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Knee pits and pole

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Hello beautiful people =) I am having a huge world of trouble doing anything that requires using the back of the knee as a point of contact. Side climbs, side sits... impossible for me. I am getting other moves with relative ease, but these are totally impossible for me, so I am thinking maybe I don't understand the correct placement or something. I checked the lessons but no big EUREKA moment came. Anyone has any suggestion? I am placing the pole right in the knee pit. If I don't squeeze super hard, it does not hold me. If I squeeze super hard, it hurts the skin (which I guess is normal), it hurts my kneecap and the ligament (which I guess is superbad so I did not try for very long), and it STILL feels like it won't hold me. Tried positioning pole a bit lower but then there's no grip at all. Help! T_T

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