I'm not a child psychologist, but i do know that children (and teenagers), just like adults, appreciate honesty. At first glance, persuading them that pole dancing/fitness is not sleazy but at the same time telling them not to tell their friends may seem contradictory. So here's what i think you could explain to them. Maybe you could start by explaining to them that POLE FITNESS (not that i'm against using the word "dancing"- but they are only 11 and need a simpler way of understanding it in their minds as non-sleazy) is still a very new sport. Therefore, many people have never heard of it as such, so if they tell their friends they won't understand what it is.
You could then proceed by telling them that many people are very closed-minded about new things, and because of their ignorance or because they feel intimidated by these new things, they tend to make fun of them or think things that aren't true.
If your kids start to feel a bit awkward by this or seem to start doubting again about the "sleaziness" of the hobby, you can then explain to them how this hobby is becoming increasingly popular as a sport, and that you all are "ahead of your time" because one day it will be very common among both women and men, and they will be lucky to have started early and have a head start! Show them youtube videos of Male ChineseIPole Acts- i've also seen a good couple's one from a circus called something like "vertical tango". It's also quite possible that one day it will be included the olympic games!
Overall, i think the major point to get across to them is that although poling is a great sport (no different than horizontal bars gymnastics and such), we shouldn't tell too many people about it YET, because it is too new for them to understand it. Try to make them feel special about being a part of something so new that it's kept secret.
This being said, i just want to make clear that i don't think any form of this sport is sleazy- it's an art form no matter what one does with it. And i don't think it's shameful to tell people about it, or for children to tell their friends about it. However, i understand the influences of society and sterotypes, and children at that age can be cruel to their peers- so i agree that it may be a good idea to at least try to get them not to tell their friends (who will most likely tell their parents, and actually, That's where most of the negativity will come from-the parents).
Good luck and i hope others have more advice, maybe better than mine! oh and for your other question, i think a fitness/health professional could give appropriate advice as to what is suitable for children their age concerning exercise/fitness programs. Let us know what happens! 😀
