Just Venting...

kaybbt started this discussion · 4/9/2012

I didn't know what other forum would be best to vent off my pole-related feelings. I started pole dancing a few months ago and my parents (especially my mom) was never supportive of it. She's seen videos of me doing some more advanced moves - nothing like grinding and seductive dancing that would fulfill her traditional 'pole dancer' stereotype. Regardless, he would tell me to stop pole dancing and find a 'real' sport to get into instead. On a more recent occasion, my boyfriend took me out to meet some of his frds which I've never met before. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while so his friends naturally has heard about me. Throughout the dinner, his friends just made really rude and judgmental comments about pole dancers in general. I didn't intend on changing their views as I believe people that could outright say such negative things to someone they just met probably really don't care much about what I say either. My boyfriend was very understanding and stood up for me by joking that pole dancing is actually really tough work and that they (his friends) prob can't even do it! Overall, I do feel upset that other people can brag about their sports and interests without being judged, while us pole dancers really have to put up with all these derogatory comments. Fellow pole dancers, could you please share with me your stories and how you've managed to keep a positive attitude?

19 replies

Aradia · 4/9/2012
Sometimes I just join in and make fun of myself for doing it. It's slowly making its way around to be a more serious sport than how people have previously viewed it But pole dancing has really changed my life, and made me more confident and happy So I need to thank myself for doing it. I don't need to prove to anybody else how amazing it is... it's already proven to me how awesome it is
SexyRockStarsWifeNowWidow · 4/9/2012
My parents don't know I do it, and don't know how accepting they would be of it since they are fairly religious. My sisters know and have seen Dixie in my basement because I've had the pole since Oct of last year. When they saw her, they rolled their eyes and said oh yeah you and your "fitness poling" not thinking it was a real thing. Yet my oldest sister subsequently in talks with me, has mentioned watching the Oprah episode with Sheila Kelly. OI,lol. And from her watching that episode, she had learned it wasn't some dirty thing only done in bedrooms for "their men" or tucked away in a seedy strip club. My sister says she would like her own pole and try it, due to the fact of how happy pole dancing has made me. Maybe one day!!!
Runemist34 · 4/9/2012
I'm sorry to hear that all of this has happened. You're pretty strong to have not spoken up when people were making those jokes and such! As for your mom, unfortunately this sounds like a pretty common thing- you ever heard the "When are you going to get a REAL job?" That's pretty hard to take. Especially when you're a writer, artist, comedian, or some others that aren't "desk jobs" or what society thinks of as being lucrative. Having a "real sport" is very similar... maybe you can sit down and talk with her? Find out what her criteria is for a "real sport." Does she mean that she doesn't want you to be associated with a stripper? Does she mean that she doesn't think pole dancing requires a lot of finesse, grace, and strength? Is she worried that you would hurt yourself, not being on the ground? As for other people, I've heard it all. The "stripper pole" comments, the stripper comments, all of it. I've also had a lot of positive feedback. People around here are so bored they're likely to try almost anything! And, pole dancing really speaks to a lot of women. A form of exercise where one can have fun and feel amazing? Yes please! I find most of the derogatory comments to be funny. Stripper pole? I can accept that as a descriptor. I'm a stripper? Probably closer to true due to my burlesque than my pole dancing :P
Veena · 4/9/2012
I know it's really hard to have people, especially those you love, not understand why you enjoy pole dance and how difficult pole really is. I still have family members that do not approve. My older siblings and parents didn't know what to think at first, and we're uncomfortable with my poling. But over time they saw how much it meant to me and now see the beauty in it. Maybe someday the other family members will come around or maybe not. I can't change who I am and stop doing what I love for someone else! You cannot change others, the only thing you can control is your actions and reactions. The more pole dancers come out and start talking about pole instead of avoiding it the better! Everyone's situation is different but we're always here for you when you need to vent! ❤️
CreativityBySteffie · 4/9/2012
I just dont care. Simple as that. Poledancers often say that they have had conversations with non-polers, trying to convince them , that pole dancing and stripping is not the same. And as true as that may be, I dont even care about that. People are welcome to see me as a stripper I have nothing against that or exotic dancers. Because I love to Pole, and no one can take that away from me. Or you..
VeeRose · 4/9/2012
I totally understand, I was "street poling" the other day on a super random, super perfect pole on the side of the road while my boyfriend was skating, and a cop pulls up and was just so rude to me. and like you said i was only doing maybe a pole sit and a butterfly and she judged me so hard and acted like i was just begging for attention and now i had it, pretty much ruined my day for awhile and if i was kicking around a soccer ball she never would have stopped...... dissappointing how shallow and judgemental people can be.
kaybbt · 4/9/2012
Thank you everyone for the great support and feedback. I definitely feel a lot better knowing that I'm not alone in this :D There are certain times that I do feel down and wish people in general are more supportive, but as many of you have mentioned, at the end of the day, poling does make me feel amazing about myself. No one can nor should take that away from us. Thanks for sharing!!
LovesIt · 4/9/2012
I'm sorry you are feeling down! I think this happens to all of us at some point. I have been fortunate that most people I know are accepting, or at least tolerant. When I do encounter someone who has their own issue with pole dancing, I remind myself that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and frankly, I feel sorry for them because they can never understand or share in the sheer joy I find in pole dancing.
Jag5303 · 4/9/2012
"The more pole dancers come out and start talking about pole instead of avoiding it the better! " ^^Exactly! I always take the opprotunity to educate people about it. They won't know unless we teach them the other side of pole.🙂
Krista Bocko · 4/9/2012
I don't care what other people think. Well, maybe I do a little, because my parents don't know (as far as I know anyway). Ha! I also remind myself that it's THEIR issue, not mine. That what I do takes incredible strength and determination, and it hurts, too. If they think I'm going through what I do for men or attention or whatever, that's laughable. I do it for ME. Period. End of story.
ellietobias · 4/9/2012
I started poling at age 50. I was just a tad worried about my parents' reaction, as they are in their 80's and I've learned that there are some things they just seem pretty set in their ways about. For them I stressed the fitness aspect and my mom (bless her heart) googled and found some pics of really amazing strong athletes doing advanced pole stuff. If that's how she pictures me, that's cool. Especially since I have been injured and am currently dabbling in burlesque 😉. As far as everyone else goes, I really could give a rat's ass what they think. That's part of the beauty of living for a half century. Pole on, everyone! xo
Brumby · 4/9/2012
Pole dancing requires huge athletic ability and committment. Most people would be totally impressed even if they are winking and nodding amongst themselves. You've chosen an amazing and very provocative sport. I've learned to enjoy both aspects. I don't expect people to think I'm a stripper. But if it makes them uncomfortable, well, I get a little satisfaction from that. If anyone was making fun of it to my face I would look at them dead seriously and tell them "I am an athlete." They will shut up. Sorry your bf's friend are so close minded.
Devika · 4/9/2012
Well, I am 49 and just starting poling and I have told everyone (my family, friends, even strangers) with a smile and a giggle. Some of them looked a little shocked and/or uncomfortable for an instant, but most were very curious, asked a lot of questions and were/are very supportive or at least acted like it. So ... that was good because then I informed everyone that I was also taking stripping classes ... ha ha. Obviously, not taking those to be a stripper at my age ... its just for fun, exercise and to enhance confidence and self-esteem. Although I've had a positive experience so far, I'm sure I will run into judgmental people. But, I am not in this life to please others or to live by their standards. And, I know I will never make everyone else happy so I am hell-bent on making myself happy because when I feel good about myself ... then I am a better daughter, mother, friend. I am just so thrilled that the opportunity to pole is here for women of all ages & sizes and that we can each make it what we want it to be. And, its really great for all of us that it is gaining in popularity!
DoodlebugDances · 4/10/2012
Poor you! I don't envy either situation that you've been put in. I've been fortunate that my parents have been supportive however I've introduced pole as "pole fitness" rather than "pole dance". I've danced (ballet etc) since I was little so it wasn't much of a surprise to them. I've also dabbled in aerial acrobatics which doesn't have the same connotations as pole. If they had a problem with it, I suppose I would put it to them that they wouldn't have an issue if I was doing gymnastics and pole is essentially the same to me. As others have said, its your body and pole makes you happy so they should accept it. As for friends/social situations, I've heard all the jokes but I simply don't react. They get bored and pole becomes old news very quickly. My boyfriend, like yours, is supportive and if any of his friends make fun, he tells them that they're jealous and that they shouldn't pick a fight with me because I'm stronger than he is so I could beat them to a pulp. Stay strong and keep poling! Xx
PaulettePoles · 4/10/2012
Ialso had a hurtful situation re pole. What was once my BF made a realy ugly comment to me the twisted it up. I had liked a post on FB about a charity poling event. SHe has been very stand off to me as of late and really the only thing she said was that my post on FB had offended her and casued her to almost have her work internet disconnected.. a bunch of BS! ANyway, she later said she had never said anything negative to me about pole dancing, taht is was the "devil" speaking to me. I was really annoyed and told her I was pretty sure it wasnt the devil, it had come directly from her. She insisted she had no prob w me or my sport. Then her sister told me she called her to ask her what she thought about my "pole fitness." I have to admit the judgement from someone I cared about hurt. On the bright saide, my husband has evolved from making me hide the pole under my bed from my kids and practicing when noone was home- to helping me install 2 x poles in my living room where the ceiling is taller and I get to leave them up for all to see now! Was a little nervous, but love it!
Joalex · 4/10/2012
The majority of people don't understand what we do - the athletic ability required and the sense of accomplishment. Never forget that! Last week I was at my gym class talking to a girl my age and she asked me what other forms of fitness I do. I told her I do pole dancing, and the look on her face was like I'd just divulged my most intimate secret! She actually glanced around to see if anyone had overheard! When I tell people I've got a pole at home, I get a lot of comments like "I bet your husband likes that ;)". I usually say, "Yes, he's proud of what I've achieved, but he doesn't sit there gawping and salivating at me, he's usually in the other room watching Sci-Fi Channel!" I wish more people could see the videos on this site, so they could see the beauty of what we do.
Jag5303 · 4/10/2012
I always bust out my phone and show the videos of the tricks I've learned. After they see it, they change their tone. :)
Frowning · 4/10/2012
I haven't told many people I do a bit of pole dancing as exercise, but thankfully those I have told have been mostly receptive. If a male friend gets all "Hurr, you're gay now?" then I react exactly the same as when people get judgmental when I say that a few female friends pole dance as a hobby; I show them vids on YouTube of people doing amazing pole acrobatics. Usually shuts them up. I point out to them that I don't do it to be 'sexy' (not that there's owt wrong with that), I do it so that eventually I can be a god damn ninja, and flip off the laws of physics. Also, it's fun!
Devika · 4/10/2012
I was hoping we would hear from one of the guys on this topic! Thanks for sharing Frowning!