Introduction :: could be a long one!

Hello Gorgeous Creatures, I have been lurking here for a couple of weeks now, and thought I should introduce myself ! I am 48yr old from Melbourne, Australia. And was introduced to pole around 12 months ago via S Factor classes. At that time I had been dealing with perimenopause for around 6mths and felt totally lost ... no-one had ever thought to mention to me the huge emotional and physical changes which would begin around 10yrs before my actual menopause! And, in my naivety I hadn't thought to consider what might take place as my hormones started to decline. Until that time I had practiced yoga for 20+ years, and was a yoga teacher for around 12 years. I have also been meditating since I was 17. Suddenly my yoga classes were cancelled due to lack of students, and the yoga scene in Oz becoming highly *competitive*. My yoga training and teaching was/is very *old school*, and approaching new studios for gigs was a dismal failure. I was told that I was 'stuck in the 90's' and that students these days prefer to multitask in class rather than meditate ... It felt like I had completely lost my whole identity - until I found SFactor ... and a new way to move :) So fluid, and sensual. Pleasurable! With none of the seriousness of yoga. I could simply move without any 'goal' in mind ... and I realised that with my yoga practice there had always been a very subtle undercurrent of me *Not Being Good Enough*, whether as a teacher, or student, or even my own home practice. My S classes only run once per month, but I found myself practicing the movements almost every day at home. For some strange reason in class when it came to learning pole I was terrified. There is only one pole, and I just froze when my turn came around to replicate the latest move we had learnt. So 2 months ago I enrolled in a Beginner Pole course at a Pole Studio ... and it was not at all what I was expecting! But even though the course is based on 'tricks' and strength rather than movement, I find my body and mind responding so positively :) My confidence seems to grow as my strength grows ... and for the first time I find myself doing something *just for me*, & for no other reason. I work to improve my skills for the thrill of it, not because I am *broken* or *less than*. I am a very introverted person, with only a handful of female friends - none of whom have been very thrilled with my latest venture :( {Please note, I have not tried to make them join me. I was simply excited to share what I'd been up to, and what I was discovering about myself}. It is almost like they feel somehow 'threatened' or something ??? And I wonder if anyone here has experienced a similar thing? I have been told that it must be *mid life crisis*, and that I must be a *bored and lonely housewife*. I'm not sure why that 2nd phrase bothers me so much. Perhaps because there is a small element of truth to it ... But it always seems to be those particular words in my head when I practice at home, or in class. And I am finding it difficult to overcome them sometimes ... My friends are all yoga teachers, and I guess I can kind of understand that it takes courage to admit that perhaps yoga isn't the be-all-and-end-all in life. It doesn't solve everything. Even after decades of practice it can leave you feeling less worthy, and less secure than ever before. Suddenly I am smiling, and finding joy in life, excited by my new practice ... looking forward to it! and now I can simply laugh at myself when I fall on my ass, rather than experience the horrid rush of shame and imperfection which used to occur when I didn't practice yoga 'perfectly'. I can simply do my best at the pole ... regardless of being twice the age of everyone else in class ... and do my best to learn to not give a fk about others judgements of me. My hubby, bless him, is very intrigued and supportive. He is certainly not complaining that I am suddenly buying 6" Pleasers and tiny hotpants ... even though he is yet to see me in them ;) Admitedly, he doesn't know about the pole I have on order! It is due to arrive in 2 weeks, at which time I cannot wait to start the 30 day Take Off properly :) I've been looking through the lessons and doing what I can do without a pole for now. Anyways, I feel that this is such a supportive community that I want to be a part of it too. Thank you for taking the time to read this far, I truly appreciate it :) One thing I have noticed over the past 12 months is how few people actually 'listen' to me. I am more often than not the nondescript person in the room who simply goes unnoticed ... Looking forward to getting to know everyone a little better, with love, gina. x