I never thought I could ask anyone about this stuff!

POLE of SWFL started this discussion · 9/30/2009

I am super new to all this! Not just the pole, but posting things online for other people to respond to, etc. I have a 15 yr old stepson that is at my house 2x a week. I have an x-pole but sometimes wonder if I need to take it down and put it up every time he is here? I know he is old enough , I think he is smart and would understand that I'm not a stripper - he's been in my life for almost ten years and knows I exercise alot but I don't want to traumatize him! My husband said we can tell him - he says the sooner we tell him , the sooner he can get over it! We have a gameroom that I use the pole in - pool table, video game, pinball, darts, etc. so it doesn't look out of place and he already thinks we are crazy - help 😕

18 replies

Bazzette · 9/30/2009
I have two boys (8 and 10) and wondered about what would happen when they got older and realized the OTHER uses for the pole. If you treat it like something you have to hide, that is what they will pick up on. My boys were told it is a piece of athletic equipment just like my weights and my elliptical machine. They are welcome to try moves on it (with supervision), and I really don't make a big deal about it. (how OTHER parents will react is something I have no control over). I will say that if I am practicing and they are home, I am only practicing "tricks", no hip rolling, peep shows, or knee high boots. I save them for when they are out of the house or in bed. NOW, we HAVE told my husband's family (all grown children) that we got the pole because the economy really sucks and I had to take a second job and I need it for practice (but we like screwing with them) 😀 I don't know if ANY of this helps with a 15 year old, teens kind of scare me. 😮
flyingsaucereyes · 9/30/2009
NOW, we HAVE told my husband's family (all grown children) that we got the pole because the economy really sucks and I had to take a second job and I need it for practice (but we like screwing with them) 😀 😂 love it! I sometimes think about people I don't know that well coming to the house and seeing my pole, but I feel it is my house and if they are going to cast judgement on me about it, then they are not welcome. I am not going to take down my pole everytime I have visitors. I gave my permananet pole to my sister who put it up under our parents house, and our dad just told people it was a support structure 😉 As for my son, he is only 4 months old so i have a bit of time before I have to worry about that, but will explain it as fitness equipment.
p1nkpr1ncess · 9/30/2009
I think he is old enough to understand that you use it for fitness reasons - he will no doubt already know about the "stripping" parts of pole dancing but maybe show him a few moves so he knows it's not like that. I am getting my X Pole for my Birthday (in 5 weeks!!! Can't wait!!) and it will be up in the living room - all the time. I have a 6 year old little girl who can't wait to learn some basic spins on it and no doubt my son when he's old enough (he's 23 months) will also want a go! It's more my mum who won't approve! Lol I have my own house so it's not like she'll see it all the time but she just doesn't really "get" my love of pole dancing and doesn't really agree with it! I'm hoping that she might change her opinion when she sees what I ACTUALLY do on the pole instead of what she IMAGINES I do on it! Lol Sorry, I probably wasn't much help - good luck in telling him, I'm sure he'll be fine 🙂 -x-
POLE of SWFL · 9/30/2009
Yeah! This is the first time I ever used a Forum or posted anything and thought I would give it try last night when I posted my question. It is SOOOOOOO awesome to hear from people who completely understand the issues. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
SissyBuns · 9/30/2009
Hey there! I have a 13 year old daughter and I never hid my pole dancing from her from the start and when I got my own pole I started doing spins and stuff in front of her and she thought it was cool. She knows that poles are used in strip clubs too but she also knows that her mother is not a stripper, LOL. She sees what I do on the pole and respects it as an art and excellent for of exercise. Of course I don't really use heels in front of her and no sexy stuff! Like someone said earlier, if you treat it like it's a dirty thing that needs to be hidden than that's how he'll percieve it. I recently had my entire family visit from out of town for labor day, parents, sisters, brother in laws, nieces and nephews and I left Chaka right where she is LOL. As I gave my dad the tour of my new house I showed him the "pole room" and said "Oh yeah, I do pole dancing for fitness". He just shook his head and kept on walking LOL. He knows that I'm a grown woman and I'm going to do what I want to do, especially in my own house so no point in even voicing an opinion LMAO. 😉
Veena · 9/30/2009
There are certain members of my immediate family, that wont even stay at our home anymore because they find the pole so offensive, They feel the work I do, this site included, is degrading to women 🙄. The concern is "what am I teaching my boys about women" and "what will happen when my boys find out strippers use them too" and "what will people think of me". As a mom, OF COURSE, I have thought of these things!! Here are my thoughts.... I think my boys 8, 6, 3, and 11m, see how my husband treats me, he is the most loving person I know, and that is how they will learn to respect women. Just because I dance with a pole, does not mean I have become a sex object...and I know my kids don't see it that way at all. Right now, they only know its for art and sport, that is what is appropriate for there ages....they use the pole too. They don't see any sexual pole videos, of me, or anyone else dancing. Just like right now, I wouldn't let them watch most MTV videos! I know at some point they will,... and I highly doubt they will want to see mom dancing sexy...ewww. I do post sexy videos (NOT VALUER!) I think there is a difference.....BUT its my choice, I'm not doing it for any man, its my own self expression, and I think women have every right to express themselves in anyway they want!!!!! I LIKE to be sexy, I think deep down most women do! I think for too long women have been afraid to be too sexy....after all, aren't we now taught to all want corporate jobs like men? (not the I have any problem what so ever with corporate women!!) 👍 Many women feel guilty for staying home with kids because of the "fight for equal rights" of women, like if they don't take the opportunity they are less of a woman or disrespecting the women who worked hard to give us equal rights. We are big girls now, and if we want to have a career, great! 🥂 if we want to be a sexy bitch, great! 🥂 IF we want to do both...well why not 🥂 🥂 Women need to stop feeling so ashamed over there choice to be sexy....I think our kids need to understand that sexuality isn't dirty, its normal. Hiding something and keeping things off limits only makes someone want it more. If something is taught as normal and healthy...well I don't think you can go wrong with that! 🌸
jlopeztx · 9/30/2009
i was just inspired to say eff it and put my pole in my living room where there's the most room and a flat 10' ceiling! 🥂
litlbit · 9/30/2009
I agree ladies...I was one of the women that fought and marched for women's rights many years ago...I was also a "Bra Burner!" LOL When I was involved in the movement the women I gathered with were all about equal rights...that INCLUDING the right to be sensual and sexy in our expression of ourselves as women...it was supposed to be about our right to do anything a man was allowed to do and gain equality in that ie: pay etc. and the right to choose between working outside the home or staying home to raise our babies....somewhere along the line the extreme feminists threw a wrench in it!! So ladies!! ROCK ON WITH YOUR SEXY SELFS!!! LOL 🫡
Rena LadyBug · 10/12/2009
I am glad I came across this post. Probably 3-4 weeks ago I finally left my pole out for my step daughter (she will be 12 in Dec) to see. I had started out by showing her some pole videos of Piggymunch and her daughter playing together. I asked her what she thought of it and she said it was cool, I asked her if I had one would she want to play on it also, she said no. What a lie!!! She is begging to pole every night!! It is ALL she ever talks about now. My aunt was in town a few weeks back and Shiane called me out on it. I was embarassed b/c I didn't see it coming. My aunt is cool and all and she didn't care, but I couldn't help but be embarassed! Then we invited my mother in law to come to dinner at our house and so I took down the pole. At the time I had my cheap my sexy little pole where I had the top bolted to the ceiling, so she asked what that was for. So we let Shiane tell her. I felt ackward about it b/c I felt like she may have slightly judged me for having it. I told her that everything I do on the pole I can do in front of Shiane (well now that I've started dancing some I leave that out when she is watching or practicing w/ me). I told her that I wear shorts and tank tops and I use it for fitness. Her response was, well why isn't it in the bedroom? It's like hello, I just told you! It's not something I do for my husband, it's something I do for myself! I find it to be so much nicer than always doing cardio on a treadmill! So today when my sister in law was dropping my niece off we left the pole up. She was caught off guard by it and asked the same question, why isn't it in your bedroom? 🤔 Hmm, is that all people think of it as? I'm assuming most people don't see the fitness side of it, which I can understand. I'm officially to the point now where if you don't like it, tough! It is something I enjoy and I'm a grown woman and can do what I want!!! My mom has seen all of my videos on here, and I am taking my pole w/ me to my grandmothers in November! Of course they also knew all about my bachelorette party (we went pole dancing) and it was recorded w/ my grandmother's camera lol. My mom will coming down also (she lives in Michigan, I live in Tennesee, and my grandparents live in Kentucky) so I figure I can teach her some of my new moves! 🙂 I think you should allow him to see it, so that way you are not hiding it from him. You do not have to dance on it infront of him, but you can still do tricks on it 🙂 Like the others, leave the sexy stuff for when he is not there 🙂 🌸
litlbit · 10/13/2009
I just had to share this...Where ever I go I take my portable pole, now having said that LOL...I took a wkend out of town by myself about 4 months ago...I was staying at a hotel. When I travel I miss out on my gym workouts so the pole is AWESOME to have..anywho I had my pole up and was working out on it when there was a knock on my door...I answered it, it was housekeeping...she looked at me and asked "Do you want..OMG!", I looked at her face and asked her what was wrong (ha ha I knew she finally noticed my pole!). She said "umm, is that what I think it is?" I said that depends what you think, I went on to explain that I use the pole for my training to become a Bodybuilding Figure Competitor..she just looked at me and said.."Yeah..sure, whatever you say". I cracked up at that point, I asked her if I looked like I was stripping..she said no, I told her I would show her some of what I did with the pole...she was so amazed..she apologized for what she was thinking when she first saw it LOL...I told her no prob. When I checked out that Sunday all the staff was staring at me...I asked them if they'd like to come to a pole jam in Fargo haha...they all turned red and walked away, except for the chick that had to check me out! TOO FUNNY!!! 😂 Oh yeah my adult kids didn't have a prob with my pole..it was my HUSBAND that didn't like it! LOL
suncatcher · 10/13/2009
This site is so great for things like this. Every family is different and I can't tell you what is right for you but can share my position. I have an 11 yr old daughter and an 18yr old boy. My son was not always with me and raised partially with another family,(not open-minded at all) so the subject was a little awkward at first telling my kids their Dad was building Mom a dance pole. We have an open and honest policy in my house. My house is for free expression and not good impressions. So I just told them, open and honest! Let them ask questions watch videos with me. In all everyone in the family pitched in on the building of Momma's birthday dance pole and said they were happy to see Mom get really excited about something.My daughter will probably pass me up, I have even watched my son take a spin and laugh saying "That was kinda fun". I save the sexy dance practice for weekends or afternoons they are gone and practice spins,tricks,ect when they are home, and they enjoy watching me upside down trying to figure out how to get down LOL and they become experts telling you how to do it like the videos.Ha Ha. It will work out.No worries he has been with you enough, he knows what kind of person you are,just as my son knows who I am. They have nick-named my pole Mamma's Junglegym. It's just another toy, like the guitars, paintball guns,ect.Good Luck and Hugs!
joni1 · 10/14/2009
I got my pole a little over 2 years ago. My twin boys were 7 and my eldest boy was 11. When they first saw it up in my bedroom they said "cooool coool a fireman post. They loved watching me do spin and all 3 can climbed it before me. My bedroom is the only place that had room to put up the pole. Now my eldest is 13 and me makes me close the door to our bedroom when his friends come over. He doesn't climb on it anymore like my twins who still does. The other day, he was in my room when i showed him the superman fall from the top of the pole. He said ' Wow mom, you can be like a real stripper."I told him that there is nothing wrong with dancers,they work hard and make an honest living. I told him that i pole for fun,fitness and the art of it. I told him he knows I'm a peadiatric surgical nurse who loves to pole. He said his friends wouldn't understand and would think badly of me. So I respect his decision and close the door to our bedroom when his friends are over.
PoleSkivvies · 10/16/2009
My stepdaughter loves playing on the pole – she’s 10. It’s all freeform and her mom and dad are totally cool about it. In fact, she gave her mom a special performance just the other week – lots of spinning and twirling and jumping around, which she loves! She’s even started asking me about teaching her some spins, but I know she’s not ready yet to really think about how she’s holding her body, so I don’t want to teach her anything much right now. But even as I write that, I realize I could teach her a grounded toe spin and that would be very pretty. I am just not qualified to teach, and I certainly don’t want her to get the shoulder problems I’ve had since starting pole. Not to hijack here, but how do you all teach your kids to pole safely? I stress no lotion, using the level, and keeping the pole clean. What else would you recommend?
polebunny · 11/18/2009
wow this is a great post! i have had to explain to people over and over that i'm not a stripper, that pole dancing is more than shaking your ass etc. i agree that the way to tell a kid about it is that it's a piece of exercise equipment and only do tricks around them. i truly believe that if we are taught something is bad then we think it is but there is nothing bad about taking care of yourself and choosing to be a sensual woman who is proud to be one!
dustbunny · 6/23/2010
My pole is less than 10' from my front door! In full view of my back sliding glass door (when the curtains are open). My neighbours, family, friends, and every salesperson/survey/volunteer organization that comes to my door sees my pole! 😀 I've always been a bit of an attention sl*t 👸 Probably why I was instantly hooked on pole!
stars2shame · 7/23/2010
My pole is also right in front of my front door! Whenever the super comes in to check something (we have had 3 this year) I always think, "oh god! what is he going to think" But most people who come in don't even notice it for like 30 minutes and then they are like "whoa! where did this come from!" lol. My son is 6 and he just thinks it is for fun, I even do a move I call the spiderman, cuz it kinda looks like spiderman hanging on his spiderthread, he likes it and he knows I am dying to do the superman and asks me all the time, "can you do it yet?" Other than that he has no interest in playing on it, and I do nothing sexy when he is around. Although I do worry about when he first learns about pole dancing in strip clubs but I figure by the time he does it will probably be more mainstream and he will also be used to seeing it as a thing of dance and sport.
deberrah · 7/24/2010
Hi Guys, im new at pole dancing just recently got a pole, i'm a mother of 5 sons ages 13 -24y i dont hide the pole, actually i encourge them to workout on the pole now it's a family thing ...... I can tell you my sons could give me some lessons on the pole 😀 Pole dancing used to be a stripers clubs thing 😈 but now thats a thing of the past, it's becoming more mainstream for dance and sport. My sons they know about the pole who does'nt 🤔 "Have FUN and don't worry what other people think " 👍
Roadkillgerbil · 7/24/2010
I had my first ever pole show a few months ago, and invited my mum, her partner and his 15 year old son. And they came! ~glee~ For me, it was lovely to have people supporting me in the audience, but I think it was probably a good thing for him, too. It wasn't a slutty show but it was full of great dancing and awesome moves. Realising that these women (one of whom was only a little older than him) were stronger and more highly skilled than him, not to mention confident, seems to have increased his respect for women, rather than decreasing it. We also had a few conversations about why this wasn't something I did only for my bf. Admittedly, he's already had to understand that I have two bfs and one gf, so he's more prepared than most to understand slightly 'alternative' lifestyles, but explaining that "No, Alex isn't 'allowing' me to dance in front of people. This is something I enjoy, and no-one gets to give me permission to do it" and having Alex reinforce that by saying how pleased he is that I could perform made it clear at an emotional level as well as an intellectual one. Not only is poledancing a perfectly acceptable activity, but women make their own decisions, and don't need permission to show off. So yeah, I say leave it up.