how to excuse your hubby from your pole sessions

PennyGirl started this discussion · 1/16/2010

Okay, so having my husband in the room when I practice is horrible. I feel really self conscious and I just don't like it. I think I look awkward and I can't get into the music while he's there. I don't know if this is common..if it is please let me know. Anyway, I would really like to set some boundaries around this hobby like, I want to un-invite him from my sessions unless It is specifically for him. Maybe I'm being greedy because I want this time to myself, but I just don't wanna worry about trivial things while I am trying practice and relax. You know It's not all sexy and I am not sure he gets that. Okay, he hasn't said anything about it, but I just feel uncomfortable. How should I tell him I don't want him in there without offending him?

28 replies

freakiel · 1/16/2010
tell him that you really want to refine your moves and make a routine for him and you want it to be a surprise! make it a good idea to him too to sit out. that way when you show him something, it's special and it's his little surprise. you can't blame him for being interested!
Audball · 1/16/2010
I feel exactly the same. I don't mind working on like pole sits or spins, but I can't just dance and do floorwork and sexy stuff while he's around, unless it's for him as you say. I'm lucky in a way because my boyfriend works abroad so I have the place to myself half the time. And I find when he's playing playstation (most childish 26 yr old?) he's really uninterested! But yeah I save the 'sexy' stuff until he's gone. I don't think he'd mind leaving the room. I guess it depends on how many rooms you have in your house.. like we're in a 1 bed apt, so sending bf out of the living room might be cruel! Maybe you can do your floorwork and dancing when he's not around.. at work or something? And just work on perfecting moves when he's there.. that way he's there to spot you should you need it 🙂
halfjack · 1/16/2010
Just explain that it him, it sounds perfectly reasonable. After all, why shoudn't you want your own time, to do anything? Just say "Hey I know it sound stupid but sometimes I get a little self conscious when I'm practicing pole in the same room as you, because I'm a beginner...I'd love to dance for you but I'd prefer to dance for you when I am experienced and happy with my performance and skills...but I need to have a little alone time to get used to it on my own." Say it in a breezy way to make it clear to him its not a big deal, its not HIM that makes you uncomfortable but the fact that you're a beginner and explain to him it takes a lot of getting used to dancing confidently round a vertical pole! I think he should understand, maybe emphasize to him how much it is simply part of your exercise routine, as opposed to sexy time 😛. For example, if you were doing an aerobics dvd or whatever, you might not necessarily wanna do it in front of him. (I don't like doing exercise dvds/etc in front of anyone...especially my bf and ESPECIALLY when I'm starting something new and feel unfit and I'm sweaty and gasping for breath and ...ew)
Gsylass · 1/16/2010
My hubby lost interest quite quickly and just sits there and lets me get on with it. It isn't sexy when your other half is, as has been said, puffing and panting and struggling with a steel pole, and once they realise that you're not twirling and cavorting for their benefit they lose interest. Now I have to ask him to watch when I want him to, lol 😀 I think the other girls have given good advice. Oh and Audball, mine sits playing xbox while I pole!!
Audball · 1/16/2010
Phew! Not the only one. Yeah when i record myself, I have to put music over it to hide the shooting sounds in the background 😛
Gsylass · 1/16/2010
LOL I don't bother covering up the shooting/chatter, you can hear it quite clearly! I tend to run my videos through a program to make them smaller so that degrades the quality a bit anyhow. I think there's one on YouTube where you can hear me telling him to look because I got a new move 😀
Audball · 1/16/2010
Haha, yeah on my headstand clip on the first part of my video, as i land on the floor i'm smiling, because he was telling me to spin on my head! He was totally serious too.. talk about unrealistic expectations! I did scream at him when I did a pole sit, but by the time he'd paused the game, i'd pretty much slid down. Needless to say he was unimpressed!
MilienElayne · 1/17/2010
I am not polite at all. When I'm seriously poling, the living room is a strict no go zone, and he has to stay in his computer room or the bedroom. He usually does that naturally anyway though (he's a big computer/science geek)... unless there's food going (I swear he can smell it with the door closed), we're watching DVDs together or he catches me in spin mode while heading to the fridge and takes a detour to spin me faster and faster like I'm a toy. The deal is: I give him space when he's concentrating and gaming, he gives me space when I'm poling (unless he's invited).
Danielle Tillie · 1/17/2010
My boyfriend plays Xbox and acts totally disinterested! Sometimes though, when I'm working on a new move, he'll look up and ask me if I need him to spot me... and that's so adorable. It's as though he's giving me space but he's also sort of paying attention. I usually schedule my poling sessions when no one is home, and then when he gets home I have something special prepared! 🙂
FreeTheSun · 1/17/2010
I told my bf to leave the room the 1st time he tried just sitting on the couch "working on the computer" (he so wasn't, it was a terrible attempt). It was awkward for me because I felt like I had to explain what I was going or verbalize various things (mess ups etc.) because someone was there and I couldn't just focus on what I was trying to do. I hate doing workout-y things aroudn people, not sure why but it is awkward for me unless they are doing it with me. He understands and now will plan on doing other things (most often taking a bath cause he loves those) while I practice.
nymphdancer · 5/12/2010
I pole when he isn't here when i really want to get into the music and just let go. Unless I'm dancing for him 😈 however I like having him when I'm working on new moves. He is great at reminding me to point my toes, or if working on something I saw on a dvd "she put her hand up higher" or spotting me when I'm trying something tricky. Up until a few weeks ago there was no studio near me so his visuals have been very helpful to me. But he also knows the difference between helping me practice and when he is invited to watch me play.
Veena · 5/12/2010
Maybe suggest he go off and do something he loves while you practice. Just be honest about your needing some alone time to practice, its hard learning new moves! If he say's he wants to watch, then let him know you'll dance for him sometime, sexy or not. Whatever you are comfortable with. 🌸
reenie aka Mysfit · 5/14/2010
This has been an interesting thread to read through. Nice to know I am not crazy! I have been poling for 2 years and hubby(whom I married in 1991) has not seen much of it at all. This bugs the living crap out of him. He wants the "private" show and I won't play~~ We have actually had major blow out arguments over it. I know it is all my own issues, and I am working on coming out of my shell~ I have no inhibitions anywhere else in my life............just with the pole~~ I think what it may boil down to is I am of the opinion that I will be compared to all the strippers he and I have both seen over the years~ I may not measure up. I am 38 for starters......In fairly good shape, but I am by no means a "hot bod" anymore. Starting to notice all sorts of age indicators......lol Anyway~ I can consciously tell myself that he will not be comparing me to others, but my subconscious just can't get over it. It is getting better though............Now that I am teaching clients, I have had no choice but to get outside of my comfort zone... 👽 All of my friends think I am a lunatic(hubby included in that group)..........I could dance for a group of complete strangers but I can't for my hubby of 20 some odd years........... My answer~~Cuz I could care less what anyone else thinks, but I really care what he thinks!! If I bail half way through a trick, or screw up coming out of a spin............I can "fake" it. (Something I learned as a gymnast!!) but I have a real tough time faking anything with him because he is my soul mate..........he knows me better than I know myself sometimes. Hard to fake anything when he can look right into me.....lol Anyhoo.........I just thought I would chime in here and thank everyone else for assuring me I am not alone in this thought process~ heehee Nice to find other birds of a feather.... Huge healthy hugs to all!! reen
MsWild · 5/15/2010
I am in the same boat. I've only just come out in the last few weeks that I have been pole dancing - when I bought the pole (a bit hard to explain) however the family knew i was going to "dance class" but didn't exactly know what that was. Then the pole arrives....Hmmmm. I cannot dance when there are people in the room watching. I am terrible at it. Anyhow pressure eased a bit cause my son has taken to playing on the pole and showing off in front of us. Its become a boy thing. I usually steal time when everyone is out. I am considering moving the pole into the barn/stables to get some more time on the pole once I figure out the roof height. Maybe if I get better I will pole in front of them? I'm so bad at it is embarrassing! Its fun though! Good luck - I will read other's comments on this subject with interest. xx 😂
nymphdancer · 5/16/2010
😂 I'm not sure I could pole in front of the horses 😮 ! I orginally thought about using one of the empty stalls here as a "pole room" but changed my mind.
Madfelice · 2/16/2011
Oh, I sooo get this one! I feel uncomfortable practicing moves and learning them in front of him. I don't mind practicing routines but working on stuff I can't do properly yet I just don't feel comfortable with with him watching. He seems to take it as his right to do so and I just don't like working on stuff I really can't do with anyone watching, and when he is sitting there almost leering at me sometimes, there is no way I can work on stuff that I am uncomfortable with because I can't do it yet!! Not sure if it is because I don't want to look foolish or if I don't want to ruin the picture that he seems to have in his head that either I am really good or really sexy when I dance by repeatedly messing up a new move in front of him. He seems to take it as a personal insult if I suggest he leaves the room though. He says it is his 'right' to be there, he is just watching, etc etc. MEN!!
Evie Bloom · 2/16/2011
I like to pole when he is out or busy in the other room. He doesnt seem to think much of pole dancing so far, he said its not dancing its more like gymnastics and doesnt fit in with the music in time. I don't have a dancing back ground and have been trying to learn to dance and its a little off putting when he is there!!! I really wanted him at the first two student shows I have been in but the next one I am gonna leave up to him. While I can see his point, I am not dancing for money, its for me. So I will keep it trick heavy and dance to my own beat even if no one else can make out the rhythym! I do like that now I have a pole he had a quick go and could do nothing. He now keeps telling everyone how hard it is 😀
glitterhips · 2/16/2011
I actually have the opposite problem my bf doesn't really care to watch but I think it's because when we met I already had been doing it for quite some time and when I told him about it I really emphasised the fitness aspect of it so i think he never saw it as sexy to begin with. But maybe you can split up your practices like doing harder moves on your own for 2/3 of it and then he can come watch for a bit at the end while you just get your sexy on? Maybe this way you can both comprimise and you still get your alone time and he gets his sexy time? good luck :)
PoleKitten87 · 2/16/2011
Mine is the other way - My hubby has to be asked to come in and watch or take pics lol. He's indifferent to it. When I go to my friend's house, her husband is indifferent to it as well but will come in and help spot if we need him. Otherwise neither of them pay attention, and if they're together, its as if we're not even there on the poles!
Sair · 2/17/2011
:) Maybe practice when he isn't home if you have the time? I get up around 6:30am, have breakfast with my lovely bf before he leaves for work at 7:30am and then the place is mine until I leave at around 9:15. I get all of the sexy practice done in the morning (floor work, transitions etc) ;) When both of us are home i'm practicing the challenging moves (gem/scorp/special k/ etc) so that when the time comes to have a spotter close by, there he is so that I don't crack my skull open. I totally understand why some ladies aren't comfortable practicing / performing in front of their man. Poling is NOT graceful all the time and if you want someone watching you at all, you want them watching you at your best. Some women pole for themselves and for no one else. ;) Whatever your situation is, be honest, but gentle. If you're shy, let him know that. Much better than having him wonder if he's doing something wrong by watching.
vamp79 · 2/17/2011
I am a little shy about dancing around my hubby so I dont like him lurking when I practice (he tries every time!!!). So....I dont get much practice on Mondays or Tuesday because he is home early. I leave pole for wednesdays through saturday and I take one class at the studio on Mondays : ). I have danced for him 3 times already and keep explaining that if he watches me all the time it will get boring. I think he is starting to understand now but it has been a work in process.
vamp79 · 2/17/2011
I am a little shy about dancing around my hubby so I dont like him lurking when I practice (he tries every time!!!). So....I dont get much practice on Mondays or Tuesday because he is home early. I leave pole for wednesdays through saturday and I take one class at the studio on Mondays : ). I have danced for him 3 times already and keep explaining that if he watches me all the time it will get boring. I think he is starting to understand now but it has been a work in process.
PennyGirl · 2/17/2011
wow! What a response! Um, I don't really have that problem anymore sadly he is in afghanistan soooo he really can't watch anymore. Now my biggest issue is keeping my daughter off while I practice lol, I just try to do it on days when I don't have homework and my daughter is napping. Needless to say I hardly ever practice. Thanks so much for all of your coments, suggestions, and ancidotes. I love that you all have taken the time to post. :-)
spinnygirl · 2/17/2011
I'm laughing out loud imagining the men playing video games as their gf/wives are in the background climbing poles in skimpy attire.
NicciG · 2/18/2011
LOL I can't imagine feeling awkward infront of my hubby. My pole is in the same space as his pc so he plays pc games when i'm poling and every now and then I catch him sneaking a peek *giggle* if I'm practicing a difficult or new move I ask him to spot me or take photos when I get it right hehehe @PennyGirl - my kids love playing on my pole too LOL, I normally pole when they are asleep

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