you responsible for that.
SadieNikole · 6/9/2012
The problem is they won't let me bring anyone with me n I'm afraid I'll do more damage taking it down myself plus the said they wanted their money when I come to get the pole.
mspretty1414 · 6/9/2012
I wouldn't go and take it, if she calls the police you would be stealing (even though it is yours), and trespassing. Not sure but I think you'd have to sue her in small claims (hopefully you still have the receipt), then the burden of proof would be on her to prove it was a gift. If you can prove you bought it and it wasn't a gift you should be good, but I do believe it will have to be solved via the court system. Try sending her a certified letter stating your side first, maybe she'll cave if she knows you're going to take it to court, and this way if it's damaged she'll be liable for the cost of the pole. The thing about the floor is ludicrous, I wouldn't even worry about that. Good luck.
ramblerchick · 6/9/2012
Or maybe if you have proof that is yours you can have the police escort you to go get it.... I know sometimes they do that if someone still has someones stuff after they have moved out. Not sure if you could do it in this case or if you would have to go through small claims like mspretty1414 said. Either way that is low and petty of her to do. :(
Tali Kat · 6/10/2012
That sucks so much :( Although I think if you can get some sort of legal/authorative help, she'll prob freak out and let you have it back as she's just being a bitch and doesn't have any legal right to your pole :( Do you have it in writing anywhere when she asked to borrow it? Like an email or sms?
SadieNikole · 6/10/2012
I looked and unfortunately I don't have an email or sms but I did have a witness that heard me say borrow. I don't know if that counts in court. She was my friend for over 3 years I just didn't think this would happen.
CreativityBySteffie · 6/10/2012
Omg! Im actually angry on your behaf (dont know how to spell that) what a little brat :/ I would take it to the court or police, like others have mentioned. And yes, ont worry about the floor. If she wants you to pay for that, she will nolonger be able to claim that you gave her that pole. Because how on earth woul she explain that she dropped the pole you "gave" her and then also make you pay for that? And even if she admitted to have only borrowed it, well, she still dropped it in her house. Do you still have a receipt for the pole? And I woul try getting the police to escort you. I ha to o that with an old bf once.
SadieNikole · 6/10/2012
I bought it on my credit card so I do still have the receipt thank Goodness. I just wish she would stop being like this n getting her mom involved n just give it back. Thank y'all for the advice. I really appreciate that.
Dancing Paws · 6/10/2012
Take your receipt to the police and file a theft complaint. They may be able to help you get it back. If you tell them you purchased it, lent it to her, then she damaged her own floor with it and is now blackmailing you for a ransom, that might get something done. Don't go get it yourself though cuz they can call the police on your for trespassing.
Porshka · 6/10/2012
There is some good advice here! Especially, what CreativityBySteffie said about the dropped pole. I would look into the police escort first and then start taking some legal action. Best case scenario, they just give it back.
PersianXcursian · 6/10/2012
I agree with sensualscimitar. File the theft complaint, have the police help you get the pole, and don't give that girl a dime cuz she damaged her own damn floor, not you.
SadieNikole · 6/11/2012
Every one of you are awesome. Thanks for the great ideas n if you think of anything else let me know.
Anonyma · 6/11/2012
youshould go there with a cop, i know it sounds extreme but this is what i would do , its yours you have the bill if they want to have some money from you for the damages, they would have to bring you to a small claim court, wich i think the judge would just laugh at them and tell them to get the F out ...
ginger78 · 6/11/2012
Whatever you do don't go in her house, your being set up. Get your personal stuff and if its really worth the return of your pole do it legally protected. Wishing you the best.
beginner2 · 6/12/2012
She apparently wants to steal it. How can they want you to pay for the damage (if any) done to their floor? They borrow your pole & blame you for damaging their floor! Even if you damaged their floor, they must understand that it was an accident and they must not talk about it. It's like I lend them the bike, they ride it, fall & break a leg and want me to pay for the doctor cost if I want to take back the bike. I know it sounds silly, but do you ever think you should leave it and take that as an expensive lesson? Do you think it's dangerous trying to get it back from such a family? For those people, I would swallow the bullet. It hurts. The pole is not cheap. But it won't hurt further. I used to lose my gold equivalent to 1,900 US$ in the past and had to get over it. It has been like 20 years that I either give people something for free or I don't give.
Sassypants · 9/24/2012
I have to agree with Beginner. It may be better to just let this one go and understand that you should never loan out something you don't mind never getting back. Hard pill to swallow, but your chances aren't looking very good. :(
adAstra · 9/24/2012
Since you have the receipt you can definitely prove it is yours. I can understand the reluctance to have a confrontation, but if you have a police officer escort you, that eliminates it. Also, I'm sure like TaliKat and Mspretty said, once their is an authoritative figure involved they will be all meek about it--who would be raving and threatening in front of a cop? You can get in trouble for just threatening someone or even dumping something to the ground--it's legally considered violence. No, they will definitely be all quiet at that point.
akaneneko · 9/24/2012
Hi! I noticed this discussion was started a few months back and I wanted to know what you ended up doing @SadieNikole. I agree with the majority here that you cannot go there without a police officer or any legal authority since they could view your presence as trespassing. Knowing how low they've already sunk, it would not surprise me. You should difinitely try to get it back through legal means simply because it's the right thing to do and they do not have a case against you. It's not right for people to get away with something like this. This person may be angry, or emotional at the moment, but it does not excuse her act. If you need legal advice, please let me know. Best of luck! Cheers!
NickyNak · 9/24/2012
Rrrrrrr this thread gets my mind goin. what a ......I wont say it. hope u get it back if u havnt already honey good luck xx
SadieNikole · 9/25/2012
Thanks everyone for the advice. I did finally get it back. She still insist I gave it to her though. She is no longer my friend. Sucks bc we were so close but life shall go on.
Tali Kat · 9/25/2012
I'm glad you got it back! Sucks that your friend had to turn so nasty, but I guess she just wasn't a keeper. Good riddance!
Anonyma · 9/25/2012
So what happened, you went there with a cop?
akaneneko · 9/25/2012
I'm really happy you got it back in the end, that's what matters. Whatever she says after does not matter since you got the pole back. If this really was a gift, why would she give it back anyway? And now you know, don't lend your pole to anyone! ;) Cheers!
SadieNikole · 9/26/2012
No, I did not have to involve the cops. It took lots of days of arguing but I finally did get them to give it back.