Help! Pole dancing and the "ex girlfriend"

Onga01 started this discussion · 4/18/2013

i really need some insight on if im over reacting or not. I recently moved to a small town (everyone knows everyone!) i got a job at one of the nightclubs as a pole dancer every weekend (been there about 3 months now) I also started a dating a local guy, but him and his ex had only just broken up after a long term relationship. This girl knows who I am and what I do. when ever we see one another we just ignore each other (i have no problem with her personally, id just prefer to stear clear) Ive seen her in my club a few times before which I guess is pretty awkward when Im in a tiny outfit on a bar straddling a pole.. But last night I went to work and seen that she now works there!! So every time im there this will happen... I find it kind of creepy that she either applied to work there/accepted a job there.. Im feeling pretty uncomfortable and awkward about this mainly because of my job title and im paid to be a happy pole dancer! I dont want to cause any drama what so ever and i havent spoken to managers or anything about this. Do you girls think Im over reacting and should just harden up or do i have a right to be uncomfortable about this... What would you do in my position?

15 replies

chemgoddess1 · 4/18/2013
He is with you now, right? Does she know you are dating him? I personally would talk to her face to face before going to management. If she becomes an issue or gets shitty with you, then take it to management.
Onga01 · 4/18/2013
Yup she knows! Ive been told she is pretty fiery and wasnt to welcoming when i walked in last night..but i guess talking to her if she becomes nasty is a good start.
chemgoddess1 · 4/18/2013
If you approach her that may stop some of the nasties from even starting. Just tell her you know it is an awkward situation but that is between she and the ex, not the two of you. He did not break up with her for you so she should not have anything to be a bitch about.
Serzi · 4/18/2013
Hmm, pretty awkward situation and kinda creepy. Like...wtf are her reasons for taking the job there, you know? I agree w/ Chem, take the high road and be up-front w/ her. You are not out to be her enemy or whatever. If there are unresolved issues or hurt feelings between she and her ex then that it is to stay between them. To be honest, her actions of working at your club (knowing you work there) comes off as either insecure or combative. Best to not over-analyze it, just be the adult in this however it may turn. You have the upper-hand all the way around and if she wants to stir up any shit she can just marinate in it all by herself. I wouldn't inform management unless she actually does something nasty that you can prove, but I believe if she has any bad intentions it will show well beforehand and be her own undoing. ;)
Serzi · 4/18/2013
And, no, you're not overreacting. That is a very unsettling situation to be in. I'd be creeped out if that happened to me, that's for sure. :/
Hazi411 · 4/20/2013
It is a bit odd. Could just be a coincidence?. Who broke up with who in their relationship? Do new employees have a "trial period"? If so, then maybe she will decide the job's not for her after all, or maybe management will think she's not right for the job. You have been there longer than her, so from that point of view you have the 'upper hand" and are in a stronger position if trouble starts to happen, as management should know from your history with them that you aren't a trouble-maker. As a first step I would try talking to her as a reasonable adult. If she's "feisty" then that could be a sign of insecurity If this doesn't resolve the situation, depending on how understanding the management is, perhaps you could speak to them and explain the situation (though I would be a bit hesitant to do this). Would it be possible to arrange for you to work different shifts so you don't have to keep seeing each other? You've been there longer, she has "invaded your territory" and you have a right feel uncomfortable.
tacha666 · 4/20/2013
Well I wonder why she started working there. I always think it's good to know peoples motivation before talking to them. So here are my guesses: 1. She is jealous. Maybe she thinks the guy started dating you because you are sexier and a dancer and she wants to prove him that she is sexier than you are 2. She is jealous. She hopes to see him when he brings you to work or pick you up. 3. She is jealous. She wants to be mean and make you feel uncomfortable because she hates you for dating her ex boyfriend. 4. She's broke and needs the money.
Onga01 · 4/20/2013
Thank you for the feed back girls! Its really encouraging. we both know a lot of the same people so i have to keep my mouth pretty shut and i just wanted an outside opinion from someone who doesnt know her! I just got back from work then.. It was a busy night thankfully so she was busy serving and i was busy dancing. We bumped into eachother a few times on the floor and it was obviously a bit awkward but nothing nasty was exchanged. phew! Ive had people warn me the only thing i should be weary of is if she gets drunk and starts a bitch fight (working in a nighclub people get drunk alot!) but at least ill be prepared haha. i might try talk to her someday but it is hard in a noisy nightclub environment so id have to do it out of work which im not sure is good or bad. Also they are still sorting things out (bills, keys, taxes and other shit) so once theyre both completely done with eachother i might say something to keep the peace. @tacha666 LMAO!! Your list is hilarious and i love it! I think she needs money but it feels like she could be doing the whole "keep your friends close and enemys closer" thing. Haha Again thank you! I dont think i have the guts to say anything while things are so fresh.. And fingers crossed she decided the job isnt for her.. Surely she cant like looking at me hang upside down off a pole all night?!
JennyBacardi · 4/20/2013
You are not over reacting I would probably feel the same in your situation. I think the best thing to do is stay polite let her work there. I have seen so many girls (and guys!) do that. She is probably insecure and jealous of you. Be the bigger person ;)
Anonyma · 4/20/2013
just ignore her and don t even go talk to her to try to be polite. Then It could degenerate. And you could end up kicking her ass seriously lol, Us , pole dancers, are stronger than normal chicks :P I was also thinking about this, they ve been together for a long time right? Do you feel like you guys will get into something serious, because generally when someone is just out of a long relationship, they re not ready to jump in into another one just like that ( rebound kinda thing here) Just want to make sure your heart wont be broken!
TinyDancer04 · 4/21/2013
I don't think you are overreacting, it would make anyone pretty uncomfortable... Awkward situation but personally I wouldn't go talk to her about the 'issue' ... Regardless of her reasons for applying for the job etc, whatever they may be- They are HER reasons. Not your problem whatsoever. The best advice I would have is be friendly, but not overly. Don't engage in any bull. It's HER issue Hun, not yours. She has no say over your life, keep calm and pole :)
Onga01 · 4/21/2013
Thanks for all the feedback girls! She was on her night off but in the club and hung around a bit after closing time so i waited at the bar for her to leave so i could talk to her on her way out.. She walked straight past me at first, head down and in a rush but then came back down after she realised i was trying to talk to her.. We spoke about it and she said she wishes us all the best and doesnt want drama :D im still not sure of her reasons for working at my club but as long as i know theres no drama im fine. Once again the studio veena girls have given me lots to think about and options on how to deal with the situation. Im glad we spoke and its a huge weight off my shoulders!! Now i can properly pole dance again! Haha Xoxoxo
Hazi411 · 4/21/2013
So pleased for you. Hope it all works out OK.
Serzi · 4/21/2013
Awesome. :) I mean it's not like you'll be buddies or anything but, still, isn't it a big weight off your shoulders to see eye-to-eye? Takes the edge off a bit. Keeps the mind from blowing it outta proportion. And now she knows you aren't intimidated by her or in the mood for little girl games. Assertiveness kicks ass! ;)
Serzi · 4/21/2013
And it is tough coming off the heels of a long term relationship. Not that I pity her but, just by how she left in a hurry and then came back, I can tell she's probably been stressing over a confrontation w/ you too. It's tough being human. lol