Leaving my husband

litlbit started this discussion · 6/8/2009

Sorry I haven't been real active lately, so much going on in my life right now. Just got our youngest (son) graduated from college and settling into a new pt job etc. I'm moving out today, I've asked my husband for a separation....we have been together 31 yrs and married for 27....we started having problems when I started bodybuilding, he was really upset with me about it. Well ever since then I have had to fight for my right to keep at it...and there of course are other things (infidelity is not one of them). Anyway I've been struggling with this decision for a few years now and finally realized that I don't love him enough anymore to stay with him. It is bitter sweet for me and really hard to make this change being 53, but I will be ok. I"ve already spoken with our kids and they totally support what I'm doing, though they love us both they understand and actually asked me what took me so long. They have seen my unhappiness now for sometime. I will be staying with friends until I can get on my feet. I will not have a computer so will only have access occasionally. I will check in when I can, I miss you guys when I can't get on to read the forums and watch your videos. And to those of you struggling to learn moves...please be patient with yourselfs it will come in time....use the time to perfect what you can do and grow your creativeness....it will help the time pass and you will appreciate your success more when you do. God Bless! 🌸

14 replies

SissyBuns · 6/8/2009
I feel for you lilbit. I too just went through a very recent seperation so I know what you're going through and I empathize with you. You're right , you will be ok.I know how hard it can be, especially after such a long time but you're doing what you feel is best for you and that's what's important. You're in my thoughts and we'll be here for whenever you get achance to check in 😀 Dang it...where's the hug emoticon?
adamseve · 6/8/2009
Lilbit, I too understand what you're going through. Been there, done that, but my reason was infidelity, physical, and mental abuse. I also applaud you for staying as long as you did and the courage you're demonstrating to end a relationship that began so beautifully. Please tell your kids they're awesome for supporting you in this tough decision. Our kids always know. Mine did even at 10 and 6 even though I tried to hide it from them. You just take care of yourself and keep your head up. Know that when you can get on the forum our hearts will be open and welcoming. We love you and support you and just want you to be the stronger, happier, more confident, loving woman we know you can and will be once you've begun the healing process. If you ever want to talk...give me a call. PM and I'll give you my number. Take care...Hugs & Kissess xoxo Tracey
Toccara · 6/8/2009
🙁 IM SO SORRY IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY! IM GLAD U R DOING WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU THOUGH! IT WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT BUT U R STRONG MINDED AND U WILL MAKE THROUGH STRONG! ILL KEEP U IN MY PRAYERS FOR STRENGTH AND HAPPINESS! LOOK FORWARD TO THE VIDEOS U WILL POST. 👸 🌸 ☀️
Foxy_Rei · 6/8/2009
Ohhhh I am so saddened right now I'm at a loss for words... 😢 It sounds like you have a lot of support from your family and friends, and we're all here for you on SV so I'm sure you'll be fine (even though it may not feel like it now!). Making this decision alone shows that you are a strong person. 🙂 Best of luck to you! 🫡 *yeah where is a hug emoticon??? What exactly would it look like???* Oh well, hug substitute ~~~~~> 🥂 🥂 (kinda looks like a hug...)
Veena · 6/8/2009
Oh I'm sorry 😢 I know you have said you wont have access to the internet soon, but if you need any support just know we're all here for you! Damn where is that hug emoticon....
Trena · 6/8/2009
Oh litlbit Im sorry to hear you have to go through this. Im sure you know already but you're making the right decision. When you're not in love anymore I dont know what the point is being together. Im glad your kids support you, that makes such a difference. We'll miss your videos but you take all the time in the world to sort yourself out honey! And know that we'll all be here for you whenever you can be here! 🥂 (< hug replacement icon!)
Former member · 6/8/2009
oh lilbit! im so sorry to hear this news! 🙁 im so happy for you though that you're doing whats best for you....things might be tough, some days easier than others, some days unbearable, some days emotion free, but we're here for you through it all ok??? we are ALL here for you and will be thinking of you. think of this as a new chapter in your life 🙂
maggz · 6/9/2009
Thanks for being so open and honest lilbit. It's a tough, life changing decision you've made and I applaud you for staying staying true to yourself. Stay strong, I know we'll be thinking of you 🌸
glitterhips · 6/9/2009
Oh girl I am so sorry to hear this but it sounds to me like you feel in your heart it's the best thing for you to do. It seems like you're finally putting yourself first and as difficult as it might be to leave a relationship that has lasted for so many years, if you aren't getting the love and support you need then you need to find someone who will give it to you or just venture off and be on your own for a little while. We are all here for you and I find you to be a very inspiring dancer and woman for going through all this. I will be keeping you in my thoughts, stay strong, we all love you! xoxo
LondonCalling · 6/9/2009
I know it seems like its tough now, but you don't have to go it alone and that's a lot more than some women that have been in that situation can say. I've never met you, but from what I hear, this is a much needed break away for you and after you let go of all of the things that are weighing you down, you'll truly know what happiness and joy are soon. 🙂 And if anyone doesn't accept the changes you're making to improve the quality of your life, then tell them they can kiss your well toned ass. 😉 I know when I'm going through a tough time I like musical therapy to cheer me up. A friend sent me The Drugs Don't Work by Verve and it always helps. So here is my song to you : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRWfmW-LDIQ
FridaSiren · 6/11/2009
in portuguese we say: " mais vale só do que mal acompanhada!" which kind of badly translated means :" it´s better to be alone than in bad company "(aka with someone who doesn´t apreciate you or love you for who you are) i´m glad you have lots of support from your kids and friends, as the transition to being your own woman can be bit hard, especially after so many years of coupledom (i just made this word up didn´t i?). i so hope you will be as happy to be single as i am! ( i am stupidly happy to live my own life) we will miss you, hope you´ll be back soon luv! big hugs 🌸 frida 🌸
Poledancefan · 6/16/2009
I'm very sorry to hear this is happening! And I am trying to imagine what is the matter with a guy who is UPSET that his wife wants to be fit and have a great looking, healthy body!! It sounds like you are moving ahead in life and he is not willing to move forward with you. His loss! Joel
Chream · 6/17/2009
all I can say is that you sound like you are strong, healthy, and ready to take on the world and that's amazing. you're amazing!!!I wish you the best!!! 🥂
secret_shelby · 7/18/2009
awwww <3 I have to say, my dad left in 2006 and it was due to infidelity; my mother was completely loyal and wonderful (and she still is the most wonderful woman I know). And though I no longer keep contact with my father, it made me realized that if you do not love someone, you should be the bigger man and leave the relationship before you *do* find someone else. It always seemed like a coward's way out to cheat on somebody and *then* say "oh I'm unhappy". So kudos to you for realizing this *before* you found someone who supported you. And you know what? You deserve that. Everyone on earth deserves someone who supports who they are and who they want to be. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, I'm sure it's much more complex than I can currently understand, but it sounds like you're making a very mature and responsible decision and that's very fair to everyone involved. I hope you are emotionally okay and I hope that you take bodybuilding as far as you want it to go, because that is who you are and that is really what we should all strive for . If you ever need to talk, I'm sure I speak for everyone on this site that you can message me/us anytime at all. Sometimes it's easier to tell strangers your story than it is close friends <3 <3 <3 Good luck, darling!