FRUSTRATION

lazarenka started this discussion · 5/25/2015

I have never met a physical challenge I couldn't master. I CAN'T DO THIS!!! I can't do the SPLITS, I can't do a BACKBEND... I can't do ANY tricks that require one or both of my legs to be off the pole. I am SO INFLEXIBLE.. I have been working on it, but I am becoming SO frustrated because I don't see any improvement. Am I too old or just genetically incapable of becoming flexible? Why can't I do those spins. In my plan, I would already be doing just about every trick with ease... But all I can do are the forward and backward hooks. I don't GIVE UP on ANYTHING... but GAH... I need to see some improvement as positive reinforcement or else I am going to run out of steam.

9 replies

Phoenix Hunter · 5/25/2015
flexibility takes time. maybe more time than pole. just keep at it and dont give up. do the flexibility routines 3 times a week if you can. just keep doing the work and it will come together. in the mean time, you have also got to find a way to enjoy doing what you can already do. that answer is different for everybody. how are progressing with the lessons here? are you starting at the beginning and working your way through? splits and backbends can take a while so you will have to be patient with those especially. no, your not too old. I think i'm older than you and I can now do splits. but I had never done them before, not even when I was a kid! so it is possible. it takes working on flexibility atleast 3 times a week. every week. for maybe a year. maybe less, maybe more. you should start to see some improvement when you are working on that 3 times a week for 3 or 4 months. consistently working on it, with proper form. start taking pictures of you splits or non-splits right now. do your routine 3-4 times a week. every week. take a pic after the first month and every month after wards. you will see progress. as for the pole tricks, same thing. you just gotta work on it consistently, every week. but you have to work on the appropriate progression of tricks and spins. start at the beginning and work your way up. the lessons here are in a progressive order. if you are really struggling do veena's 30 day take off program. it is a structured program to help you with pole.
Runemist34 · 5/26/2015
Hey Lazarenka! I agree with Phoenix Hunter- building strength for pole dancing, as well as becoming flexible, takes time. Lots of time! But, I also want to ask... are you focused on the goal, or the journey? One thing I've noticed with a lot of your posts is that you're jumping in, all in, and while that is wonderful and I'm super glad you're excited to really put your whole self into something you obviously love, it also seems like you aren't really enjoying the time it takes, you're not seeing this as a journey, but as a set of goals to be achieved. Once you have X number or certain moves under your belt, does that make you a great pole dancer? Once you can do the splits, does that make you sexy? It's similar to me with running. I look at my split times (how fast I've run for each kilometre), I look at my total time, and I think "I could have pushed harder." I compare myself to my two runner friends (one of whom is my cousin) who have been running for AGES, and neither of them have any kind of knee issues... and I feel inadequate. I try to push harder, more, do more things, see what I'm missing and why I can't get that 6 minute kilometre?! But, the truth is, that this is a JOURNEY, and I need to relax and stop all this nonsense. Those two have been running for years longer than I have, and I DO have knee problems. That's one of the big reasons why I run, in fact! If I settled in an enjoyed it, maybe I wouldn't be where I am right now: Haven't run more than twice in two weeks, my knees are getting worse (again), and I've plateaued at the place I am now. I feel awful, and I'm frustrated... but, I wouldn't be so frustrated if I wasn't focused only on the goals, only on the belief that I "should" be better. You've "never met a physical challenge you couldn't master," which is very interesting to me! I've met thousands of physical challenges I couldn't even start! Yet, you're frustrated, you're getting upset. You're pushing so hard on this... are you enjoying it? Maybe checking in with yourself and your expectations would be really good. I mean, pole dancing is extremely physical, seriously needing in strength, and flexibility training takes huge amounts of time. The splits do not come easily for most of us- even after years of stretching. So, what are your goals? Where are your expectations? Are they reasonable? Like, honestly reasonable, considering the fact that building muscle takes time and effort, consistency, and that the same thing goes for flexibility? And, I'm talking all of that over YEARS, not months. Years. Good time to check in with yourself. This may be one challenge that you may just have to buckle down and enjoy the road, instead of that sweet rush of nailing a move.
poleisnewtome · 5/26/2015
Wow, Runemist, I LOVE everything you said! I think this is something that a lot of people need to hear, myself included! Pole requires: Strength Endurance Flexibility Body Awareness Balance Coordination and the ability to grit ones teeth through pain NONE of these things come easy on their own, much less all together, especially for people who have not had any serious and CONSISTENT gymnastics experience (doing gymnastics for a year in grade school doesn't count), despite one's fitness level.
lazarenka · 5/26/2015
You are very correct. I focus SO much on the end results and wanting to be awesome, I don't want to feel inferior while watching pole videos. I did get a little rush out of the few moves I can do, but now I expect to progress at an expedited rate. I plan on sticking with it no matter what... I just have this pole in the middle of my den, and it just STARES at me and mocks me because I just want to jump on and do a ton of tricks. Thanks for the words of wisdom!
lazarenka · 5/28/2015
I posted a video last night... It's SO amateur... and kinda embarrassing, but I figured I needed to start recording progress. If you want a good laugh, check out my video!
Summerthyme · 5/29/2015
I can say I feel frustration lately as well. Some things I've learned seem to be a little willy nilly. I pretty much have all the beginner moves down, a good bit of the intermediate and a few advanced moves. I struggle trying to put things together, do a few advanced moves and yet struggle with a few intermediate moves. I'm assuming it's my strength in certain moves. I've been working on perfecting what I already know to make it prettier (pointing my toes, arching my back ect) but sometimes it feels like I don't know anything. I can invert at times and others not at all. Does it come to a point it all just starts coming together? I feel like I've reached a point that I'm just floundering. I have a private instructor that I think can help me with transition moves I just started working with every 2 weeks, but I think I !may outgrow her later. She isn't familar with some of the moves terms, like the jade, but perhaps we'll become polo buddies later. She seemed very interested in this site and very impressed. She thought I can help her with some pole parties and beginner classes ad well, so I guess I'm doing okay....I just don't really know. I'll take any advice I can get from you all. I know I just wrote s book on here.... Sorry. If my spelling is horrible.... I can't find my damn reading glasses lol.
Sabina Rex · 5/30/2015
I think this video will help! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjP9r-HU4fk Watch the whole thing while you are stretching please
PolarGirl · 5/30/2015
@pamholderman I know everyone's journey is so different, but I did feel a lot of frustration when I started as well. It's hard to be consistent through that frustration but keep it at ladies! I actually did reach a point where I felt like everything started coming together and suddenly I was conquering moves left and right and combos were working and I was feeling really comfortable and confident on the pole. There were still a lot of near misses and full on fails. That's a part of the process. You have to try and fail and try again and film yourself and watch other people's videos of you can't figure out what you're doing wrong. It takes a good amount of time and effort and borderline obsession, I think. And yes, tons of strength and flexibility training. I've been taking some time off for that past few weeks, and when I go back to pole in a couple of weeks, it's going to have gotten way harder because I wasn't consistent - but with hard work it will come back again and forward progress will continue to happen. Sometimes slow and sometimes fast :)
Veena · 5/31/2015
This may be a helpful read https://www.studioveena.com/blogs/view/2012thats_life_20121231043025 Also....