I'm Back...and I need your help!

Runemist34 started this discussion · 4/9/2018

Hi everyone, I'm back! It's been quite a while, I left... a couple years ago? I think? I'll make a blog post about it soon. But, for this post, I wanted to ask for some help! I've recently discovered I have ADHD, which means I have trouble focusing, self-motivating, and being motivated by goals that are far away in the future. If it's more than two weeks away, it doesn't mean anything to me. I can organize my time, plan things out, and hype myself up (in that moment) all I want, but it never gets implemented. I have more than one list of the pole moves I definitely want to master right now (all written in different places, of course), I have more than one list (again, different places) of all the sexy, sweepy floorwork things I'd love to know, too. But... I don't ever do it! What I need help with is this: I need to make a goal that *excites* me, that I'm interested in. And then, I need to make smaller goals that still make me feel excited! All the way down, till I'm sticking with my pole dancing. So, for reference, I don't really dance at a studio right now, and I don't have a great space (carpet, not a lot of room, short pole) but it does exist. I can do my slinky floorwork in the kitchen if I have to (again, small space, but at least it's slippery). I'm not interested in doing a competition or performance (which makes it HARD to have a good goal!!), because I'm pole dancing for myself! I might make videos? If I feel like I'm good enough. It's hard to make them when I literally hate everything I see. I would love to post here more. I'd love to have some people I can be accountable to. I'd love to have support, if any of you feel you can be there. I want to love my pole again, and not get stuck with the boredom that comes with practicing (and struggling with) the same moves, over and over again. Cheers everyone

13 replies

Runemist34 · 4/9/2018
Quick note to add: Turns out, no blogs anymore?! It's been a while! For those curious, I'll put my little life update here (and if you're not interested you don't have to read it). I stopped coming here because... I guess I found I wasn't getting much out of it. I was severely depressed, I wasn't getting anywhere in life. I started paring down the kinds of places I visited online, trying to "declutter" my internet life, and not just my physical life. It has worked well for a while. I was going to the local studio, run by a friend. I still love going there (11 foot poles and slippy floors are amazing), but unfortunately I didn't get really any time during classes to practice things I really needed to practice, it was all new, new, new! And I was getting frustrated. I haven't been back for a few months now, and... well, it was also expensive. I no longer have a job. I'm not sure if I quit while I was still coming here, but the story behind that is... well, depression nearly killed me. My work almost killed me. I seriously considered suicide for the first time in my life. at the age of 30. I took a huge step back and had to just stop, take a breath. I tried a few antidepressants, but none of then worked for me. They weren't fun to be on, they didn't work well. I got a diagnosis that I am now realizing isn't quite right, but it was something for me to hold on to at the time. It's been two years since then. Two years without a job, just getting a bit of money from my partner, and we're doing okay. It was rough last year, but it's getting better now. I have a lot to do, a lot of things to work on. I'm very physically active, I'm very mentally active. I'm just... active. All the time. As I said above, I have ADHD. I'll be getting my official diagnosis as soon as I can, and possibly some medication to see if that helps. But, I'm not stupid, I can look up the DSM-V and Severity tests all by myself. They're actually sitting next to me on my desk, all marked and ready for anyone who wants to see them. I have it, and oh boy, has it been a huge eye-opener. I've literally loved pole dancing for 9 years. NINE YEARS, guys. And I can barely do a basic invert. Without that constant dopamine hit from getting constant new moves, it's become boring. Everything is boring. It's always boring. I'm stuck with a brain that is constantly set to "low," and is looking for "high." Yet, at the same time, I'm driven, I can't stay still, physically or existentially. I must move forward, or I get frustrated, depressed, anxious. I chew the inside of my mouth, and always have, till I bleed, and keep going. I'm shocked it's not just all scar tissue in there. Anyways, right now... life is interesting. At least, it is in a vague kind of way. I'm learning a lot about ADHD. I've done a lot of research. I watched a 3 hour lecture on Youtube (and yes, it did take me literally ALL DAY, from when I woke up to when I went to bed), and I've done a lot of looking around on the internet, in books, in every resource I can find. It's like suddenly learning that you're a fish and not a bird and now you get to learn about all the fish things you never knew!! I'm getting married. For those who remember... yes, again. My second time. I love this man, I'm constantly shocked that he puts up with me, that he sticks with me. More than that, he loves me. Holy shit, this is FOR REALS. So I'm getting married in May. It's coming up quickly (as my app likes to remind me, EVERY DAY). I have lots of things on the go for that, but shockingly, it's going well. I think I maybe have it in hand. Maybe lol! I'm still working on my first book. I might be also working on another, I'm not sure what it is yet. I love writing. I always have, and always will. I'm so happy I have time to write, to really live my dream. So... that's where I'm at right now. It's frustrating, painful, wonderful, loving, scary. Everything. And, at the same time, each day seems to go by pretty boringly! How weird is that? And I want to be pole dancing. I want to REALLY be pole dancing. I need help, so here I am. If you read that whole thing, thank you
dustbunny · 4/10/2018
Hi Rune! Glad to see you're back and doing well. Wierdly, I had been thinking about you recently. Your getting married next month! OMG that's so exciting, congratulations to you and your fiancee. I'm so happy for you. Not sure if Veena had any of her 30 day programs up when you left a couple years ago but that would be a good place to start back into pole. Maybe the 30 Day take off to start with and afterwards you could try the flow or flexibility program or even the 30 days to Invert since I know that you always struggled with that. You know you can post video on this site even if you don't see anything you like I guarantee someone here will. Positive comments might help you see something in yourself that you didn't see before and help feed that "high" your brain is looking for. Hoping all continues well for you. Thanks for the update. ☺
StrangeFox · 4/11/2018
Welcome back! I wasn't around when you were active on the site, but I have come across some of your posts in searches and I've been helped by them many times. I'm glad to see you back in here. :) Congrats on your upcoming marriage, and kudos for figuring all of this out about yourself! As far as I know I don't have ADHD but your post really resonated with me. I've hit a pole (and stretching) plateau and it's damn frustrating. Even if you're only poling for yourself, it's de-motivating to do the same thing over and over again with no gains. I know building strength, flexibility, and flow takes time, but what's the point if you're not having fun, right? I like the idea of breaking larger goals down into smaller, more achievable goals. I do this, too, and it really helps. Make sure you keep a journal to track your goals and progress, and keep tons of pictures and videos. As dustbunny mentioned, post on here whenever you can. You could also join IG if you're comfy with sharing your progress. Sharing my goals with others and receiving feedback always helps to keep me motivated. I always try to have a handful of unrelated (or loosely related) goals going at once. One goal may be a trick, but the others should be about something else - ie. dance, or floorwork, or transitions. The only way out of my pole plateau is to build strength through conditioning. Unfortunately, I'm not going to see any real gains for a while from conditioning so to keep myself motivated I decided to focus on another goal of mine as well: getting comfortable on spin pole and working on my flow. Even though I'm a bit stuck in the trick department due to lack of strength, I'm still getting that little rush/high when I make progress on spin pole, and I'm pleased that even though I'm not picking up many new things, the old tricks I'm working on are looking better and getting easier. I recommend Veena's programs as well. In many of her programs she uses tricks/spins for conditioning so there's always the chance you'll learn something new. IG challenges are also a good way to continue to feel productive and to learn something new - or at least to learn a new take on an old move. :) Best of luck, and please keep us posted!
PoleAdventures · 4/11/2018
Welcome back my dear :* Sending hugs to you and hope all get well! I'm very sorry for the quick post to you, I'm really busy with life at the time but I wanted to answer you nevertheless. So, maybe you are interested in new programs too, I started a post few days ago to ask Veena about future programs. Maybe you will join and give us your ideas as a motivation here: https://www.studioveena.com/forums/view/New_programs_20180328104854 Hugs
PenelopeAnn · 4/11/2018
Great to have you back! I always enjoyed reading your posts, and have missed your input. And congrats on your upcoming nuptials :D
Runemist34 · 4/11/2018
Thanks ladies!! I'm excited to have a pole community again. I've been learning SO much about ADHD, and how it affects things like habits. I seem to get very stuck on prioritization and initiation- the two parts that actually get you started doing things every day, haha ;) But, I'm trying to put some things in place to help me out. It's definitely a learning curve, and it doesn't help when you're struggling with the very thing you're trying to help. It's so flattering to hear I've been missed, or that my old posts and comments were appreciated. Thank you so much for that! It means so much to me. Strangefox- hitting plateaus is SUPER frustrating! For someone driven for constant novelty/forward motion, it can be horrible. I definitely know how you're feeling! My plan was always to just change gears when that happens. When I'm lifting weights, I change up my routine pretty often (about every month or so?) and keep it interesting. For pole, you could always change what you're working on. Like, what about floorwork? Sexy moves? Slowing all your comfortable moves down a bunch? Give yourself some interesting challenges :) Even if you're working on stuff that feels easy, slowing it down or doing it with more control can make it way, waaaay harder. It's a good way to challenge your body to break through the plateau! And yeah, it's hard to keep doing stuff when it's not very fun. I've been 'grounded' pretty much the whole time I've pole danced, and it's hard to stay motivated. I'm starting to figure out there are good ways to have fun on the ground, too! I'll get aerial... eventually ;) Dustbunny! I am so touched you were thinking of me! I used to think about putting up videos, but you know all those... roadblocks. I'm sure you know them- I don't have a nice pole space, or my room is messy, or maybe I don't the way my thighs look, or maybe I should be better at this move before I post it? It's tough getting past all the excuses. But, I'm going to see if I can set something up and post, maybe like once a week or so. It may not be perfect, or nice-looking, or great dancing... but, I'm starting to figure out that "perfect" is just a pipe dream my brain lies to me with. I'll take the 80%, thank you! I would love to have feedback from everyone, even if it is nice comments :) Funny enough, I've done so much "research" into pole, I pretty much know how all the moves work within the beginner and intermediate level. I can definitely walk myself through them fairly well! It's just getting into them, experiencing them, making myself do it. Perhaps eventually I'll get Veena's lessons again, once I'm a bit more advanced and need more help! I actually spent some time figuring out when I'll dance, how often, what my cue will be (habits need cues! and rewards!). I've set it for a time when my partner and my roommate are generally not home... in case I want to get freaky on the kitchen floor lol! I'm sure neither of them would mind, but I get a little self-conscious. I'm hoping to have my first video for next week. My first baby-step, deer-in-headlights, difficult-transitions video, lol! Thanks so much for saying hi to me! I'm feeling enthusiastic for now :)
Veena · 4/12/2018
Welcome back! I think the programs are loved by so many because you don't have to worry about creating a workout session for yourself. All you have to do is show up!
bigkitty1 · 4/12/2018
I'm glad you are back!!
StrangeFox · 4/15/2018
Thanks Runemist! Excellent ideas! I've started up learning spin pole and trying out some moves I'm comfortable with on it. That really helps to keep things fresh! I've also discovered I love spin pole, which pleasantly surprised me. Initially I wasn't a big fan and was kicking myself for springing the extra cash for the spin option, but I'm so glad I did now! :) I find spin has really helped my upper body strength. I've also started to explore dancing in heels, and I'm planning to try and up my floor work game, too. Unfortunately, I also injured my hip flexor (while running), but I'm recovering pretty quickly so I've been gathering a list of things I want to try while I'm chomping at the bit! Please do let us know how your progress goes.
Runemist34 · 4/15/2018
Wow, an injured hip flexor! That must hurt very often- one of the most used parts of our bodies! I'm lucky I haven't injured myself from running so far ;) Just... everything else lol! I definitely understand chomping at the bit, though. I was dealing with a shoulder injury for a while, and just couldn't do anything! I so desperately wanted to do... everything! Ahh! I'm much stronger and more healthy now, so, I think it's a good time for me to start pole again ;) And hopefully stick with it! It's gonna be a challenge.
PolesAndMotorcycles · 4/17/2018
Welcome back! It is nice to meet you :) I am new to the site, but not new to mental health related things. Have you ever heard of mindfulness? I invite you to research more on this practice and ADHD as you are constantly pulling yourself back to the present moment - living with eyes open, and fully experiencing reality as it is (yes, that means even if the moment is an unpleasant one!) The main points in mindfulness are to do it without judgment (no more beating yourself up or comparing to your past stuff, cause that just causes more emotional suffering), one mindfully (the opposite of multi tasking) and effectively (doing just what is needed for the situation). I look forward to your posts :)
Runemist34 · 4/17/2018
Hi PolesAndMotorcycles! Thank you! I actually have worked quite a bit with mindfulness, as it can be super helpful for anxiety and depression (and I have those, too), but interestingly... with ADHD, I'm not sure if there's a lot of interaction between the two. Mostly, because ADHD means I am "time blind," which means... I only have two time zones: Now, and Not Now. Developmentally, around the age of 30 (I'm 32), adults that are neurotypical can plan (and anticipate) up to about 4-5 months, but I'm... kinda stuck at about 2 weeks at most? Preferably a week! But, with depression and anxiety, yeah, I tend to project into the future or past. It's a strange thing. I live very much in the "now," but all of those old/anticipated things are so... hypothetical yet real? Again, hard to explain! But I really do appreciate the suggestion ;) I'm trying to get back to my meditation practice (most ADHD-ers freak out about the whole "sitting still" thing, but I really enjoy it... when I can get to it!). I'm also learning how to move tasks from the "not now" time zone into the "now" time zone! Also, I saw you are from the East coast of Canada... so, Hello from the West coast! I'm on Vancouver island :)
StrangeFox · 4/17/2018
Yes! My hip flexor injury was unpleasant but short lived (thankfully!) Last week it was so bad I couldn't even put on socks on Tuesday, but it's pretty much all healed up, now. I'm still being careful and taking it easy on the running and flexibility training for the next little while. I didn't realize just how much my hip flexor did until I hurt it! I went to pole class and I couldn't do anything! It was super frustrating. I got really anxious and antsy towards the end of last week. I was pretty cranky until I finally got to do something physical. I have a really hard time sitting still. :) Glad to hear you're stronger and healthier than ever! Can't wait to see your pole progress vids.