Feeling like a dime a dozen ;(

Sonja Rouge started this discussion · 12/1/2015

Does anyone else love pole but feel like they are just a dime a dozen now? I decided that I WON'T compete because there are just too many people who are and will always be better than I will ever be. I love pole, once again, but at the moment I am feeling like I will never get to be the shining star I have always wanted to be because so many others have beat me to it. In a way, this thought has made it incredibly difficult for me to motivate myself to pole now. My mind says that I am behind

13 replies

Runemist34 · 12/2/2015
I think this is true of any creative art, and it's simply something that we need to realize... and, we have to understand that it doesn't matter. As a writer, I understand that there will likely be writers who are better at plot, or character, or grammar, or scene... writers who will sell more books than I will, who will get more money for their books, or who will be better-known than I will. As a musician, I know that there are people with faster fingers, better understanding of how to read and write music, and with more expensive harps than mine. As dancers, we need to remember that there will always be people who are "better" at certain things, or whom we admire. But you also need to remember that all of these things are creative expressions of the self... and your SELF is totally unique, incomparable, totally special, and something everyone will love and enjoy seeing. You will never know anyone who is better at being you than you are. There is something that lives in you that deserves, longs, wishes, and requires to be heard... and you can give it to the world, through dancing. You cannot be "behind" anyone, if you aren't competing with them. And, you aren't. Your journey is your own, your journey is exactly what it needs to be.
tacha666 · 12/2/2015
I know what you mean... What helped me, was to realize, that you don't have to be able to do certain tricks or dance at a very high level to be successful. All you Need to do is be unique. There are many pole dancers, who don't have superhuman strength or flexibility, but still are different from others and shine through their personality. And others, who do have superhuman strength and flexibility, but all I think is: Yep, another trickster. And forget them soon after. So don't try to be someone else, cherish what you CAN do, and accept what you can't :-)
Sonja Rouge · 12/2/2015
I really appreciate the feedback and am considering both responses so that I can shift my perspective so that I can be a better me.
Girl On A Pole · 12/2/2015
I love tacha's reply. It's makes perfect sense.
LatinPoler · 12/2/2015
I agree with the responses too. Personally, I find much more attractive a more basic dance that flows and conveys (sexiness, sadness, whatever) than a bunch of amazing tricks glued together. I would add, think about what you enjoy and are good at - it may be spins, poses, floorwork, flexibility; and try to focus and make the most of that. If you think of famous polers like Cleo or Alethea, they have their own signature style, I guess based on what's natural and works for her bodies.
Tigerschic041721 · 12/2/2015
I def understand where you are coming from. I don't want to compete either its not my personality. I don't think you need to compete - some people are just motivated in this way so it works for them. All those amazing competitors started somewhere though even if they left no evidence lol. You can sometimes find old footage and see pole stars with flexed feet, missed tricks and off beat choreo which can be encouraging to watch knowing where they are now. Other A-MAZING polers refuse to compete because it's stressful for them rather than motivating. Have you ever thought about teaching? Sometimes motivating others can inspire personal growth. Not everyone comes by pole naturally and you'd be worth your weight in gold if you could teach with your past struggles in mind - students out there will appreciate an instructor who can relate and teach this way towards different learning abilities. I wish there were more who could/would teach and break down instead of just show and go. Or maybe finding a pole buddy to schedule practice time with would help you stick with it
Tigerschic041721 · 12/2/2015
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Veena · 12/2/2015
Octoberfox, have you read the Veena method teacher training manual? https://www.studioveena.com/methods/letter It's a quick read and it might help you feel better about things! You will also see you're not alone in feeling this way! In fact I know far too many ex-pole dancers who left or stopped never to start again because they felt behind. There simply is no level that anyone needs to achieve to be a pole dancer, my goal is to help everyone find the joy in the journey of pole or whatever they enjoy doing. You wouldn't start a gymnastics class expecting to be in the olympics only 2 yrs into training. I personally feel the pole community (outside SV) puts too much emphasis on high level tricks and fame. I want everyone to understand that pole can be fun and enjoyable at ANY level! Also fame fades away, it's not possible to continue to stay the "it" girl or guy forever. Enjoy your journey now. xoxo
Tigerschic041721 · 12/2/2015
Hopefully I'm not spamming but my posts aren't showing anyway the rest of that was...I know that's easier said than done!! I've looked for someone to practice with for so long since I learn better with a partner or group. I think I finally convinced someone and hope to pull out of my pile rut. I don't really know if that was helpful but just know you are not alone!
Girl On A Pole · 12/3/2015
Veena, that is so true. Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed by the trick after trick mentality, the rush rush rush to get the latest, "in" trick. Oh well.
poleisnewtome · 12/3/2015
I second everything Runemist said. I couldn't have said it better.
Kellye Perkins · 12/4/2015
I'm going to turn 58 Dec 22nd and wanted to give you a different perspective. Be thankful for whatever your body can do right now and enjoy your own progression and love of achievement in pole. As Carl Sagan says - We are all 'Star Stuff'! We shine in our own way and in our own time. And so it goes:)
Sonja Rouge · 12/10/2015
I appreciate the support from everyone who replied and I think we all had a moment of introspection which in turn transformed any self doubt any of us had into productivity/perseverance! Thank you for the insight, I have much to consider with the multitude of responses.