Finding out a Best friend is in fact a Bad friend...

HellOnHeelsNH started this discussion · 1/30/2014

Letting go of someone I consider a sister because she is toxic to me and goes out of her way to belittle me or my friends she didn't like every chance she got... Doing and doing for someone who takes and takes has taken a toll and made me question and doubt myself, She is the only one of my friends who does this to me so I know its her problem and not mine but it still sucks to lose what I thought we had. Even wise she never even talked to me, just deleted and blocked me on fb! So I had to say goodbye, real friends don't treat each other like that especially when they are already having a hard time in life...

8 replies

AnnVann · 1/31/2014
Seems like we all have had a "friend" like that. When I did, I tried to focus on the good ones and tried to not put energy into the non-friend. If she changes her tune and comes around on her own, you'll know it. Otherwise you don't need that! Be strong and pole on!
Skullpixie · 1/31/2014
I know this story all too well I have had friends like that all my life who where toxic and jealous and always tried to were me down I made a decision a few years back to stop contacting those negative people and it was very hard to do that I was lonely and to this day it's been hard meeting new people. I have very few friends now but the ones I have at least it know they are not going to put me down they are good people. Partly why I started pole to meet new people, but it does make you a lot wiser too you can see toxic people coming a mile off. My friend keeps telling me I distance myself from people too much but I feel sometimes I need to do that if I think they are not good for my life. But I think bad experiences have also made me like that. I thought I was the only one who has experienced this, I know silly to say I really thought there was something wrong with me but I know now it's not. But I have to say I'm a lot happier with out negative comments from others flying round my head making me miserable.Thanks for sharing. This will get better.
Polebull · 1/31/2014
I believe that people come to use to teach us something. Some stay, and some move on. Let her go and be glad you learned that not all people can put someone else's interests before their own.
DharmaDancer · 1/31/2014
I recently got involved in a very fast close friendship with a girl who is very funny and a riot to be around. But it quickly became apparent that she is profoundly self centered and untrustworthy. I initially was hurt by some of her actions, but I also understood her incapacity for thinking much about other people, and realized she had no idea she'd caused me pain. I chose to not tell her the effect of her behavior. She's 49 and unlikely to change, as she is still terribly immature. I instead decided to love her for what she can reliably bring, which is laughter. I can't rely on her to tell the truth, to show up, or to stop and think of the needs of others. But I can rely on her to make me laugh, so I choose to find her precious in that way. My emotional distance from her now is just for me, she doesn't perceive it and I don't need her to. I can love her as she is. But should she ever be purposefully hurtful, I would have to cut her off. I just relate this story because when we can perceive the shortcomings of another and yet still salvage the good, then everybody wins. Unfortunately there are indeed people who are too toxic to salvage. The trick is knowing where the line gets crossed.
HellOnHeelsNH · 2/3/2014
Unfortunately the backstabbing has out weighed the laughter we had together, if she loved me half as much as she claimed she would have talked to me not about me, and on fb,that's the equivalent of breaking up with some one by post it and or email... Actions speak louder than words ever will...
RockNAngel · 2/4/2014
Unfortunately I know the feeling too well only odd enough my bad friends are leaving because of my passion for pole... I'll never understand how people can be so dishonest and not loyal at all :( glad to know I'm not alone though I just blogged about this very thing today! Now to just move forward...
HellOnHeelsNH · 2/5/2014
poledanceromance · 2/5/2014
Yes indeed this topic feels familiar. I have had to learn from the experience of fearing that friends will be saying bad things about me as soon as I walk out the door. And those jealous, biting comments in front of others. It was a turning point for me when I realized the comments were always either making fun of things about me that I considered to be good things to be proud of, or showing a total lack of knowledge and understanding about the person I really am. The emotional distance thing resonates for me. I want to gravitate towards those who respect the goals I have and the person I try to be.